Chapter Thirteen

I wondered where Theodore was the next day. I sat in the bedroom, occasionally lifting my head from the book I was reading to look out the window and watch Gaelle pluck some herbs from the garden before disappearing back inside.

The book was an encyclopedia of some kind. There were paragraphs of tiny writing explaining specific magical concepts and theories that I didn't understand. My favourite parts were the pictures, hand-drawn interpretations of particular creatures and animals. The monsters in the book were all things I've been taught were fairy-tales. It claimed unicorns were found deep in enchanted forests; dragons use to roam the earth freely but most currently live in a sanctuary in Romanian mountain ranges; out West, there was a village ruled by cats. It told me how there were different branches of elves, some being these great cultured beings that lived for thousands of years, while others were short little stubby things known for pinching coins or stealing food scraps. It told me the monsters in my closet were both real and fake, mere illusions sent by faeries to prevent sleep, but that animals like Griffins were the equivalent to our version of dinosaurs; they existed once but died long ago.

I stared at a picture of a Brownie; the little creature stood by a screwdriver to demonstrate how small it was; in its hands were some marshmallows, which it struggled to carry more than five. I turned the page to fairies. They were the only images with colour since colour seemed important in dictating what type of fairy they were.

"They can never get my colour right," someone said.

I lifted my eyes from the orange fairy to see Aerwyna floating above the book. "My blue is nowhere near that teal," she commented, floating inside the room and sitting on the pillow of the bed. I looked at the image she was talking about. It was a remarkable similarity, but she was correct; the author made her flowery dress greener than it should've been.

"You're a Sparkle Fairy?" I asked.

Aerwyna nodded as she flicked her fingers in the air, sparking light blue sparkles. "In training," she informed.

"What do Sparkle Fairies do?" I asked.

"Not much," Aerwyna confessed, "We look pretty, though." She sat up and crossed her legs. "How is Theodore?" she asked.

I shrugged, "Apparently fine. We're not doing anything today, apparently."

Aerwyna nodded, "Are you okay?"

I nodded, "Better than yesterday." I looked outside for the other fairies. I felt a little uneasy when I couldn't find them. "Where are the other ones?"

Aerwyna shrugged, "Probably in the woods somewhere. They don't feel welcomed here at the moment."

I raised an eyebrow, "But you do?"

Aerwyna laid back down on the pillow; she looked like a small doll. "I couldn't care less if I was welcomed or not. Fairies wouldn't be welcomed anywhere if we followed those rules."

"Are you older than the other fairies?" I asked.

"I am twenty-three human years old," Aerwyna informed.

"When do you mature?" I wondered, scanning the fairy page for an answer.

"It varies. But on average, we begin to mature at fifty, and fully mature at around one-hundred and thirty." She said this so casually, like it was nothing but a blink of the eye.

I ran my fingers over the paper and thought, "Did you ever meet Eloise?" I asked.

Aerwyna nodded, "Yep. She left out milk for us."

"Do you know if she kept a diary?" I wondered if the book belonged to Eloise, the one I could not open.

"isn't that something you humans do?" She inquired, "Keep diaries and stuff to maintain your sanity or something like that?"

"I've never had one," I remarked.

"Why do you ask?"

I closed the encyclopedia and went to the desk. I tried to crack the bronze lock on the book the past week, determined to open it without Theodore's aid. I showed it to Aerwyna, who examined it with curiosity. "Ooaa, I like this," she said, running her tiny fingers over the vine-like bronze.

"It's locked," I informed, "And I don't know how to unlock it."

"Oh, that's easy," Aerwyna stated, her wings perking up.

I widened my eyes, "Wait, you know how to open it?"

"Well, I know how to make it tell you how to open it," she informed, "Can you dim the room at all?"

I closed the door, went to the window and closed the curtains, sending the room into as much darkness as the middle of the day allowed. Aerwyna glowed a soft blue in the lack of light. I sat on my legs as I watched Aerwyna run her fingertips over the lock. "This is an enchanted book," she explained, "Sometimes charmed books require certain lights to see their secrets." She clapped her hands together and summoned a small blue Light. She just held it, though, floating over the book and shining the light on specific sections of the leather.

At first, there was no difference, but in quick passing, I saw something gold. "Can you shine your light here?" I pointed to the centre of the bottom.

