Ch 53 Taserface

"So Quill, Gamora and Drax are with daddy dearest, who is not a good guy, and Rocket, Groot and Yondu are captured by Nebula and the Ravagers." Tony summed up.

"Yeah, that sums it all up." Logan said.

"They are in a tight spot." Steve observed.

'My Sweet Lord' started playing on Quill's Walkman as another planet appeared. The ship landed there and a floating device flew out with Quill, Gamora, Drax, Ego and Mantis on it as Ego welcomed them to his world. Quill was shocked that he owned a planet as he said it was no larger than Terra's moon.

"Wow! He has his own planet!" Peter said in awe.

"So he basically created his own planet?" Scott asked.

"He doesn't own a planet." Odinson said.

"He is the planet." Logan said, shocking everyone to an entirely new level.

"He is the planet?" Sam asked and got nods from the three of them.

"So basically, he is walking on himself?" Natasha asked and more nods followed.

"Yeah, he is just that powerful." Benjamin said, "Let's keep watching."

Drax said Ego was humble and he liked it. He too was extraordinarily humble.

Everyone burst out in laughter as Tony said, "And my name is in the dictionary next to humble."

"His name is Ego. What more proof does Drax need?" Pepper said with a laugh.

"That is a beautiful planet though." Bucky said and nods followed.

"Yeah. I'm guessing even bad guys can make some good stuff here and there." Hill said.

Gamora touched the bubble like objects above them and Drax touched one too. It burst into many smaller ones and Drax laughed hysterically.

Everyone laughed again as Rhodes said, "His laugh gets me every time."

Everyone looked around in awe as Ego led them to his palace. There they saw a fountain with many devices resembling fishes. Gamora said he owned a planet and could destroy two dozen spaceships without a suit so what exactly was he. He said he was a Celestial. Quill asked if it was like a god. Ego said with a small 'g' on the days he was feeling as humble as Drax.

"Which is not humble at all." Fury said and laughter followed.

They went inside as he showed them a projection of what looked like a brain. He said he remembered flickering, adrift in the cosmos alone. Over millions of years, he learnt to control the molecules around him and grew smarter and stronger. And then the brain transformed into some kind of planet. He said he continued building from there and turned into the very planet they walked on, awing them as another projection of the now completed planet appeared.

"Damn! That is very, very powerful!" Tony said.

"So now if he turns out to evil, they can't kill him just like that." Hope said.

He said he wanted more as there must be life in the universe beyond him. So he set to finding more life and created what he imagined biological life to be like. And then a projection of his younger human form appeared. Drax asked if he made a penis and Gamora asked what was wrong with him.

"Yeah, what's wrong with him?" Aunt May asked.

"Too literal." Thor reminded everyone.

Drax asked if he was a planet, how could he make a baby with his mother as he would smush her.

"Now I have an image in my head. Oh God!" Scott groaned.

"Trust me, you're not the only one." Hope groaned.

Quill said he didn't need to hear the story and Drax said his father would tell the story of impregnating his mother every winter solstice. Quill said it was disgusting and Drax said it was beautiful.

"The literalness with which he speaks is killing me." Loki said as everyone looked disgusted.

Ego said he had a penis and it wasn't half bad.

"Yeah, now let's move on from the subject." Wanda said.

"That is exactly what I was thinking too, Miss Maximoff." T'Challa agreed with her.

Ego said he also had pain receptors, digestive system and the accompanying junk. He wanted to experience what it truly meant to be human as he journeyed amongst the stars. A projection of him with an alien woman appeared. He said he then truly found what he sought- Life. He wasn't alone in the universe after all. Quill asked when he had met Meredith and he showed them a projection of the two of them together, saying shortly after and with her, he had experienced true love. He called her his river lily.

"He might be a bad guy, but that sounds sweet." Hill commented.

He said from that love, Quill was born and another projection of them was shown with Meredith having a bump this time. The womb glowed, showing the fetus of Quill inside as Ego said when he had heard of a man from Terra who had held an Infinity Stone in his hand without dying, he had realized he must be the son of the woman he loved. He told Quill he had been looking for him for years. Quill asked him if he loved his mother, then why did he leave.

