"The life she longed for"

[December 20th, 2021]

"Crutches? You call that okay?" Ethan asked fearfully.

"They're just crutches." Aurora explained.

Ethan shook his head vigorously but before he could say anything else Lucy took the lead.

"Just, be careful, okay?" She told Aurora.

Aurora nodded lightly. She wasn't scared anymore so it was alright.

"Should we go somewhere, or do you want to stay at home?" Giselle asked.

"I'll stay at home for today. I feel tired." Aurora said openly.

Everyone agreed, noticing that her body had become weaker for them to hangout anyway. Not that they wanted to show it, but it was one of their concerns.

"But you guys should stay over, maybe… If you're free." Aurora hesitantly muttered.

"We're more than free." Sean said before grabbing his phone to order a bite.

Aurora's mother caught him from a distance.

"No!" She exclaimed. "I'm cooking!"

"Ah, I didn't want to trouble you. Shall I help you then?"

"You're such a gentleman, come on over. Aurora, you don't mind if I steal him for some cooking, right? I heard the Andersons raised future chefs." Her mother grabbed Sean's arm and slowly guided him to the kitchen while the rest watched TV.

Sean entered the kitchen voluntarily looking around.

"Emilia's a better cook. I just watch them. Don't expect too much." He nervously laughed.

Her mother chuckled before placing a basket of vegetables in front of him on the counter.

"You can chop, I believe?"

"Haha, Yes I can." He said.

He slowly grabbed each vegetable and rinsed it clean, before chopping them thinly as pasta was being made.

"Sean?" Her mother called him.

"Yes?"

"Thank you." She said out of the blue. "You're such a sweetheart for doing this for our daughter with her limited days."

Sean decreased the speed of his knife involuntarily from chopping the veggies. He wasn't sure either.

"I don't know…" He muttered. "I don't know what to feel."

"Me neither. But at the very least, I'm glad you're all here for Aurora."

Sean forcefully nodded. He really didn't know what to feel and it frustrated him. She had less than 10 days left now. He didn't know what to do, how to spend time with her, or anything in general.

"Don't think too much about it. That's how I've been coping…" She explained lightly.

"I'm trying."

After cutting the vegetables, he was set free. Though he was at the emotional burst stage and thought he wouldn't be able to face anyone, he still made his way back to the living room.

"Oh, look who's back." Giselle said as she poked Aurora's shoulder to catch her attention.

"We're watching an animation!" Aurora cheerfully informed him.

He stared at her for a while, lost in thoughts before he realized how she was demanding an answer.

"A-Again? We just watched it like a day ago." Sean said.

"This is a new one. It's second part is due in Spring next year!" Aurora said with a big smile, but it didn't take a second for her smile to disappear. "Sorry." She whispered.

Sean stared at her trying to divert her attention away to her problems by making jokes about the animation. He saw it in her eyes, the same feeling he had. The feeling of not understanding the feeling.

He sighed. He needed fresh air.

'I'm pathetic.' He thought to himself as he stood outside for a while for fresh air. 'She's suffering yet managing and I can't pass a single smile…'

He looked at the cloudy sky. It was going to snow heavily tonight.

His eyes filled with sorrow, and his hands trembled before being interlocked.

He wasn't religious but he felt like he had to pray today.

'Please don't hurt her. Please don't take her away. Please let her stay.' He started off his sloppy-first prayer. 'Take me away instead. I don't deserve this world as much as she does. Lessen her pains. Please.'

He didn't know how people usually converse with God. He relied on his instincts and believed that God may see the unsaid.

He wondered if she prayed like this too or not. Maybe she prayed for life everyday.

A sudden thought of existence flushed in his mind. Maybe he was scared because he didn't know what comes after death.

Afterlife? Reincarnation? Or just complete termination? The end.

He shook his head to stop thinking about useless things.

He had to focus on making her remaining days better. He had no time to waste in such thoughts. Hence, he went back inside to join the crew for the movie.

This was the only thing he could do for her.

He sat down on the couch and continued to watch the movie when Aurora's mother brought pasta for them.

"Say what guys? Should we all stay over for the night?" Giselle suggested. "We'll make all the plans! About the graduation ceremony."

"I have work… But maybe I can join late at night." Ethan said.

"Yes! We should do it." Aurora insisted.

Then it was decided. They all made up their minds to stay over and Aurora actually liked the fact that this thought crossed their minds.

After food and the movie, they all went to Aurora's room and Ethan left for work.

"So, we'll plan stuff when Ethan shows up." Lucy said. "Should we play a game till then?"

"You love games." Sean muttered.

"You do too!" Lucy said. "So?"

"Okay, what game are we playing?" Aurora asked.

"Hmm. Let me think."

Giselle walked around her room as the rest sat on the bed. She noticed her cavas collection and newly bought paints.

"Should we paint?" Giselle suggested.

Lucy looked at Aurora for approval.

"Yeah! Totally. I've been enjoying painting recently."

She had been enjoying painting ever since that one art lecture, thinking that she might find a meaning in her life. She wasn't sure if she did or not. So why not paint today, and learn the meaning if she was fated to learn?

They stretched the canvases across the bed after removing one from the stand and taking the rest from her art cupboard.

"Why suddenly art?" Lucy asked in curiosity.

"It's therapeutic." Aurora murmured. "I can't take much care of plants in the winter as most I have are evergreen. So might as well have painting as a past-time hobby."

"Hmm. Interesting. What's our theme?" Lucy asked.

"You were drawing a butterfly last time but left it incomplete. Wanna draw butterflies?" Sean suggested.

Honestly, she was tired of trying to find meaning within butterflies. But trying one last time might have the key to the closed door.

"Alright. Let's paint different species."

"I'll paint the blue ones. They're so cool!" Lucy said.

"I'll draw white ones. Forgot their name." Giselle muttered.

"Peacock butterfly." Sean said before tapping the corners of the canvas.

"I'll draw… A monarch butterfly."

Aurora said before grabbing her brush and painting her first stroke, visualizing the orange and black wings with white splatters, the charcoal body and intricate wings in harmony sitting over a beautiful orange milkweed.

What did that have to do with her?

She chuckled. Why was she trying so hard to find a meaning? She thought to herself; No use when less than 10 days are left.

How much meaning can you force yourself to find in such a short time?

The others were also painting.

But she guessed no one might be dwelling that deep like her.

[December 20, 2020]

She couldn't recall any event from the day.