32. Future of the Gray

Kira.

"Can you, you know, contact her?" Saia asked.

I shook my head. "No. It's a one way transmission type of deal. She can see us at least." I sat down in my chair. "Knowing her, she should be here in a little while." Fingers crossed.

And thank whoever is up there for that. The Orphanage has supplies, but not enough to hold out for weeks on end. Hera would come with something, news at least. We wouldn't be completely blind.

She nodded, her face suddenly tinging green. "Great. Where's the bathroom?"

"Down the hall, right, and then first door on your left," Ray answered. His thumb still hovered over Dan's face.

Saia left the room, her green hair trailing as she sprung out. Holding her stomach as well. Strange. We haven't eaten anything since…I can't even remember. And she doesn't get sick easily. I've seen her eat the worst things the Gray could cook up and be up and kicking the next day.

But her leaving left the two of us alone in the office. The first time we've been alone since I made a mistake, and that's all it was. A mistake fueled by alcohol and an itchy trigger finger.

"So?" I asked.

"So," he said, "are you okay?"

Not even Dan is this up my ass. "Leave, Ray. I have nothing to tell you. I have nothing to give you."

He chuckled mirthlessly. "Really? Suddenly the cold shoulder as soon as someone comes to check on you? Did the Stray ever check on you?"

My fingers hovered over the desk. "I have an idea, Ray. Ready to hear it?"

He crossed his arms.

"Leave."

I looked back down and continued scrolling through the rising tide of red coming from my eyeball. If Hera is on her way, I wouldn't be using it anytime soon. Putting it in would be for 'looking normal' points. Nothing else. Fuck. Haven't used my normal eye in serious combat in…years.

I flexed my hand. I'm still the best at what I do, eye working or not. I hate to admit it, but I'd get that cat-eyed moron blind if I have to. No more broken promises. And I'm not going to be shown up by someone who's never seen outside of the Gray. Hell, beyond the skyscrapers of the Gray. By the person who sold him out. By someone who's still playing an angle.

"Kira."

"Why are you still here?" I growled. "I have things to do. It's not the time for puppy love."

"So what's the Stray?" He leaned across the desk. "This isn't about puppy love, Kira. Look at you, you're exhausted and you just keep pushing it down."

"Because I have a job to do."

"You sound just like Hera."

I smirked. "That supposed to be a bad thing?"

His lips twitched. "It is."

"Shame, ain't it?" A reboot of the eye; that'll fix most of the problems. But I have to change a couple parts, which I don't have here. They're all the way back home.

I massaged my temples. Ray was right about being tired; the headache was killing me. But a job is a job, no matter.

"You're going to have to kill him, and you know that."

I froze. A chill breeze ran through me. I glanced at the window: shut. The door: shut. Where the hell did that come from?

"Everyone knows it, K." He sat on the edge of my desk. "He's not one of us. He's never really been."

"How the hell do you know that?" I slid a spare pistol out of my desk and onto the table; barrel pointed towards him. "Because you never said a word to him."

"I-"

"And you didn't say a word because you're a coward." The gun's silver reflected the light above me. "That's why you left the Rogues. Not because we had everything, but because you know you can't keep up with the rest of us."

He flexed his jaw. "It's because I have a sister I want to take care of."

"And Dan risked his life for a majority of people he didn't even know." I leaned back and stared at him. "There's your deep down answer you want, Ray. The reason I gravitated towards him instead of you."

"Because he's an idiot."

I laughed, a small laugh that came with a smirk. "He may be, but he's good. Not perfect, nowhere freaking near it, but he's good and trustworthy."

He cocked his head. "Funny you say that. Talking about good and trustworthy. Polar opposite of you, right?"

The temperature dropped again. The table beeped, the faint pop of gunfire and screams resonated from outside. The light above us flickered. The gun looked larger on the table, closer to my hand than it had been.

"You're looking for someone that'll make it seem like you're a good person." He stood up and started towards the door. "But you know you're way past that line. I haven't killed a single person in my life, and yet I'm the bad guy."

He slammed the door shut.

A bitter taste bubbled in my throat.