"I wonder what answer he gave." Steve said.

"Some self-righteous bullshit." Logan said.

On the Ravager ship, Groot was locked up in a cage as several of them partied and laughed around him while Yondu was also tied up. Some of them took turns in scaring him with a 'boo.'

"What are they getting by bullying a kid?" Aunt May asked in a dangerously calm voice as everyone glared daggers into the Ravagers and Wanda's eyes even glowed.

"Wanda!" Benjamin said as she looked over at him, "They got theirs! Please calm down!"

She took a deep breath and calmed down, with her eyes returning to their normal color.

"I believe it makes them feel strong." Vision said.

"Bullies." Steve snarled, "That is what bullies do."

Tullk was dragged away as he yelled this was mutiny. They locked him on the other side and threw him out into space where he suffocated. With him were several other men who had already been thrown out.

"They are sick!" Peter said in horror as everyone looked at the scene with disgust and horror in their eyes.

"Mutineers." Bucky snarled.

They dragged another Ravager loyal to Yondu away as he begged him for help. Scarface guy punched Yondu, saying he had killed those men by leading them down the wrong path because he was weak and stupid. He then said it was time for the Ravagers to once again rise to glory with a new captain- Taserface!

Everyone burst out in laughter as Pepper asked, "Taserface? Seriously?"

"Yeah. Looks like it." Fury said.

"Oh no! It's Taserface! He's gonna tase us with his face!" Tony said mockingly and everyone laughed.

"Perhaps he believes he can shoot tasers from his face and is literal like Drax." Loki said.

"But he can't really shoot any tasers." Benjamin said.

"So he is trying to be metaphorical." Loki said, "That is a horrible metaphor."

"And a hilarious name." Odinson said and everyone laughed.

The men cheered but a tied up Rocket laughed behind him. He asked if he shot tasers out of his face. He said it was metaphorical and the men roared in agreement.

"All of you have worse knowledge about metaphors than Drax." Clint said and everyone laughed.

Rocket asked for what and he said for a name that struck fear into the hearts of anyone who heard it. The men started murmuring amongst themselves.

"I think their knowledge of metaphors is improving." Bruce joked and everyone chuckled.

He told Rocket to shut up and walked up to Yondu but Rocket laughed again, saying he kept imagining Taserface waking up in the morning, looking into the mirror, and in all seriousness saying to himself- "You know what would be a really kick-ass name? Taserface!" He then laughed as the some of the Ravagers tried to laugh too but didn't because Taserface was present.

Everyone almost fell out of their chairs due to the laughter.

Rocket said that was how he heard it in his head and asked if his second choice was 'Scrotum Hat.' This time, all the men burst into hysterical laughter too.

The laughter turned more hysterical as Tony said, "I think me and him are going to be best buddies."

"Yeah. You found your new BFF." Pepper agreed.

"I mean, who thinks of Taserface as a cool name?" Scott said as the laughter continued.

"I think 'Scrotum Hat' is actually better because this guy seems to lack brains." Loki said and there was more laughter.

Taserface angrily said they would kill him first but Nebula said they had done enough killing for a day. The Ravagers mumbled as one of them said she was the daughter of Thanos. She pushed a Ravager off. Taserface said he thought she was the biggest sadist in the galaxy. She said that was when daddy was paying her bills but now the Priestess wanted to kill the fox herself and Yondu had bounties on his head in at least 12 Kree provinces. Taserface snarled and she said she was a harder mark than the others. She wanted 10% of the take and a few more things.

"Like?" Tony wondered.

"You'll see." Benjamin said.

Nebula fitted herself with a new cybernetic hand and walked with Kraglin who asked if the Kree would execute Yondu. She said they considered themselves merciful and would give him a quick death as Kraglin winced.

"Having doubts." Rhodes said.

"He is still loyal to Yondu." Steve realized with a smile.

