Serve You With All My Life

The Sanctuary

I always wanted to be heard by someone. I wanted to be somewhat save from this unending darkness. I always wanted to have someone but I never noticed that I was pushing everyone away. Am I pathetic? Maybe, yes. But my traumas made me this pathetic. Whom shall I blame?

I badly want to be freed from this suffocating darkness inside my head. I wanted to get away from the monsters I've been questing everynight. I just wanted to run away, but I can't.

For, running away from mess is not a race you'll reign. It'll just hunt you down and always be your nightmares in dawn. It'll just gave you sleepless night and anxiety that would never stop. And, pure exhaustion with just the mere thought that everything wouldn't stop.

My name was already tainted with names that was branded by strangers who only got to glimpse the surface of me. I was entitled by names that brought horror to everyone who'll get to know who am I. They destroyed everything I have in mind, and started to question myself if kindness exist.

"Be my friend." I uttered. Her eyes grew in friction as shock was written at her face.

In order to win the battle between me and my head, I should not let it feed me up with thoughts of losing everyone. We cannot keep everything intact as time pass as by. We have different priorities, different from our younger versions. So, if we fall short from our decisions then atleast we learn... it may be in a hard way but atleast we got to know how to pick up our broken pieces, and how to heal from the devastations. It's the way of making as strong for another set of big waves, or even tsunamis.

And, if I continue pushing people away, distance myself to everyone... would I learn? Apparently, no. I'll be forever a coward who has nothing because of being afraid of losing someone. I'd easily be broken by a single blow of strong wind, and just withers because of losing some blood.

She happily smiled that made me scoffed.

"For real?" She interjected with gladness all over her face. I rolled my eyes at her.

"Stop making me repeat my words." I replied, instead. She then, laughed at me as she snaked her hand at my shoulder. I almost jump away from her. Damn it! This is uncomfortable.

"Now that I'm your friend, You have someone to lean on now. Oh--- what are you doing here though? I saw you walking towards the dorm, right?" She stated.

"Yeah. I left my key at the locker."

"Oh. Just get it tomorrow. I have mine here."

"Alright." I replied. She was tugging me by her arm snaked at my shoulder. She was hapilly humming as we went our way towards our room I was just silent while being uncomfortable yet I was feeling light and glad.

We were at the pathway when I saw Valix from afar. He was there, leaning his back againts the metal, as his feet were crossed. He was silently gazing the sky, and seemed like drowned with his deep thoughts that he didn't get to notice our presence. I heard Zarviel sighed loudly as she walked ahead of me.

I never got a chance to move nor talk. I did just stay still as I saw Zarviel's hand landed at Valix's cheeks. He was unprepared and was taken aback by Zarviel's sudden act. Even myself left speechless. I felt like I ran out of words. W-why did she suddenly hit him?

Valix looked at her with confusion and dazed as he was holding his cheek where Zarviel did hit her.

"What the fvck is your problem?!" Just like a childish kid, his voice thundered with annoyance. Zarviel's eyes widen as she looked at her palm.

"I killed the mosquito for you." She replied, containing her laughter as she alked towards our room. She took out something from her pocket and then, unlocked our door.

"What the fvck was that? Why does it felt like ten times more heavy and hurt? It seems like you hold some grudges againts me?" He responded as he was still annoyed at her. She laughed.

"Really?" She added. Valix grimaced as he rolled his eyes at her. She laughed more, pointing at his face. "What an ugly face." She remarked and alked inside, leaving us both outside.

I suddenly felt cold inside me. I suddenly felt shallow. I slowly lowered my gaze and stared at my shoes. As I was looking at them, and describing what they are doing, I suddenly felt awkward. I suddenly felt an outcast, intruding merely watching their every moves. I suddenly felt pangs. Being the intruder, being the outcast.

I came back from my thought when I saw another feet right infront of mine. I suddenly felt tensed as his scent invaded my nostrils. I gulped as I met his lovely eyes again. He smiled and stoke my hair with his fingers. His action made me more tensed that I was left being undecided of what should I do. He then chuckled like he could read what was I thinking.

"What? No, I can't." He suddenly uttered. My forehead creased.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked--- confused.

