I Stole A Hummer

The system in the early days was a mess. I never learned who created it or why. The system's AI wasn't very advanced initially, and there weren't as many safety measures in the beginning. In the early years, we users took advantage of the dice system. In a chaotic world, the dice could upset the natural order and take a victory from the jaws of defeat.

I lived with the system at a time when a single skill could give a user hundreds of powerful abilities, Parameters could rise rapidly, and the body could mutate out of control. Classes and weapon skill trees are two of the only remnants of the original system that survived.

While the updates made the system safer, the first update stripped away most of the power skills possessed. This fundamentally changed how we advanced. It also decreased the number of people driven insane by their skills, abilities, and parameters. If King had used System Version 92.91, he wouldn't have gone mad. The first thing the system updates did was gut abilities.

…

They weren't anywhere on the vehicle like I'd hoped. After several pictures and Reddit mechanics, I managed to take out the alarm. It only took a few hours and a horrible ringing in my ears. Opening the door to the vehicle was much harder. I didn't have the fop to the Hummer, and that made things trickier. Most of the mechanics said I needed to just bite the bullet and break into the vehicle. While others recommended using the game shop for a fop emulator.

I took the second option.

For the low price of 2000G, I purchased the fop emulator and waited to connect to the Hummer. Instead, it flashed green, and then I had to deal with my second problem.

"How are you going to attach the carriage to it? Did you think this through?" Kale asked.

"You know I didn't, but it's shiny and yellow; how could I not steal it. Wouldn't you rather travel in air conditioning?" I turned to the carriage. "Is Nia even still alive?"

Kale sighed. "Of course, Nia is still alive; she's a snake; they are known for eating large meals and napping for weeks at a time. I'm sure she loaded up on fats before the trip." With my concerns derailed, she pushed against the Hummer and watched it rock. "Are you sure it can pull the carriage and us? I'm not fat," She glared at me, daring for a retort. "But I am a centaur," Kale said.

I shook my head. And patted the Hummer's front bumper. "This thing has a hydrogen engine. It could probably carry ten of you without feeling it." I said. Reddit had a different opinion. They claimed that hydrogen engines were much weaker than the standard gasoline engine.

Well, I wasn't sure if that was right or not. Maybe hydrogen engines from our original world were weak, but this was a Hummer from another planet. Odds were good that they had figured out how to make more powerful hydrogen engines. I didn't think the undead would care much for their environment.

"I'll try it, but don't be disappointed when your new steed fails to move," Kale said. I rolled my eyes and popped the trunk. At least the zombie kept their back seats clean.

The Hummer's back seat easily fit. She climbed in and shut the door. I hit the electric start and turned on the AC. While that was going on, I popped the hood and listened to the engine purr. I snapped a few pictures and closed the hood while I scratched my head at the carriage.

As it turned out, the shop was more extensive than I thought. I bought a trailer and some wheel locks for 505G. That made things so much easier. I drove the carriage up on the trailer and forced the wedged on both sides of the wheels. After that, it was easy backing up the Hummer and hitching it to the trailer.

I checked Reddit one more time before I set off only to see hundreds of comments claiming I had a nuclear engine. Several recommended getting a radiation detector from the shop to see if the undead cared about radiation protection.

25,000G later, and I had a giant yellow rad detector. The Hummer read normal, so either my detector was a piece of junk, or the undead were good at building nuclear cars. If that were the case, maybe letting them survive wasn't such a bad plan. I mean, who cares that they're undead if they can make functional nuclear cars.

I put the Hummer in drive and turned on all-wheel drive. The Hummer jerked for a second before taking off. Then, an alien song about undead pussy started playing thanks to a USB connection to the radio. It took a few seconds to bring the Hummer from 0 to 150mph. Soon we were making a great time on our way to Bridle.

"So, you're not going to admit it?" I said.

Kale yawned and grumbled to herself. "Where did you even find this thing? I can't even sense a rune on it. Either then enchantment work is that good or its technology like the Feds use." Kale said.

"If they had something similar to this, they would have already caught up. No, the Feds probably think stopping us is a lost cause. If they break Flank town's defenses quickly, all we can do is avenge it. They will most likely take back all the treasure and slaves they can carry back. Or they might make a claim on the territory." I said.

"You've become quite political. Did something happen?" Kale asked.

I opened a beer and took a drink. Unfortunately, the buzz was only slightly before it was gone. That was disappointing.

"Yes, I found something in the other world strong enough to crush me like a bug. After rampaging like a bull in a china house, that thing nearly swatted me." I said.

"What are you going to do about it?" Kale asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, you can either be a pussy and complain to me, or you can straighten up and be a stallion," Kale said.

"You don't understand the price of power," I said.

"Everything has its price. I might not understand what you have to pay, but you do. If you think it's worth the risk, then take it. If you don't, then stop bitching." Kale said.

Something sweet touched my nose, and Kale's words gave me a hint. "You're in heat again," I said.

"Shut up unless you want to get kicked again." We drove in silence for a few more moments. Finally, the sun began to set, so I turned on the headlights. "Could you turn that music back on? I haven't heard anything like it." Kale said.

