"When she'd sing that single verse"

[December 9th, 2021]

"When is my birthday?" Aurora asked a very strange question.

However, it wasn't too strange. Along the way of her memory loss, she might've forgotten about her date of birth as well.

Ethan was sitting next to her trying to write in his budget-note. Her question stirred him up.

"Huh?" He muttered.

"I forgot heh." She chuckled lightly.

"27th?" Ethan murmured. "You always complained that it was right after Christmas."

Aurora shaped her lips as an 'Oh' without a sound. Wasn't that the day when she was scheduled to die? Funny. She did remember coming across a fake fact that said you have a higher possibility of dying on your birthday… Guess it wasn't fake after all. She bite her lips so thinking about committing suicide while her birthday was so near. Might as well die after eating a bunch.

"How does a trip sound then?" Aurora asked Ethan enthusiastically.

Ethan looked at her as he narrowed his eyes.

"I thought you were supposed to stay at the hospital and get ready for the surgery?" Ethan asked as he raised an eyebrow.

"Ah.. I didn't tell you yet. I'm not getting the surgery." Aurora said. "Dr. Matthias said I can be discharged soon."

Her eyes anticipated an answer from him; Yes or No.

"Sure, then…" He hesitated to answer without asking questions as to why she didn't want the surgery. "Why not? I mean."

Aurora looked happy at his answer. Maybe that's all that mattered. He still wasn't sure what to feel, how to feel. It wasn't natural, of course. Listening to a friend talking about drying was definitely not natural.

"Where should we go, where should we go?" She excitedly grabbed her phone to look around.

Lucy opened the door with potato chips in her hands, shaking them to excite Aurora. Upon seeing those scrumptious, crunchy treats, Aurora clapped like a seal. Suicide? Not before she munches the entire world down. That was her new goal. Eat everything and travel everywhere. She opened a bag of chips with a big smile on her face, waiting to eat it down to atoms.

"You have favorite flavors!" She exclaimed in gratefulness, looking at Lucy with twinkling eyes.

"You're welcome."

Ethan gestured Lucy to a corner while Aurora munched on the yummies. Lucy narrowed her eyes in suspicion before walking over to the other bed he was sitting on; As Aurora's ward had two beds but only one patient.

"Yeah?" Lucy asked, looking back to see Aurora turning on the TV.

"She's not getting the surgery." Ethan slowly whispered.

Lucy furrowed her brows a little.

"I saw that coming actually." Lucy whispered. "She has the don't wanna live anymore vibe in her eyes."

"I don't know what to feel."

Lucy nodded unwillingly. If Aurora herself had given up on life, there was nothing that they could do. Absolutely nothing.

After a few hours, Dr. Matthias entered the room with everyone else and declared her discharged. It was a mere request that he turned into reality after hearing she wouldn't be getting the surgery. However, to lessen her symptoms for the remaining days, her family was advised to keep her check-ups with the palliative care regular. Therapy was also suggested but Aurora disliked wasting her time talking about herself. She didn't want that… Or so, she thought she didn't want that.

Though she was off bed rest, she was still not allowed outside her bedroom for too long by her mother.

"Mom, can I go hangout with my friends tomorrow? I won't be long, promise!" Aurora asked while her mother helped tuck her in bed.

"Alright, sweetie. Just take care of yourself and stick close to your friends."

She nodded slowly, hearing despair in her mother's voice. How she wished her daughter would get the surgery! But Aurora had made up her mind.

For now, she didn't feel like sleeping alone.

"Mom, call Giselle over!"

And within 5 minutes, Giselle in her pajamas was in her bedroom, ready for a sleepover.

"Remember when we used to call you Gizzy?..." Aurora asked.

"How do you remember that? I'm surprised." Giselle said as she pulled herself in the blanket. "It's cold."

"I just have this very light memory of it."

Giselle chuckled hysterically.

