11.

Stray.

It was all a dream.

Was what I'd want it to be. It wasn't. I was still soaking wet and choking on river water, the rancid smell of blood still clung onto my hair even after showering for two hours straight. I'd scrubbed and scrubbed again. More in a frenzy than thoroughly, more of in a daze than actually clocking in what happened.

I kept scrubbing and more and more blood dyed the water running down into the drain. I didn't know if this was my blood or the people who I'd killed, but it had to get off. It had to. But it wasn't. I finished the plain white bottle of shampoo and body wash and emptied another two.

I stepped out of the piping hot shower and stared at myself in the mirror. I was alone in the tiny bathroom, but that girl with the purple hair and the stud in her cheek stood behind me. She was still smiling, her head cocked and mouthing my name. My knife was still in her chest and blood stained her white blouse.

I spun round and grabbed her shoulders, but my fingers passed straight through her.

I tried to grab her again, I wanted to believe she was actually there, to believe that she was still alive. But she kept slipping through my fingers. My heart hammered into my chest and my throat burnt with each heave of the steaming bathroom air. Cold tears ran down my cheeks as I choked out an apology to the girl that I didn't know.

The door to my room swung open and Hunter stormed in. I didn't have to be in my room to know it was him. Tohka always knocked, and Casper always announced himself beforehand. Hunter was the only one who entered like he owned the place.

Turning off the shower I wrapped a towel around me. I needed answers, but I needed a few more seconds to myself. I locked the bathroom door before Hunter could come in here to and sat on the floor with my back against the door. The purple haired girl sat opposite me.

"Who are you?" I whispered, my words catching.

She kept smiling. No response escaped her wide smile. Nothing escape her lips apart from the blood seeping out of its corner. I'd thought it was the Unit that was replaying her image in my head, but I'd switched it off as soon as I got back. And that's when I'd started seeing her. I'd tried to wash my face with cold water, shock myself with hot water, and knock my head against my room's walls to get her out.

But she followed me everywhere.

Three knocks on the door. "Hey, Dan, what's wrong? You okay?"

I gripped onto my dark hair and blocked out Hunter's words. I squeezed my eyes shut, but now the girl had her arms around me, her body still warm and tears still cold. Hunter had been lying to me. He'd lied about who I am, about where I came from, about who my real friends are. Was he really my brother? The only thing we had in common was the raging green in our eyes. He had dirty blonde hair, I had night time black hair. His nose structure was completely different from mine. His cheek structure. Almost everything about him was different. Lies and more lies, who the hell am I then?

Answers, and I need them right fucking now.

I stood up and gripped onto the door handle. I took a deep breath to calm down my thrashing heart and short breaths. The girl placed her cold hands on my back and pushed me forward. I pulled the door open, the lock splintering the wooden door frame.

Hunter took a step back and looked me up and down. Those freaking green eyes, those damn three scars on his right cheek, and that smile that was never too far off of his lips. All of it lies, I didn't even know who he really was. I didn't even know if his name was actually Hunter.

"You look-"

"Don't tell me how I look!" I snapped. "Tell me the fucking truth." Spit flew out of my mouth, but I was beyond being polite.

He blinked. "What do you mean?"

I guffawed. Playing dumb, right now? Of all times? I couldn't believe him. I paced up and down the cube of a room, the girl watched me from my cot.

He tried to put a hand on my shoulder but I smacked it away. "Dan, calm down. What's happening?"

"Fuck you!" I spat. "I don't even…who the hell am I? Are we even bothers? Is your name even Hunter?"

"Of course we're brothers." He twisted those stupid black rings. "Don't you remember all the stories I've-"

"No I don't remember all those childhood moments!" I shouted. "I don't remember fucking anything past last year!" I was out of breath and panting, but I needed to drown him out, I needed to drown out the girl's humming. "Stop lying to me and tell me who I am!"

"Dan-"

"I mean, look at me." I spread my metal arms. "How the hell did I end up like this?! How the fuck did I end up with both my arms amputated and replaced? How did I get this cut at the top of my ear?" I jabbed a finger into his chest to cut him off. "How, tell me because I swear to god if you don't I'll never trust you again, how did I end up with a scar over my right eye?"

He sighed and sat on my cot, right next to the humming girl. "I…can't tell you that. Not just yet."

