A journey to the beginning

Wanda and I are standing in front of the tall doors that are the main entry point of the castle, or at least of what's left of them. "Hulk?" I ask her, finding it hard to imagine what other power source could do something like that. "No, me." I can't help but be surprised at that statement and when she sees my confused face she laughs. "Just because it's all sunshine and rainbows when you're with me doesn't mean that I don't have a darker side as well." She says it as a joke but I can hear the truth in it. We enter the building, but this doesn't really do anything to me since I never entered the castle this way. Wanda however, is slowly turning around, taking in the walls and the ruined paintings that are still hanging there. "You know, the first time that Pietro and I entered this building, we thought that we finally had found shelter. We were scared of course but both of us had this feeling that this could be our new home." Her Sokovian accent it very thick at the moment and I guess it's because of her emotions being more on the front then they normally are. "We were told lies by Hydra, lies that combined with our own past turned us into very willing Hydra puppets. We truly believed everything that they told us. We believed we were going to be fighting for the right side. I mean, after all, Tony Stark was part of the Avengers. And Tony Stark is the reason that my family is dead." I did not know this and I try my hardest to imagine Tony as the bad guy. "Oh, he's not a bad guy." Wanda replies when hearing my thoughts. She walks into a hallway, beside two doors it's completely empty. I want to ask her to give me more of an explanation but I also know that pushing her will only trigger her to shut down. I can feel that this is a sensitive subject. I need to be patient… but that has never really been my strong point. I follow her and can see her disappear into one of the two doors, so quickly I do the same. I don't really like the idea of getting lost here. The room we have just entered is very big, there are multiple tables and at the far end there is a pair of stairs going down. I can see plates with moldy food on it, and dark spots cover the floor. When I bent down to take a closer look I realize that it's dried up blood. "Why are there no bodies?" I ask Wanda when I get back up. I turn around to look for my friend and find her standing next to the food counter, a lot of food that has gone bad still in the place it had been when the Avengers attacked. It was clear that we were in the cafeteria right now, but as I walk towards Wanda the smell of the mold reaches me and I try my best not to vomit. Hearing me gag gets Wanda's attention and with two big steps she is with me. "Sorry, didn't think about that." She says with an apologetic smile, and she touches my nose with her hand. I can see her eyes turn red for a second and immediately the smell disappears. I take a deep breath. "What did you do?" "Oh, just used magic to block your nerve. That way you can't smell. Just remind me to undo it when we're out of here." She smirks but I can see the deep pool of emotions behind her smile. "Why are there no bodies?" I repeat my question and I can feel Wanda tense up. "When we finish our work as Avengers, SHIELD agents come to collect all of the bodies. They try to identify each and every one of them and contact their family, offering them the body if they want it." "You mean the bodies of the prisoners?" "I mean the bodies of each and every soul that has died, Hydra servants and civilians alike. All of them are human and some of them were just misguided." "But not all of them are, some of them are just pure evil." I think back to the guards that would come into my room at night and rape me over and over again without any remorse. Wanda entwines her fingers with mine. "Yes, some of them are. But if we treat them like garbage, who says that doesn't make us just as bad as them?" I think about her words.

