Chapter 29: Hurt

It had been three days since Marcus destroyed Tenpenny Tower. Three days and countless beer and whiskey bottles later. The Lone Wanderer sat at the small kitchen table in his home in Megaton, working on his latest bottle. The juke box had been left on; more to provide background noise and to drown out the constant bantering between Wadsworth and RL-3.

"I've told you before you knuckle-dragging neanderthal," Wadsworth whined, "those items do not go in that room!"

"Listen to me you panty waist hippie!" RL-3 yelled. "If you don't shut up, I'm gonna shove this plasma cannon up your exhaust manifold and pull the trigger!"

Marcus just continued to drink. He placed the half empty bottle down on the table next to his desert eagle. The gun had not left his side in three days. In between bottles, Marcus found himself staring at it for long periods of time. He even started sleeping with it under his pillow; when he did sleep. Most nights he was haunted by terrible nightmares, and drinking himself into oblivion seemed to be the only thing that kept them at bay.

Three Dog's voice came through the juke box. "Good evening, Capital Wasteland. Time for some news. Three days ago our hero, the Lone Wanderer, destroyed Tenpenny Tower, and was subsequently tossed out of the Brotherhood soon after. Many of us have been asking why? Why would the Last, Best Hope for Humanity do something like this? Well, ol' Three Dog has the answer. It seems Tenpenny put a bounty on Marcus' head, and when those Talon Company bastards couldn't get to him, they decided to go after the people Marcus cared about. Specifically, they targeted the Overseer of his old home Vault 101, who, as it turned out, was the Lone Wanderer's childhood sweetheart. I know, I know I couldn't make this shit up if I tried! Well, I probably don't have to tell you what happened next. Talon Company killed the girl, and when Marcus discovered who was behind it, well, it sent him over the edge."

"Now I'm not saying this justifies what he did; I'm just giving you all the facts, children. You make up your own minds. But listen kid, if you're still out there...it's not too late for you to come back from this. This Wasteland is still a dangerous place...and we still need you. Unitl next time, this is Three Dog awwwwwwww! And your listening to Galaxy News Radio. Bringing you the truth...no matter how bad it hurts. Speaking of hurt, I think this next song is appropriate, given the events of the last few days. Here's a little something from our old friend, Johnny Cash"

A slow, almost haunting guitar solo began, and it was soon followed by a low, sad voice. "I hurt myself today. To see if I still feel..."

Marcus looked at the burn where his Brotherhood tatoo used to be, and though it healed, the memory of it being burned off caused a dull ach in his arm.

"I focus on the pain. The only thing that's real. The needle tears a hole, the old familiar sting. Try to kill it, all the way...but I remember everything. What have I become...my sweetest friend..."

Marcus remembered the first men he'd killed in the Vault, including Chief Hannon, who he killed in cold blood. He remembered his rampage through Raven Rock; how he gunned down the scientist without mercy.

"Everyone I know, goes away in the end..."

He thought of his friend Jonas, lying in a pool of his own blood. He thought of Lucy West being gunned down...and he thought of his father, dying from radiation posioning in Project Purity.

"And you can have it all. My empire of dirt..."

Marcus thought of the day the entire Brotherhood chanted his name, and how the Elder had declared him "Savior of the Citadel".

"I will let you down. I will make you hurt."

The image of Sarah Lyons with her back to him in his cell, flashed into his mind. "I should've let you DIE in that purifier!" Her words still haunted his dreams.

An instrumental began, and Marcus began thinking of the last night he'd spent with Amata. He remembered the touch of her skin, the taste of her lips, the smell of her hair and the feeling of her breath against him...he quickly drank the rest of the whiskey, desperatly trying to drown the memory.

"I wear this crown of thorns. Upon my liar's chair..."

Marcus thought of the title Three Dog had crowned him with: Lone Wanderer. He cursed the day that name was given to him.

"Full of broken thoughts...I cannot repair..."

He thought of all the people he couldn't save. Jeanette, Lucy, Dr. Janice, Garza, Vargass, his father and...Amata. He reached over and gripped his pistol.

"Beneath the stains of time, the feelings disappear. You are someone else. I am still right here. What have I become? My sweetest friend..."

Marcus remembered the sight of Tenpenny Tower being destroyed, and his execution of a broken Allistair. He slowly picked the pistol up, his hand shaking.

"Everyone I know, goes away, in the end..."

The memory of Amata dying in his arms, flashed into Marcus' mind. The gun was getting closer to his head.

"And you can have it all. My empire of dirt..."

Marcus looked around the small, empty shack he lived in. This was it; this was all that was left. His hand trembled even more.

"I will let you down; I will make you hurt..."

He thought of everyone he had betrayed; Sarah, Cross, Elder Lyons and the Pride, and how none of them could even look at him after he was sentenced. The gun was now pressed against his temple.

"If I can start again...a million miles away..."

For a moment, Marcus thought about what he would do differently if he could. He would go back and stay with Amata in the Vault, rather then be exiled. He would tell the other residents to hell with their feelings. He would stay with her, and forget all about Project Purity and being the Lone Wanderer. He closed his eyes.

"I would keep myself...I would find a way."

A single shot ran out in the small town of Megaton.