Kraglin showed Nebula an M-Ship and said this was the best they had got with location of Ego's planet on navigation. Once they got paid, they would give her the 10% via wire transfer. He asked what she would do once paid. She said with anger and pain shining in her eyes, "As a child, my father would have Gamora and me battle one another in training. Every time my sister prevailed... my father would replace a piece of me with machinery...claiming he wanted me to be her equal. But she won...again and again, and again, never once refraining. So after I murder my sister...I will buy a warship with every conceivable instrument of death. I will hunt my father like a dog, and I will tear him apart slowly...piece by piece...until he knows some semblance of the profound and unceasing pain...I know every single day."

Everyone's jaws dropped in horror and shock as they looked at Nebula in sympathy and in a new light.

"Thanos did what?" Scott asked with barely restrained rage.

"He is a scumbag." Clint snarled too.

"Yes. That is why she hates both of them." Odinson said sadly, "Because of what Thanos did and in her mind, Gamora let him do it by winning."

"She wanted to win at least sometimes in her life." Tony said sadly.

"But they wouldn't let her." Steve said.

"Fortunately, her life did take a turn for the better a few years later." Logan said cryptically.

Kraglin was horrified and said he meant something like a pretty necklace or a hat which other girls would be jealous of. He then tapped her shoulder and said, "Happy trails."

"So he has seen 'Die Hard.'" Tony said and everyone chuckled.

She cleaned the shoulder where he had tapped it after he walked off and went into the M-Ship.

"And now they will have to deal with her too." Peter sighed.

Quill and Ego stood in front of a statue of Meredith as Quill said she had told everyone his father was from the stars. She had brain cancer so everyone thought she was delusional. Quill told him he had left the most wonderful woman to die alone. Ego explained that if he didn't return to his planet and the light within it, his form would wither and perish. Quill asked why he had sent Yondu instead of fetching him himself and he said he loved Meredith and couldn't bear to step on an Earth where she wasn't living.

"Ah! Emotional blackmail right there to make Quill believe him." Natasha said as everyone glared at Ego.

"Can't wait for someone to knock his ego down by a few pegs." Clint said.

Ego said he couldn't imagine what it felt like and Quill said he could as he had seen her die. Ego said over his millions of years of existence, he had made many mistakes but Quill wasn't one of them. He begged for a chance to be the father she would want him to be as there was so much he wanted to teach him about the planet and the light within. They were a part of Quill. When Quill asked what he meant, he asked him to hold out his hands.

"He is teaching him." Steve realized.

"Teaching him about his powers." Thor said.

"All to gain his trust." Benjamin said.

Quill did and Ego asked him to close his eyes and concentrate on the center of the planet. He did and suddenly, blue light appeared in his hands before vanishing as he looked shocked and Ego looked happy.

"What was that?" Peter asked as everyone watched with wide eyes.

"Celestial power." Odinson told them.

Ego asked him to do it again and he managed to do it and on Ego's command, started shaping it into a ball. Ego then asked him to throw it and he did. Ego caught it and threw it back. With that, they started playing catch.

Everyone watched the scene as Thor said, "So now he is playing with him to make him feel like he has achieved the happiness he desired."

"Being the father Quill always wanted." Loki said.

"Emotional manipulation." Natasha said.

"Yeah. Some are good at it." Benjamin agreed.

Drax and Mantis sat together on the steps of the palace as he asked how she had ended up on this dumb planet and she said Ego had found her in her larva state when she was orphaned on her homeworld and raised her by hand, keeping her as his own.

"So he has groomed her too." Rhodes said in disgust.

"Yeah. Unfortunately." Logan said.

Drax asked if she was a pet and she said she probably was. Drax said people kept cute pets so why would Ego want a hideous one.

"Okay, what?" Aunt May asked, "Hideous?"

"Drax is the strangest person in space." Peter said.

Mantis was shocked that she was hideous and Drax she was horrifying to look at but said it was a good thing. "When you're ugly, and someone loves you...you know they love you for who you are. Beautiful people never know who to trust." Drax told her.

"Those are wise words." Steve said as everyone was impressed by him.

"Yeah." Wanda said.

"And that means no one in this room can trust each other." Tony said and everyone laughed.