Even though I wouldn't care if all of their bodies were turned to ashes, I do understand what she is saying. "The line between and good and evil is very thin malysh, and the definition changes depending on who's side you're on. Take me for example… I grew up believing the Avengers to be the bad guys. I only got part of the information, my point of view was colored. Everyone's is." Hands entwined we turn our back to the room and distend the chairs. "What happened with Tony?" I ask her softly. Seconds pass without Wanda replying and just when I start to believe that maybe she didn't hear me, she sighs. "When Pietro and I were younger, our parents were killed in a bomb attack, just like yours. The manufacturer of the bombs was Stark Industries." I gasp, how is this possible. We reach the end of the stairs but instead of continuing our way through the Hydra castle, Wanda sits down on the bottom step. I follow her movement and for a couple of minutes we just sit here in silence. I notice Wanda fidgeting with her rings and softly I take her hand into my own, squeezing it ever so lightly. "We were 10 years old." She whispers, and I listen without interrupting her. What she needs right now is my presence, not my words. I let her feel that I'm here through her link. She doesn't respond to it but I know that she can feel it. "When the first shell hit beneath us it created this big hole in the floor, and I could see our parents rolling in. I remember thinking it was so surreal, like if I would reach down I could just pull them out again. Pietro dragged me under the bed before I could actually go after them, and he was just on time. The second we were 'safe', the second shell hits. Just where I would have been standing." Her gaze is directed at her feet. Chills run down my spine hearing Wanda her story. She has always looked so strong and powerful that I didn't stop to think about the fact that she too has been through trauma. I give her a small squeeze, encouraging her to continue. "But the shell didn't go off. On it there was painted one word: 'Stark'. Every effort the rescue team made to save us, every shift in the bricks, I thought: "This is it. This is what will set it off." But it didn't. We waited for 2 days for Tony Stark to kill us, and believe me… By the time we got out of the rubble, I wished I had been killed. We were saved, now what. We had no home, no parents, no family… Nothing. The only thing we had was each other. Years we spend living on the streets, fighting for survival. When we heard about Strucker looking for volunteers for a project that might end the Avengers, there was no doubt in my mind that it was the right thing to do." Wanda wipes away the silent tears that have been falling, shifting her weight so it was pressed against me. "I'm glad it didn't kill you Wands." She looks into my eyes and I don't think I've even seen so much pain in a person before. I didn't even know it was possible. "I guess right now I'm also glad that I survived, but it took me quite some time to get to this point. And when it comes down to Stark, when he realized what his weapons were doing to the world he immediately stopped producing them." "I didn't know he used to make weapons." Wanda scoffs. "He used to be the biggest weapon manufacturer on the world, he sold his weapons to whoever paid the most for it. He didn't care about what they were used for. Then he got locked up in that cave in Afghanistan, and it forced him to look at the world differently. When he realized what amount of damage his weapons were dealing he stopped everything. So no, he is not bad. But you can understand why we used to see him as the bad guy." "I do." Wanda rests her head against my shoulder and I rest my head against hers.

After walking through some more corridors we reach a door that says: "Danger! Do not enter!" Wanda completely ignores the warning sign, of course, and enters the room. Hesitantly I follow her, because this is a door that I do know. It's a hallway I know. And when I enter the room, it's the laboratory that I know. My breath gets stuck in my throat and I stop walking, just staring around me. Numb. I fall through my legs, desperately I try to reach something to hold me up but the only thing my hands grasp is air. I want to cry, I want to scream, but the only thing coming out of my mouth is silence. "Hmm, this is not the laboratory that Pietro and I had to go to. This one is much more serious, the one we went to didn't have these torture devices…" Wanda her words reach me but I'm too far gone in my panic attack to say anything back to her. Desperately I reach out for her in my mind, and the moment she feels my presence her head snaps towards me. "Lidiya!" She runs over to my side and drops on the floor next to me. Carefully she scoops me into her arms, basically placing me in her lap. "I've got you Lidiya, I'm here." I want to talk to her, I want to scream, want to cry… I want to do something. But the only thing my body is doing right now is shaking like a reed. "I guess this means that this is the room where they did their tests on you, isn't it?" I want to reply to her question but I'm stuck. Why can't I talk?! "Lidiya it's okay, you don't need to talk, I've got you." Right, telepathy. But even though I try, I don't manage to create actual sentence-like thoughts in my head. Why am I failing at this, why am I failing at being properly traumatized. Strucker was right, I'm good for nothing. I'm incapable of doing anything. I can feel my breathing going up and even though I know the drill –count to ten, look around you, say 3 things you can see, take deep breaths- none of it works. It's only getting worse. I can feel myself getting as limp as a rag doll, I'm just hanging in Wanda's arms with no control over my muscles. The Scarlet Witch wipes my hair from my face, only now I notice that my forehead is completely covered in sweat, and looks into my eyes. "Tebe ne nuzhno delat' eto v odinochku (You don't have to do this alone). I'm here with you. We go through this together." So she links her mind with mine. I can feel the tingling sensation of her asking permission to go around in my head but even if I wanted to, I wouldn't have had the power to deny her access right now. So we make a trip back to the beginning.

