Thudthudthudthud (Mei)
Thudthudthudthudthud…
My heart is bursting.
I don't know know if I can keep this up.
I don't know how long can I keep running.
I don't know who's behind me.
I don't know why no one is here to help.
I don't know where to go.
I don't know if I'm still running.
I don't know if I'm still alive.
But what I know is, if I stop, If I hesitate again, if I'm being weak again, if I'm standing in hopeless again, I will die.
The wind blows my face cold. My cheek are freezing. But my body is burning. Please, just stop. Whoever you are, whoever is behind me, please. Just stop scaring me.
Why is he chasing me?
He wants to hurt me.
Why does he want to hurt me?
I don't know.
Maybe it's just because I'm too defenceless in people eyes.
His footsteps coming closer.
The predator had always been good at chasing prey.
But that wouldn't stop me.
Until I feel safe I wouldn't stop running. I don't care where will I end up or who will I meet.
It's the when matters.
Which one of us stops first...
I run and he chase.
I turn and he turn.
He's closing.
I turn left and he turn left.
I could feel the shaking. I can hear my heart trembles.
I can hear the car engine.
I see hopes. Maybe sister Tammy is around the corner. Maybe it's sister Tammy's car.
But I quickly realize…
The car sounds different from sister Tammy's. It's someone else. And it's coming closer.
My chest sinks, almost anchor me to stop.
I trip.
The rock laughs.
And the road licks my arms to red.
It hurts. Please help me, someone. It hurts. It hurtsss.
My forehead on the road.
Please. End this nghtmare.
Someone.
"Run."
A voice whispers.
But no one is around. I couldn't feel any warmth from the woman's voice. It's as if it comes from my mind. Or the wind. Or the sky.
Whoever and wherever is she, it's the true.
I need--
I tear my forehead off the begging and push myself with my weak arms. And then I start to
Run
The man is closer.
My heart cries…stooopppp!
I will dieeee! I want to stop!
But it doesn't know better.
I will keep running even if it would cost my heart.
"You will be strong right?"
I nod…
Dropping blue blood from my eyes.
I will be strong.
My body twitches from the sudden cold.
Even the weather tries to stop me.
I have promised Sohee I will be strong no matter I am and no matter what comes because that is good. What Sohee says always has been good.
She's a god.
But I'm starting to feel hate for her.
She thinks school's business is more important than me.
If she's a god then why is she not helping me now.
But the hate dies.
She didn't know.
She's only human.
God is never busy.
And also,
It's my fault, I lie.
So it's all right, I have to do this alone.
I should stop depending on other to protect me.
I smile.
Running this far and long but still keeping some distance from the predator for hour now, is a proof. I am strong.
I can be stronger.
I can survive on my ow--
The gravity pulls me.
And smack me on a dirt.
The dirt is soft and wet.
And dirty. Haha...
And sticky.
What makes it muddy? Is it my tears?
My eyes are burning.
Ah--now I'm thinking about it…the blue blood was never my tears. My eyes had burned all the tears.
It's raining.
How dark the world is now.
I can't even see anyone or any place.
I'm stranded in the darkness of hopeless and sadness and stupidness.
That day was raining too.
That day was painful too.
But that day I didn't try to run.
I let it happen.
I let him.
But today was different.
I try to get up but I slip again.
I try to get up and slip again.
It's not the wet dirt or the puddy.
My legs has stop.
It can't hear me anymore.
My heart sigh a relief.
I couldn't run anymore.
What should I do?
"Do you want to die?" The female voice comes again.
I reply, "no."
"Then if you can't run what should you do?"
"I don't know."
The voice laughs--or rather, voices. There are two kind of voice. But both of them are still female. I like their voice, it soothes me.
"We already have this conversation for ten hundred times--congratulation, Mei Luis."
Then the other sneeze, "anyway, if you can't run then fight. Simple as that, Mei."
I ask the voice but to ensure they could hear it I shout, "help me!"
The giggled like ones you could hear in witches movie.
"I'm afraid--that's not our job anymore."
"Rejoice, Mei. A savior has come. He will help you."
"But you have to let him fuck you!"
They laugh.
Help me.
A squishy step.
The man is behind me now. He manages to chase me. All that running, is it all for nothing?
I turn around.
If I can't run I will fight.
I grip my fist.
Even if It's a weak punch.
I can fight.
The man stares at me…he is with only an ear.
I can fight…I show him that.
I'm not going to let this happen as last time.
The man smirks, the rains makes him cry. Of joy.
I can fight.
The man steps closer.
Showing his shadowy hand.
Pushing his bigger hand.
"I wouldn't let you!"
------
I throw him a punch.
-----
Twack.
----
The man groans.
----
Thump.
The man fell down and slides around the mud.
It wasn't me…
My fist never landed on anything but air.
I look around the rain to see.
And then a person is there looking down at the man. This person wears a dark hoodie and I couldn't decide whetever to call him he or she.
But when I see her shiny fist I can tell she's a girl.
Her eyes land on me--her eyes of black. Her eyes of shock.
I recognize her from somewhere...
"You're welcome I guess." Her red lips clamps.
Who is she? I can feel the name around my mouth.
And why does her face makes me sleepy.
"Just drop it down."
My eyes are heavier as her voice goes around my head.
"You're save here."
"Mei."
It's cold.
Where am I? What happen?
The unfamiliar scene makes me jumpy.
I hit the ceiling.
Ouch ouch...
And that's when everything returns to me.
…
But I rather not think about it again.
…
I should return home.
…
I move my legs. Ah--they're fine now.
I feel myself out from the strange tight tunnel.
And find myself in the middle of a park.
The evening died.
And sister Tammy should be worry that I still yet to come home.
And she'd also be worry if she sees this scar and all.
…
I have to hide all of this.
I don't want to be a burden.
Anymore.
No matter what happen.
Because today is a proof.
I am strong.
I'm too can hurt other people.