Chapter 17

I don't know where I am. Honestly, this isn't the first time in my life I don't know where I am. But this is different, because I have a clue, its dark in here. It smells familiar. Not roses or honey familiar, I don't want to go back there. This place smells of people and nitric smoke. I roll over, something is against my back. It's soft, a pillow? No it's breathing. Do pillows breathe? They sometimes do, at least, the pillows I've come across when I was in the East Coast.

Pro tip: don't sleep with a pillow that breaths. They explode pretty easily.

I roll away even more. I keep rolling and there's suddenly nothing underneath me. I fall onto the floor, my head smacking against a table leg. I groan and push myself up, there are bottles everywhere on the floor. My head popping with pain, my mouth tastes like a sewer. Another pro tip: don't ever go swimming in sewers, Tick nearly crucified me when we did that once. Where was he anyway, I needed to say something to him. He's the only reason I stayed the night in the Gray, I wanted to say bye.

I rubbed the blur out of my eyes and staggered onto my feet. I was in my underwear. Underwear?

My breathing catching in my throat as a soft breeze plays with the curtain, light catching green hair blanketing the bed.

I scour the messy floor, pulling on my t-shirt and jeans. I hopped around the room, tugging one leg on. My foot lands on a beer bottle and I hit the floor, my jaws clamping down on my tongue. At least the sewer type taste is gone, but blood doesn't taste too good either.

Saia stirs on the bed, her mop of hair rising from her kingdom of pillows. "Dan? What's going on?"

I can't find my boots. Screw my boots. I needed new ones anyways. I wobbled onto my feet, my stomach threatened to empty itself. I felt sweaty, not as strong as I normally feel. Like the God that Hera believed in was trying to push me back down to the floor.

I reached for the door, my hand stopping shy from the knob. My sunglasses, what happened to them? I patted myself down to confirm the obvious. I searched around the room, Saia was pulling the blanket over her.

"What's going on?" she pressed. "Is it because of last night?"

Last night?

"What happened last night?" I croaked, my throat barren and raw. Water, I also needed some of that. Then I would find Tick and Runt, then I'm getting the hell out of this city. Mum is still out there, I need to find her. That thing lied to me. I know he did. I wasn't going to let him win.

She winked and flopped back under the covers. "Good answer. Let's keep it like that." Her voice muffled by her kilometer thick blankets.

I dug through cushions and flags and finally found them. One of the lenses was cracked, but they were still intact. I put them on my collar and scuttled out of the room, smacking into Draco. He looked down at me, and then back into Saia's room. He crossed his arms. I bolted. My head pounding harder, a base drum beating against my chest, iron and the bitter taste of beer still in my mouth.

I weaved past people, keeping my head low. My feet tapped against the red carpet, eventually tapping against the curved stone stairs leading out of the mansion. I broke out into the streets, my senses assaulted and overwhelmed by…everything. I fought down the urge to vomit and began walking away from the large white castle of a building.

Walking straight was hard. Keeping my footing was hard. Staying off of the road was hard – but that urge didn't come from the hangover. I kept walking, the sun beating down on my neck. I was used to this anyway, I was tanned for a reason. I paused in the park, a long line of trees and grass that indicated where the Gray started and the Rogue territory ended. Officially ended. Anyone who was smart enough to rub two brain cells together knew otherwise.

"Dan?" a voice called, right behind me.

I spun round, my heels digging into the dirt. Tick was frowning, long black hair pulled back. Warm cinnamon skin glowing in the sunlight.

I cupped his face. "Man, have I been looking for you."

He brushed away my arms, frustration briefly flickering across his face. "Dude, I heard what happened last week. I've been looking for you since then, you just…disappeared."

"Last week?"

"Don't play stupid," he snapped, "We don't have the time for that. But I'm happy you're still alive."

He said last week. No. He wasn't talking about the hospital. It hadn't been a week. That was yesterday.

Disappointment washed away the frustration on him, he shook his head and grabbed my wrist. Dragging me back into Rogue territory.

"Where're we going?" I asked, struggling to keep pace.

"We're going to see Hera."

I pulled away from him. He stopped a few paces in front of me, he was flexing his jaw.

"I'm not going back there."

"You have to," he said, forcing his words. More of a command. "You're a Rogue."

I shook my head, taking a step back. "No, dude. I'm not. I never was. I'm going to go find my Mum."

He grabbed my shoulders, squeezing them until it hurt. "She's dead, Dan. Dead. Gone. You've had your recovery period last week, but now you have to get your head together."

I pushed him away. "I said I'm going to look for her."

"Hera's soldiers are going to drag you back here anyway." He was tense, flexing his fists, pacing between the edge of the sidewalk and the door of a store that sold fireworks, a banner draped across its windows (Make Founder's Day a Day to Remember!)

"And then what?" I crossed my arms, glaring at him. People gave us a wide berth, a group of people stared at us from apartments across the street.

"I'm not fighting you on this. You need to dome with me." He grabbed my arm again, this time darting towards me and putting a suppressor on my metal shoulder. A suppressor. That was a line he promised he would never cross, and he didn't look hurt about it. He dragged me along, my body numb and not mine.

He dragged me through the mansion doors, across the pristine floor, up the stairs and onto the top floor. People stared at us, my feet rasping against the red carpet. He pushed open Hera's black oak doors, revealing all the weeds in this city. Hera was at her desk, fingers tapping against it. Jin standing next to her, Kira, Draco, Saia, Mei and a short kid with curly brown locks were sat on the two couches.

Kira was wearing her eye patch again, the telltale signs of bags blooming underneath her eye.

Tick closed the door behind him, shutting us in Hera's little kingdom.