I stared at him. I'd been angry at him before for hurting Tohka and Casper during sparring, I'd been angry at him before for going through my things and arranging my room with everything in a different order. But this time, for the first time that I can remember, I hated him. The one person that I'd woken up and seen, not the doctors, not the nurses, but Hunter. And he'd just been feeding my lies, and he couldn't even make it right.

"You make me sick."

He winced. "I make myself sick."

"Get the fuck out of my rom."

"No."

I blinked. "I said get out."

"And I said no." He stood and crossed the room, leaning across the door and folding his arms he said, "You need to tell me where this is coming from."

"I don't even trust you right now. So why would I do that?" I bit the inside of my cheek to stop myself from crying, the heat in my eyes was bubbling and making them sting. But screw him, I wasn't going to show any weakness in front of something like him.

"Because I'm your brother." He raised a hand. "Just listen. I'll admit that I haven't been transparent about…anything. But I was telling you the truth when I said I'm you're older brother. Different mothers, same dirt bag dad."

I flexed my fist. His eyes were tired, shadows formed underneath them and circled his eyes.

He took in a deep breath and let it out through his teeth. "What happened in the Gray? Did you get what Grace sent you to get?"

I still didn't trust him, but lying to him wasn't going to help anyone. "No. I didn't get it." I was getting even sicker of him. I had bigger problems that Grace's adventures.

He nodded, his eyes distant for a split second. "I see. So what exactly happened?"

The fight had been sucked out of me. He didn't even answer any of my questions! He just skirted around them. Why do I even bother? What's the point of trying to grill him when he's going to just be his typical self and skirt around everything important? I felt hollow, like a one of those sea shells in the museum. I sat on the cot and massaged my temples, all that crying and shouting had maxed out my headache. And having Hunter in the room wasn't doing me any justice.

"I…killed people. And they weren't bad people. They weren't people that I've been told about. They loved each other, they cared about each other. They were normal, like m…like everyone else."

"How many?"

I glared at him. "I wasn't exactly in the position to count how many people I'd killed. You want me to go back and count for you?"

He shook his head. "I'm sorry. What else happened?"

"I killed a girl."

"What did she look like?" He stopped leaning and stood straight, he wanted an answer. Wasn't that ironic, I needed them too and I wasn't getting any. Skin crawlingly disgusting now. I needed to take another shower.

"Purple hair. Stud right here." I tapped my right cheek, my metal finger rigid and cold against my skin. "And…she said my name."

He twisted his rings and nodded. "Are you sure?"

I wasn't going to use the Unit, but I could punch him without using it. Right there on his right angle jaw, just below those scars. Put him straight on his ass. Are you sure? What type of question was that? Just looking at him was making me feel like emptying my already empty stomach. I didn't even know who I was and he was the one asking me stupid questions. Like he didn't trust my judgment. Like I was the lying and making things up.

"Just fuck off." I stood up and pulled on my clothes. "Right now would be good."

"I just want to help."

He was testing my patience. "Help? The same way you've been helping me ever since I woke up in that hospital bed? The help you gave me of filling my head with lies was great, by the way."

He snapped, "Dan. Just cut the bs, alright? I'm sorry I lied to you, but there's a reason. I had to."

"Don't you fucking snap at me!" I glowered. "Because I'm sure that there's an absolutely brilliant reason that you lied to me. But no, I don't want to hear it. Because it would probably just be more crap."

"I've been trying to help you for two years now." His eyes locked on me, the same look he gave me in sparring flavoring his eyes – the look of urgency and stability, patience and rage. "There's a lot going on, and a lot of it can't be spoken about here. And I just need you to be patient with me."

"Suck my dick."

He clamped his strong hands onto my shoulders. "Listen to me. Really, really listen. I can't tell you the truth because I don't know the full truth. Is that good enough for you? Just, give me one more week and you'll know everything. One more, please?"

I shrugged off his hands and reached towards the door. "Whatever." I needed fresh air and less Hunter. Exhaustion was already fogging up my thoughts, and arguing with him was just watering me down even more.

I walked past other soldiers in white, I stuck out in my black. I brushed past them laughing in their groups, eating and gossiping like the world was perfect. And why wouldn't it be? They'd just had a normal day of training and now they're with their friends having the time of their life. They hadn't swam through a river that could sweep them away, they hadn't crawled through a sewer and murdered a couple. And they hadn't killed their friend without knowing what their name was.

The girl followed me down the hall, just in the edge of my vision, like a memory trying to evade me.