It's a weird sensation, unlike anything I have ever had before. It are flashbacks, but not like I'm being drenching in them. It's like a mix of the present and the past, all coming together. I look at one of the operating tables, and my mind drowns me in memories. It had been a week since I had arrived in this terrible place. I was still full of fire at that point, and struggled against their grip as hard as I could. I screamed, not words, just … just sounds. They dragged me forward by my hair, throwing me against the table. I slipped on the ground and cried, grabbing my side. There was no blood but I knew it would was bruised, something I would very soon get used to. Strucker was standing there, looking at me with his arms crossed in front of him. "Get on the table 507." His accent was thick and… He didn't even sound angry or something. Just annoyed, like being here was a waste of his precious time. I didn't obey. Like I said, at that point I was still full of fire. He took a step closer to me, and I realize that I only barely reached his middle. He was literally and figuratively towering above me. "I will only tell you this one more time 507. Get. On. The. Table." His voice was dangerously low. I honestly don't remember how on earth I was that brave, or stupid, but my reaction was that I stuck out my tongue at him. Which had obviously been the wrong move. He grabbed me by my hair and held me up in the air. I screamed my lunges out and my little hands tried to get a hold of his, but the only reaction I got by doing that was laughter. He literally threw me on the table and immediately his hands were around my throat, slowly suffocating me. "Don't worry 507, we will break you." He kept squeezing until I lost consciousness and my body went limb.

"Etot ublyudok (that bastard)!" Wanda her voice is dangerously low and she holds me even tighter. Unlike Strucker his hands, this feeling is not suffocating. I move my head towards some shackles that are hanging against the wall. A deep red wall, and I'm very much aware of the fact that the red has been caused by years of blood being spoiled on it. It had been about 2 years since they had locked me up, at this point I had almost lost all sense of time. Dragging me by my hair to my destination had almost become a second nature at that point, and there was almost nothing left of my beautiful blonde hair. It had turned into a dirty mess, all broken. I don't think there would ever be a way of saving it when I get out of there… If I get out of there. I remember thinking that, I remember it very vividly. They had dropped me on the floor in front of the shackles, and I got some kicks in my stomach by the guards who had been so kind enough to escort me here. Strucker had been waiting for me, something that only happened on special occasions at this point. He had better things to do then spend his time on a little 11 year old girl who refused to co-operate. "507, how nice of you to join us today. I just got permission from higher up to start the Winter Soldier project on you, so I will do you a favor and give you one more chance: Will you obey to Hydra's wishes 507?" I sat up, as much as possible being bruised the way I was, and gave him my middle finger. Go to hell, was my wordless sentence. I could see the rage in his eyes as he hit me in the face. A little blood ran out of my nose. "Tie her up." He hissed. Two guards grabbed both of my arms and even though I tried kicking them, the power in my movements was very little. I was pushed against the wall, face first. My arms and ankles were both attached to the shackles, and they used coarse rope to bind the parts of my body that were still too mobile for their liking. "I really did give you all the chances in the world to co-operate, 507. Today we are going to start the journey of breaking your mind, and the first step is that we're going to mark you. Everybody will know that you are Hydra's property, and nothing more than that." He walked away and put on some gloves. It was hard for me to see what he was doing from the position I was in, but when he turned to face me I could see he was holding a branding iron. All color left my face when I realized what he was going to do. Every part of me wanted to beg him not to, but I knew that it wouldn't change anything. It would only give him the pleasure of hearing me break. The branding iron was holding the drawing of a skull with 6 tentacles around it, the Hydra logo. "Time to mark you little girl." The grin on his face was pure evil. Without hesitation he walked towards me and before I even got the chance to prepare myself the iron was pressed against the lowest part of my back. I screamed it out, the sound was more that of an animal than a human girl. I closed my eyes but the tears were still running over my face. Steam came from the iron and the discussing smell of burning flesh filled the air. After what seemed like an eternity he pulled back, and the sign was clearly visible, burned into my skin. "Next." My eyes snapped open and I looked at him in shock. One of the Hydra agents took the branding iron and gave him another one, which said '507'. I closed my eyes when I saw him coming.

I realize that I'm crying and that Wanda is whispering sweet nothings into my ear. She knows that I have to go through this. I have to go through these memories, alive but still part of the past, haunting me in the present day… "Pochemu ya ne posmotrel (why didn't I look)…" I can hear her whisper to herself.