I poured a glass of whatever it is Roy stocks my table with and gulped it down. The bitterness grew, and so did the fire in my gut. Who the hell did he think he was? Dan's done more for the Gray than Ray has in nineteen years. But…he's also taken away a lot from the Gray.

If Dan had never wandered in here to look for his Mum, then things would be different. That's a fact I accepted a long time ago. Sure, we would have still had a few skirmishes with the Gatekeepers and eventually taken over. Hera had everything planned out from the start. Dan was a spanner in the works.

He killed Mei. He's the reason Tick died. Poor Runt, the girl who silently cried herself to sleep in my arms for months. But he saved Mei from the apartment fire. He lost it and nearly killed his Dad. He was the reason we were able to cut off the Gatekeepers. He's the reason Hera's army dwindled in one bloody, heart-wrenching night.

He exposed a weakness in Hera's defences that allowed the Gatekeepers to get into the Gray, a weakness that hurt the city. A level of hurt not even rivalled by the war that was close to touching the Gray.

I ran a thumb over the faint scars along my wrist.

He saved me. Whether he knew it or not, he saved me.

But Ray's words still bounced around the room, stabbing into my sides, squeezing the wind out of my lungs. If it came down to it, would I be able to do it? Would I pull the trigger? If Grace manages to do what she's planning with him and Jin, would I click off the safety, cock the gun, and press it against his temple?

I pressed my palms into my temples. The headache pounded, fueled by the damn question rocketing around my head.

The answer is…I don't know. I've never faltered. I've shot old people, people younger than me, and everyone in between. But why not the one person who's caused so many other people so many more problems? Selfish. That's why. I don't want to break another promise. I don't want to lose another one.

But this is different, all the other times were hits. I got paid. I wouldn't be gaining anything this time from shooting him. I'd only get another night with a bottle, standing on the edge of my balcony with my gun smoking in my fist. With a bullet graze against the window behind me.

How many more nights like that until I didn't miss?

I chuckled and pressed my hands to my ears to block the high pitched ring in them. "Kira, Kira, Kira. Scared. Just like the nights we crawled around in the back alley filth."

A knock on the door pushed me out of my trance.

I cleared my throat and put away the bottle of alcohol. I don't want the littles seeing that. "Come in."

Black velvet hair first, and then she limped her way in. Bandages lined her arms, but she still wore a smile.

"Need something?" I focused back on my desk; red lights here, red lights there. But my stomach still swam with the question. Not even the bright crimsons could distract me.

She gingerly sat in the chair opposite my desk and heaved a sigh of relief. "I need to come clean."

"'Bout time."

She half-smiled. "Yeah. Bout time." She sat up. "I didn't mean to sell Dan out."

"Did a pretty good job of it then."

"I'm sorry, alright?" She ran a hand through her hair. "I wasn't going to actually kill Hunter. He taught me so freaking much. It was a prompt to get Dan out into the open, and I thought he'd get what was going on."

I looked up. "What do you mean?"

"Grace was watching the entire thing." She laced her fingers. "From as soon as I ran away from the Island with him, I'd been talking to her."

I grabbed the gun. "Next words could determine a lot for you."

"Past tense," she said. "Not right now. I thought he'd use the Unit to deal with most of the soldiers. And then he…," Her dark eyes glazed. "Then he didn't. Thought up his own plan." She fished in her pocket and slid out a piece of paper.

An old piece of paper, bloodied, a little burnt, but clear. A girl and her father, smiling wide.

"He went on a rant." She flexed her fists. "And when I said I hated him, I actually meant it. He caught me off guard, and I thought with my emotions instead of my head."

The gun stayed up. "So that's why you blew us out of the Zoo?"

She nodded. "It was all part of my grand fucking plan." She looked away, staring at the window. "Sorry."

I lowered the gun and put it back onto the table with a thud. I've only ever watched the movies the old generation left behind, but I can tell Tohka wasn't acting. Her shoulders were hunched and defensive, eyes so distant and glassy they reflected the window. You learn how to read body language when you're a bounty hunter, I missed it entirely with Jin, but she's easier to read.e

And so was Saia. It clicked like a magazine snapping into place.

"Well," I stood up and rounded the desk, "no point feeling shitty. Next time, no more elusive plans."

