Lies

The Caretaker was looking at her. He'd been looking at her for over ten straight minutes, lying horizontally across her bed. May drummed her fingernails on her desk spastically and asked her first question

"You are supernatural, right?"

"Yep,' he replied. He pointed at her desk lamp, which lifted up on its own and began a kind of dance.

"We'll come back to that." She managed to look him in the eye. His expression was blank. "Are you bored?" May asked the question accusingly.

"Of course," he replied. "I could be testing my powers on any number of people and cities and instead I'm sitting in suburban LA with a girl who won't even do me the courtesy of killing herself."

"Jesus," May got out, "that was dark."

He shrugged. "Spirits prefer honesty above all else."

"So do humans."

"No you don't." He rolled onto his back. "Not really."

May stopped wrapping her knuckles. "Alright, I take the spirit thing on faith, and the teleporting thing, and the god of depression thing--"

"I'm not a god."

"Whatever. But, what are you supposed to do as my caretaker?"

"You know, follow you around." He let out a snort. "My boss told me to be your friend. Since you don't have any."

"I have friends." May was outraged.

"Two." He paused for effect. "One is across the country. When was the last time she called?"

"Alright, alright. So, you are my friend. For how long?

"Until you choose."

May began picking at a fingernail. "I'll choose life. Of course, I choose life. I have a family I love."

"See?" He turned his head towards the ceiling. "Humans like to lie."

"How long?" May was forceful. "How long are you here for?"

"I just told you." He was annoyed.

"Get out." Mary stood. "Get out, NOW."

The Caretaker leisurely rolled off the bed and stood up to face her. "If I'm with you, you won't get sick."

"What?"

He grinned. "I can make it so the pandemic doesn't exist for you. You won't catch, you won't transmit. You can go anywhere you want." He took her hand. "As long as you're with me."

May felt that his hand was shockingly warm. She didn't want to let go. "Can you get me a job?" She asked, and then cursed at herself. It was the dullest thing she could have said.

May thought for a second that he squeezed her hand but when he spoke, his voice was cold. "I cannot alter the course of events to that extent. Changes that last beyond a few minutes are still impossible for me."

"Right." Mary was mostly focused on their hand-holding.

"Does this," he raised their intertwined fingers, "make you want to live?"

"Um--"

He released her hand, instantly. "I won't do it again then."

"Hey!" She wanted to stop him from backing away from her.

"Don't worry," he said, "I'll be back tomorrow." And he vanished before her eyes.

May cursed into the silence. Then, she went to bed and pulled the covers over her head but not before glancing wistfully at her empty bedside table. It used to be piled high with yellow bottles, all sorts of drugs that promised hallucinations. But they were all gone. And what had happened was real.

May saw the Caretaker in the darkness, his angular face and fluffy hair. She felt a wave of anger at him, at all the spirits for doing nothing, for watching in silence. Then, she realized that even such an incredible encounter with a magical being had not lifted the fog she felt around her heart. He said he could not find her a job.

*Then what the hell is he good for?* She mumbled, rolling over.

May woke up in a cold sweat. She pushed her wet hair out of her eyes and took three deep breaths. Then, she looked around furtively. He was not in the room. She was relieved. Or disappointed? Both. Her phone pinged. She looked at the message.

From: *Caretaker

I'll meet you outside in twenty. DO NOT be late*.

May let out a panicked sort of giggle. She threw on clothes, grabbed a mask, and said a quick good morning to her parents who were arguing about who left the universal remote under the couch.

She rode the noisy elevator down eight flights and partially ran through the garage until she hit the open street. She put her hands on your knees, panting.

"Good, you're early. Let's go." The Caretaker was beside her.

She looked at him and laughed. "Can other people not see you?"

"Excuse me?" He was blank faced.

"The--I mean---the," May gestured to his hat. He was wearing a Mad Hatter style Homburg hat that set his features off to admiration.

"The Homburg is the greatest piece of fashion ever invented." He was affronted.

"But--you'll look weird to other people."

He didn't smile. "Trust me, I look good to other people."

May decided that this was a fruitless argument. "I like history, you know. I guess you lived through it all. I always hate when people meet beings who've seen all of history and never ask them any questions. I think that the Regency period--"

"Before we begin the small talk," he interrupted, "you should tell me where we are going."

They were still standing in front of her building.

"I don't know." May crossed her arms. "You texted me to meet."

"Because that's what friends do." He said it as if she were a child.

May was mad now. "Ok fine. So if your job is to be my friend then shouldn't you put in all the effort?" She thought for a second. "And you should buy everything."

"You're a manipulative human," he said.

"And you look terrible in that hat."

They glared at each other.

Finally, he let out a long sigh. When he spoke, it was through gritted teeth. "We-will-go-get-coffee."

There was a pause.

"You don't drink coffee." May was sure.

He shrugged. "I like splenda."

They began to walk down the street. He was leading. She struggled to catch up.

"Splenda?" May had a vision of him ripping up a hundred yellow packets over his head and showering himself in the contents.

"Of course," he said, turning the corner. "It's fake sweetness. Bad for you but you think it's good."

They stopped in front of a large black car. The door opened on its own.

"Get in," he said.

May didn't move.

He sighed. "I thought you had accepted your situation."

"I have," she said. "I just--I don't want to get coffee. I want to see a friend."

"I get it. Introduce the new friend to the old ones. Where are they?"

"The hospital," May said. And then she climbed into the passenger seat.