Dinner with Shin

Hell

As Tene flew across the city skyline heading towards his condo, his thoughts kept digging into him like an annoying splinter. Was that soul even telling the truth? There is no real reason to lie in hell, you're already dead. So it either means the soul was delusional, fresh from entering the wrought iron gates and hadn't even started the registration process, or he was telling the truth: an angel made him an offer upon his return to the mortal plane. Tene pondered what the consequences would be if he let this go unreported. It was under his purview, was it not? All fresh souls arrived from the mortal plane…."Wait a…I need to check the policy code for the office of Director." Tene punched it into high gear, putting more energy into his flight output and breaking the sound barrier. He arrived in the airspace just outside his condo in a matter of moments and hit the brakes, acrobatically flipping and cartwheeling to kill his speed. Just as he was about to make contact with his condo's roof, he ramped up his flight output to gently cancel out his forward momentum, landing daintily on his balcony. As he entered his abode, the sweet smell of hickory and what is supposed to be turkey meat wafted into his nostrils. Ah yes, there are no animals in Hell. The animals are His creations, and get auto drafted into H-Town the instant they meet their maker. Besides, you can't cook what is already dead, so the geniuses over at the R&D department made synthetic meat grown in a hell lab, and sold the formula to the hell corporations at a fairly cheap price. Water is scarce, but it is present. Grains and vegetables are grown in labs too, where the R&D department also manages to produce neat ways to grow with the most miniscule amount of moisture. As for the taste and texture, well, let's just say the R&D department still needs to do more R&D. The taste isn't horrible, but nothing compares to the real thing. So the smell Tene got a whiff of was just the fabricated smell of hickory roast turkey that was wafting in the air. Still, it was enough to make his mouth begin to water, but still, his legs were taking him to his office because this splinter needed pulling. Ducking slightly beneath his doorframe, He walks over to his bookshelf and picks up a thick policy handbook created for the Registration department. "I know it's in here someplace" he murmured. He flipped through the contents, until he found the section marked "Policy standards and practices for the onboarding of new souls". His fingers darted gracefully across the subsections and various paragraphs, until he found it. And once he read what he read, a sudden gloom fell over his golden eyes. The policy reads as follows: "As per the rulings of Article 2, section 02.b of the onboarding of new souls, the jurisdiction of THE SOUL becomes under the purview and domain of Lucifer, once THE SOUL enters through the gate. Upon reaching the first checkpoint in THE EFFICIENCY STANDARD ONBOARDING PROCESS which is run by THE DEPARTMENT OF REGISTRATION, the entity known as THE SOUL temporarily comes under the jurisdiction of THE DEPARTMENT OF REGISTRATION until THE SOUL has received their registration documents. Pursuant to Article 2, Section 03, paragraph a, THE DEPARTMENT OF REGISTRATION has no authority, jurisdiction or rule over THE SOUL once they have handed over registration documents to THE SOUL…" Tene slumped in his office chair. "Great." he thought, closing the book. "Whatever that soul was saying is something I can't even act upon. Beelzebub had him before he…Shit". If The devil had jurisdiction, that means the conversation he had with the soul was on record with The Devil's office. Which means Lucifer knows whatever that soul said to him was already being dissected, and that poor soul was probably getting pulled apart to find out everything they can about whoever made the offer. Which also means Tene would have to make a report as to why he didn't report the incident, which means that there could be a chance he could be reprimanded for his lack of action…All things that he would give a shit about if he was in a lower ranking position. Being one of the original "Fallen" has its perks, including brownie points with Lucifer that never expire. The fact that he is also the Director of the department means he only answers to two: Internal Affairs (yes, there are souls who occasionally go against the grain once selected for a position in government), and The Devil Himself. Internal Affairs isn't going to get wind of this unless they conduct an audit of the archive department…Which is basically ran by Shin. His title notwithstanding, "Deputy" Director Miyamoto Musashi serves as not just a dependable go-between for middle management and the director himself, but he performs many of the duties that a director should handle as well. And speaking of Shin…

