The Girl and The Guardian

The kids were relatively fine, which was ironic when they were on an expedition to the Land of the Dead.

There were a couple of black-robbed ghoul-like things that had pulled aside one spirit and were frisking them at the security desk. The face of the dead man looked vaguely familiar.

"He's that preacher who made the news, remember?" Grover suddenly asked Percy.

"Oh, yeah." 

Percy did remember where he had seen that face before. He had seen him on TV a couple of times at the Yancy Academy dorms. He was this annoying televangelist prick from upstate New York who'd raised millions of dollars for orphanages and played the good guy ideal man, but then got caught spending the money of the donations on stuff for his mansion, a ridiculously lavish one, like gold-plated toilet seats, and an indoor putt-putt golf course. He'd died in a police chase when his 'Lamborghini for the Lord' went off a cliff. Back then Percy thought it served that prick right.

"What're they doing to him?" Percy asked out loud.

"Oh, he is fucked-" Albert said absentmindedly, but deep down he felt a feeling of schadenfreude, enjoying the weird sense of vindication when he saw the corrupt guy being taken away.

Albert then frowned for a moment, ELYSION was involved in several charity projects, he would have to see where that money was going and if necessary purge the possible pricks there too. Even if was his dad, he would find a way to make him regret it. 

 "Language, Albert. And... special punishment from Hades," Grover suggested. "The really bad people get his personal attention as soon as they arrive. The Fur—the Kindly Ones will set up an eternal torture for him. Just like they will with..."

"Water bed guy?" Annabeth guessed. "Good for them then."

The thought of the Furies made Albert shudder, he had defeated two of them and Annabeth took the third. They all realized that now they were standing in their home territory. Alecto would be licking her lips with anticipation for a chance to get back at them.

"But if he's a preacher," Percy said stated, "and he believes in a different hell..."

 Grover shrugged. "Who says he's seeing this place the way we're seeing it? Humans see what they want to see. You're very stubborn—er, persistent, that way. The Mist would mold this place so he can understand it too."

They kept going on foot until they got closer to the gates. The howling was so loud now it shook the ground at their feet, but for some reason, none of them could figure out where it was coming from, despite knowing exactly what was making it. Charon had been obvious before.

Until about fifty feet in front of them the deep green mist that covered the horizon like a veil suddenly shimmered. Standing just where the path split into three lanes was an enormous shadowy monster. A colossal being, that was so weird it could drive an unprepared mind to a premature death or madness.

They hadn't seen it before because it was half transparent, like the dead, magically concealed from their eyes until it moved, it blended with whatever was behind it. However, its bright and scary yellow eyes and sharp fangs looked pretty solid and very intimidating. 

Worst of all, it was staring straight at them with evident interest.

 "He's like a giant Rottweiler," Percy said in awe.

"That's no Rottweiler," Grover trembled. "Not at all."

"It's Cerberus," Annabeth said, stating the obvious, but with her grey eyes shining in fascination mixed with fear. "The three-headed beast that guards the entrance to the Underworld, preventing the living from entering and the dead from escaping," She paused momentarily and added in a troubled tone, "Why did he have to show up?"

"I read somewhere he is the offspring of Echidna," Albert said with a serious tone, "He was raised by Lord Hades, from a young age and became his faithful servant and guardian of his realm."

The spirits of the dead walked right up to him—no fear at all. The ATTENDANT ON DUTY lines parted on either side of him. The EZ DEATH spirits walked right between his front paws and under his belly, which they could do without even crouching.

 "I'm starting to see him better," Percy muttered. "Why is that?"

 "I think..." Annabeth moistened her lips. "I'm afraid it's because we're getting closer to being dead."

"The Mist is weird in the Underworld," Albert interjected. "It isn't trying to hide things from us for a long time."

 The dog's middle head craned toward us. It sniffed the air and growled in irritation. Albert immediately felt his heart dropping under the beats' ferocious gaze. He used to always want a puppy when he was younger, but he never got to have a pet before. Now, he wonders if becoming a dog person was a mistake and if he should go for cats if he survives this quest.

 "It can smell the living," Percy stated.

 "But that's okay," Grover said, trembling next to me. "Because we have a plan."

"Right," Annabeth said. I'd never heard her voice sound quite so small. "A plan."

They moved toward the monster like they weren't scared shitless of it. The middle head snarled at them, then barked so loud my eyeballs rattled.

"Can you understand it?" Albert asked Grover, genuinely curious.

"Oh yeah," The young satyr replied darkly. "I can understand it."

"What's it saying then?"

"I don't think humans have a four-letter word that translates, exactly."

Percy suddenly took the big stick out of his backpack—a bedpost he'd broken off Crusty's Safari Deluxe floor model. The boy held it up high, and tried to channel happy dog thoughts toward Cerberus—Alpo commercials, cute little puppies, and fire hydrants. He tried to smile like he wasn't about to die.

 "Hey, Big Fella," Percy called up. "I bet they don't play with you much, do you?."

 "GROWWWLLLL!"

