she's not coming back

I'm tired of drinking. I decided to leave the company but Tara left early she can choose to go anytime she wants though she's very important piece of the company holding the biggest share, she managed to make Drake to do the things she has to do and be a silent stock holder. She chose to stay with Jerry's company. She doesn't want to see me either. Though I'm not in the mood to work I tried to visit the office from time to time. I'm a walking dead. My mind is always flying somewhere. I can't help but think of what is Tara doing now. I once stalked her. She looks happy of her current life. I know Jerry is bisexual but they look happy together. She's happier with him than when we are together. I don't know if they are already together but this what I'm seeing now. After seeing them laughing together from afar I can't help but drink again to sleep. I went to work like a zombie, I'm without direction. I can't make myself angry with Tara, this is not her fault, she is just being true to herself. I tought of ending my agony one night but I'm I realized I'm scared of dying. And worst what if I don't die jumping from the 3rd floor I will just end up with broken legs on the wheel chair. How laughable that would look. Hanging is a bad idea, I can't get the courage to do it. Sleeping pills didn't work. I manage to woke up the next morning. I'm just hoping that the next day will be better than today.