I rolled my eyes and turned the radio back on.

As I drove, I thought about what I had. There were plenty of event points saved for equipment for the stages, and from the Raid boss Reddit, there were tons of potential raid bosses I could fight starting at stage 5. Pictures and videos covered Reddit while some users talked about going back to the second stage to find the secret raid boss with little success.

What Kale said wasn't wrong. If I wanted to deal with my inferiority, I had options. There was equipment I could get to bolster my death protections starting at 1,000,000 points. I saw a few sword bands that would give it some light or fire damage when wrapped around the pommel of nameless. There were a few guns the fired bullets that dealt holy damage. At the top of the weapons list, there was the holy sword Oath Keeper EX; not only did the user have to earn billions of even points, but the user also had to find a holy shard of Oath Keeper Prime.

I had a feeling that the only way to get ahold of an Oath Keeper Prime shard was by fighting Magog Rxel IX or claiming the shards after it heals and leaves. By its appearance in the second stage, it's much weaker than in later stages. Since the raid bosses don't appear until much later, Rxel could be the one behind them. That certainly added another layer of difficultly.

Kale was fast asleep, and we were still another day from Bridle. I slowed down to a stop and put the Hummer in park. Fuel wasn't a necessity; nuclear batteries lasted for at least a century. Well, that's what the Reddit hype claimed. There was also a good chance I was lied to, and it's just a hydrogen engine. It's not like they would know what a nuclear battery made on an alien world should look like.

I stepped out of the vehicle and closed the door quietly. Out in the windy, dusty canyon valley, I approached the carriage. Nia hasn't even said a word since our journey began. A couple days is understandable, but I expected she might be hungry. Or at least thirsty after such a long journey. I knocked on the door and heard nothing. After a few more knocks, I started feeling a little nervous. Were we lugging around a carriage full of dead lamia?

I pulled out an old debit card from my inventory and slid it through the seam in the carriage door. When I felt the door go lax, I pulled it open to see two purple eyes glowing in the dark. I'm not sure what I expected when I saw the lamia Nia, the Governor's daughter, naked and covered in flowing tattoos.

Above her midriff branded upon her womb, I felt QI different than the Lich and every other QI I'd ever felt. The presence came from a tattoo. A heart with a succubus tail hanging beneath it with two swirling lamia tails on either side of it. It glowed a dark pink color.

A wave of pink spiritual energy burst from the carriage and smashed into me. I could feel it lapping at my groin like a billion tiny tongues. Although Nia moved too quickly to be starving, I sensed her power rising at an incredible rate and wondered what the Governor planned for Flank town.

Nia struck mouth open and fangs dripping with a horrible fluorescent pink venom. Accelerate activated, and I moved at incredible speeds that she reacted to, much to my disbelief. My kick to her stomach launched her back into the carriage, but she could move nearly an inch out of the way before my kick struck. I gripped the end of her tail and felt a horrible squelching sensation envelope my fingers.

"You are such a dirty boy; if you preferred to take my black cherry, all you had to do was ask." I looked up to see a pleased look on the lamia's face. Her glowing pink eyes only grew brighter, and I felt my stamina drop. "Behold my skills of lust. Black Snake Hole, feel the squelching coolness of my ass." I felt my hand sink deeper into the lamia's anus and had no idea what the fuck was going on. My mind needed time to adjust to this new and strange revelation.

"Nia," I said in my sternest voice. "Why are you sucking my hand up your ass? Are you on drugs because your mother sent you to act as an ambassador?" I said.

She moaned, and the tattoo over her womb glowed brighter. "I like that deep voice, daddy; keep talking while you fist my poor innocent asshole. I've been a bad girl; you need to get deep in there." As much as her lust aura tried to infect me with lust, I wasn't having it. While I liked ass as much as the next guy, it was late at night, and I wasn't in the mood. Still, we needed her as an ambassador so killing her wasn't an option.

I placed a foot on her tail and yanked my hand out. Her ass closed and squelched in front of my face. The lamia had the gall to raise her tail to my face. I sighed, took out my phone, and snapped a few pictures before posting them on Reddit with the WTF captioned. Maybe I'd get some interesting comments from that tomorrow.

"What are you doing?" Nia asked.

"I'm buying hand sanitizer, among other things." The lust aura blasted me with all its force but broke away like bullets against my chest. While she was powerful, my QI was more concentrated, and I'd dealt with charisma attacks before. If I tried to have sex with her, things would be more in her favor. But after my brush with death, that wasn't an issue.

I put a few seats down and tossed Nia in duck taped to the floor. While I was out of the Hummer, I decided to finally bite the bullet on my dice. If I fought a raid boss, I'd need a lot more power than what I had, and it was better the devil I knew. So, I took out all five of my AU Upgrade Dice and purchased three more with my event points for good measure. I planned to go ahead and upgrade my Root Of Black Dragons to max in one go. More QI had to be a good thing if I continued to deal with spiritual entities.

Ding!

AU Upgrade Dice Roll x8

117

Ding!

Root Of Black Dragon lvl100

System Update Initiating…

Please Stand By

"Well, Shit," I said and sat back in my Hummer while the system updated.