"Knock knock…" comes the charm of a boyish voice singing through the intercom. Shin had rang the door while Tene was deep in bureaucratic thought. "Welcome in, the food should be defrosted by now." Shin pushes past with a tupperware full of greens and oranges. Not the fruit, but the color. Peas and carrots. Or what is supposed to be peas and carrots. "I can smell it from here, I guess Director's salaries can afford getting the good stuff." says Shin, dressed in a baggy shirt, cargo shorts, and flip flops. "Hey, work hours are over. Shouldn't you have changed by now?" Shin motions to Tene, still in his black business attire. "Sorry. I was reading." He heads over to his coat closet, removing his jacket "Oh yeah? I hope it doesn't have anything to do with that soul we ran into on our way into Gateway City." The tension in Tene's shoulders rise. "It would be a real shame if word of that interaction made its way to the Big Boss." Shin smirks at Tene's back, as the coat closet shuts. "I would appreciate it if you were to handle it if the situation presented itself to you, Deputy Director Shin." Tene knew what Shin was referencing, as it was a similar line of conversation when the two initially met, ironically also during his registration procedure. Back when Shin first walked through the gates of Hell, he was already making a commotion. Whether this was all part of his plan or if he just didn't give a shit, he'll never tell. But it certainly got Tene's attention. As he recalled back then, Tene was doing rounds at the registration desk. Part of his duties is to occasionally check in on the onboarding process, making sure things were running smoothly and efficiently. On this day, a rambunctious boy was seen stomping on and over the heads of the poor souls who passed before him, patiently waiting their turn to get to the first desk. "Make way! Make way, I didn't die just to wind up waiting in line!" A small commotion, some gasps, and suddenly he was at the front of the line, shoving another soul aside who was just starting his journey in Hell. "I've been in that line for what feels like forever! What gives?!" A wild eyed Miyamoto Musashi began beratting the poor soul whose job it was to simply welcome them to Hell, hand them their documents, and shuffle them onto the next line. Little did Musashi know, Director Tenevorius Reikusu was sitting right there next to this poor soul who was just learning the ins and outs of the position, trying their best to do their job. "Well, uh, s-s-sir, you see, you have died and are now in Hell. Welcome, but you just-"

"Does it look like I don't know that?! Where are the demons? the Hell-spawn? The fire and brimstone? I've been staring at the back of some idiot for so long I couldn't take it, so I just made my way here." Miyamoto was the first soul Tene had seen in a long time that had the kind of tenacity and drive to push fate to the side and demand what the hold up was. This man shows initiative. Interesting, thought Tene. "Allow me to handle this case, as you were with your duties." Tene takes Miyamoto aside so the sudden hold up does not affect efficiency rates. A quick flick through of a seemingly never emptying file cabinet next to the desk, and Tene pulls up Shin's file. "Please, Mr. Musashi, come with me." Tene speed reads his file; an unbeaten warrior who used skills with the blade...two of them at the same time even!...tricked and fooled opponents, yet somehow had a Buddhist streak in him. Strange, thought Tene. Usually children of Buddha tend to get reincarnated, sometimes as animals, it all depends on how they went about during their time alive, but it seems fate had other plans for Miyamoto Musashi. "So, Mr. Musashi, welcome to Hell. To answer your questions from earlier, the mortal plane's perception of Hell is not what it is in reality. The souls you see before you are not going to be fed to a hell beast, they aren't going to be doused in hell fire, nobody is forcefully "tortured". However, there is a hierarchy to be found here, an efficiency we need to keep in mind. You happened to cause a disruption, which is why I'm pulling you aside. Disruptions are not commonplace down here. They do happen, but Kahn tends to quell any sort of rebellion before it gets out of hand." Tene guides Miyamoto quickly through the line of the registration process as he talks to him, as easily and quickly as he's done countless times before when it was still only him in the entire department. 

It says here you've never been defeated before in combat, yet you maintain a buddhist like philosophy. However, your tactics as a warrior are...questionable. The department would recommend you to be exiled back into limbo, except the aforementioned buddhist streak. You see, we don't get many Buddhists down below, or not many with a warrior lifestyle. I'm afraid the department would succeed in that request for exile, unless…" Tene trails off. Hoping the perceived choice to be removed from Hell would spark joy in a Buddhist, Tene lays down the hook. "Please do not send me back." Surprisingly, Musashi does not fall for the bait. "Good, because we wouldn't. Your soul is too valuable here." smirked Tene, as he snapped his fingers and the file in his hands disappeared in a poof of smoke and ash. "It would be a real shame if word  got back to the Big Boss that the great Miyamoto Musashi-kun wanted out of Hell" Tene gave a curled smirk. As the two reached the last table, he told the soul attending it he'd be taking on this case personally and to handle things for the rest of the shift. Upon clearing the last table, Miyamoto paused. When arriving in hell, all souls are roughly bipedal shapeless forms, having yet to settle into their eternal one. So Tene was rather surprised as the form shaped and molded into the Miyamoto we now know, all five foot ten, twin grey streaks in his bangs, boyish cheek boned inch of him. "Call me Shin.'' he said, with a grin.

...

