Truth

"What for?" asked Aaron. Mai who insisted on looking for the child in her dream overwhelmed Aaron, his heart was beating faster now even though his face looked calm.

"I think he's the key to restore my memory. No one saw what happened. Only he and I know. I can't remember anything so... He might be able to tell me something," explained Mai.

"Yeah, you're right. He can tell you what happened but the problem is how do you find him. You don't even know who he is or his name," Aaron reminded her.

Mai was silent. Well, how can you find someone if she doesn't even know who to look for? Impossible.

"Riven said he would find out." Said Mai.

Mai had set her hopes on Riven too high. Aaron took a deep breath, this girl was so innocent. With all the clues pointing at him, Mai was completely unaware of it. Aaron felt anxious himself, he felt like he wanted to tell the truth right away but he was afraid it would shock Mai and with the trauma she had, Aaron couldn't be careless.

"I'm afraid... You know there are two versions of this story. What if what I saw in the dream was true. In my dream, he turned his face away when I looked at him. He was angry at me or maybe hated me," Mai told.

"Maybe he's just confused and scared, just like you." Said Mai again. Aaron's eyes dropped down, not daring to look at the girl in front of him.

"Maybe... or he's really mad at me because I harmed him." Said Mai.

"Mai... You still don't know what happened. Don't torture yourself with weird thoughts," Aaron interrupted.

"You might be surprised if what happened wasn't what you thought. If you didn't do anything wrong, then it wasn't your fault." Said Aaron again.

"I doubt the other version," Mai said, she revealed what she was really worried about.

The reason she couldn't sleep was not only because she was afraid of bad dreams but she was also afraid to think about what might happen if she could remember everything. She was afraid that it would turn out to be her who had made the mistake she had seen in the dream, as she had always believed.

"When I found out there was something else behind what I had known and believed in, I.. Like I had hope. The bad feeling I had been feeling probable shouldn't have existed but I remember the part where everyone blamed me at the time, even my parents. They made excuses the situation was a mess at the time and then they convinced me that I was innocent. They believed me but what if they just wanted to make me feel better. What if the other version didn't exist at all." Said Mai.

"When I think about it I'm afraid to find out the truth." Said Mai again.

Aaron walked slowly towards her with a limp leg. He stood hesitantly in front of the girl, at a loss as to what he should do.

"Are you going to give up? Do you want to stop trying to find out?" he asked slowly.

Mai shook her head.

"I'm tormented by this bad feeling. I don't want to be tormented forever. I want to remember everything. I have to know what happened even though I'm scared." Said Mai.

Aaron gently rubbed Mai's shoulder.

"You'll find the truth and you're gonna heal," said Aaron.

"What if I'm the one at fault?" Mai asked quietly.

"Do you think that kid will forgive me? I thought that if I met him and it turned out that what I knew was true, I would apologize to him." Said Mai.

Aaron took a breath.

God, she still blames herself. - thought Aaron.

Aaron turned away from Mai, not daring to look at the girl. Naturally, Mai still insists her version is correct.

Mai dreamed the same thing for years, imprinting in her memory that it was all her fault. That's what she believed all along. Everything would change if she knew the truth if she could remember it.

"I think it's the kid who will apologize to you but he won't be able to make amends. What you've been through isn't worth a single apology," said Aaron. His voice was full of regret.

"I don't understand why you believe in the other version instead, this isn't your way of comforting me right?" accused Mai.

"You once said you remembered yourself falling from a swing, contrary to what was in your dream," said Aaron, he did not answer Mai's accusation.

"Yeah, but...." Mai said she was confused about what the correlation was.

"So... Mmm... What if the first time the kid did fall when you pushed the swing, but he didn't fall, he managed to stand on his two feet and he laughed because he saw you scared." Aaron said, he was telling the truth.

"He just wanted to scare you." Said Aaron again.

Mai frowned in confusion, she tried to imagine what Aaron said, is that possible?

"Then it was his turn. He pushed the swing you were on and you were scared. It was not fun at all but he laughed. He tried to catch you but he failed. You both fell. He managed to catch you at the last moment, preventing your head from hitting the ground but hitting his head. He got hurt but you are safe. Everyone who saw it didn't know the truth, they only saw two children playing. One was injured, one survived. They thought you harmed him but that's not what happened." Aaron closed the story.

Mai was surprised. How could Aaron think that? Mai could imagine what Aaron said and she thought it was all real but... She was confused.

"You.. how.. can you think like that?" Said, Mai

"I'm just assuming. That's my version of the story," said Aaron.

"That's a good story. The boy helped me." Said Mai by shaking her head, feeling ridiculous, chuckling to herself, and then her laughter stopped. The boy did try to help her, falling along with her.

"Why didn't he tell the truth if he fell because---" Mai said haltingly.

"His fault," Aaron continued.

"For helping me," corrected Mai.

"Maybe he was scared, he pushed the swing, he caused you to fall, he was at fault," Aaron explained.

"But I didn't fall, he did." Said Mai.

Mai holds her head, dizzy. Everything was so complicated, she couldn't find the common thread. Doesn't make sense. Aaron's version made her even more confused.

"Are you okay?" asked Aaron anxiously. Maybe he shouldn't have told the story.

"I'm fine... I'd better go back to my room," Mai said slowly, she couldn't think anymore. Her head is hot.

"Yeah... You better go to sleep. It's almost midnight," said Aaron.

"Sorry for confusing you." Said Aaron again.

Mai smiled then turned around and left Aaron. There was a strange feeling in her heart. The story that Aaron had told earlier was strange and absurd, but she was not unfamiliar with it. Even though she couldn't remember it felt familiar. deja vu. Mai got goosebumps.

-----

Aaron's mind was muddled and he was in a bad mood too. His conversation with Mai last night continued to be recorded in his brain. Everyone blamed the girl for the accident that happened to her, including Mai's parents, all because of his words. He spoke without thinking, only out of fear, selfishness. How to fix all this, what he said to Mai is true, one apology can't fix this mistake.

Aaron took a breath, in the end, Mai would also know who he was. When that happens what will Mai do? She will hate me, - he thought as if it mattered.

Why is he bothered about this? He and Mai didn't know each other at first, they had only known each other for almost 6 months. Then why is it that Mai hates him, isn't that the risk? After all, all of this happened because of his lies. A lie that makes Mai feel guilty and hate herself. It would be better if the girl turned her hatred towards him, maybe it could heal her from her trauma.

Great... One more girl who hates him, though for a different reason. But he still didn't like this, it seemed that no one liked it when he knew someone hated him. And Aaron realized that he had not one problem but two and he had no solution to his problem.

Apologizing was obvious, correcting his mistake was certain but then he didn't know. For Mai's complicated case involving mental illness, it's not enough to solve it overnight, a day, or a week. Although not yet a doctor, of course, he knows how to science psychiatry. These kinds of things require patience. Not to mention the reaction of their two families later because this matter also has something to do with them. This looks more difficult than he thought. On the one hand, he wants to help Mai but on the other hand, he doesn't deny it, he doesn't want Mai to remember everything. But if Mai doesn't even know what caused her trauma and guilt, how will the girl recover.