I wish you could stay.

Chapter 39

~ Falshaback~ Elizah

'17'

Last night I had another nightmare. This time I fell into the hole, When I looked up from where I was stuck...I found some light, reaching my hand out to Saleema she caught it before pushing me further into the hole.

I woke up feeling chilly and today's morning began with terrible news.

"How do people know that Jasmine pushed me off my bicycle yesterday?"

I asked Saleem who was exploring her new touch screen.

"I'm not sure, it's just a rumour don't worry."

"You and Zamin we're the only ones I told…who else would spill it besides you guys?"

"If you're accusing me we don't have to be friends, "she said walking over to Zamin who turned to me instead…

***

The signs were there. I should have seen what type of a person she was by then to avoid the suffering she's caused me, Zamin, Omar and most importantly my parents. I watched her get jealous over the smallest things but thought it was just in her nature. Even if her jealousy was only ever directed towards me. Little did I know. Blaming her nature for it was another mistake. I wished it was not this hard to just forget about someone.

"Can you wash the carrots I have to take this soup over to your grandmother she's been ill lately."

"I`ll cook it and drop it over, you can just focus on the project we've been trying to evaluate for ages now."

She smiled leaving the washed veggies on the table counter. Cooking has become a subject that fascinated me, I enjoyed eating food, and now I enjoyed cooking it. I wasn't the best cook but I wasn't bad either. After a while of running through the kitchen, I packed and cleaned then changed. I made a tomato soup, a butternut one and a chicken brother. All her favourites.

The drive wasn't a long one…

I hardly ever listened to anything on the radio, but since there weren't people to listen to…this was the best thing. After handing over the dishes to my grandmother. I finished the work she had left for the day before I drove back home. If only life wasn't as complex as it was…the stress was not treating my family well. And I know it was to soon to hope and pray that things get back to normal. But I was tired of watching everyone walk over eggshells because of the incident. After having a glass of milk I dozed off with my books at hand.

I woke up to millions of tags on social media, Saleema's family has officially made it the headlines again. The first was during her father's arrest while she was seven, the second on his disappearance and now on his death. I understand that his family has always been on the run…but since it was her grandmother who basically brought her up it was strange holding the newspaper in my hands. Her parents were murdered, brutally.

They lay in a pool of blood each of them shot 20 times in the head. Now I know how saleema got to have control over so many men that day. And her marriage didn't make sense as well, it was to her father's best friend…a man 19 years older, married with children of his own. I may have had nothing to do with her now but it hurt me to watch her destroy herself and the lives of innocent people. There was always that tiny jealousy towards me that I had always brushed off…but little did I know that it would lead to this. It

Wasn't safe to say that Saleema at this point was capable of killing her own parents due to her pettiness, but you didn't hear that from me.

"No one is allowed into the house, and Saleema isn't here," Zamin said pushing me backwards

"I never thought something like this would happen."

"We all saw it coming," he said driving me away from the scene, "I'm sorry for bumping into you."

"No, I'm sorry Zamin. I pushed you away for the sake of Saleema but clearly, it wasn't even worth it."

"I don't blame you…distance is good though. I've realised that if I want to get over you…I need to set you free."

"I saw that coming, your right Zamin…be happy and stop doing nice things for me and my family…you know I can't cry this pain away."

"I can't promise you anything," he said leaving

A few days later we were crossed questioned and the murder story disappeared like an overused trend.

"I think I want to move away, seeing Zamin just his face makes me feel…"

"He has his Olympic soon, he left after he went over to Saleema."

"I'm not going to Iie. I`m scared."

"You're scared but you haven't suppressed those emotions as much as you do with crying. Friends come and go, you'll always have me Omar and Zakira," he said holding the punching bag as we continued with class. Running away doesn't solve problems but it does make them go away.

I felt like I was punching and kicking away my problems.

Later that evening after class and ranting to Owais I made my way to the lake. As I arrived at the lake, still sweaty because I had jogged there. Memories of watching Omar there came flooding in….I felt completely overwhelmed. This type of frustration fuels itself with other surrounding factors. First Saleema, then Saleema and Zamin and now I can't stop thinking about Omar. I wonder if he misses me to.

I threw a few pebbles into the lake, yelling out my frustration and left those problems there… I'm sick of feeling this way, this isn't me. For the first time, I looked into it. Into the mirror noticing that the way I felt on the inside was widely shown on the outside. My eyes sunk into my face, I was a little paler and my face had lost much of its weight.

*

Sooner than I could imagine, the year flew by and I found myself celebrating the new year on my own. How did I go from having millions of friends to having literally no one beside me? I had made it to the sports billboard and bagged 6 gold medals at the Internationals. I wish that Omar was here…we would've celebrated over a large meal.

I was to leave for the farm…but wanted to rest first. My physician spoke to me about my arm and I don't really need any further checkups unless I get injured. Happiness felt like a lonely chore when you had no one to share it with.

"Happy new year," he said passing me a bouquet of flowers, "I've officially completed my course…"

There was no need to make any resolutions…

There was no need indeed because he was all that I wished for.