Mantis said then she was grateful to be ugly. Drax pointed at some pools and said they reminded him of the time he had taken his daughter to the forgotten lakes of his homeworld. He told Mantis she was like her. Mantis innocently asked if she was disgusting and he said she was innocent. He then looked saddened as Mantis touched him and her antennae glowed. She then started sobbing.

Everyone looked at Drax in sympathy. His idiotic antics made it easy to forget that he too was a man mourning the loss of his wife and daughter.

Drax sighed as she removed her hand and said she needed to tell him something. Then the door opened behind them and Gamora arrived. Drax said the gross bug lady was his new friend and she said she was learning many new things like she was a pet and ugly.

"Man, even my daughter isn't that innocent." Scott said.

"Peter wasn't this innocent as a kid." Aunt May said as the two looked at each other.

"That's what happens when Ego raises you I guess." Logan snarled.

Gamora told Mantis she wasn't ugly, shocking Drax. She asked Mantis to show them where they would be staying. She led them across the garden as Gamora asked why there was no other living creature on the planet. Mantis said the planet was Ego and a dog didn't let a flea on its bag. Gamora asked if she wasn't a flea. Mantis said she was a flea with a purpose as she helped him sleep. Gamora asked what she was about to tell Drax before she came. She looked like she was about to say something but then said it was nothing as she walked off to show them their quarters while Gamora and Drax shared a look.

"Definitely hiding something." Bucky said.

"About Ego." Sam agreed.

Rocket and Yondu were thrown in a cell as Taserface said they would be taken to the Kree the next day and wouldn't last long there. They walked off as Rocket continued calling him Taserface mockingly.

Everyone laughed as Tony said, "We need more of that name."

Another Ravager held up Groot in his cage and asked if he should smash him to pieces with a rock.

"NO!" Almost everyone cried out instantaneously at the same time in horror.

"What is wrong with them?" Hope asked, "They want to smash an adorable baby with a rock?"

"They are a bunch of rat-bastards is what's wrong with them." Logan snarled angrily.

"Definitely need to go into their nostrils and exp-" Scott began.

"Please don't bring that up again." Hope sighed.

Taserface said Groot was too adorable for that and they should take him to the tailor.

"Even Taserface finds him adorable." Tony said in amusement to lighten the mood and everyone chuckled.

Rocket told Yondu his employees were a bunch of jerks and he said he was a Kree battle slave for 20 years.

"Like a Gladiator?" Rhodes asked and got nods, "Damn! He must be awesome then!"

"He is." Benjamin agreed.

Yondu said Stakar had freed him and offered him a place with the Ravagers and all he needed to do was adhere to the code. But he was young, greedy and stupid, like when Rocket stole the batteries. Rocket lied it was mostly Drax.

"Oh come on! Are you unable to accept a mistake?" Pepper asked.

"Even I can accept my mistake after two years." Tony joked and everyone chuckled.

Yondu said him, Stakar and the other captains weren't so different from Rocket and his friends and they were the only family he had. When he broke the code, they exiled him and he deserved it. Rocket called him drama queen and said he might deserve this but he himself didn't. They had to get out of here. Yondu asked where Quill was and Rocket said he went with his father. Yondu asked if it was Ego and Rocket said it was and said it was a day for dumbass names. Yondu laughed and Rocket said he had a warm feeling until Yondu showed his disgusting teeth.

"They are disgusting but Rocket shouldn't have said that to his face." Steve said.

Yondu asked if he was a professional asshole and Rocket said he was a pro.

"That you are, rabbit." Loki said with a chuckle.

Rocket asked why Yondu hadn't delivered Quill and Yondu said he was skinny and could fit into places they couldn't. He was good for thieving. He then said he had an idea on how to get out but they needed his little friend.

"So now they need Groot's help." Wanda realized and nods followed.

The Ravagers had surrounded Groot who was in a small Ravager uniform stitched for him. They chanted 'mascot' over and over again as he tried to take it off but fell down. They poured alcohol on him.