Aerwyna obeyed, shining her light there and noticed the gold, glittery letters:

Property of: ELOISE STROUD

I gasped, running my fingers over the name but feeling no indication it was there. "Do you know how to open it?"

Aerwyna raised an eyebrow, "What do you take me for?" She lingered over the centre of the bronze vine lock and eased her ball of light into its unknown mechanism. All gaps in the lock glowed blue and spread across the leather cover of the book. We both had to look away, covering our eyes until it gradually died down.

There was a click, and all the vines retracted, the centre seal spinning counter-clockwise as it sucked up all the bronze. Soon, the book was just a leather cover with a patterned spiral circle in its centre.

I lifted the thick cover, satisfied that the pages could now separate and be read.

I opened the curtains to let the light in again and placed the book on my lap. Aerwyna opted to sit on the window sill, soaking in the sun as she watched me open the book. I had expected there to be pages of words, handwritten or typed I didn't care, but all the pages were blank. I flicked through the book, searching for a sketch, some writing, or a date, but all the pages were coffee-stained sketch papers.

I slumped against my pillow and pouted. "This is disappointing…"

Aerwyna blinked. "Try summoning a light again."

I widened my eyes, "Did you forget what happened yesterday?"

Aerwyna held her hands up in surrender, "I promise I will help you in absolutely no way." She flew before me and demonstrated her technique to summon light. "Try maintaining a small one, so hands close."

I sighed.

"I promise to stop you if it goes wrong. Sometimes people write in special ink or paper where they can only be read in certain lights. The lock was like that; why not paper?" Aerwyna explained.

I bit the inside of my cheek, hoping this wasn't another bout of unintentional misfortune. But the curiosity ate away at me, so I tried summing light again.

It was surprisingly easier to create this time around. The small ball formed in my hands, flickering occasionally, but soon it was solid. Aerwyna clapped her hands. "You did it."

I eased my focus, and the light remained. When I got excited, it got brighter. Frightened, I forced myself to calm down. I sighed, "Okay…" I reopened the book and shined the light on the old pages. Line after line of writing formed, at the start of the paper, it was written in fat printed letters, the author perhaps younger than myself, but as I flicked through the pages, I watched the writing become cursive, mature to a lovely handwriting style.

I

also noticed was the book was bigger than I thought. I thought it was a three-hundred-page journal, but I continued to get to the back of the book, only to find more pages, and more, and more, and more. "How is it doing that?" I asked.

"Perhaps an enchantment," Aerwyna suggested. She didn't sound very sure.

I went back to the front of the book, noting the printed, heavy-handed letters on the page.

'To keep a journal, or not keep a journal, that is the question, maybe it's worth a shot to try, to try to exist in something other than a memory.

I can actually draw pictures in this book and not feel weird about it. I kinda like writing on blank paper; somehow, it feels more natural to write about stuff when there aren't lines to restrict me.

A lot has happened lately, though. Too much to explain now, but I got recruited by a man called Theodore Doldrum. He says he's a mage! I thought mages only existed in fairy-tales and storybooks, but he's shown me magic and strange creatures. He's taken me all the to England with nothing more than a salt circle.

I knew magic existed. The other kids are going to be so jealous when I tell them about this…'

Once I started reading, I couldn't stop myself. Entry after entry of Eloise's most profound thoughts when she was ten years old. She spoke about her lessons and what she had learnt that day. At first, she was very consistent with her entries, making one every day throughout Summer and Autumn, but they gradually became less, perhaps a few times a week. But Eloise wrote in vivid details, describing the motherly figure Gaelle had become for her and how Theodor was a strange presence to be around.

'He seems to want to please me while also telling me what to do. He seems very new to this whole apprentice idea, but I like to think he's enjoying himself as much as me! He's not very chatty, though, which I don't like. He always sends me to the opposite side of the table when we eat. Today I surprised him and sat beside him. It was awkward at first but talking to him was fun!'

She commented on the locals and even mentioned Talia, describing her as a burlesque dancer. Four months into her apprenticeship, she got very sick. Her handwriting became messier during this time. The letters had been pressed hard against the paper. I could see where the pencil had snapped.

'I've done something wrong.

Magic fatigue, as Theodore says. It happens when I overuse my magic before I'm ready.