"Where are you going?" She winced when she turned to look at me.

"I have to check on something."

I stepped out of the office and into the hallway. The sound of childish laughter filled the halls. Good. They're laughing at least, and the gunfire is distant. Hera's coming as well, and we're going to get Dan. It's been a while since the odds have been in our favour, and I'll take 'em.

But there's a factor that's been dodging me for a while. The factor just behind the bathroom door in front of me.

I knocked three times as a trio of kids scampered past. "Saia?"

No response.

I knocked three more times.

Nothing.

"I'm coming in."

Just before I did, a hand tugged at my trousers. Small, like a ball of dough. Brown eyes as big as a teddy bear. "Kira?" Pronounced 'Kiwa.'

"Hi Jamie." I ruffled his blonde hair. "Could you get Roy for me?"

He enthusiastically nodded and jogged away.

I turned the handle and slowly opened the door.

It was dark. I paused for a moment, the realization hitting me like a rubber band. I don't have my eye to rely on anymore. I flicked on the lights and shut the door behind me in a hurry.

She smiled, heavy bags under her eyes, sitting on the floor and leaning against the wall. "Hey, K."

The light hum of the air freshener was evident, but it didn't mask it completely. The toilet itself was filling up again.

I crouched and pressed a hand against her temple. She was burning up; a slick layer of sweat coated her neck as well. Her breath was sour; her hair was thicker than it usually is, her face was a little shinier despite the sweat.

She looked away.

"How long?" I sat down opposite her. No freaking way. This was good and extremely bad. It would cross her out of the equation. With what Saia has in her arsenal, that's a bad thing.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"My guess is a couple weeks."

Her eyes finally met mine. "Five and three days."

"Is it…"

She nodded. "Draco's." She leaned her head against the wall and stared at the brightly coloured ceiling. "What a time, huh?"

"How come you didn't say?"

"Because I didn't want to believe it, man." She sighed and pounded a fist against the floor. "Now? When Mei dies. When everything's going to shit?" She takes a shaky breath and runs through her hair. "This is why I said I can't do this anymore."

"Because you're scared that something might happen to you?"

"I want to help," she muttered. "That's really it. And I can't do that with something growing inside of me."

I patted her knee. "Hey, don't say that."

"I know, I know. I'm not going to get rid of it." She shook her head and sniffled. "Just frustrated. Tired. I think…I want out. After all of this. I want out. No more."

I nodded. That left me, Hera, Hunter and Dan. Runt and Cleo aren't here; Cleo is probably out after all of this as well. Five left then. Tohka is on the fence; I don't trust her yet. I want to, but not yet. As Hera said, she has to prove it. She lost a big part of the plan and destroyed a lot of what she'd proved.

It isn't over yet, so she's still got time. Isn't that what it's all about? The long term?

She chuckled and patted her stomach. "You know, it's funny. Mum and Dad always said I'd end up like this."

"Pregnant during a war?"

She shook her head. "Nah. Puking my guts out in a place I don't really know." She looked up through the veil of green hair. "But they said I'd be alone. So I got 'em there."

I squeezed her hand. "Sure they'd be proud."

She laughed. "They'd make fun of me." She smiled, brown eyes growing distant. "Just wish they could see it."

"Let's make sure we all see it, yeah?" And on this side of life. I should have seen it earlier, should have given her a little more slack. Hating Dan for what he did at such a time made sense.

She nodded slowly. "Yeah. Not quite over."

I helped her up onto feet that weren't quite there. "And is this the reason why you kept giving Dan hell?"

She nodded as we slowly walked towards the bathroom's door. "Mei knew. I mean, she was the one who did the bloody test. She was meant to be the godmother."

"Thought you weren't religious."

"I'm not. But she didn't like the sound of Aunt. Said she'd sound too much like some comic book character the old generation talked about." She shook her head, brushing my neck with her hair. "I hope the kid's as smart as her. She'd love that."

"Who's going to be godmother now?"

She gave me a look. "For someone who's always been good at hitting her mark, you miss a lot with people."

I smiled. "It's because of Dan. Getting dumber by the day."

"God save us all."

I laughed. "God save us all."

I opened the bathroom door, and a Berserker crashed through the orphanage front.