 "Good boy," Percy said weakly.

He waved the stick. The dog's middle head followed the movement with great focus. The other two heads trained their eyes on them, completely ignoring the dead spirits around them. Percy earned them Cerberus's undivided attention. Albert wasn't sure that was a good thing, he knew this couldn't possibly work, but still, he decided not to intervene until it was completely necessary this time.

"Fetch! Go get it, boy!" Percy yelled while he threw the stick into the gloom, a good solid throw. He heard it go ker-sploosh in the River Styx.

Cerberus on the other had glared at him, completely unimpressed and a bit offended as well. His eyes were baleful and cold and intimidating. The colossal beast was now making a new kind of growl, deeper down in his three throats.

 Albert snorted, much for the plan.

 "Um," Grover said. "Percy?"

 "Yeah, what now?"

 "I just thought you'd want to know..."

 "Yeah?"

"He-Cerberus- He's saying we've got ten seconds to pray to the god of our choice..." The satyr explained in a hectic high-pitched voice, "After that... well... he's hungry."

"Wait!" Annabeth said. She started rifling through her backpack furiously.

"Five seconds," Grover said. "Do we run now? Albert, say something! Why are you so quiet?!"

"I apologize for my state, but I don't have words for this... situation."

Annabeth produced a red rubber ball the size of a grapefruit. It was labeled WATERLAND, DENVER, CO. Before they could stop her, she raised the ball and marched straight up to Cerberus fearlessly.

 She shouted, "See the ball here? You want the ball, Cerberus? Sit! Now!"

Cerberus looked as stunned and baffled as the rest of them, except for Albert who was more or less impressed actually. He doesn't give Annabeth's recklessness the proper credit, it keeps getting worse and she keeps getting bolder and bolder. At least, she was putting her demanding personality to good use.

 All three of his heads cocked sideways. Six nostrils dilated.

 "Sit!" Annabeth commanded again.

 Percy was sure that at any moment she would become the world's largest Milkbone dog biscuit. But instead, Cerberus licked his three sets of lips, shifted on his haunches, and sat, immediately crushing a dozen spirits who'd been passing underneath him in the EZ DEATH line. The spirits made muffled hisses as they dissipated like the air let out of tires.

Could dead spirits die twice?

 Annabeth said, "Good boy, good boy!"

 She threw Cerberus the ball this time.

He caught it in his middle mouth. It was barely big enough for him to chew, and the other heads started snapping at the middle, trying to get the new toy from the head who was doing the best not to share with the other two.

 "Drop it!" Annabeth ordered.

Cerberus's heads stopped fighting and looked at her. The ball was wedged between two of his teeth like a tiny piece of gum. He made a loud, scary whimper, then dropped the ball, now slimy and bitten nearly in half, at Annabeth's feet.

"Good boy, you're the best!" She picked up the ball, ignoring the monster spit all over it. Annabeth turned toward them with a serious and firm expression. "Go now. EZ DEATH line—it's faster."

Percy was shocked, "Wait. But—"

"Now!" She ordered, in the same tone she was using on the dog.

Grover and Albert took hold of the boy and inched forward warily. The son of the Love Goddess wasn't even sure his Charmspeak would work on Cerberus at all, he felt the same, no, he was sure he couldn't use it on Charon at all. Like this gut feeling warning him not to dare. The ferryman was eccentric, but he was a creature beyond his understanding, a godly thing made to fulfill a purpose that had nothing to do with love. Like a machine or something.

 Cerberus started to growl at the boys noticing them trying to leave.

 "Stay!" Annabeth ordered the monster. "If you want the ball, stay. You're playing with me, aren't you?!"

Cerberus whimpered unhappily, but he stayed where he was and pretended he never saw the boys in the first place. Honestly, for a deadly guardian who could scare living and dead, he was a big good puppy who was attention-starved.

"What about you?" Percy asked Annabeth as they passed her.

"I know what I'm doing, Percy, trust me," she muttered. "At least, I'm pretty sure... we all have our roles and wants in this quest. Mine is here, you guys can go."

 The boys finally walked between the monster's legs and bypassed the guardian successfully. They made it through. Cerberus wasn't any less scary-looking from the back though.

 Annabeth said, "Good dog!"

She held up the tattered red ball and probably came to the same conclusion Albert did as they exchanged knowing looks—if she rewarded Cerberus, there'd be nothing left for another trick. He was, after all, playing with her as much as she played with him.

This was like a game for the guardian, an amusement in its immortal life, but not enough to spare all of them or to prevent his boredom for much longer.

Annabeth threw the ball one more time. The monster's left mouth immediately snatched it up, only to be attacked by the middle head, while the right head moaned in protest.

While the monster was distracted, the girl walked briskly under its belly and joined the rest of them at the metal detector.

 "How did you do that?" Percy asked her, amazed.

 "Obedience school," she replied breathlessly, and I was surprised to see there were tears in her eyes. "When I was little, at my dad's house, we had a Doberman... his name was Bruce Wayne. Dad is a huge Batman fan."