After dinner, The two plopped down on Tene's oversized couch, and flipped on the TV. "Man, that was the best tasting meat I've had in a while." said Shin, stretching out his arms and relaxing on the couch. "Your veggies were well seasoned. My compliments to the chef." Tene flipped through the tube, looking for anything interesting. Of course, nothing was interesting, nothing was new, it was the same repeated garbage as it was the last time: "efficiency ratings up, Hell economy is gaining, try this new made in Hell product." This wasn't new to Tene, he'd seen the same thing for countless lifetimes. But what was bugging him now was still the same thing that was bugging him before. The issue with this soul… "So, do you want to talk about it?" Shin obviously knew what was on Tene's mind. The mute button was pressed. "While I know it will be put in capable hands if word got back up to you, Shin, I'm curious about checking into what that soul said. I've heard all sorts of things in 6000 some odd years of the mortals' existence. 'oh, I shouldn't be here, I should be in heaven, what gives', etcetera. But not once have I heard that an angel had made a soul a promise, and then still wind up here Down Below. Angels do not deal in promises, especially with mortals." Shin looked on, speculatively. "making deals is usually a job for our side. So when I hear a soul say they made a deal with an angel, well, it peaks my interest." He leans back, staring at his ceiling. The same ceiling he'd stared at for a long time. The same ceiling gets boring every now and then. "And what do you think you'll be able to accomplish? No angel is going to communicate with you, Tene." Shin brings some sense back into his thoughts. "True. But you seem to forget, Shin, I was once one of them. There are still ways to open up channels of communication. Just…" Tene paused. Not sure if he should follow through, because it could set off a chain reaction that he may not be able to come out of unscathed. "Just what?" Shin's interest has been peaked as well. "You aren't going to...go back, are you?" a gentle scoff escapes Tene's lips. "Even if I wanted to, there is no way they'd let me in. I've been clipped. My wings won't work Up There. It's not like I want to start over up there. I kinda like it down here." He turns over with a smile, as if to show Shin it's not as bad as it really is in Hell. This was a facade; of course he wouldn't mind being allowed back in His Good Graces. Several of the other Fallen had already decided to take the ultimate leap into the pits of despair, after several thousand years of watching Hell turn into an amalgamation of mortal society, filled with evil capitalism. They were still Fallen Angels on the inside, they did not particularly enjoy the achievements of His creation, even if their greatest contribution to life is "capitalism". Seeing hell turn into what it has turned into, made most of them want to take a smiting over trying to change anything. Tene was one of the few still around, who adapted well into the society that Hell had become. He still despised the mortals that made it that way, but enjoyed some of the guilty pleasures they brought with them Down Below. Food, for instance. The entertainment at one point used to be entertaining. But he knew, deep inside, that it must be better Up There. Up There, he wouldn't have to worry about efficiency standards, or getting people registered. Once you're in, you're in. But unfortunately, Shin knew his friend for too long to know when he was lying. "Tene, your charm isn't going to work on me. Tell me, what would you do if you were allowed back in?" Shin is sat up now, he's back to being deputy director Musashi now. "Stop it, Shin. No, it's not so much me wanting to go back, but finding out why the angels have suddenly started offering deals to the mortals. All they ask for is undying devotion to Him, never anything other than entrance to His Kingdom in return." Tene's cogs begin to turn. "If they truly are offering deals, it has to be for a reason. Especially if it's to souls who they already know aren't making it Up There." Shin looks up at Tene's ceiling. It's a ceiling he's stared at countless times. It's not that it's boring, but Tene hadn't moved for as long as he's known him. Meanwhile, Shin has moved over a dozen times before he found a decent apartment. It's not as if he didn't have the Hell bucks, no, Tene made sure that he received more than adequate pay for him to even afford his own Hell mansion on the east side of Gateway City, in the same neighborhood that George Bush lives in. He's the lead anchor at HNN. "Director Tene, if you are going to the mortal plane, I can't let you go alone. The Big Boss won't let you go alone either. He'd need to keep you accountable. To make sure you won't switch." He leans over to Tene, making sure he hears every word. "However, If the up and coming Deputy Director of Archives, Miyamoto Musashi were to accompany you, perhaps if the mission were to gather intel as to why the Angels are offering deals, maybe permission could be granted." Shin delivers a grin only a child in a confectionary store could give. "And who knows, maybe if we are successful, I might get a promotion to full on Director!" The dual wielding warrior pumps his fists as if to affirm his self proclaimed victory. But Tene knew better, too. He knows when mortals have an agenda to run, and Musashi was born a mortal. He probably wants in as badly as Tene does. But he'll allow it. But will He allow it? "This sounds like a feasible course of action. When can you submit the request to your superior? I hear Director Fisher wants to take leave and enjoy time with family she's accumulated over the ages." As Tene heads to his room, Shin is already headed towards the door. "I'm headed back to the office right now to submit the appropriate forms. And yes, Director Fisher is training me to assume her position sometime soon. She might be starting a Bed and Breakfast with her family, ironically." 

"good for her, let's just hope there are no trap doors in any of those bedrooms". Tene smirked, and waved his friend goodbye. "I'll see you at the weekly briefing tomorrow?" Shin was already beginning to glow a dim blue. "Hopefully with approval!" And with a sizzle and a zip, Shin had teleported away, presumably back to his office in Gateway City.

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