I want to reach out to her and tell her that it's okay, that I'm okay, but I know that I'm not. Another memory washes over me. Some time had passed since the marking, I'm probably around 13 years old when this happened. Not that my age meant anything here. This morning I had woken up with a bit of blood covering the dirty sheets I slept on and the inside of my legs. When the guard had seen this he told Strucker about it. It didn't take long before I was dragged to this very room again, the man who I hated the most in the world waiting for me once more. But next to him was someone who held a close second place: Gregovich. "It came to my attention that you got your period 507. We can't have that, the guys need to be capable of enjoying themselves without any consequences. So the doctor will fix the problem." Strucker his tone was all business, like this was just a normal day for him. It probably was. I was tied to the table, at this point I didn't even try to fight them anymore. No kicks, no punches, no screams. No fuck you fingers. Nothing. I wasn't going to give them what they wanted but that's where my resistance stopped. I just hoped that soon one of the things they did to me would be too much to handle and would turn out to be fatal. The doctor was going to inject something into my stomach but Gregovich stopped him. "This little bitch doesn't need the sedation, we better save it for our soldiers. They deserve it, unlike her." The doctor looked at Strucker, waiting for what his judgment would be, but he just nodded. Agreement with Gregovich was the verdict. "She'll faint soon enough." The doctor cut straight into my stomach, going deeper then he should. I was sure of it. I could feel my blood flow over my hips and on my fingers, and I screamed. Did I? I'm not sure anymore. I know I could hear my own voice screaming but I don't remember if I did it out loud or just in my head….

"Lidiya…" Confused I blink my eyes, looking away from the table covered in dried up blood. Away from the tray with knifes standing in the middle of the room, completely forgotten. Away from the dark red tiles in the middle of the room, knowing very well that my blood had been the cause of it. "Lidiya." I focus on these green eyes in front of me, eyes filled with pain and desperation and regret. "Wanda…" I whisper her name, taste it on my lips. It's familiar, and comfortable. Like freshly baked bread. Warm, and smelling of home. Home… "I'm here Lidiya, look at me." I blink a couple more times, trying to fix my mind on what's in front of me. "I'm Lidiya, not 507." My voice is but a whisper, but its firm none the less. "Yes sweetie, you are. It doesn't matter what they called you here, it doesn't matter that they branded you… They can never chance who you are." I wipe away the hair from my face and notice that my face is covered in tears, I hadn't noticed that I was crying. "Why, Wanda? Why did they do it?" She gives me the saddest of smiles. "Because they are maniacs? Because they are disgusting people who don't even deserve the term human being? Because they will stop at nothing to get the world under control, and a little girl means nothing to them? I don't know Lidiya, and honestly I'm not sure if I want to know. If I would know, if I would be capable of feeling and thinkig like them, it would make me just as much as a monster as they are." I softly grab her hand and bring it to my face, while staring in her eyes. "You are not a monster." "Neither are you." We don't say anything, we don't argue. We just sit here, looking into each other's eyes, holding on to one another like we were each other's life preservers. We sit here, in this castle of death and suffering, the place that has somehow brought us together. "At least it brought me you…" I whisper quietly, as if speaking too loudly will break this kind of tranquility that there somehow is. "At least it brought me you…" She repeats my words, wiping away the tears that wet my cheeks. Slowly she leans closer, giving me every chance to escape. Escape where? Into the dark forest? Into the castle? "Away from me…" She replies to my thoughts. "Why would I want to do that…" Our faces are getting even closer, I feel her breath on my lips. "Because I am a freak." A soft smile tugs on my lips. "Then let's be freaks together Wanda… Because there is no other freak I would want to hold my heart." A single tear leaves her eye and it holds all of her unspoken emotions. Softly she brushes her lips against mine, so subtle it's like it was barely there. But I feel it, I live it. We rest our foreheads against each other, sitting here in our own peaceful bubble, breathing in and out like we are the only living beings on the planet. At this moment it feels like we are. "I love you."

We walk out of the big doors, hand in hand, ready to face whatever the world throws at us. Neither of us felt the need to explore the building any further. As my feet touch the ice on the forest ground, I turn around and face the dark castle one last time. Both of us have suffered trauma here, both in different ways. I was raped, abused, beaten, destroyed… She was mislead, used, lied to, broken… Wanda offers me her powers through our connection, I don't know how but I just feel it's there… As I reach inside my own core, I light the flame inside of me, and Wanda her powers serve as the ignition I didn't know I needed. My powers burst free, a wave of fire entering the building, consuming everything in its path. I can hear the sound of explosions in the background, this probably meaning that there was still flammable material inside. I smile. We turn around and walk back towards the Quinjet, while my fire was finally reducing that damned building to ashes.