"What-the-fucking-hell?" Sam said angrily as everyone glared at the Ravagers.

"Why are they doing that?" Wanda snarled as her eyes glowed again.

"Hey kid. Calm down." Clint said calmly and she took a deep breath, calming down again.

"Feeling powerful, huh? By beating on a baby?" Steve said angrily.

Groot angrily charged one but was kicked away.

"I want to kill them all so badly." Hill snarled.

"I am sure they all deserve it." T'Challa said in disgust.

Later, a depressed Groot walked away, alcohol dripping from him.

Everyone looked at Groot in sympathy. A lot of sympathy.

Yondu called out to him gently, affectionately calling him 'twig.' Groot walked up to him and Rocket as the latter angrily asked what they had done to him.

"A lot of horrible stuff." Bucky snarled.

Yondu asked if he wanted to help them get out of the place and he nodded. He told Groot he needed to go to the captain's quarters and get a prototype fin which he wore on the top of his head. Groot nodded, remembering. Yondu said there was a drawer next to the bunk and it was there and was red. Groot nodded and ran off as Rocket shook his head.

"Why do I think he didn't understand any of that?" Peter wondered.

"Because he didn't." Fury said matter-of-fact.

"Nope." Logan agreed.

Groot snuck into the room as Ravagers slept and one of them sucked on his thumb. He then saw an open drawer and brought an underwear. Yondu said that was his underwear.

Everyone burst out laughing as Tony asked, "He was asked for a red fin and brought white underwear?"

"Babies." Hill said with a laugh.

Rocket said he needed to explain it more carefully and he said a prototype fin. Groot then brought a red orloni.

Everyone laughed again.

Yondu asked Rocket to explain it and this time, Groot brought a prosthetic eye. Yondu said that was Vorker's eye and he needed to look again. Rocket told him to leave the eye because when Vorker would wake up the next day, he would wonder where the eye is and burst out laughing hysterically.

"His love for prosthetics is…interesting." Natasha said.

This time Groot brought an entire desk.

"Okay, an entire desk? Really? It wasn't that big." Rhodes said as everyone laughed more.

Next time, Groot brought a severed thumb and both Rocket and Yondu looked disturbed. Rocket asked Yondu if they had a refrigerator with severed limbs and he said they didn't. Rocket said they should never talk about it now.

"Nope. Please never bring that up. Groot is too adorable." Tony said and everyone chuckled, though they were a bit disturbed by the thumb he brought.

Yondu took out the Ogord symbol and told him the drawer had this symbol. Groot put it on his head, shocking Yondu.

Everyone laughed again as Bruce asked, "So he thinks of it as a hat?"

"Yeah." Odinson said.

Rocket said Groot thought he wanted him to wear it as a hat ad Yondu said that wasn't what he meant. Groot said 'I am Groot' four times and Rocket translated that he was relieved as he hated hats on anyone because one minute you think someone had a weird-shaped head and then you would realize part of the head is the hat. Rocket asked if that was why he hated hats and Yondu asked if this was an important conversation right now.

"To them? Yeah. To normal people? No." Steve said and everyone chuckled.

Groot climbed up Taserface's bed and this time found the right drawer. He opened it and took out some round-shaped thing. "That ain't it." Kraglin said behind him.

"So….busted?" Hope asked.

"No." Logan said.

Kraglin dropped the fin at Yondu's feet and said apologetically that he didn't want to do a mutiny and they killed all his friends.

"And the redemptions starts." Aunt May said.

Yondu told him to get the third quadrant for release. He did the Ravager greeting and left Groot to them. Rocket asked if he had any clones of Quill's old music on the ship.

"Music to kick ass with? Nice." Tony said.

"This is going to be awesome!" Peter said.

"Oh absolutely. Especially with the arrow." Clint said and everyone chuckled.

'Come a Little Bit Closer' started playing as some Ravagers heard it and opened the cell, only to see Rocket having finished putting the fin on Yondu's head. They raised their guns but Yondu whistled and the Yaka Arrow flew out, making a hole through the wall as it went through them both, killing them and then went to his hand.

