Sunlight, I miss you.

All those who hated Aurora were herself and no one else, or it seems like it, atleast? All those who went down the street before us were Mitch, the secretary, and Mom. Except mine, the fingerprints on her matched Brian's, Mitch's, and Suzy's. Suzy could've been doing her hair, no big deal, and Bry confirmed. Brian had been holding her hand for quite a while as I saw them come down for breakfast. I remember thinking it was the cutest thing in the whole universe. I also thought of who might have any interest killing her, and I realized : everyone. She was Suzy Black's daughter, was the last negative charge from a long time ago, and she had all the strength and stubbornness of her mom's, but with a twist : she was easier to kill. More trusting, more vulnerable, more innocent.

The main conclusion was nothing too surprising : Mitch was the intersection of everything. I had a bad prescience about him since the very beginning, but letting go of my boundaries made me get a glimpse of how bad of an actor he was. It made me realize ; this guy was feeling too guilty to not be shady. I overworked myself, never had the heart to sleep after all the guilt and shame of losing Aurora, but it didn't prevent me from doing my lists time and again, genuinely hoping he'd turn to be innocent. Even though he'd been far away for years, I still need a father and am certainly not immune to "daddy issues".

A part of me wished to forget, bury the whole problem in my chest forever, and sleep in my grave hugging my secret. *my dad killed my best friend.*

But the equation was an impossible task. I had to channel it somehow, and I'd never figure out what that bloody riot meant if I didn't ask the only person likely to give me answers, no matter how bitter they turn out to be. Now matter how hypocrite his words sound, I would find my way to the truth.

I laid in bed, and made up all the possible scenarios after I'd tell him I knew. Would he shoot me right in the neck like he did to her? Did he keep here just to finish me? Actually, it had been my stupid request. Or would he serve me even more psychotic information hoping I would believe his fantasies now that he executed Aurora? Didn't he have any alternative solutions, but to cut off the sunlight of my life? Because she was, for sure and certain.

Was. What a strange way to describe a person you used to love.

I can't sleep. I rewatch Teen Wolf but I can't help crying desperately at scenes that could be anything but sad. I wait for him to wake up. I was probably the one of us to have values, and I was willing to keep them. At 7:00, I had the toaster already popping golden slices, and the kettle fuming. I filled two mugs with vanilla caramel Lipton capsules and boiling water, buttered four toasts and added a layer of jelly on each one. Then I knocked on his shoulder to wake him up. The advantage of having a feud with your dad was knowing him well enough to trick him, to make him fall for his own mistakes. Funny, right?

He was having his first bite, soaking the bread with a tea sip, when I blurt out :

"You didn't have to hide being a criminal. Family accepts that, you know?"

He smirked. A hard, painful smirk. Why didn't he tell me what he was feeling?

He sounded so sad, so unstable... We don't kill a weak teenage girl just like this. But why? Wasn't there a less abrupt way to show he was aching? And I can't even befriend my dad, now? IT would be called a shame, in front of Suzy and all the rest of the workers.

But I keep on. He has to feel this guilty. Because I felt more; I felt betrayal.

"Why did you have to hide killing a person I love? Isn't it a very normal, common thing when we are daughter and dad? Why don't you keep on eating? You're way too loyal, right, DADDY? "

"I'm sorry, Cecilia. You had to see the truth. I wanted you to see it. That's why I pushed you to investigate. I knew everything was going to be that bitter, but it's bittersweet for me, because now you know how strong I am. How quick I am. How well informed. I need you to trust me-"

"Bittersweet? My best friend dies, and you still find a way to call this whole affair 'sweet'? On a scale from 1 to 10, you're infinitely messed in the head. How much worse of a dad could you get? How inhumane could you become? Or were you always like this? Since forever? I would have absolutely no trouble imagining you being the psycho, blood-thristy villain, who was always the odd one out!!"

"I was the odd one out, but not for being a villain. For being the smart one in a nation of morons. For being the one with ideas that were always rejected for being too avant-garde. But you have my DNA, we can succeed, you and I. Evan is too greedy, his loss. You and I will take on this Energy thing to the next level, we'll raise awareness about this atypical pheneomenon we are. You'll see."

"Is that why you feel superior? Is that why you had kids with two sisters? Were you trying to transmit your Alpha wolf genes or what?" Before I can do anything, I realise I've been sobbing, loudest I've ever been doing.

"Why don't you believe, you single-minded bitch! You can be a lot if you stopped judging that much and taking things personal."

"Just tell me."

"Yes, I was interested in passing my exceptional genes. Are you fine, now?"

"They why don't go pass them with someone else, since all the odds stack in your favour? Hopefully your next abandoned baby will be so much of a slave for you that the won't even object when you kill their only friend. That must be a golden opportunity. Am I wrong, smartass?"

And I disappeared. My rapid legs finally obeyed and sped in a way I was a newbie to discovering.

I ran faster than I could trust my body to do. Astonished, that's exactly what I was. No matter to what extent I grew into hating him, Mitch was right. All those abilities were such an almost unsolvable mystery that was definitely worth digging deeper.

