Toward Gods

The familiar reconcile door fills my sight. I stand up without any knife stuck in my chest or a hint of pain that should be there.

Behind the hallway's windows is a blue sky I've seen in the past. the same shapes of cloud and the same hue of blue.

Sohee looks at me as if confused...but soon she chuckles, "oh, Sunbae, it's just you being nervous after all." Her cheek relaxes, "It can't be helped, you have to make the most first impression on the girls, anyway. I can imagine the pressure."

I hope the problem is simple as that but the pressure is a lot heavier than you think. It was a pressure where you died twice, then slowly gained your breath. Soon you would die again only for it to repeat. So it seems to look like to me.

Sohee walks past me and opens the door. Noticing me standing idle (still mesmerized by this whole situation,) she turns around invitingly, "Let's just get on with it."

Right, sure. I follow her blankly.

And when I enter the room, before my eyes is the same scene:

Mei looks at me with wide eyes.

Shizuka is typing on her keyboard.

Carrie pushing buttons with her fingers.

And Claire sleeping on the desk or at least tries to.

I take a seat. The cushion feels like an ass this time.

"So? Who's he?" asks Shizuka again.

Sohee sighs, "first, I want you all to stop whatever you're doing and listen…"

Our introduction replays but I keep on getting distracted. Don't blame me for trying to make sense YOLO is not even real now. Sohee would check on me if I didn't pay attention, whispering I should make a mental note. I don't need to. I've seen all of this once. Time feels faster.

Finally, Claire bangs the door and Carrie complains and talks behind the possible crime syndicate's daughter.

The only change this time is they don't have to explain what Claire meant by toilet. Only because I don't bother to ask.

Hold up...

Will that get me killed?

What does She want from me anyway?

Sohee tugs my sleeve, "Sunbae? You're spacing out again…Sunbae? Should we go to the nurse? You look really pale."

Just then I realize I am sweating. Despite that, I give Sohee a reassuring smile, "I'm okay." It's just that I am thinking…

Can I die?

Or will I have to experience the pain of dying again and again?

A look of concern crosses Sohee's face. Then she shakes it away, keeping it 'bussiness-like' and starts as she turns to the girls, "so if everyone is all right, we should be able to start our recognition session now."

Recognition session. The last time I reached this point, I refused to be their tutor and walked out of the school, met Life and Death who claimed to be one and assassinated me.

Sending me back here.

Now I remember about it. The nurse, or she called herself Death, says I can meet her at the school's infirmary. The Death who kissed me to lessen my pain is waiting there for my questions. Great, I have a million for her.

The girls look at me, ready for my answer.

Huh,

I can answer the opposite from the last time--'I guess I'd like to be your tutor'--but then what? Wait for one of the girls to start noticing I can't teach them, calls me a fraud, and makes me squirming around the chaos? Or maybe that wouldn't happen, instead, when I have to leave school, Life stabs me again. Because I have chosen something not of their liking.

But then again She will stab me again if I follow the last route.

...

If you realized, great! Life and Death is the boss here.

I have to ask what they want from me. Because I'm dying clueless now, and if only the word 'dying' was actually death but dying by Her hand is to live again. I'm like that one part-timer who stands blankly, awaiting order. What should I do now, boss? I need a specification from Her who put me into this situation so suddenly goddamit.

I stand up, confusing the girls, and say to Sohee, "I have to use the toilet."

Shizuka asks playfully, "we have two definitions of toilet here."

"The one not Claire uses."

Shizuka tilts her head, "hm, weird, as if you get it?"

Oh yeah, we've never talked about the toilet Claire used then in this timeline. For me to reply to her like that makes me seem to know about their norms when I shouldn't. Will this get me killed? God, if only I knew the fuck I suppose to do now.

She eyes me suspiciously but seconds later brushes it off.

I give Sohee a look of everything will be fine and say, "I will be back shortly."

My mouth is ticklish then, using the word 'shortly'--a term of time when I absolutely confuse how time is supposed to work now.

Sohee nods, "I'll be waiting," then I walk out of the room.

The hallway stretches along with loneliness. When I advance, there are no footsteps.

I stop and find myself stuck--I don't know this school. I look around and a ponytail girl comes in view.

She's holding a pile of papers when I stop her, "excuse me, but where's the infirmary?"

The girl jumps a bit hearing my approach and then studies me from down and up.

Ah, I see here. This's an all-girls school, so seeing me could be a little weird. I feel younger in this body...so she must have thought I'm the same age as her. But my attire should give her enough dots to connect.

She asks, "you're a teacher?"

"Not so, but I guess I'm going to be equivalent to that."

"That's so. Wait, you came from that corridor…" her eyes widen, "ah, I'm sorry! You should be the new tutor."

She tries to bow but when the papers shake, she pulls herself slowly. "Er, what is it you ask again? Oh, the infirmary? It's down the first floor--just use those stairs down...and go right."

I bow slightly, "thank you."

"No problem, now if you excuse me."

Then she takes off, not looking back at me anymore. Also means not realizing that something falls out of her skirt's pocket.

It's a box of play cards.

I could shout to inform her--I do own her, but let's get real here, I have a life and death matter to attend to--literally. The more time wasted the more likely I will get killed again.

I shrug the guilt off, use the stairs to climb down for five minutes (what a big school), and a minute walk to finally standing in front of the infirmary room. If I'm to recap what I see around the school, it's like a mansion with only your grandparents in it. The silence is always present. You could even hear your own footsteps and heartbeat as you walk down a corridor.