"Rising Sun"

Carter’s POV:

It always felt so close to me. The sunrise that always hit the distance, the warm feeling of the sunlight hitting my face, as I opened my eyes. I used to sit on the roof and wonder how long I would sit there and wait till the sun rose completely.

The winters were cold, but I used to spend all my time with my sister on the roofs, sometimes I was lonely, sometimes I was with my sister.

I remember to always have looked up to my parents. How much I loved them. How much I adored my mother, my father who always got us the best gifts for christmas, even if they weren’t expensive.

All of the best memories come from them. But they didn’t understand everything. I grew, we started arguing, growing apart. And.. It felt ill. It felt so fucking ill. I didn’t know what I did that was wrong.

The tiny snowflakes fell onto my cold cheeks. I looked up at the sky, I stared at them falling gently, and melting into my red cheeks. I closed my eyes. The harmony felt peaceful. The sound of gushing wind, the sound of space made me feel calm.

I felt.. Angry. Angry at myself, and everything that I didn’t understand just yet.

I felt angry at how pathetic I felt. I felt angry about so many things that I couldn’t just think of.

He stood by my side, watching the sunrise. The knife was pressed to my neck, I didn‘t move. I just saw it as a game. Apart of someone's plan. To get rid of me. Or get rid of something they didn‘t know themselves.

It's quite funny because people just do things without thinking about them. It got worse ever since the beginning of this apocalypse.

The mindless doing of things that just continues like a loop of backstabbing bitches. People who use the chaos to just complete their twisted fantasies.

Isn't that a little what the world is like? People exploiting any disaster possible for their own good.

"Just draw it. It must feel boring to wait." I said, I didn't stress, I didn't feel anything towards it.

He let go. I finally inhaled, I could breathe normally again. The person watching from the window, walked away. Their entertainment died out. So, they left.

"I want to burn this place down." Dimir spoke up. I didn't glance at him, just nodded.

Oh Dimir, how I wished for it too. How I wished everyone dissapeared from this shithole.

"Then do so. What's stopping you?" He sat down and I turned to him.

"Well, a good plan is what's needed. To burn something down is easy. But to get away with it isn't." He said, looking at me.

I shifted my gaze back to the distance again.

"Then make a plan. You're intelligent, aren't you?" I said, keeping the same neutral tone. I decided to not drag myself into it. I wished to rip apart every piece and every thing possible away from this place, but I thought. And thought. And thought again. Maybe the best conclusion afterall is to keep it all away. To keep my true intentions away.

Even when I can do whatever shit I'm even capable of.

"I know someone." I said, he glanced at me, I didn't see that he did, but his sharp gaze was just piercing right through me.

"Who?" Dimir asked, crossing his arms.

"A boy. Or.. A man. He always reminded me of a little kid. Always joyful, always happy. I felt kinda shitty for not meeting him before all of this. But- Now, I think he's gone. I think the fire took him." I said. Dimir didn't know about who. If he did, I would probably draw the knife into his chest before him doing that to me.

Because if he was alive, if Alec was alive, somewhere there and griefing over my stupid "death", I'd do whatever I could to protect him.

It's funny how it's one sided. That grown ass man is soon 24, and I still see him as a little boy.

And someone I could never be with. Someone that I could never imagine to be with. It's weird for people. For a guy to like another guy. My mother always used to be so accepting of it, but.

My father didn't. He cursed me out and said "I'm not having a freak in my house". He just got up and left. All because I came out as liking both genders.

So, I decided to play a part. Be popular, have friends. Go to parties, hook up with girls. The truth was, I felt so shitty. Because I was hiding myself. But it worked.

The perfect play aligned and I managed it all. I managed to fake it.

To be a completely "normal" man in a society. Just how my father wanted me to. I wasn't a freak no more, father.

But father, you made me feel like one instead.

"Carter, I got to tell you." He turned. I glanced at him.

"There's a city about a couple kilometres away. There's a scavenging group wandering around. Three guys, two girls." He said, I rose an eyebrow.

"How could that help?" I asked.

"If we tagged along, we could run away from this shithole." He said. I held in my laughter. Not because it was funny, but because he was utterly and completely insane.

"I'm sorry- What? You know if we face them alone- Without weapons and with resources- We're basically dead meat?" I smiled, he nodded.

"It's still worth a try." He said, I slapped him.

"Are you out of your mind?!" I got up, frustrated. Did he wish to die that much?

"You're asking to face 5 strangers- Who could be possibly terrible and horrible raiders- Have you thought of that, huh? That you even thinking of going there could cost us our lives!" He grabbed my wrist.

He looked up at me, I looked down at him. He lowered his palm, the red imprint of my hand was still visible.

"I know, Miles. I know what bluff I'm talking about. But I need you to trust me on it. Raiders don't come here. They're afraid for the nearby clans to collect cash off of their heads." He let go. I rubbed my wrist, it hurt a little. His grasp was strong.

He looked away. "Sit and let me explain."

I frowned. I didn't trust this man for even a second. But it was worth giving a shot hearing him out. Afterall, he didn't draw the knife on my neck when he had the perfect chance to.

Which made me realize a lot. How valuable your life actually is at that taste of bitter death.

"I thought of burning it down. Ruining this place, their horrible ways of treating people. It's a really good place to live at, but the horrible doings of theirs is just too much. I cannot let myself or anyone else be hurt." He said. I felt the same way. But I didn't say anything, so he continued.

"But going there could be a good option. Just the two of us. What do ya' say?" He asked.

"How can you trust me at all?" I asked. He just shrugged, he didn't really answer to it.

"I guess.. I just do." He answered. His answer wasn't hard or complicated, yet still had me thinking.

How could he trust me? What if I was a twisted psychopath? Just waiting to be friendly and lovey-dovey with him and harm him?

The sun was already gone. He got up again. So did I. I brushed off the dirt off of my clothes, he grabbed the knife.

"If you ever change your mind. Here." He handed me the knife, I stared down at it.

"What am I supposed to do with this?" I asked, he was walking in.

"If you decide to decline, give it back to me. If you decide to leave with me, then.. Keep it." He walked inside, his voice dissapearing along with him.

I stared at the distance. Was a simple rusted knife going to determine my fate?

No matter how childish that sounded, it brought a silly smile on my face.

Because I knew. I knew that if I stayed I'd never get the chance to find you again.

And with the rising sun, I'll determine my choice.