It makes me sad how he doesn't seem to care that I'm sick. All I've seen is Gaelle for the past four days. I want Theodore.'

'He finally came to visit me today. He apologised and gave me some strange excuses, but I was just happy to have his company. (Although I don't know if he likes mine). I WISH HE WOULD SMILE!!! I'd imagine he would have a lovely smile, but he always looks so glum.

When I stole his hat, he almost cracked a smile but took it back and read me a story. He has a lovely story-telling voice.'

It was strange reading about Theodore and how he acted. Eloise complained several times that he never smiled, or wanted to talk to her, or told her about himself. Some days she seemed overwhelmingly happy that she was a mage's apprentice, but other days the idea of it alone made her sad. She found out she was a Factorum Magica months later and felt so betrayed by having it kept a secret she had tried to run away.

But each time she tried to, Theodore always brought her back. It was the only time she could ever get him to worry about her, the only time she described him as having an emotion; panic.

'Theodore and I came to a deal today. I would stop trying to run away if he, in return, worked harder to be nice.

He keeps calling me hatchling or talking about me in the third person. Like 'Wait, what do humans do?' 'Why are you humans so needy?' 'Is this a human thing?'

He doesn't seem too sure about being a human, which is strange since he's disguised himself as one. If I were to hide as anything other than me, I would be a butterfly, or maybe a fairy! I don't know what he disguises himself or what he's trying to hide from me, but I'm determined to make the sad man smile. Even if it kills me.'

Someone knocked on the door, taking me out of my reading trance and noticing the sun had already gone down outside. Aerwyna was asleep amongst the blankets.

"Just one moment!" I called, shuffling around my sheets to hide the book and Aerwyna, who woke with a start when I started wrapping her in a blanket. Gaelle slowly opened the door just as I planted my feet on the ground. "Hi, Gaelle."

She nodded her head to me as she walked over to the desk, placing down a silver tray with dinner on it. I looked outside, seeing just the very edges of the sun disappearing behind the horizon. "Isn't it early for dinner?" I asked.

I still hadn't quite grasped the silent language of Gaelle, but she offered me a brief, tired look as she gave me a smile. Despite her elegant appearance and apparent deliberate care of her hair, she looked utterly exhausted.

I nodded, "Okay." I hopped off my bed and sat at my desk, Gaelle pouring some milk into a glass before placing it on the desk and bowing before leaving. "Is Theodore any better?"

She offered a 'sort of gesture as she stood at the doorway. "Where is Theodore?" I asked.

She stepped away from the door and motioned for the black door across the hallway from me. I got up from my desk and approached the door. I hadn't taken much notice of it since I arrived at the cottage. When I came too close, Gaelle rested her hand on the doorknob, preventing me from going in. I found an understanding and nodded, "Okay…" I turned on my heels and returned to my doorway, "Are you taking care of yourself, Gaelle? You look tired."

Gaelle grinned, assuring me with a single expression she was tired but well.

It was infectious, so I smiled back. "Thank you for taking care of us, Gaelle," I expressed, "You're the best."

Gaelle maintained her smile a moment longer before returning to her neutral expression and descending silently down the stairs.

When I went back into the bedroom, Aerwyna had untangled herself and was examining my food. "I don't understand how humans eat so much," she stated, poking at a dinner roll that was almost her size.

"If you were as big as me, I'd think you'd eat this much," I replied, sitting at the desk.

She gagged, "I don't like human food. Most of it is too chewy."

"Would you like the milk then?" I offered, "I know people give it as offerings or something to fairies."

"One small bowl satisfies like twelve fairies," Aerwyna explained, "I'll be fine."

Aerwyna stayed awake for the rest of the afternoon and into the evening. Stating she was a primarily nocturnal creature and felt more invigorated when surrounded by starlight.

"Are all fairies like that?" I asked as she flew around the space outside my window.

"Do all humans stay awake during the day?" Aerwyna countered.

I felt foolish thinking Aerwyna's habits were strange when other fairies may very well do the same thing. "You're still a kid… in fairy terms, right?" I laid my head against my arms on the window sill.

Aerwyna shrugged, "I suppose."

"Are you scared of growing up?" I asked, "Of becoming a fairy or a faerie?"

