Chapter 1

Almost half an hour passed but I was still staring into space blankly. I refused to believe what was happening right now.

There was no way it could have happened to me. It was impossible! I was almost succeeded to fool myself that none of this was real but the letter in my hand told me otherwise. It was real! The realization made me closed my eyes and a small sigh escaped my lips involuntary.

I didn't know what to do. I was lost. Attempting to calm down in this situation seemed absurd but I tried to do it by taking a deep breath and exhaled it slowly. When I felt a bit relaxed, my eyes fluttered open only to be greeted with the same letter that left me with a headache. I leaned against the worn-out couch, the letter slipped out of my hands and fell on the floor. For the moment, the soft couch was a haven to my exhausted mind and aching body. It wasn't a dream after all.

I was already exhausted with my part-time job at the local cafe and everything that was happening right now just made it tenth times harder for me. Still attempting to prove that this wasn't real, I pinched my cheek but the pain that came soon after making me bit my lips in frustration.

Letting out a sigh, I straightened my back and picked up the letter on the floor. It was only a piece of paper but I could feel the invisible burden was forcibly placed on me just by touching it. The fear and uncertainty made my hands couldn't stop shaking so I had to fist them to make it less obvious. Taking a deep breath, I decided to read it once again just to make sure that it really was for me. This time, I was taking too much time to the point that I was spelling it word by word. I stopped once I read the line that turned my life upside down. It was too much for me when it said that I was admitted to Washington Private University.

WPU? As in the university for the rich kids? The said university was famous for the kids who born with a silver spoon in their mouths. It meant that the wealthy and influential people were all over the university so what I was doing there? The only way for a commoner like me to get admitted was by the scholarship and that was exactly stated in the letter. The real question was, how I got into it when I didn't even apply for it in the first place?

I was aware that I have always got a perfect grade. I had even received an award for my outstanding academic achievement at my high school graduation. Being a good student and all, I even got a special award. But, I didn't want to further my study over there. I had never wanted any of it because I knew I wouldn't fit in that kind of world. All I wanted was to study in a common university. Why this was happening to me?

I was so tired and I found myself snuggled deeper against the couch, making me smaller than I already was. This was too much for me to take. As I closed my eyes, the images of my late parents flashed into my mind. If they still here, they must be so proud of me, right? My lips curled into a small smile once I imagined the big smiles on their faces if they knew I was admitted into WPU.

My smile vanished as soon as I remembered why they were not here with me. It was all because of me. They lost their lives in an accident when they were on their way to pick me up from my school. It was my first day in the high school and they wanted to be a part of it. Unfortunately, a drunk driver lost control of his car and hit theirs from behind.

My life was gone in a split second as soon as I got the news. I felt like my heart has stopped beating as if the light in my life was being taken away from me in the most brutal way that I could ever imagine. I was hopeless, I was broken and I was sure I would never heal, that I would never survive this hell.

But, I was completely wrong about it. When I was confident that I would die in the pit of the darkness alone, Linda, the only women who I could call Aunt, saved me. My mother's best friend was the one who pulled me away from the desperation. She was the only one who had never given up on me when all of my relatives abandoned me like a piece of ugly rug. When I was forced to move out of my house because I couldn't afford to pay for the rent, Linda offered a place for me. My family may not be well-off but I couldn't ask for more. My father was a firefighter and my mother was a housewife. They were the best parents that anyone could have and I was so grateful to be their daughter.

After staying with Linda for a year, she had moved to Portland because of her daughter. Linda's daughter claimed that I stole her Mom and maybe that was why she had never taken a liking to me. She had threatened Linda to choose between us and it made me guilty to see Linda's sad face so I encouraged her to move there with her daughter. She didn't want to leave me but I assured her that I was fine over here. After Linda moved away, I was so lonely and it scared me because I was afraid of the dark so it was hard at the beginning but I got used to it now. As life became tougher for me, I landed my first part-time job at a café. It may be not enough but I could live with it.

It was when I got the determination to be successful. I wanted to finish my study with a perfect grade, got a first-class degree and hopefully getting a decent job. I didn't do it for myself but my loved ones. It just, I wanted to repay Linda for everything she had done for me and made my parents proud of me. I was so desperate to achieve my goal. That was the only thing that keeps me smiling despite the unfortunate things in my life.

