blacked out

I feel my sight blurring out, fading away. And as I was trying to understand what was happening, I realized I didn't control my senses anymore. It was not a dream, either. At least not a purely imaginative one. The way my brain was melting and my perception strangely lucid, I realized it was a memory. A memory that should've stayed buried underground. But memories are like animals. They choose when to disobey you just when they want. And you have to give up control over that.

I see everything through an old lens. I see myself as if I were the soul inside that tiny body, and my thoughts are those of the baby I were sixteen years ago. But deep down, I understand things I woudn't have understood at the time. So when I see that little boy with freckles, black eyes and hair, I know it's Evan. And that woman whose touch is so familiar keeps playing with his curls too.

A second later, I hear myself scream : "Isa!"

The teenage version of me screams, but inside : "No way!"

Isabel lifts Evan and starts playing with my small pigtails. She offers me a green apple that I bite into. Crispy, juicy, it almost distracted me from the conversation that was happening on the other side of the room.

"Mitch is playing with fire. Iris, be careful. Take Celia and go."

Well, finally that was a cool nickname.

"She needs her father."

"He discovered a deadly recording. Iris, please. Tell him you're breaking up. You said you fell out of love, didn't you?"

"Practically..."

"Now make it fully. Please. For the little bean. He is coming up with really far-fetched lies recently and I don't know what to think. What he's hiding, I don't know. But he sure has something going on that isn't just... acceptable. Or maybe I'm wrong. But please, I've been there. Not the kind of guy you should mess up with."

At the same exact moment, someone knocks on the door.

A tall and bulky redhead. Bloody red curls all over his head, running to his shouders. Emerald green eyes. Freckles all over his nose, forehead and chin, just like his daughter. He breaks in as no one opens the door for him to "legally invade".

"I came to hug my daughter."

I feel his strong arms around my minuscule body, and all of a sudden a warm feeling gets a hold on me. I don't want him to leave, ever. Because I'm lonely. But let's focus on the baby now. The baby isn't lonely yet, there's sixteen years left for him to actually break her heart and make her ask for help from people she made the mistake of thinking were more than strangers.

"It's the last time you'll be hugging her."

"I know."

He sends a smirk towards aunt Isabel. A smile that challenges her to say it's because he's got a goddamn time diary.

"No more feelings? You're letting her go?"

"She'll get back to my life herself. She's a strong little bug."

"Okay, then. Go have fun in your world, Mitch. Someday you'll want to come down."

"For you? Never, baby. But for the two cubs on this couch, I'd kill."

"Then why did you come here in the first place?"

"Because I'm a weak and manipulative moron. That's what you wanted to hear, right? You heard it."

He patted my head and Evan's, rubbed our shoulders, and Evan had a huge grin that made him look like an angel.

I have a family somewhere. I can save us from that monsoon that's ripping our world apart. I'll take a leap of faith and maybe all the pain and the disgrace will fade. The willpower will take over my fragile, crumpled heart.