Aerwyna stopped her fluttering about, and considered this. "I'm more scared of being who I'm not than who I'm going to be," she stated. "We're taught early on that neither outcomes are bad, but if we force ourselves to act like we're when we're naturally the other, we'll be cursed with a life full of missed opportunities and unhappiness. And we live for a long time. It's not worth fearing what we'll become in the long run."

"What do you think you'll become?" I wondered. None of Aerwyna's actions made me lean one way or the other. Perhaps she'd sleep through her maturity and stay as a young fairy.

Aerwyna shrugged, "It doesn't matter what I think. It's gonna happen regardless. I just need to be prepared for either outcome." She tilted her head at me, "Are you scared of growing up?"

I pondered the question longer than I probably should have. For the first time in a while, I seemed to have a future or a pathway that I could passively follow, but where did it lead? Did it lead anywhere? Did I care where it went?

I opened and closed my hands and shrugged. "I'm more scared of what I don't know," I informed, "You know what's going to happen. You'll turn into a fairy or a faerie. Either way, you would have a plan. But my whole life, I've had other people tell me that I either wouldn't have to worry about it or that I didn't have any. I guess Theodore has given me an opportunity, but I'm terrified that I'll muck it up or that I won't be able to do it…"

Aerwyna frowned, floating before my eyes as I spoke. "This is all just so… ridiculously new to me. I don't know what any of this could mean." I chuckled, finding a sudden strange thought funny, "I'm almost jealous of you guys."

Aerwyna smirked as she tapped me on the nose. "We're not something to be jealous of," she informed. She seemed to have an idea. Aerwyna soared high into the sky and dived down her body, blurring and becoming nothing more than a trail of blue sparkles. When she flew further out into the distance, she morphed amongst the stars.

She didn't come back.

I delayed for ten minutes, waiting in the cold night air for when she came back before closing the window and locking it. I considered reading more of Eloise's journal, but my eyes were sore, and I felt I couldn't understand another word.

I replaced the book in the bookcase and started getting ready for bed, the white nightgown warm against my skin. I cocooned myself in the blankets but stared with wide eyes at the moon out the window. Just as my eyes started drooping close.

Tap, tap, tap!

It had become annoying how often people woke me up. When I opened my eyes, Aerwyna was knocking on the glass. Still half-asleep, I sat up and opened the window. Once I had, I laid back down, covering my head with a pillow to fall back into my slumber. But Aerwyna didn't sleep on the window sill or on one of my other pillows. She tugged on my nightgown sleeve. "Anya… wake up…" she tweeted gently.

I groaned as I sat up, wincing at how bright Aerwyna was in the dark. "Welcome back. What do you want?"

"Why don't we go for a midnight walk?" Aerwyna suggested. "There's a nice forest nearby."

I blinked away my drowsiness. "But it's nighttime…" I weakly said as I held Aerwyna in my hands.

"Come on! I want to show you something," Aerwyna whined. She started pulling on my thumbs, "Just for a little bit. Take a walk, tire yourself out a little, have a relaxing time and sleep even better."

I rubbed my eye and yawned, "I was asleep until you woke me…"

She ignored my tiredness to fly at eye level and exclaimed, "Let's go!"

I sighed as I looked out the window to see the field they showed me a week ago and the forest that was just beyond it.

I snuck down the stairs again, quietly turning the doorknob and cautiously closing it behind me. I remembered to wear shoes this time, putting on my regular lace-ups. I had taken my blue coat Isabella had made me, placing it over my shoulders as the night air chilled me. I was grateful for its windbreaker material.

Aerwyna waited by the front door until I buttoned up my coat. By now, I was alert and searching the grounds for Theodore or Gaelle. We were alone in the front garden.

Without warning, Aerwyna started zipping through the air, her trail of sparkles being the only way I could follow her in the dark. I had to jog after her, clutching the cap's flapping fabric to my arms as I ran.

*

"What a blissful child…" I mused aloud, watching Anya run after the blue fairy. "I suppose to takes humans a few times to learn." I felt Gaelle's invisible presence reveal itself. In the moonlight, she held my coat, ready to help me into it. I held my arms out, my sore one a bit more of a strain for my frail frame. "I'll be back shortly, Gaelle. Perhaps some lavender tea when I return." I straightened the collar of my coat and stalked down the stairs.