After hours of doing nothing on the couch, I finally got up after I took a glimpse of the clock hanging above the flat-screen television. It was already past midnight. Time sure flew fast even I did nothing at all. I put the letter on the envelope nicely before stuffing it inside my bag. Wiping away the tears with a sad smile on my face, I didn't even realize that I had been crying the whole time, I got up, grabbing my bag on the coffee table before making my way to the bedroom. I walked past by the kitchen, feeling full already just thinking about the letter.

***

Putting down my cellphone on the study table, I was staring into space before heaving a deep sigh. After breaking the news that I got admitted to WPU to Linda, I was left with guilt. I thought that talking with her through the phone would put my mind at ease, but I was completely wrong about it. My mind was in complete chaos because of her reaction.

Linda was overloaded with happiness as soon as I told her about WPU. Judging by her excited voice, I knew that she was so thrilled about it. To be honest, I was actually had been expected it. Of course, who wouldn't be happy and proud about it? Me, it was only me.

Resting my cheeks in my palm, I was left with a headache, didn't know what to do after hearing Linda's happy voice earlier. I wanted to turn down the offer very badly but I hated it when thinking that I had to disappoint the one and only person that I could call family. All of this happened because of my homeroom teacher. If only she didn't secretly apply WPU for me, I won't be trapped in this situation. I got that she only wanted the best for me but... I didn't know what to think right now. I felt an immense burden suddenly dropped down on my shoulder. This wasn't what I wanted. I just wanted to go to an ordinary university. All of the thinking was definitely stressed me out, so I decided that I would turn down the offer.

I knew that I was going to let Linda down because of my decision but I really didn't want to go to WPU. Besides, I was already exhausted from thinking about it so I just wanted to forget about the matter. As I came up with the decision to turn down the offer, I got up from my seat and walked towards the bed and lay down with a heavy feeling tugging my heart. When I closed my eyes, I somehow could see the crest of WPU in my dream.

***

Two months later

I was practically frozen the moment I got out of the bus. I was really at Washington Private University. I had never thought that there would come a day where I could be in a place called WPU. My mouth was gaping in awe when I looked at the huge building in front of me. I knew that it was far from the original decision that I had in mind two months ago. However, the plan was backfired when I saw Linda on my doorstep the next morning. She was making a surprise visit to celebrate my admittance to WPU. What other choices I had other than forgetting about turning down the offer? I didn't have the heart to tell her that I was planning to turn down the offer.

My heart was heavy as I thought of studying there, but I reminded myself that I was doing it for Linda. I would be doing everything just to protect the smile on her face. I didn't care much about myself as long as she was happy. I owed her that much. My steps were heavy but I continued to walk towards the Administration Building. When I had arrived at the entrance of the building, I couldn't stop getting eaten by the nervousness. My hands were trembling so badly, making the urge to run away appeared like crazy. I had been preparing myself by searching for the information about WPU like crazy for these two months. All of the information about the university was already on the tip of my fingers. However, judging by my pale face, it didn't help me that much.

My cowardice took me over and I was about to turn my body around and forgot the whole WPU thing when the door was opened from inside all of sudden, revealing a woman in her 30s who greeted me with a friendly smile. I managed to smile back awkwardly.

"First-year?", she asked, still wearing a friendly smile on her beautiful face.

It seemed that she didn't mind my awkwardness. I had never nodded my head so fast in my life before.

"Y... Yeah. I'm Hanna Brooke...", I tried to sound casual but my voice came out like I was choking on something.

That was embarrassing. She tried to suppress her laughter out of politeness.

"It's okay, I understand it very well. Let's go this way, shall we?"

I nodded my head and followed her. I was actually thankful that she didn't mention anything about my flaw. I didn't want to get teased by the first person that I encountered in the university. It would be going to shatter my confidence so badly although I had never had one, to begin with. I felt dizzy when the elevator stopped at level 5. I almost clashed with her when she suddenly stopped by the door at the very end of the hallway.

"You can wait in this room", she said, making my stomach turned in displeasure.

"Y...Yeah, sure. Thank you", I managed to thank her before she walked away.

I took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly. That was it. There was no turning back after I went inside. I wouldn't be able to change my mind after that. I needed to accept that I was really going to further my study at WPU. After managed to calm down, I reached the doorknob before twisting it. I swallowed all of my nervousness and pushed the door open.