"I felt dizzy this one Goddamn time!" She exclaimed joyfully. "And you guys were like, Gizzy~!"

"Oh!" Aurora exclaimed. "Should we bring it back?" She burst into laughter.

Giselle fakingly punched her before they both stared at her bedroom ceiling.

"White. How boring." Giselle murmured.

"Yeah."

Giselle changed her side to look at Aurora with full eyes. Aurora tilted her head a bit to look back.

"You're not getting the surgery?" She asked impatiently.

Aurora hummed while thinking for an appropriate answer before she shook her head in denial.

"Are you sure about this?... I don't know what to feel."

"You don't have to feel anything, Giselle. Because even I don't know what I feel."

"What about Sean?" Giselle looked away. "I don't wanna sound mean because it's not your fault but… Shouldn't you think about him? I don't see what dating changed. I was hoping for a more positive outcome when I advised him to ask you out. But here I'm just seeing decline. And I don't like it. I want you to live… I know it's a selfish thought and Sean's just an excuse. But, I want you to live."

"I don't."

Giselle didn't want to argue with her because of how it could trigger her mentally. But she also didn't want her best friend to just give up on life like that. She couldn't come up with any set of words regarding the issue. So, she just shut her eyes and tried to sleep it out.

"I'm sorry."

She opened her eyes upon hearing her friend apologize. What did she do to have to apologize? She felt a bit guilty for making her feel that way. Slight moisture built in her eyes before falling off the edges as tears.

"I'm sorry too, Aurora." Giselle murmured, not being able to hold her emotions back. "I'm sorry. I'm not like the others. I can't hide how terrified I am. I just can't. I'm… so… so, so sorry." She finally broke into a series of tears that came and went.

Aurora lifted her hand to comfort her but hesitantly put it back to it's place. Knowing she made her cry, she ultimately thought she had no rights to console her either.

"I'm… Sorry." She could only apologize to her crying friend.

Angsty dwelled in her mind as she shut her eyes. Giselle sniffed, picking up a tissue from the side and wiping her tears clean.

She didn't want to cry. She didn't want to make her sick friend even sicker by showing her desperate emotions. But she was not as good as Sean when it came to hiding the inner thoughts and feelings. She couldn't even conversate with Aurora properly, as her feelings wouldn't let her. She wasn't as bold as she looked. Not anymore at least. She slowly watched her friend fall asleep as she sobbed.

Aurora woke up inside her dream; It continued from the crosswalk with splatters of blood. The blood trail led to the other side of the crosswalk.

She walked to the other side of the crossway slowly, following the trails. The orange glow from a distance caught her eyes. She squinted her eyes to look afar, but saw nothing but the glow tinted apricot.

Is it a dream about butterflies again? She wondered why her soul was so drawn towards these flying insects when her real life was far more complex and vague to represent such beings.

She almost started to hate these references her soul would show her. Monarch Butterfly? What a joke!

She still walked towards the glow, as the dream failed to progress otherwise. This time, she heard distance choirs singing the same verse over and over again. She found her dream self singing the same verse eventually, matching the flow of the choir. She couldn't make out what it said; She just sang along. 'Something about revival.' She thought to herself while walking further towards the glow.

When she approached close enough to the glow, she was surprised to see that it wasn't that clichè butterfly like always. Rather, it was a cocoon. Almost clichè. She scoffed lightly before reaching her hand to grab it. 'Why dream me, why?'

Her hand touched the little rays, followed by the foamy soft cocoon. Her hand felt the cocoon slowly tear apart; A butterfly flew out of the cocoon into her hands. It's wings glowed orange contrasting with ebony and pure white shining over her hands. It's weightless wings slowly took off in front of her eyes, dancing and leading her to the willows that surrounded her.

Strange dream. Always trying to show her there's more to life. She despised that. Why couldn't her soul be more straightforward? Why Monarch Butterflies? She didn't want to see them anymore!

[December 9th, 2020]

She couldn't recall any event for this day.