Chapter 1 The Beginning of an Adventure of a Lifetime

A long, long time ago in a far distant corner of the earth somewhere in Los Angeles a baby man grew into an adult. My name is Dan, "The Dan Stan". I wasn't the ugliest guy in the city nor the prettiest either. I kind of had a skin condition, no wait, I did have one. I was kind of average with above average notions that everyone else lacked. This is my story on how I became rich, kind of rich, you'll see. It all started on an ordinary day, that day turned into an adventure of a lifetime.

I get up from bed on a typical Sunday of boredom as usual. I keep on telling myself, man make some good money and get the hell out of my parents' house. I see my dwarf like brother still sleeping in my parents' bedroom, snoring like a dolphin. Sometimes I just want to make him work for me and, I just chill out. One he lacks the talent and two he's lazier than me. But somehow, he programmed himself to get good grades in college. He barely made it out of high school. What the hell is going on in this world? Don't get me started on my parents. My father yells more than a drill sergeant. At least the drill sergeant gets paid, my father's IQ is on an eight-year-old level. Even worse than him is my mom, who puts up with his BS. Life sucks man, I really must make some money so I can get out. I have more problems than 50 Cent, before he became famous, remember he got shot in the lips?

As I'm walking by my parents' room, my brother springs up from under his covers, and he's completely naked as usual. "What the F…ing, little person are you doing again?" He shows me the middle finger, and runs to the bathroom with his hairy ass hanging in the air. That's our only bathroom, in a one-bedroom condo. Oh, by the way guys, I sleep on a futon that is half retarded. I haven't had a comfortable sleep sense I was an infant. You think I'm joking stop by and I will treat you to a goodnight sleep. Somehow my brother is enjoying all of this luxury and on top of that I have to see my other uncle's family today. They actually think I'm a loser. I'm trying to hide that from the lady's, which I haven't had since my first girlfriend, when she was in high school. Oh, by the way I don't have a job and that's a long story. But I'm working on a revolutionary online shopping experience, it's called "you buy my product, I make the commission". It's going great, thanks for asking. My parents think I should get a dumb county job for like 5 dollars an hour. My father is smart, he is pushing me to work full time so I can get good health insurance. I'm not interested in kissing ass, man!!!

All this thinking while I'm brushing my teeth and my brother is taking a dump. I hope he doesn't end up in the hospital again. He has some type of parasite up his butt. I told him not to eat the same type of junk that I do. But oh well, it's worth it, because he has some type of parasite up his butt. I get a kick out of it, now that I think about it. That's probably the reason he's running naked all of the time.

Brother- "Woooo, you fat ass bitch, I just took a nice dump!!!. Would you like to take witness?"

Dan- "I'm happy it came out this time, last week you were in the hospital, with a filter up your ass. I can see why you're so happy. Congrats bro, you can take a good dump finally."

"F… u Bobby!!!!" As he smiled with such, I don't even want to describe that face.

Dan- Finally my turn, and I can't even go into that stank fest. Oh, you Mother…. F.. ing little whore of a person. You didn't flush!!!!

This is my life, and I didn't even get to my father and grandmother.

So, I take a nice shower, come out and look into the mirror. Should I shave or not? F my uncles, let them know how I feel about them. I'll show them I'm not a loser.

My parents, myself and my brother get into our Nissan Altima and my father starts driving.

My immigrant father- "I hope they have good food this time. I need to have good food, drink, and embarrass your brothers."

My immigrant Mother- "You will not embarrass me like that again. Or else I will leave you again."

My mom would not know how to leave a dog let alone my father. Empty threats after empty threats, oh boy someone just get rid of him once and for all.

Father- "I do what I want, you have no say in it beach!!!"

Mother- "Stop the car I want to go back home, now."

Father- "I sorry, very sorry. Please I want to eat and drink. I do anything for you, please honey, you not beach you nice woman, please forgive."

Mother- "Ok, ok, you sweet man, but you better behave or else."

Every freaking time the same thing over and over again. I should not have saved any of my money when I had the chance, I should've used it to move out. Instead, I lost it all on the stock market.

My brother is singing again, "oops I did it again". I know that he is gay, I just hope he realizes it before he gets married to a woman. Another Freaking mess waiting to happen.

As we pull up to my uncles place by the beach, not really maybe 10 minutes of distance. I see my doctor uncle and his family pulling in with their pre-ass. They are all eco-friendly, and rich wannabe. Did I tell you they live on top of a hill in a small house overlooking trees? 1. Something million dollars at the time could've bought them a mansion in a decent area, but all doctors must live near the beach or something like that. The fresh air is supposed to clean their BS out after speaking to their patients. Don't get me started on that topic. My fake smile goes up, like I give a shit or care to see them.

Second Uncle- "Hey guys how are you?"

Father- "Good, we are all great, and ready to eat some good food."

My father's face lights up as my uncle utters these words.

My father who lives in one bedroom with 2 kids utters: "This week was a great week, almost make a million"

I could see the faces of all people present at the table. Sad, happy and some ready to fight. I kid you not he is a taxi driver. Not really a good one at all. Good and smart taxi drivers try to expand the business by investing back in and buying more taxi's. The only reinvestment my father does is into vodka and penny slot machines. I was like damn, not another dumb ass comment from a man who shops at Ross. All of a sudden my uncle's cat pops out of nowhere. It startled me and I hear in an Italian voice, "heyyyy you like pussy man?" At the time I hadn't realized who said that.

Dan- "I yelled out, who told you I was gay? I didn't gay, I do like, love pussy"

I can see all of the faces at the table in shock and some of my family members started to laugh, and some frown, and my father was like, "pussy, what is pussy"?