The Silent Wall

I wake up and the first thing I face is the picture from the coffee that Clara hanged on the wall. Wave of yesterday's memories washes my brain. I remember the way I looked at Julien and I jump off my bed! BOOM!! land on my face.

"Nice landing!" Clara mocks me entering the room so comfortably.

"Get that picture off my sight!" I sigh.

"Why? It's cute and I want to use it later when my vision comes true. There it stays I say!" she says helping me stand up "You might be having a fever. Your body temperature is high!" she continues her hand on my forehead.

"No! I just woke up and I slept with my socks on. Maybe that's the reason behind this, I will totally fine!"

"Let's go to see the doctor. You have been worrying me out lately and I didn't want to mention it so you won't feel pressured. But today, you are going with me to the doctor. If you are okay, at least we can get you some vitamins!"

"Clara, really, I am okay. I am just a little tired that's' all. I promise, if anything happens, I will call you first. Now I am running late for class so set me free."

I am actually not late or anything, I still have 45 minutes for the class to stat. I feel dizzy but I hate going to the hospital. I have bad memories there as a person who had been admitted there several times due to anemia. Clara doesn't know about that and I don't want her to know. She already worries a lot, let alone knowing that I have a permanent sickness like that one. I though a walk would help and that's why I am outside now but my legs memorized the way to the English department, so here I am next to it.

I buy chocolate milk and a muffin and find myself a nice place to sit at. While I am enjoying the cold air breeze, I spot Jake. He is coming towards me or so I thought because he seems to change his direction now that he saw me.

"Jake!" I call him.

He ignores me of course and it's not like I didn't know that he would. But I follow him anyways.

"Why are you here so early?" he tells me sitting on the bench opposing the department entrance.

"Interested to know?" I use my chance to tease him knowing that I will not have many.

"Never mind!" he shuts the chances door that he just opened. He takes a cigarette and lights it.

"You smoke?" I say surprised because no one would tell that this angel like face smokes.

"So?" he continues all cold.

"It doesn't suit you." I say sitting right next to him.

"Who asked for your opinion?" he shifts away from me.

I keep silent, I don't know what to add now. A little self-respect. I start coughing, I am allergic to dust and smoke so the minute I come across any of these I cough until I lose my breath. Jake hands me a bottle of water but that won't solve a thing. I need to move away but I don't want to be alone.

"I am allergic to smokes, but thanks for the water! That's caring." I take it and sip some of it.

"Then go away." He says bluntly like he was waiting for this chance to come and get rid of me.

"I don't want to be alone. So, you are stuck here with me I'm afraid." I smile at him. Then cough again and again.

"You seem like you are dying." As cold as he is, he throws the cigarette away and steps on it.

"Gentleman you are!" I clap.

"I didn't do it for you." He says then he waves looking behind us.

I look behind and I see Julien and the other guys from the club walking towards us. I wave as well.

"Morning guys! Seems like you two are getting along!" Julien says as soon as he reaches us.

"Not really, we met by coincidence and she is not the type you can get rid of that easily." Jake replies annoyed.

"I didn't know that I bothered you that much! I feel offended." I exclaim.

"Better!" Jake replies.

"Well, you seem to like her as well Jake. Don't pretend not to. I mean, you never talk to girls and here you are talking to her." Julien comments and he sounds a bit bothered by the fact that Jake is talking to me. Why would he?

"See you guys later! You languages people are so annoying. All you do is being dramatic!" Allen – Julien's friend and our public speaker – comments leaving with the group he came with.

"Sorry-------" I tell him

We enter the class. Jake is in the other group so we only have sessions together when we are at the theater. Me and Julien go together while Jake meets his girlfriend waiting for him at the class door. I really want him to know about her, I feel annoyed looking at him following her like a puppy.

"Earth to Jeana!" Julien snaps his fingers "are you okay?"

"Yeah!"

"You seem to like Jake a lot!" he adds.

"I do!" I affirm.

"What?" he questions me all shocked.

"What? Can't I?" I tell him entering the classroom.

I see Ann so I go sit next to her leaving Julien behind. He is standing at the door and the teacher is right behind him. He is deep in his thoughts that he didn't notice the teacher. They stay like that for minutes until the teacher spanks the back of Julien's head.

"The one that is taking your thoughts must be a beautiful one!" the teacher jokes making her way to her desk.

"Oh sorry Mrs. Smith, I haven't noticed you there!" he apologizes walking to his seat.

"My baby says you should confess or you will lose your mind soon!" Mrs. Smith jokes rubbing her belly.

We all laugh and Julien is only there smiling and feeling embarrassed. I have never seen him that way before it's funny. I take a picture of his embarrassed face and send it to him via text.

"Who is the unlucky one?" I text him.

He glares at me and I know he hates this type of jokes so I just beg for forgiveness and look in front of me. Apparently this would be Mrs. Smith last session with us before she get her motherhood vacation. The nicest teacher is going in the midterm meaning we will end this year facing only stone like teachers who thinks acting all strict is the right method of teaching. She was a creative writing session, so to make this last class memorable, she asked us to write letters for her. I was about to do that without her asking, but now that she did, it has to be perfect!

Everyone is immersed in his task. Others are just googling some emotional letters and Julien has already finished his at it seems. He is messing with his phone, probably sketching some designs.

"Finished already?" I text him and he directly looks at me.

He doesn't bother answering me even, he is just looking at me and his fingers are still busy with the phone. I check our chat box thinking that he might be typing but nothing is there. I get back to my work on the letter knowing that looking at him won't get me anywhere. That…. whatever! Here we are facing this A4 white paper waiting for some creative thoughts to come.

"You only have ten minutes to finish, hurry up!" Ann tells me after I was zoning at the paper. Basically I was spacing out for 45 minutes! How does that even happen!!

"HUH!!" I shout.

Mrs. Smith comes to my seat "day dreaming again?"

"Uh, sorry Mrs. Smith. I don't really know how that happens all the time."

"Day dreamers are great leaders! Never apologize for that. But I want my letter ready! Hurry up little one."

"Yes, sure!" I smile.

She must be excited to know what her students think of her. She might also want to brag to her husband about how much her students care for her. No one would blame her, having a lot of people that look after you will make you look strong and no one would want to mess with you. How should I start? The first word is always the hardest, after it, the ideas just flow.

"Finished?" Julien texts me.

"Busy!" I text back.

He texts me again but I don't check it. I mean I only have 8 minutes now and I can't lose any of them chatting with someone I am already going to spend the rest of the day with. I make sure to write everything I wanted to tell her, from the first time we met her and she made sure that we are doing what we love instead of what we are supposed to. When she told us that we should focus on what we need more than on what we want because that's how responsible people are made. And when she said that we will only learn how tell the truth about everything around us when we start telling the truth about ourselves first. When we believe in what are we made of so we walk with our heads up with a solid personality that no one can ever break.

In the letter, I didn't want to tell her any superficial wishes. I wanted to express my true feelings towards her. That she was the one that made me come smiling knowing that losing myself to my imagination is nothing but a way to build a creative creature. That being lost in space is nothing but finding the right spot. An A4 paper is not enough, a thousand word can't express what I want to say so I just hand her the letter, a smiling cookie and make sure to hug her. She allows me to do so and she is even hugging me back. The warmth of mothers is incomparable.