But I had to hate him, loathe him, reluct looking at him. I had to run farther and farther, until my breath was all gone. I had to run to Brian and ask for forgiveness again for something I didn't do. But somehow, let happen. I had to see him fearless again, looking deep in my green pupils he would contemplate all the time, back when we used to be happy.

I knocked on his door, my eyes were watery, dropping salty rivers of woe. I was hoping he'd hug me, caress my hair, and wipe my tears away with the back of his tender hand. But he didn't. He stared at me, not even like a stranger, but as he would stare at someone who wounded him profoundly. And I probably was cutting him deeper while keeping the criminal's name for myself. But he was my father, without him, who was I? I never knew where I came from until I met his gaze, his sharply familiar gestures. We were a family of misfits, mocked for mistakes that some of us did, and that the others couldn't fix. Only Mitch wore his difference unapologetically, like an asset, like a king wears his crown. And I was jealous. I was torn apart, but I had every right to be so. Why still scold myself when I'm on the verge of falling apart?

"Brian, please. I'm drowning in my own thoughts. I feel alone and I might break at any moment."

I didn't obviously intend to give that many details, but there we were.

"So what? You want me to get you out of the water? I heard you adored swimming."

"When did you become so cocky?"

"When the person that got out of my mom's uterus at the same day, shared the same frustrations, and the same joys as me, went out of this world. I haven't spent a night without praying I'd die before she did, but you somehow managed to break a lifelong effort. Congratulations, my friend. I would've celebrated your victory with you if I weren't, well, quite broken. "

"How dare you imply that it doesn't hurt me?" My voice broke, I could feel a knot in my throat, a huge pain tightening my chest to death. The fire in me kept burning, but I had to get my word through.

"I have spent sleepless nights, overthinking that moment, that smallish second where I lost sight of where I was for her to trepass. I had reruns of that moment that sounded like a split second back then, but that now seems to me like a whole century of numbness or two. A period time stopped on humanity, and where I failed my life and everybody's. An endless damnation I, myself, unconsciously wrote in the stars to torture the hell out of me. So don't you dare to think I shrug it off. Don't you dare think I've been miserable enough to not have any conscience. The way I've been aching never even measured to any physical pain you could possibly, in the whole universe, choose to punish me. So shut up. I thought I'd want desperately to hear your soft, mild voice, but it's not the same anymore. It's a rough, poisonous surface that grates my heart now, one vein after the other. So spare me your bullshit and let me go. It was an honour being hurt again. "

His expression changed. Some sort of empathic surprise. But weirdly, back then, empathy disgusted me even more than cruelty.

"Who knew the straight A girl would hold that much anger in her heart?"

He started to caress my cheek. I was scared. Was he poking fun at me or pitying me? I couldn't stand the uncertainty that became almost a burden.

"So what now?"

"Do you have anywhere to sleep? Sounds like Mitch is no good company to you again since you came here whining?"

"That's not false. So where are trying to get?"

"You can sleep on the couch, if you want."

Before I could decline his offer, Suzy literally got out of nowhere.

"I need to talk to you, Cecilia."

I got yanked towards the direction of her march by a mysterious force that sounded just like her inevitable authority, stronger than a magnetic field.

Or was it her magnetic field?

She guided me to her room. A suite that sounded just like heaven on earth. Curved velvet curtains, silk and satin pink sheets on a king size bed she shared with herself, fur carpets, embroireded cushions and velvety ones too. She told be to sit on her bed while she sat on a tender suspended chair. For the first time, she sounded uncomfortable.

"What's the matter, Ms Suzy?"

"You should've started calling me Suzy by now, right? It's not what you think. I won't hate on you, I won't lecture you on the importance of my daughter's life, because Aurora is dead, and it's no use crying over spilt milk. " She still shed a tear. "I know it's completely ludicrous to compare Aurora to milk. But moving on. I called you here to tell Bryan that I can't do chemo anymore, the stakes are increasing and I'm sicker. Tell him that death will be mild now that Ora's up there too."

I felt rage climbing up my throat, but I decided to bottle it up and speak softly.

"Please, Suzy. You can't avoid death just to die in another way. I trust you. I know she left a gap, a void, and you don't have to fill it up. Just, don't empty up somewhere else. I'll take care of you, I'll bring you medication. I'll work. I'll anticipate. But I have to do some research. I'll always keep you updated."

"So this is it, Cecilia? You fell in Mitch's nets? He played with your head?"

"No one played with my head. Wanting to understand myself does absolutely not mean someone's messing with my head. Maybe I just heard too many rumors and I needed to pin out my opinion on the conversation map, since all everyone of you is thinking of is counting all the possible answers to a complex, multitasking question."

"You're turning into my daughter, Cece. And I like it. Go and find your answers by yourself. But just know you're trading oppression for disappointment."

"If you already know where this is all hovering around, don't keep me in the dark. Please."

"Since you don't believe anyone, I thought you would like to figure it out by yourself."

She was right. I needed to see my true colours with my very eyes.

"Ok, then. Do you approve and validate my journey?"

"Needless to say. Your mother would've been endlessly proud."

"Would've been?"