11. Color of Fear

With that Sally perked up and asked, "Who is he?"

"Well there's this guy that I thought was dating my boss but I just found out that actually he is her step-brother" I replied.

"Oh okay, and..." she said playfully.

"But nothing has really happened, I just found out that he's available" I told her.

"Well what are you waiting for?" she asked

"Nothing, it's just I haven't had a chance to see if he has any interest, so I'm just kinda waiting. Anyways, except for seeing him occasionally at work, I don't even know how to contact him. I don't even have his number." I explained and realized I was sounding really pathetic. So, hoping to turn the conversation away from me, "Well, how about you? Are you dating anyone?" I questioned Sally.

Sally replies quickly, "No time!"

I didn't believe her, with a raised eyebrow, I asked, "Really"?

"Yes!" She spat back but guilt made her squirm in her seat.

"Not even one of your handsome actor friends," I pushed a little bit more.

"Nope." She said firmly.

I decided to just drop it. We are best friends and we have known each other for a long time. So if she is deciding to keep this from me, there must be a reason. So I changed the topic. "Hey, I have to work tomorrow, why don't you meet me at my work in the afternoon and we can have lunch?"

"Sure, we might even bump into that guy and we can all have lunch together," she said sheepishly.

And so my attempt to change the subject had completely failed.

"With Nike? No chance. I brushed her off with just that, and again went back to planning lunch. "There is a great Italian place nearby to work if you are up for a carb overload?"

"Well yes, always!" she laughed and stuck out her tummy. Of course was absolutely non-existent.

"Okay, meet me at 1675 Canterbury Street, let's say around 11:30am."

She nodded, and mumbled. "Okay." As she was intensely staring at a message she got just a moment ago.

I wanted to give her a little privacy so I said, "Well, let's sleep, you must be tired from the long flight and with the time change," and got up and left the room heading for the bathroom. Once I left, she immediately dialed someone.

I walked back in, after what seemed like an appropriate amount of time. I saw that she was off the phone and was dozing off. "Hey, go get ready for bed before you fall asleep in all that makeup."

"Okay." she yawned her reply.

After a very quick shower, she came back in as I was just finishing my comics for the day. She crawls in bed, "Good night," she says with a yawn.

"Good night, I am glad you are back," I replied back.

Sleepily, she said, "Me too."

I slowly drift off to sleep. I dream, I think it was a dream...

Strong arms around me, the warmth of the other person, so close to me, I feel warm all over. I tried looking around but it was too dark to see, there was something covering my eyes. I tried to move, but my body won't move. I tried to talk but there was no sound. I started freaking out!

Then I heard someone say, "You will be fine. It will be over very soon," and the warmth pulled away. Someone kissed my forehead, and I heard the footsteps of someone walking further. I know this voice, it was Dad but what did he mean that will all be over soon? What will be over?!

"The surgery will take approximately ten hours. Don't worry, Dr. Stein is our best neurosurgeon," an unfamiliar voice said.

"Surgery?! What surgery?!" I was panicking again, my heart was beating out of my chest! My breathing became quick, panic was setting in, I heard voices but did not make out a single word that was said. Until I heard mom's voice.

"After this surgery, what are the chances of it coming back again?" she asked.

"We can not be certain, we can only hope that with chemo and radiation, this will be the last time we will have to operate. It is a high risk surgery but she had recovered quite a bit these last six months after the last surgery. She had actually been able to keep a steady weight. So I believe that the surgery will be successful and it will be just fine," another male voice said.

I scream in my head, Don't, don't operate on me, I am healthy. Don't!" Panic had completely settled in my heart. I heard them talk again and I had to calm my heart down because the beating was so loud it covered the voices and I really wanted to know more about what was going on.

"But will you be able to remove it all?" mom asked.

"The scans showed that there are two more growths, much smaller than the first. We will try to remove them both this time but of course, " a male voice said with caution, "We can only tell after we start the surgery."

The conversation continued but my heart was beating in my ears and I could no longer understand what was being said. Suddenly, the bed was moving and my heart raced even more. But I can't move my body, all I could do was lie there until the bed stops. Something was placed over my face … I screamed, "No!"

I woke up with a jolt, it was still dark out. My heart was pounding, I instinctively placed a hand over my heart and took a couple of deep breaths and was able to calm down. I sat there trying to recall the dream, first I was able to see bits and pieces of that dream, but soon I couldn't recall any of it. I just remember that it was about a surgery and a feeling of panic.

I looked over at Sally and there she was lying on the air mattress sound asleep. I slowly got up to get a drink of water. I grabbed my phone from the nightstand to check if there were any updates on the comics and novels that I was reading. Maybe a good love story will calm my heart and alleviate my fears. I got to the kitchen and noticed I had a message from Carol last night.

I read it, "When you come in tomorrow, could I trouble you to bring in a travel container from Starbucks and an assortment of pastries? We have a nine o'clock meeting with the production team from Long Sing tomorrow."

I know it was already late, the clock on the phone said it was already two in the morning but I typed back "No problem" just so she knows I'll get that done.

I turned on the faucet for a glass of water when, 'ding'.

Carol had replied, "Thanks!"

"Why are you up so late?" I write back

"Finishing off a proposal for the meeting tomorrow. Why are you up?"

"Nightmare!" "I dreamed I was going to have surgery," I wrote.

Ding again, "What a random thing to dream about. Well got to get back to the proposal. Go back to sleep or else you'll have dark circles tomorrow."

"I don't think that will be avoidable at this point" I quipped, "Goodnight! You should get some sleep too."

"I don't think that will be possible tonight. I'll see you tomorrow"

I exited the text messaging app and sat on the couch with my water. While l hug one of my knees, I think back to what I had just dreamt. Maybe my dream was telling me I am sick, maybe I should go for a check up, I thought.

After sitting there for a little while longer, I chug my water, got up and placed it back in the kitchen and walked back to the room. Crawling back in bed, I slept a bit more until I was once again awoken by the alarm.

Got ready in a hurry cause I needed to stop by Starbucks first. Got to the car and sat there and placed the order on the app before I started the five mile drive to work.

I got to the Starbucks a block away from work, walked up to the pickup area. It was a bit more than I had expected, I was juggling all my orders, trying to carry everything out without having to make two trips, when a hand pulled away the coffee traveler from my hands.

Startled I was ready to kick whoever was trying to steal from me but I looked over and it was Daniel. "Hey! Good morning. What are you doing here?" I asked with a bit of bewilderment in my voice.