Not So Epic Battle Of Heroes(The End of a Saga)

The graveyard is always cold and silent.

When it rains, the soil becomes damp. I feel it in my coffin. I can't take a breath, I can't risk it. In two months, I'll run out of my lifespan. My wife would then lie here with me, but until then, I'll be wearing a hat while lying here.

Well, in a way, it should be the immortal who's wearing it but still. I'll miss some action.

...

My husband is dead again, sigh, what bad luck. Now, it's my responsibility to deal with my ex. Oh well, he is very pitiful undoubtedly, but I can't pity him right now.

It was my lust that made me start to act this out. Now with my acting, I'll put an end to this as well.

I smear my make-up across my face, stop cultivating and stop eating, to make myself look bedraggled and miserable. Then I dig a hole just like my husband did and jump right in.

But unlike my husband, I release my 'unstable' aura around, waiting for my 'love' to find out his main wife, his last wife from his homeworld like this.

It was a crazy bet. I wasn't confident at all, we had fooled him when he was young, now he should've been a devious old monster but as it turned out, I was worried for nothing.

After his phantom looked around as if searching for someone, he looked in my direction. I felt goosebumps rising on my body, uncomfortable and uneasy.

Just as I blinked my eyes a couple of times, I sensed him hover above the hole I had buried myself in.

His face had a scary fissure in the middle, coagulated blood inside but still, I knew his gaze was full of love. He didn't suspect anything. He was smiling.

"Good to see, you're still here. Where's everyone else?"

I gradually crawled out, tears falling from my face. It was up to him to guess whether it was from joy, fear, or sadness.

"...none of the sisters could hold on, you are late..." I said in a sobbing voice.

Looking at my appearance and hearing my words, his emotions burst forth. Not in the least bit looking like an immortal. Sword aura strong enough to sever the sky in half appeared around him but his face turned even paler, his internal injuries clearly hurting.

"What happened?" He said slowly, touch my face with a shivering hand.

I 'blushed' and lowered my face before sobbing again. Without giving him any chance to make further moves, I whimpered like a little girl and began telling him 'everything' that happened. Even though talking like this did creep me out, it was a part of my performance, and to fool an immortal, even though a dumb one, I needed to put up an immortal act.

I told him I was facing pressure from the inner echelons of the sect and therefore, I subdued the 'loser' that was 'lusting' after me and married him in name to avoid all this trouble.

Then, I had 'his' child, the one that later became the saint and was killed by a 'demon' from the later generation.

Even though there were a lot of discrepancies in my story, like how could I have his child 200 years after he left but it didn't matter. Because by this time, our sect had already been 'diluted' out of existence. Only a few disciples were remaining, and they weren't about to come out of hiding until the sect had no enemies again.

Therefore, hoping that he wouldn't go to extreme lengths to verify my statements I spouted one lie after another, bringing tears to his eyes.

After everything was done, he reached out to hug me sympathetically, but I stepped back and angrily told him to avenge 'our son's death' first.

His eyes shone with a scary glint as he nodded his head and made an oath on his life.

"If I can't avenge my son's death in 3 days, may heavens smite me for a thousand years."

After saying that, he disappeared.

I sat there heaving a sigh of relief as I thought, 'Well, I don't think that oath is valid but I guess it's the thought that matters.'

Finding that dragon-blooded hobo was a tough task, but for a fallen immortal's divine sense, it was only a matter of time.

One day later, he finally found that runt but at the worst possible timing...

The shrimp was going through his immortal ascension. It would've been impossible not to find him with the dark thunderous clouds hovering above his head.

When that idiot felt the hostile aura of the immortal nearing him, he took a grand risk and unleashed an attack while going through his ascension.

And so what I had expected to be a swift killing turned out to be a long-drawn fight between a heavily injured immortal and an evolving lizard.

The heavens were impartial with their punishment and interrupting a cultivator during his ascension was a severe crime. By the time my immortal 'lover' warded off his first attack, he was already facing a wrathful lightning strike.

