Just like a Ruby

Through the movies we watched, I kept looking out of my window. Every time Reggie caught me, and gently swatted the top of my hand. Letting out a sigh, I would watch the movie for a while before being caught again. By the fifth time, he finally looked at me and raised his eyebrows.

"No one is coming for you, and even if they did you can bet Savage Vanna is out there getting to them before we even know about it. Plus I'm guessing the old man is keeping an eye out and you have me in here," he said like it was the obvious thing in the world as to why I shouldn't worry.

"I am the reason his brother is dead, without me he wouldn't have been there. I... feel guilty," I admitted putting my head down trying not to imagine that night.

The yelling, the punching, the teeth so close to my neck, and the blood. I remember my head hitting the ground, but how hard it had impacted eluded me. The red pool of color looked like a gem under the neon lights that shown in the city. A different angle brought forth different hues of red and shimmer. Just like a ruby, a liquified ruby.

"I get that. But to feel you owe him your life is stupid. Tyson chose to protect you. There's a million ways he could have done it, but that way ended up the way it did. Kyler chose to leave his family and his brother to do what he thought was the right thing. You chose to carry on with your life, and I hope you continue to do so. The way you were before, right after his death... I..."

"Wait, you saw me!" With a surprise I jolted up and looked at him. I thought I was forgotten about, and I didn't even know Reggie that well back then.

"Alphonse asked if I could keep an eye on you at a distance. We all did. You are a human wrapped up in a world that is dangerous. You know this. You were like a zombie, but worse. You weren't even going through the motions of a human, you were just..."

"Dead inside. That's the wording you were trying to find," I accused as I crossed my arms in front of my chest.

"What I mean to go with is that you've come a long way since then and I don't want Kyler to mess it up because you think you owe him something he doesn't deserve. No one deserves to take another life. That's what I think," he said before clearing his throat. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to piss you off. I just hate seeing you paranoid and freaked out. Especially when I know the idiot just needs time to cool down."

"Kyler?" I asked averting my eyes as he nodded in response.

The quiet hung in the hair thick as fog. Memories resurfaced of Tyson. His off kilter smile, the way he blushed when I hugged him, the smell of his cologne, all of it gone to protect me. For what? To let others protect me and have his family hate me? I hated myself enough, but Reggie didn't. Savannah, Alphonse, and Yuli all forgave me but that's what made me hate myself even more. I wanted the punishment, the feel of hatred to bloom from one person. Because if I wasn't around, then that soul wouldn't have left this world too soon.

"Hey, Reggie, I would like some air." My legs quickly moved to my door as I heard his frustrated outburst. I needed to go outside and feel something real. My apartment was full of memories that I couldn't handle, my mind was still in jumbles after all this time. Never properly grieving did that to me.

Watchful eyes were on me, but they weren't full of hate. Reggie watched from the window as I turned around and waved at him. The cool air hit me as I closed my eyes and breathed. Refreshing and soothing to my body and mind, I swayed my arms from side to side as I looked at the city. Rugged and run down, most would see a place of self hate. However, I saw the new beginnings that happened every day. New families moving in, smiling children, and couples holding hands. In the nighttime, I saw what most did not. The threat of everyone hunting each other. The new beginnings followed by cold blooded endings.

They had to stop.

Turning to walk inside, I felt someone beside me. Their cologne wasn't strong, natural and commanding. Their breathing was even, thought out and deliberate. They were just behind me, but I knew who it was. A quick hit to the head was all remembered before hearing my name shouted out in the distance.