16

I tell Tyler to take me home, because I do not want to be around the other one, even though it really irked me to be around him.

I knew that Kim was going to be very pissed about what I had said on the table and for some reason, I did not want to be at the reason end of that side of him at the moment, I already felt emotionally battered by staying next to Dana all day.

The ride home in Tyler's truck, which was always shockingly surprising that he adored it very much as it all but strongly clashed with his 'extravagant' persona, was silent.

None of us said a word to each other, and no one even tried to bring up a topic.Its just the radio bringing out some old tunes that I had never come across before filling the air around us.

When we reach my house, I readily hold my journal that I had taken from school to draw on it if I got bored and open the door to leave before I feel warm hands wrap around my arm "Lily, could we talk?"

I pause, not sure if I wanted to do that and turn, coming face to face with his worried look "Dana told me you were sick... I feel so bad, I had no idea"

Of course you wouldn't, your tongue was down her throat.

Yet, I just shrug, knowing deep down that even if he had known, he would not have come, and that hurt me really really bad "It was your party.... Um, congratulations on the win anyway"

I turn to leave again but his grip on me tightens more "Could we atleast talk?"

"That's what we're doing" I say with a sigh.

"No, no you're mad at me and snapping" He replies "The only time you seem to have wanted me was when that new kid got into the cafeteria.... It was like you wanted me to protect you from him"

"Maybe I did" I snap and then to him "Because I don't know, you haven't been doing your job lately but who cares cause I've been sucking up in mine too so big deal"

He bites into his lip "Can we go in atleast? It's freezing here"

I know deep down that if he goes in, whatever he would say, I would believe it, I would swallow it and accept it like some sort of holy doctrine, I would tell myself that they were drunk and they could not possibly remember or been in consent...

Even though I remembered it..

Even though everytime I look at his lips, I see them kissing, acting like I wasn't back existing....

The whole thought of it being that they could do it when I was around made me feel sick when I thought of what they could have done when I was gone....

I sigh after a while and say "Let's go in then"

Before he can say anything else, I tug my hand out of his grasp, open the door and walk out of it, heading into the house.

He follows in a minute later as I walk into the kitchen, and begin to boil water for coffee.

I can hear him walk in too "Would you like a mug?"

"I would but I don't really know how long I would be staying"

I scoff "Well then get to the part were you want us talking then"

He sighs now "I wanted to talk about this in school but you know how the twins get when we fight. They think we do it to act like relationships suck and we don't want them dating"

I don't try to rebuff him, just stare at the kettle, begging it to boil faster mentally before I feel arms wrap around my waist and pull me into his body and it's like the whole intense knot that had been wrapping up in my stomach just loosened on its own.

I make low hisses at the warmth of him around me, his vanilla scent making me feel drowsy, in a good way as he says "I don't like you mad at me, it means I don't get kisses that way"

"You... You shouldn't say that... When we aren't on good terms"I stutter, reluctantly getting nysf out if his grasp.

When I have turned around, and face his sparkling eyes as I stare into the abyss of them "What really happened at the party? Would you be honest with me?"

He does not say anything, just states at me for a while and says "Dana and I made out"

Even though it was not new information, I felt my chest construct at the pain coming from the full impact of those words and I gasp and move out of his arms.

He tries to take me back but I move further away.

The tears I had managed to suck up all day began to pour out like streams as I just let out a guttural scream, me bending over with my head down as I put my hand in my knees.

It hurt, hurt, hurt....

Like lava was being forced down my throat, like I was too swallow it, and accept it as water...

The fact that it had really happened make the voices in my head began to nip violently at me.

How could you have thought that everything was going to be okay?

That you were supposed to have died but you didn't, yet everyone was acting like you weren't actually alive and ignoring the fact that you were here..

Breathing....

Feeling...

"It was a mistake" He says from where he was "You know I can't do that to you, she's your best friend...."

"It's not the first time is it?"

My eyes hurt from the crying, and my nose is already blocked as I try to sniff in and look up at him "It wasn't.... There were other times ..."

"Lily...."

"Don't fucking lie to me!" I yell "You have already hurt me, don't.... Don't try to elongate it.... Spill it"

"We haven't before" He says his voice deep and audible, filled with raw hurt "I won't cheat on you on purpose.... I have loved you for aa long as I can remember, why would I give that all up for someone I don't really care for? We both know that the only reason I talked to Dana in the first place was because you thought it was going to be better if I was friends with your best friend"

"And you took advantage of that didn't you?" I snarl "Becoming best buddies immediately I am gone. Did you even for once think of checking on me back at that facility? Or write? Or you were too busy with your new found toy?"

"Your father gave an order that I shouldn't be anywhere around you" He says "He had been quite sure then that I had been the reason you used pills then.... I wrote letters everyday... They are all in my locker in school.... Okay yes, I made out with Dana, which was terribly wrong on my path, and whatever I say wull never justify the horror of my actions but there was nothing to it, she's everything that you're not and it would be all hypocritical if I even want her. It would mean that I really do not love you... Which I do, I love you very much"

I stare, my heart already beginning to steady and wanting me to run him and jump into his arms, kiss him, so that he could calm my fears...

Be my peace while I say that I forgive him.

But I also knew that whenever anything involved Tyler, I was very biased.

"Get out" I say.

He stares at me, his eyes wide "Are you....."

"GET OUT!" I scream "Leave me alone! I don't want to talk to you right now!" Then with extra years falling, I put my hand over my face and cover my eyes "Please"