Ignoring the calls of the old man I trudged out of the housing unit, its glass doors creaking on their hinges as I pushed them open. The air still smelt of blood, I just couldn't get it off of me. So I started towards the park, where there were flowers and all that. Maybe I could drown it out and gather myself before I get back to my room, maybe I'll bring back a few and drown out any Hunter residue as well.

I heard boots jogging down the pavement behind me and Tohka's silky black hair bobbed to a stop next to me. "Hey."

"Hey."

We walked in silence before she finally said, "I heard you shouting at Hunter."

"Uh huh."

"Is everything okay?"

"Never better." The purple haired girl was humming a little louder now, like a mayfly buzzing right next to my ear.

"Can I ask you something?"

Great, she needed answer too. But I could stomach Tohka, unlike that liar. "Sure."

We crossed the road and into the park, the stars above us winking in the black canvas in the sky. A few people roamed around the park, mostly couples holding hands and staring up. We sat down on a bench underneath an apple tree, weeds had begun sprouting in the grass near its base. Shame, it had just started putting on fruits.

"Hunter said something."

Fantastic. I couldn't get rid of him.

"He said something about them lying to us." She bit her lip and looked around the park, leaning in she said, "I think he might have been right."

"Hunter was right about lies? Sounds about accurate. He's a professional after all," I muttered.

She scrunched up her eyebrows. "Well…I mean, I don't trust Grace anymore. She's always kind of scared me, but now she seems to have an agenda with that other lady in the Gray. We don't even know what her real plans are, we're just told to keep training and stay ready."

Her voice was dropping lower and lower, fingers twisting around each other. She was diving straight after me off of the diving board of broken trust. But she was right about Grace. Never straight forward, always speaking in some sort of riddle or ramble.

"So what are you saying?" I asked, my voice low and matching her whisper.

She looked around again and pulled out an ancient yellow envelope, tiny and faded. She pressed it into my hands. "Open it."

"What is it?"

"Just open it. I had to go to the red tunnel to get those and cough up everything I have to get them." She fiddled with her fingers some more. "Including my dad's rifle."

I stared at her. "You sold your dad's rifle? Because of something that Hunter said?"

She nodded. It was a slow nod, but sure. "Just…open it. Please."

I slid my finger past the glue and opened the envelope. There were pictures in here, pictures of people eating food and enjoying themselves, of them partying and drinking, playing games in a park and parents playing with children. For a second I thought these were pictures of people on the Island, and that would mean I was going to put Hunter on his ass because he made Tohka sell her rifle in essentially the black market. But these people weren't wearing white. They wore…clothes, just plain clothes. Not all black like Hunter and I, not all white like everyone else on the Island. Just t-shirts, jeans, shorts, trousers, skirts and everything in between. These were photos of the Gray.

The purple haired girl was looking at the pictures, she stared at a particular photo. A photo with a green haired girl, a boy with dreads, a boy with long hair and the number two tattooed on his cheek, and a girl with blonde hair and an eye patch. She was in the photo as well, and so was I.

"That guy looks like you," Tohka commented. "But he only has one bionic arm and doesn't have the cut you have in your ear."

I gripped onto the photo like it was going to dissolve in my fingers. My heart was scampering up my throat and choking me, tears tapped against the laminated smiles. That was me. But Tohka was right, I looked different. But he looked exactly like me, hair a little shaggier but an honest to god reflection of me.

That fucking liar.

Tohka's breathing caught. "That's you. Holy shit that's you!" She cupped my face and filled my vision. "We need to go there. This is all making so much sense to me now!" She took in a deep breath and calmed herself down. "This explains why you just appeared here two years ago. And that's Tick as well! Holy…okay. We need to go there. To the Gray."

My heart was hammering through my body, her words came from far away, the girl with the stud's humming drowned Tohka out. That girl on top of the building before the river…I had known her. I hadn't been sure how close I'd been with the purple haired girl, but we had our arms draped around each other and grinned like the world was perfect. Had it been? Who'd dragged me here? This damn thing in my spine had done this. And there was someone responsible for the Unit.

"Dan," Tohka called. "It's okay if you don't want to go back. I'm a little scared, too. But I just want to see if it's all true, you can't trust the guys down in the red tunnel completely. It could be a fake."

"I'm not going to the Gray." At least, not just yet. Someone had made me take away those lives. I'd lost someone who could tell me who I am because of her stupid orders to the thing inside me.

I gripped Tohka's shaking hands. "But there's something we can do instead."

"What?" She leaned in, her brown eyes jumpy and hands shaking from adrenaline.

"Let's kill Grace."