1. Shame? Who?

Pathetic.

That's all one can think while recalling that fateful moment.

Ciara's death day.

You know when they say that once you're about to die life flashes before your eyes?

Ciara Kim is a living proof of that saying. Well, maybe not exactly living.

Ciara had an ordinary life.

Some childhood trauma here and there created an introverted little woman that shame's her parents and has no real life friendship.

Ciara graduated high school as an honor student. She was a set example to be watched, her parents and teachers were thrilled just by imagining her bright future.

That is until her last year.

That is until Ciara refused to go to college. Ciara refused to even apply.

At first her mother was afraid that Ciara suffered from depression.

Yet, her new physiatrist stated that Ciara Kim, besides some major emotional blocks, suffered from a severe case of shameless-fullness.

'Why don't you want to go to college?'

- I would have to leave my room.

'Why don't you want to leave your room?'

- Cause then I wouldn't be inside my room.

'And why do you have to be inside your room?'

- Cause I don't want to go to college.

She even went as far as saying that having shame won't feed her belly and therefore wasn't really necessary.

The amount of times the poor doctor suppressed her killing intent... Let us just say that after "treating" Ciara she ended up on therapy to work on her 'anger issues'.

Ciara's parents destiny wasn't much different.

Their daughter.

Their brilliant only daughter wouldn't go to college for she's as lazy as can be...

HELL NO!!!

They threatened to throw her out.

Ciara found herself a job, all she had to do was to sit in front of her computer, read and write suggestions. If necessary she would even rewrite essays, chronicles, poems and entire books.

Ciara's day to day life on high school was pretty much participating on writing contests. Some teachers really thought she could be nominated to a Pulitzer or, who knows, a Nobel. Not only was she creative, her words had applicability.

The girl knew how to be relatable. It picked anyone's interest to read and so she could tell any story. She could teach, talk in public, present herself. People believed her, they wanted her opinions, her well measured words.

Ciara finished reading her school's library as a junior. She had to buy herself a kindle and settle for online discussions. She entered forums. She entangled herself with important matters. She made connections. Ciara helped people with their masters degree. She would rewrite their thesis and would even coach them on how to be meaningful without being boastful.

Yet, all her parents could see was that their freshly graduated daughter spent 19h in front of a computer.

She ate and did her necessities while connected. She had shower breaks and only slept 4hours a day. She learned how to cultivate sleep quality, Ciara could sleep 8 hours in 4.

And of course she had her fun. Online gaming, anime, web novels, series, movies, you name it Ciara did it.

Her day was extremely productive. She made more then the combined value of what her parents gained on a month per day.

She would be one of those filthy rich.

And don't get her wrong. She committed mistakes every once in a while. Sometimes she was deceived. A trouble with gambling here and there, some hacking accident and the worst, webdating. Some of those contributed with her trust issues.

Ciara became emotionally blocked. By the way that was completely intentional. After a certain event Ciara had enough. She got tired of expecting so much of others.

Evil comes from everywhere.

She realized that if she kept no expectations, not a soul would have the power to disappoint her. If she had no emotional commitment, no one would play with her feelings. If she kept things as simple, bare and shameless as possible... maybe, just maybe people would stay away from her. Maybe she wouldn't be hurt…

Yeah, that's life.

Home office sweet dreams.

But let us not forget her parents again. Remember what I said? Their only daughter spends 19h per day in front of a computer. Hates going out of the house, never had a real boyfriend and even her wardrobe...

Countless times Mama Kim tried to convince her daughter to go through some bonding time shopping at the mall.

Ciara only does online shopping (~cheaper and quicker).

Ciara donated all of her colorful clothing. Her current wardrobe consists of 10 black t-shirts, 5 black pants, 3 black hoodies and 2 black shorts. Besides underwear, a jacket and her socks. White socks to make sure her feet are clean.

That's Ciara Kim's wardrobe ladies and gentlemen.

Is she a goth?

Nope.

With darker clothing one can barely even notice stains which meant she could wear them more often.

Having to choose between different clothing combinations is time consuming. A complete waste of her precious time. Ciara hates wasting time.

And even though this all seems a bit too extreme, is somehow understandable if explained.

The thing is:

Ciara won't explain anything unless someone directly asks.

'Ciara there'll be a launching party at the company, how about joining us?'

No, thanks. (~see I'm wasting time being polite but only because they're my parents)

'B-but, darling, why not? It's been a while since the last time you've left your room..'

I don't want to.

And that's the truth. If asked why she doesn't want to go, she'll say she would rather stay. If asked why, she would talk about her computer and then her mom would shut her out and give up.

They gave up.

They knew she had a job for they had restricted her access to their bank account but her packages kept on being delivered.

For a moment they thought that maybe their daughter was selling feet pictures... That disgraceful creature, such an unfilial child.

But then again the voice of reasoning spoke louder. Mama Kim knows her daughter has never seen a pedicure. No one would pay to see some bricklayer's feet.

They had already accepted that they would never recover their face after all the failed attempts to match that child.

She can be as lazy as she wants as long as her husband has cash.

Papa Kim did his utmost best to bring in the best richest bachelors from A city only for them to be stood up.

Ciara had a regular beauty. Maybe she was a hidden enchantress, no one would know. She stopped cutting her hair years ago, no makeup, shaving, creams, anything. She was presentable and that's it.

Still, Mama Kim knew her daughter had the potential to be attractive. Unfortunately she gave up after trying to shape Ciara's eyebrows while she was asleep.

Not only did Ciara sensed the danger and woke up before the first pluck, she also donated her last dress and vowed to never wear one again in this lifetime. She also said that if Mama Kim played with fire one more time she would be burning her bras next.

It was effective and Mama Kim gave up.

Papa Kim gave up trying to introduce her to boys.

They were slowly giving up on their daughter on every other aspect.

Ciara was to independent and that was bothering the couple.

They tried to threaten her kicking her out of house.

Ciara had a place to move in on less then half an hour.

Yikes.

Mama and Papa Kim were always tongue tied.

What had happened to their cheerful, smart, bubbly daughter? Her friends? Dreams? Tastes? Where is she? Where are they? What happened?

As for Ciara...

She felt her parents didn't want her. The real her. They want the her that tried to swallow all her pain and smiled like nothing happened. They don't want the result of what I've been through. The me afraid of waking up and having to face another day. Of having to fake smile through an entire day so that no adult would pretend to be worried. The me so tired of crying on the inside so no one could hear.

They want back the me that wanted to die.

The new Ciara just want some peace. Some control. Stability.

The first time she ever felt she had control was playing a game. That sensation also came with creating. Writing. She felt powerful.

Ciara wasn't really a strong minded person, but she knew that she didn't have to be one.

If people assume she is a boss then it's real.

She wasn't happy, but she was trying. She will learn how to control her emotions (~or just conceal them to the best of her abilities) and never again be betrayed. Or at least to never be affected by it...

Unfortunately for Ciara, some things are just carved to our souls.

Remember our first word here?

'Pathetic'

That's Ciara describing her own death.

Ciara literally was scared to death!