CHAPTER 1

The city lights glowed brightly in the night sky. I'm sitting by the river, listening to 'you are not alone,' one of my all-time favourite songs.

Do you know? If you pay attention to the lyrics, some songs may be able to describe your inner feelings. That is why this song is one of my favourites. This song makes me think deeply every time I listen to it. It reminds me of how lonely I am, despite the fact that I have family and friends. According to some, having a family makes you the happiest person on the planet.

Seriously?

That phrase makes me want to burst out laughing. It's not that I despise my family; rather, the phrase may not be appropriate for everyone. You know, you might have everyone around you at times, but your heart is constantly looking for that one person with whom you want to stay and share your feelings. As far as I'm aware, I don't have someone with whom I could be completely honest.

By saying "honest," I'm not implying that I'm a liar; rather, I'm implying that we sometimes claim we're fine when we aren't, and I just wish I could have someone with whom I could say I'm not fine when I'm not. With whom I could share my innermost thoughts without hiding behind my music playlists.

Now, I hope that someone will sit next to me and take my hand in theirs, assuring me that "I'm here for you and want to listen to anything you have to say." Furthermore, all I want is for someone to tell me that I am not alone. This song made me understand how lost I am; it made me realise that I'm trapped in a dark room with no way out. I'm trying my hardest to find my way, but I'm failing badly.

Aside from that, I'm here now, entranced by the beauty of nature. The gloomy sky is brightened by the moon and stars. It appears that light can brighten even the darkest of places, and I hope someone can bring light into my life to help me feel better.

After a few hours, I get up and start moving back to my house. It was nearly midnight, and I had forgotten that I had spent far too much time at the river, which was far from my house. I immediately began running to get to my house as quickly as possible. When I arrived home, my mother greeted me with a furious look.

Oh no! I'm gone.

"Where were you? Don't you realise that being out late at night is unsafe for a girl? ", my mother exclaimed angrily.

"There are some people who don't feel safe in their own homes," I whispered. I'm sure she couldn't hear a word I said.

"Sorry, I simply lost track of time," I quickly apologised, hoping she wouldn't give me a long lecture.

Well!

I know she genuinely cares for me, but I made a minor mistake. When she began to criticise my behaviour, I ignored her and went straight to my room, closing the door behind me. I made a point of not closing the door hard since I knew it wouldn't end well. By the way, I used to think that if she kindly asked me, I'd feel free to tell her why I was late, but she didn't appear ready to listen to me. Nah! Please don't misunderstand me. She always wants me to listen to her, but she is too busy politely talking to me to understand me.

I felt compelled to tell someone how I'm feeling right now, but I decided against it because my friends may be dealing with their own problems. So I decided to lift my spirits by stalking my favourite actor, Shivaay Nigam's Instagram account. I'm not sure why, but I gradually became addicted to him. I sat through all of the interviews, which never fails to bring a smile to my face. I know I usually fantasise too much, but I hope to see him and talk to him one day. It sounds crazy, I know. Nonetheless, I wish for that dream to come true. Believe me when I say that whenever I see his interview, I get the impression that he is exactly like me, and I am relieved to learn that there is someone else who thinks the same way I do.

Besides that, I know I'm a profound thinker, but I always think that everyone is not the same when they come up to us because I believe that it depends on that person how he or she wants to be with particular people. This became clear to me after a very traumatic experience. When I chat with people, I'm the type of person that likes to watch how they act.

Furthermore, since I have major trust difficulties, I will not tell anyone about my personal matters unless I am comfortable with them. I'm not sure you guys understand what I've been trying to express all this time. Anyway, just after midnight, I fell into a deep slumber.

Through my window, the sun shone brightly. I awoke to another day, soon after doing my morning chores, I began to pack my bags and prepared to return to the hostel.

Oops!

I forgot to tell you that I only come to my house on weekends and holidays; otherwise, I will remain at the hostel to make it easier to get to college.

After a few hours of driving, my father dropped me off at my hostel. So, since I didn't discuss my father's relationship, let's get started. Because I despise him so much, our connection is strange. I mean, I hate him to the core, but I've never shown it to him, so I often just pretend to him that I'm being normal around him, but deep down I know I'm not, and of course, I have no idea whether he knows or not. But, I don't mind if he does as well.

Finally, the lift doors opened on floor 9, and I hurriedly exited the lift and made my way to my house number. I was standing outside my room, thinking to myself, "Here I come to my world." You may be asking why I'm saying this. However, despite the fact that the room appears to be small, my friend and I share it with two other Malay girls. Nonetheless, this place makes me feel at ease because I can be myself here, and no one will be able to control me except my friend at times. I opened the door to find my friend getting ready for college.

She turned to face me, ecstatic and exclaimed "Hey, you're here; why didn't you tell me you were coming today morning? I expected you'd come on Sunday night, therefore I came yesterday "in a solemn tone That's when I remembered I hadn't spoken to anyone since I was upset with my mother's scolding the day before. "Oh, I forgot to inform you and I assumed you were also coming on Monday morning, so that's why I didn't mention," I said with a smile on my face.

When the clock struck 8.30 a.m., I urged her to hurry so that we wouldn't miss the 8.45 a.m. bus that would bring all of the hostelers to the college. We must leave early to avoid being late for our morning class. The morning class is a pain in the neck, believe me. I loathe the early class because it will be three hours long. Isn't it going to be exhausting? Ugh! Forget about it.

Soon after reaching the bottom floor, we made our way to the bus, which had already arrived to take us to college. Before the bus was dispatched, my friend and I took a seat on the bus. It was part of our everyday routine to commute 30 minutes to college.

Meanwhile, I was looking forward to my taekwondo session after my classes because it had always been a stress reliever for me. Yes, I enjoy martial arts and am a taekwondo fighter. Now let's get back to where we were.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~

We were starving after finishing some classes, so we went to a restaurant close to campus. We usually hang out together because we've known each other since we were children, and we always love our company. While we waited for lunch, someone bumped my head from behind, which angered me, and I quickly turned around to see who it was. It was, as I suspected, a taller man than me. When I saw him, I wasn't startled at all because he was