After 8 such strikes and some minor moves were exchanged, the injuries of both the heroes had built up to the point of no return.

All this time, I had thought my ex-husband was the dumbest person I had ever met but the dumpster boy proved me wrong.

Without even trying to stop the confrontation and ask for a reason, he kept trying to kill the guy. Perhaps, because he lusting after his treasures. Perhaps because he didn't even think.

After all, the brain waves of these two heroes were clearly mind-boggling. I couldn't even get near as I saw two distinct flashes of light clashing with each other in the sky. There was just no way I could miss this.

Alongside me were sect leaders of the major sects and important personnel from various clans around the world. None of them identified me though, for first, I was hiding, and second, the fight in the sky was too intense for all of them to look anywhere else.

Even space was beginning to show cracks near their confrontation.

Now and then, they took heavy breaths, coughed up blood, and shouted out their moves,

"FIRE DRAGON BREATH! BURN!!"

"NINE HEAVENS CHAOTIC SWORD FIRST MOVE: BLOOD ASUNDER!!"

"FIRE DRAGON ULTIMATE MOVE! DARKNESS FALLS"

"NINE HEAVEN CHAOTIC SWORD SECOND MOVE: TEN MILLION SWORD WAVE"

Like many others, I was shocked speechless... idiots if you have the energy to shout your moves out loud why aren't you conserving it for your next move? You're obviously on the verge of death and still, you have time to do all THIS?

Oh well, after a few minutes, I stopped paying attention to their mindset. The world of delusion heroes was far too different from my own.

However, what started to be an epic battle between these heroes soon began to turn anti-climatic. It was just... boring.

The shrimp transformed into a dragon after his ascension and with his evolved body he fought a gruesome battle. On the other hand, my 'love' kept using his quirky sword moves, without much result.

2 days passed like this. Just as they were about to shout their 'ultimate moves' again, a spectator attacked them, to put an end to all this and to profit the most.

Like a switch, everyone else also began to prepare for the sneaky moves.

Both of the heroes were chased away to different ends of the earth.

I chased after the shrimp.

"You jealous bastards, you'll never have MY BLOO–" I pierced him with my sword as he gawked at me.

Everyone around me stopped, threatened by the power I just revealed. I might be old, but this old lady once had the world under the palm of my hands.

I gave him the happiest smile of my life and said sarcastically, "Your mom dead."

Just as he was about to cough blood to recharge himself, I beheaded him.

The wind rose and the sky crackled behind me. Everything was silent. Perhaps, his soul still had a chance of surviving, but I wasn't about to let him.

I burned my origin to put an end to his existence, after all, heroes didn't have a monopoly on determination.

Tired, I turned around and saw a crowd of leaders of major sects and clans kneeling in front of me. Some crying, some asking me to come back, some lowering their heads and shivering.

I shook my head and left quietly. None of them dared to follow me. I had enough of this fake world. I needed rest. Hehe, how ironic.

After that, I 'resurrected' my husband and spent our last few weeks talking and reminiscing. We visited the places we had been to. We repaid our remaining debts to others. We found a few of our old disciples and gave them our remaining treasures with the hope of reviving them...

...and at last, we sat quietly at a calm harbor, thick white clouds over our heads and a clean breeze striking our faces.

Just as we were about to take our last breath, a chicken's cluck interrupted us,

"YOU TWO BASTARDS!! HOW LONG HAS THIS BEEN GOING ON? WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY WIFE!?"

I turned around with a faint smile and answered him before my husband,

"...before I met you, hun. Oh yeah, your other wives had a great time pleasing the entire sect before they went into reincarnation too, hehe."

The color drained from his face as his body shivered. His eyeballs were about to pop out of his sockets. He spurted a few mouthfuls of blood in quick succession as he was about to scream again but couldn't.

I turned to look at my husband. He smiles as well. He was also enjoying this, perhaps much more than me, hehe.

I giggled innocently and stuck my tongue out at my ex-lover, like an innocent maiden I was, and then after the perfect closure, I saw my husband contently close his eyes, still holding my hand and...

I closed my eyes as well... forever.