"I can't read minds but I can read expressions." He replied.

"Whatever, I don't care." I responded instead and walked towards the door. I open the door widely, waiting him to come in, yet he did just shook his head that made me wear a queationing look.

"I can't enter inside. You are all girls here." He responded.

"Duh. It's not as if we'll do illegal things here." I replied that gained a chuckle from him.

"Nah. My father always tell me not to invade girl's space." He said. I can't force him so I just let him stay outside. Atleast, I'd feel peace at night knowing that it isn't my fault when he catch colds. I invited him in and he insisted to stay outside, so there's nothing I can do but to let him.

"Anyway, what are you doing here?" I asked. He then snapped in the air, like I did reminded him of what he came here for.

"Oh! Yeah, Are you okay?" He uttered seriously as he was survying my whole being. My brows knitted. I should be the one asking him, right?

"Are you somewhat smoking weeds? You're talking like a high fvcktard." I said. His brows knitted at my remarks.

"Wow. You really love cursing me." He replied, chuckling.

"Duh," I interjected.

"Nah. I'm hungry. I haven't ate breakfast and lunch." With his respond, my eyes widen in friction.

"Are you nuts?! Is that why you felt sick earlier?" I implied. There were such emotions rose at his eyes, glistening at his cobalt set of orbs. A small smile was drawn at his lips as he bore his gazes at me.

"Caring... as always." He mumbled to himself as he was closely watching me. I suddenly felt chills the moment I got to realize what I have said. W-when did I started to care for him?!

I diverted my gaze and looked sideways as I felt intimidated by his deep brooding gaze. When did I started to feel suffocated or out of breath when our gazes met? When did it happened?! Why the hell I become unaware of my own feelings?! Geez!

"Uh... if that's the case, I'll invite Zarviel and let's eat at the cafeteria, a'right? I'll just change quick." I said and hurriedly went inside. Zarviel on the other hand was then done with her shower, so I instantly grab my towel with me as I ran towards the comfort room.

I hurriedy washed my body as I was worried that Valix might faint behind the door if I took time changing. I went out of shwer and saw Zarviel combing her hair infront of the vintage vanity table. She gaze me up through there wearing a questioning look as she noticed me staring at her.

"What's with you staring? Common, spill the tea." She implied with a sweet smile. I was hesitant to tell her due to the embarassment for myself. She silently watched mw, debating at my other self.

"Uh... can you come with me at the cafeteria? Valix would be there." I responded after a long while. She laughed when I mentioned Valix. Why the hell does it rolled out of my tounge, tho?!

"Sure. I am also planning to ask you join me at the cafeteria. I'm kind'a hungry." she said as she stood up and grabbed a cardigan. We were then wearing our pairs of pajamas, and just covered it with a long and thick cotton- fabric cardigan.

Zarviel lead the way out and saw Valix gazing up. Is she a fan of celestial bodiess--- because if he do, we both have common things to talk about. I'm craving for someone to talk who has the same interest as I have. I want that bond.

As we fully stepped outside, that's when Valix tore up his gazes at the sky... and in a slow motion it stopped at mine. I gulped. I felt like I was once again getting hypnotized by his deep gaze.

I was mindlessly stepping forward and felt nostalgic. The scenery was repeated yet I can distinguish when did it happened.

He smiled once again as he looked at me. His wsmiles felt like a warm sunshine, a warm touch, a comforting embrace, and the methaphor of peace.

"You're always pleasent to watch even if you didn't comb your hair." his voice suddenly hovered--- whispering at my ear. I stiffened--- not knowing what to do. The fvck?! Am I that concern that I forgot to comb my hair?! Damn it, Yzner!

I heard him chuckling again as he stopped walking, which made me stopped walking too. I was unable to move when I felt his hand at the end of my long hair.

"Let me do the honor of ponying your hair up, Alice." he uttered while he was behind me. I could feel his breath at the back of my air which made shiver down to spine. i could feel his movement from the behind. He started gathering my hair strands at his palm. He then, tied it with a pony.

The moment he was done with what he was doing, I turned to face him... only to me surprised by the distance between our faces. I swallowed hardly as he was then again, boring an intense gazes at me.

"Please let me serve you with all my life.."