On the Outside

Lawrence

Emma sat with Lawrence in the vacant Library as they chose classes on their laptops together.

"This class I heard was pretty hard, but it is the only physics class open to students who want the five point scale." Lawrence said as he added the class to his schedule. "You're taking this one too?"

Emma nodded as she tried to find a spot for another class. "I am. The other one is technically only half of the book while this one is the full thing. I don't want half a class."

Lawrence nodded with a smile. He tried to keep the blush from his face. She was Sean's girlfriend, but he couldn't help the crush he had on her. And Emma? She was too good for Sean.

She bit her lip as she selected another class. "I have to take an English class but the one I wanted is full. Should I waitlist?" She didn't look up, hre eyes scrolling through the course catalogue.

"You could, but I would enroll in your second choice class just in case, too." Lawrence said as he finished. "Do you want to grab lunch? We've been here a while already, completing placement tests and such."

"Uh, sure." She said, not taking her eyes off the computer screen. He blinked a few times as he noticed the way she was very obviously controlling her breathing, biting her lips, fidgeting… "Emma, are you alright?"

"Fine, why?" She asked, turning to him. Her voice started to wobble. She smiled, but her blue eyes were filled with liquid almost spilling over.

Something inside of him jumped. Was she really crying? "Hey Emma, you can trust me. We're friends."

She sighed heavily, wiping at her eyes with the back of her sleeve. "It's nothing. Really." Her laugh did not convince him in the slightest.

He glanced at her pointedly before she relented. "I have… I have days where I just don't feel like myself. Some days mark painful anniversaries for me. Things… things that were out of my control happened. I am usually fine, I just… Some days I get like this. But I'm really fine. You'll see, tomorrow I'll be smiling again."

Lawrence's mind flew over the possibilities. One after another. Emma surrendered no information. Was it rude to ask? He was always too blunt. Did she not want to tell him? Was he pushing her like he pushed people again? Was he being insensitive? Instead of prying, could he try to encourage her to either tell him the story or just feel better in some way? "We all have our days," he said, carefully selecting his words, watching her struggle to keep her tears at bay. "It is okay to feel like this. But if you keep pushing on you'll get over the bump."

"It's been years since this happened Lawrence. I— I still can't get over it. I am generally happy. I love to dream of the future. Certain days, this day, I just can't, I can't look ahead when my mind is haunted by what happened." She sighed heavily. "I'm not even hungry."

"Well you should definitely eat something," he said, "Come on, let's head over." He didn't look over his shoulder to see if she was coming. He could hear her near-silent steps in the quiet of the deserted library.

Lawrence could feel his forehead etching with worry. Emma was correct when she said that she was normally a happy person. He hadn't even caught wind of this side of her. Not really. He'd seen her frustrated, dejected, even tired. But this was hopeless and it was scary. He held the door for her as they exited the library and she offered him a small smile. It disappeared however when her phone rang.

"I need to take this. I'll be right back." She said, walking down the path a few steps. He sat down on the stairs, trying not to eavesdrop. It was difficult for him to not poke into other people's lives. He caught her waving an arm in what appeared to be frustration. It was hard to mark her facial expressions in the fog nearly enveloping her a few steps down the pathway.

"I have to go. Sorry." Emma shoved her phone into her pocket, pulling mittens over her fingers. "Thanks for helping me out."

He didn't have a chance to say anything before she all but ran down the path into the fog. He sighed heavily, looking down at his shoes before trudging in the other direction. There wasn't much else for him to do. His friends were all home for the break. Emma was going somewhere. Probably to see Sean. There were council meetings being held soon at the castle which was very close by. It would make sense for Sean to be there as all of the nobles' sons were encouraged to attend so that they could take over office someday.

He wasn't sure if he was more upset that Sean could interrupt Emma's plans at any hour or the fact that he had things like public office handed to him simply for where he was born.

He inhaled a sharp breath as the dining hall came into view. He couldn't do anything about either situation right now, but it was getting increasingly hard to sit back and watch.