Have I not let go of you?

Chapter 20

Zamin hadn`t replied to my congrats text. Maybe. I was being to pushy, or maybe he simply wasn't allowed to talk to me. Saleema is strange, I will never fully understand those two. I missed him a lot. Yes the old poor him who played tennis with me when we were teenagers and the adult him who helped me perfect my backhand and front hand. Where had it all gone wrong?

I wonder if he ever thinks of me so fondly. I hope I left as big of a footprint on his heart as he did mine, and even if I have accepted that we can not be with one another I still wished for him to be with the one he loved the most, even if it were Salama.

I had no routine at this point, it was binging, oversleeping then crying. Not sure about what but I don't know if I'm over him just yet, I mean I always saw this coming but why did it hurt so much...like I had lost him forever. I should be happy...they were two of my best friends. My youth was a bright one because of them.

On the most recent of events Omar and I received our results a week ago and surprisingly did he do wat better than me.At this point, I was just happy to have passed the course knowing that I joined in the middle of everything.

Kickboxing was closed as well, vacation saving me from the tiring torture, which I thought could escape but Omar still offered to train me, which in my opinion is a scam!

He's just making excuses for us to hang out... Even if he hates admitting it he enjoyed my company a lot.

I however did not mind though, I had a grading as soon as we started the new term and extra hours meant another early grading. I graded once every 3 months and had exams almost every month on my fitness and theory. Reminded me a lot about taekwondo.

I missed taekwondo, sometimes...

It was a sport that carried most of my childhood memories...memories that will always have my deepest love. I had to..let go of the things I loved. Zamin, taekwondo?

I hope these sacrifices are enough to place me at a good point in my life. Owais always said that the more that I give up, the more I gained.

Owais was on vacation ever since the Lord knows when... Zakira on the other hand went over to surprise Zamin, and Saleema was in some other class Imposed on her by her parents.

I was stuck with Omar as the only available social contact because he had no life and I was his only close friend. I will admit however that spending my time with him opened my eyes to a lot of things. He was a wise being, filled with affection. I noticed this through our meals, he took note of what I liked and what I did not and tried his best to take me to places that I described as the best.

"The jacaranda blommed a lot earlier this year," I said allowing the flower to fall into my hand before handing it to him

"So that's the name of these trees..." He asked looking towards the sky

"Yes, I don't really like flowers but this tree is my favourite. I always use to run under it after buying lunch at school pointing towards how beautiful they were together...colouring the street. I nagged my mother to bring me here every year... Just to watch them bloom."

"I'll bring you here every year from now on," he said handing me an opened canned of soda.

Our eyes met, and warmth filled my heart. he truly was kind.

"You're awfully nice, I'm holding that against you!"

The jacaranda was a beautiful purple flower that made anything look like it had purpose...determination, even the ugliest of neighbourhoods looked as if they were fixed simply by one of these trees. My biggest anticipation is to get married in a venue filled with plenty of them.

"What's the most nostalgic thing you like about the seasons?"

"I would say rain," he replied placing the flower into his pocket, "not only is it quiet...but it's the best time to get all your duaas (prayers) accepted."

"Beautifully said. Looks like I learn something new from you every day."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"It is one."

I said turning back to the flowers.

Later that day I went to the internet cafe where I printed out a few pictures and when i arrived home,it rained. It rained on that day, so i thought of him and what he has said. I spent the entire afternoon watching the rain through my window and made a small prayer. Deep into my thoughts, I've realized that this world is very confusing sometimes...if there are good people they will be bad people as well, if they are strong people there will be weak people as well. As for love...with as many unrequited loves out there, there are also reciprocated affectionate couples out there.

With a world that's slowly losing its balance and things becoming a lot more complex...I questioned if the terminology 'soul mates' is still applicable. How sure am I that this person is meant for me and that they will bring me happiness? How certain am I that they will still want me in every other life...

I actually got that from a book. Sometimes it is these small quotes that remind us of our worth and purpose. I am slowly turning into a boring adult. I'm not sure if it's a bad thing to not know or to know.

I just hope that for now, things continue to make me feel happy...

***

'Omar'

At first, I applied to go to Elizahs University because it was the only one willing to accept me in the middle of the semester. I, however, have applied to other places in hope that next year I'll be studying elsewhere but for some reason, I was reluctant to leave her...or school.

The more I feel myself getting attached to her the more I want to run away, I wouldn't want to ruin such a pure soul...with love that hasn't been shown before.

I didn't even realize that she had rubbed off on to me to the point where I caught myself picking up her odd habits, like peeling grapes or eating the skin of a kiwi. I even do weird stuff like counting the lines on a road and blow up dandelions even when she is not with me. Love is a very confusing thing though, is it lust? A phase? Am I just lonely...would I prefer an arranged marriage?

And Elizah was especially a very complex human being. She had her own way of seeing things, she did things that not many people would see as something possible. She's playful yet hardworking...I've never met such a combination before. It's as if all the outlines drawn out by life were slowly being painted in by this woman who suddenly showed up...rekindling my frozen heart.

"Here's your medication," I said passing a glass of water to him

My father had always been a healthy man, but since my mother's death, I've watched him weaken. Age is a factor, but the stress and longing just accelerated everything. I hope he starts to take things easy. On my way out of the supermarket, I bumped into someone I haven't seen in a while. Just as much as Elizahs father was a friend yet my father's largest opponent...Jamal was my arch-nemesis. As I attempted to leave he shoved himself onto me folding his arms.

"Nice seeing you here," he said asking his friend to give us some privacy, "now we'll be seeing more of each other... I'm here for good this time."

I smiled walking away from him before a scene was caused. What did he mean by that? I never entertained him before...he was just a sad attention seeker.