Everyone clapped happily as Bruce said, "You guys are so screwed now!"

Rocket picked up the fallen Ravager's gun while Taserface woke up to the music and saw the open drawer and missing fin. He told everyone Yondu had the fin and they all panicked.

"Yeah! You better run!" Hill cheered.

Yondu, Rocket and Groot walked into the hallway as the Ravagers pointed guns at them but Yondu whistled and the Yaka Arrow flew out. It went through all the Ravagers, twirling around and taking a U-turn as well while listening to Yondu's whistle.

Everyone clapped and cheered happily as Clint said, "I want it!"

"You and your crush!" Natasha said dryly and everyone laughed while Clint gave her a mock glare.

Yondu caught the arrow again and opened a door to the bridge as the Ravagers tried to fire at them from all levels. Yondu whistled again and the Yaka Arrow flew around and many Ravagers fell from several levels above them.

Everyone clapped happily again as Thor said, "They are paying the price for what they did."

"Just like they deserve." Loki agreed.

Groot saw the Ravager that had beaten him. He backed off in fear but Groot climbed up with his branches and with a roar, charged after them. He then grabbed him by his branches and threw him down before throwing him to a lower level, killing him.

Everyone clapped and cheered happily as Hope said, "Take that asshole!"

"Bullies do not last long once stood up to." Steve said as the cheering continued.

Groot hopped onto Rocket's shoulder as they walked into the surveillance room. Yondu looked at everyone via the monitors and whistled again. The Yaka Arrow could be seen in the footage, killing more Ravagers. It hit the lights of a room, darkening it before killing all the Ravagers.

Everyone clapped as Sam said, "That looked so cool!"

The Yaka Arrow hit an M-Ship and it dropped on several fleeing Ravagers.

Everyone cheered again as Rhodes said, "And that was even cooler!"

One Ravager was drinking beer when the Yaka Arrow flew past, shatterin the glass before flying back and killing him.

Everyone clapped again as T'Challa said, "I believe that would be the coolest."

Rocket saw a man approaching from the monitor and without looking, fired at the door, killing him. He continued firing around while Yondu's Yaka Arrow flew all around the ship, making patterns and killing everyone.

Everyone clapped as Natasha said, "Now they make a great team."

"Oh absolutely." Fury agreed.

Yondu saw Taserface approaching from a monitor and whistled. The Yaka Arrow flew towards him and lit on fire.

"I want ten quivers of that!" Clint said and everyone laughed.

Taserface avoided but it hit some explosives and an explosion occurred.

"Uh-oh!" Sam said.

Rocket called him a maniac and said the whole ship was gonna blow. Taserface was on fire but still alive. Yondu said not the whole ship as Kraglin pressed some buttons and the quadrant started detaching. Taserface video-called Ayesha and told her he was sending her the coordinates to Yondu's ship. He only asked one thing in return and that was to tell him the name of the man who sealed his fate- Taserface. Ayesha looked amused and after a brief struggle, burst out laughing hysterically.

Everyone burst out into hysterical laughter as Tony asked, "Is she laughing? Oh no! She is laughing! She can laugh!"

"I had no idea the Sovereign could laugh too." Vision said.

"It came as a shock to me too." Odinson said.

"Yes. It is a huge shock." Thor agreed.

"Yup." Loki said.

Taserface looked dejected as the ship exploded and he died.

Everyone clapped as Aunt May said, "And he is gone."

Kraglin detached the quadrant and it flew off as the ship exploded. Kraglin asked where to and Rocket said Ego. He then started the travel as Yondu told him not to but he started it anyway as the quadrant started making jumps. Yondu told him a mammalian body couldn't hop more than 50 jumps at a time. Rocket said he knew that and Yondu said they were about to do 700, horrifying them all. The quadrant continued hopping as the four screamed in pain and their bodies started coming apart, their jaws widening to a cartoonish level.

Everyone was shocked and amused at the same time as Peter said, "So they are Looney Tunes now?"

Everyone burst out in laughter as Steve said, "I think they are, kid."

"And now the truth is about to come to light." Benjamin said.