Honestly, she was both brave and stupid. Albert privately wondered if Annabeth noticed how she acted like an Ares kid sometimes. Not at all like Athena. She was brash and mostly crude in some of her methods, even if she had thought them through.

 "Never mind that," Grover said, tugging at my shirt. "Come on, let's get out of here!"

They were about to bolt through the EZ DEATH line when Cerberus moaned pitifully from all three mouths. Annabeth halted in place. She turned to face the dog, which had done a one-eighty to look at them helplessly.

Cerberus panted expectantly, the tiny red ball in pieces in a puddle of drool at its feet.

"Good boy," Annabeth said, but her voice sounded melancholy and uncertain.

The monster's three heads turned sideways, as if worried about her.

"I'll bring you another ball soon," Annabeth promised faintly. "Would you like that, right?"

The monster whimpered. No one talked about this, none of them needed to speak dog to know Cerberus was still waiting for the ball. Waiting for Annabeth.

 "Good dog. I'll come visit you soon. I—I promise." Annabeth turned to us. "Let's go."

They pushed through the metal detector, which immediately screamed and set off flashing red lights. "Unauthorized possessions! Magic detected!"

 Cerberus started to bark at them in betrayal. 

They had just so many magical items and artifacts with them it was no wonder why that alarm went off. Annabeth had her cherished invisibility cap that she received from her mother, the Goddess of Wisdom. Grover still had the flying shoes that Luke gained from his father, the God of Travelers. Albert was aware of the big ancient tome that once belonged to the great sorceress Circe and now was on his backpack, maybe even his Bow since it once received the blessing of the Sun God, back in the days of the fall of Troy.

He had asked Percy to carry Ares' backpack before they even entered the Underworld, the boy had been confused and mildly displeased since he despised the War God, but he agreed to do it anyway. Albert was the only one who knew that the master bolt would be revealed soon, once the ward on it was lifted. He hoped he would feel the shift in the Mist once the spell broke so he could immediately do something about it.

The kids burst through the EZ DEATH gate, which started even more alarms blaring, and raced into the Underworld. A few minutes later, they found themselves hiding and out of breath, in the rotten trunk of an immense black tree as security ghouls scuttled past, yelling for backup from the Furies.

 Grover murmured, "Well, Percy, what have we learned today?"

"That Annabeth's dad likes Batman and that three-head dogs like rubber balls?" Percy tried tactfully. 

Annabeth sneered at that but could fight off a small smile of her own.

"No!" Grover exclaimed vehemently. "We've learned that your plans really, really bite!"

Percy pretended not to see Annabeth wipe a tear from her cheek as she listened to the mournful keening of Cerberus in the distance, longing for his new friend. Albert noticed this and also felt bad for her. He knew very well, what was like to use trickery and manipulation to get where he wanted to be and most of the time, it didn't bother him, after all, all his big targets had been literal monsters or people who did monstrous things.

Albert knew that despite that, there would be times when he felt like shit and made others feel like shit.

"You can still send him toys, you know?" He suddenly said out loud.

"What do you mean?" Annabeth said surprised while cleaning the tears off her face.

"Hermes delivers in the Underworld too so... you can still keep your world to Cerberus..." Albert paused, seeing the girl looking at him with a usually grateful look that seemed out of character for her, so he turned away and added, "You also might end up coming back here one day the traditional way too, Nerd!"

Grover looked at him like a proud dad, which was also very weird.

Percy's lips curl in a smile. He does have a soft side, he thought. "We should give Albert a nickname too."

"What did say?!" Albert asked in disbelief. "Where are you going with this?"

"Seaweed Brain is right," Annabeth said with a thoughtful and mischievous look, "He gets to call me Blondie or Nerd, he calls you Fishboy and calls Grover Grooves."

"I like Grooves by the way," The young satyr said with a bashful look.

"What is this?" Albert asked with narrowed eyes at them. "A coup d'etat? A mutiny? A rebellion?"

Annabeth shot him a 'seriously?' look. He felt like he had the right to be dramatic.

"How about Albie?" Grover suggested. "It sounds nice."

"Absolutely not!"

"Bertie then?" The girl suggested with a maliciously pleased tone.

"Not if you cherish your life."

"I heard some people at camp call him Prince Charming," Grover commented.

"No, I don't acknowledge that at all!"

"They call him, Pretty Boy and Prissy Boy too, although the latter only Clarisse uses..." The girl tried too.

"Yeah, not happening! Do we really have to do this right now?"

"How about... Al?" Percy suddenly spoke, "It's short and I think it's cool."

Albert noticed that the boy was expecting another rejection from him, but much to his own surprise, he didn't hate that one. Still, he wasn't sure if he wanted to give them the satisfaction so he just shrugged. The three of them noticed quickly he hadn't said anything and understood even faster that he approved that one.

Percy was feeling proud and a bit giddy his suggestion was the one chosen. He even found it amusing how the other boy was silent in response. He got what he wanted. Now, he was back to reality, back to his quest, and he was gonna get what he wanted again.

He was gonna get his mom back.