She smiled, golden eyes sparkling. "Tick, would you mind removing that suppressor."

He reluctantly reached towards my shoulder, prying loose the black square. I grabbed him and shoved him against the towering bookcases.

"Are you fucking kidding me? A suppressor?" I yelled.

He pushed me away, eyes not meeting mine. "You wouldn't have listened."

"Of course I wouldn't have. You really think I want to be in here?" I shouted.

"You think any of us want to?" Jin muttered.

I backed towards the door. I clasped the golden handles and shoved against it, it didn't budge. I tried again and it still didn't move.

I turned round, facing Hera. A smile still on her face, fine features sculpted. "Open it."

She leaned back in her chair. "I will. On one condition."

I growled, "What?"

"The Unit. You know where it is, and we need it. Now. You've had your week long bender, and now it's time to earn your keep." She put her elbows on the desk, chin resting on laced fingers.

"I don't know where it is," I told her.

Tick grabbed me, hands clasping onto my t-shirt. "This is not the time for your BS man. We need it. Just show us where it is, and then we'll go find your Mum. Deal?"

I swatted away his hands. "Wow. That is so, so nice to hear. So you're all using that again?" I spread my arms, facing everyone in the room. "You all care about finding my Mum, right? Because she means so much to you. Give me a fucking break."

"I don't think you understand what's going to happen to you if you don't help us, Stray," Jin shot.

I glared at him. "Go on. Tell me. Let me guess, torture me or kill me. In fact, maybe not kill me because lo and behold you wouldn't know where the Unit would be. But I just don't care anymore."

"What?" he growled.

I shrugged. "I don't care. Torture me. Do whatever. Because one thing for sure is that I've never hated anything more than the time I've spent in this city."

Kira winced.

Hera nodded. "Ceejay, show him the tablet."

The boy with brown locks sprung up, handing me a sleek black tablet. There was a picture on it, a man in an office. Thick forearms bound together, green eyes gleaming. I stuffed it back into Ceejay's hands. I wasn't going to waste time with that.

"That picture," she said, standing up and striding towards me, "was taken a week before the massacre. Your father was instructed by the Gatekeepers and that filthy man, Magnus, to do what he did."

"So?"

"So," she said, dragging the word and holding my face, golden eyes cutting out the rest of the world. "That will continue happening if we don't have the Unit. So many more people are going to die, and all that blood is going to be on your hands because you didn't help us. Imagine that: Like father like son."

I was about to shove her away, her nails pressed against my scalp. She shook her head, braids flowing from side to side. "You still have a chance to prove that you're better than him. Help us and show us where the Unit is."

"And then the Gatekeeper blood is on my hands as well?" I chided. "I'd be just like him, just doing the opposite."

"So smart. So morally driven," she whispered. She pressed her lips to my ear, her cold breath tickling my neck. "Just like your brother."

I stepped back. "My what?"

She chuckled and stuffed her hands in her pockets. She sauntered towards her seat, pouring a glass of liquor for herself. "You can view it like that, yes. Or you can view it in another light. You'd be avenging all those people who your father killed. Paying for his sins."

"I don't want to pay for his sins," I spat. "That was his problem."

"Stray," Jin said, "Helping us would mean we have control of the city-"

"Once again I don't see how that helps me." I shrugged.

"Dan," Mei said, looking at Hera who gave her a nod. "You've seen everyone who your father killed. Just imagine how you could help those families by showing us where the Unit is. It would mean we would win and people like your dad aren't allowed to live."

"And neither should he," Jin muttered, so discreet like the bronze fine print on Hera's books.

"The solution to killing is more killing. Love it."

Hera shrugged. "That's how it will always be I'm afraid."

"What's your deal, man," Tick snapped. "You saw how many people died that day. Don't you want to do anything about it?"

I did. I wanted to. But I would just get wrapped up in it. Get wrapped up in a war that my dad started. And finding Mum was still my priority, killing people wasn't. She wasn't going to look at me the same way she looked at that thing that called himself my father. And even if I did join, I'd just be a tool. A blank slate eventually with no memories. A chess piece ruled by someone else. I had memories I wanted to forget and memories I wanted to keep. And new memories that I'd remember for a long time. Kira was a majority of them, the way she filled a room with her honey or strawberry or rose scent. The once in a blue moon smile. The way her fingers were always so reluctant to touch another person, but the way they clung onto me like I would vanish.

But we'd said words that crossed a line. Some lines can't be crossed.

And I'd forget about Tick. Everything we'd been through. The ups and downs, rights and lefts. It would all be gone because of a stupid war.

And I'd forget Mum.

I was being selfish. I know I am. But for once in my life, I wasn't going to stick my neck out for people who wouldn't do the same for me. I've helped enough people for them to turn their backs on me. Betrayal only comes from friends – I'd had plenty of that looking for my Mum.

"Look. I want to help," I muttered, "but I just…can't."

"Why not?" Tick pleaded.

I shook my head.

Hera sat back in her chair, her eyes squeezed shut and her metal finger nails tapping against the metal. "The game keeps changing," she mumbled. "Fine."

The doors clicked open. I gripped onto the handles. Tick was close to tears, something else that I didn't understand. He was emotional in the passionate sense, but never the crying sense. hH was on the brink of a break down, his shoulders sagging, chest heaving. Kira was staring into space, massaging her forehead and muttering something underneath her breath.

Everyone else was doing more or less the same, a clear fog of disappointment rolling across them. A fog I'd been born in. A fog I'm going to live in until I find her. She can't be dead. I'm not going to believe what that bastard said. A rabbit wouldn't trust a wolf, and hell, if I died looking for her, at least I died knowing I actually tried in something in my life. Unlike that dead piece of crap.

I turned my back on them and left the room.