Chapter one: A little bit of my past
Author's note:
I am about to share with you a work of fiction .......say imagination .......mixed with dreams.
I thought a lot that I am a weird person; because of all what I suffered in my life and the way I reacted to each of the problems and crisis.
You'll find a dramatic story that brings reality because I found that a lot of people try to escape of life while watching movies or reading this sicko books about a fantasy love story that we all know isn't in real life and that is to me, not even close to the real description of the word love ..........that I guess we all have a lack in knowing it and due to that we unfortunately choose the wrong person and leave the one that loved us the most and live to regret it our whole life........
Well, this is my first book and I am not fully American; I have another nationality so I am really sorry if I had any problems while writing or expressing......I once had a problem with a girl because she got me wrong but, I'll try to please you and to give you some information about Egypt and the Egyptians' traditions because I live there and my story is happening there.
I am trying to prove to you with evidence that nobody is bad or wicked or evil, and nobody is always a victim but, our problem in life is that we see all stuff from one side; we don't see even the things we do. We never consider them as wrong but we judge others like that.........
If you didn't like ideas in this book about ending of people or love story please send me on my e-mail that I will put for you in the end so we could talk and just so you could know the drama isn't too much; it's actually the only reality in this book. So please enjoy the book and live a million lives in it and love yourself because it is worth loving ;)
P.S. this book is written as a journal or diary of the character that she'll publish at the end as a book + POVs
P.S. Guys!
The first chapters are so gloomy and sad but those upcoming are quite the opposite: funny, romantic, and much more. I'm sure you'll fall in love!
I hope I don't cause any sorrow to anybody who experienced violence in his life! I really hope this world would be a better place and each one of us feels what the other is going through.
I hope all the bullies stop!
I hope we all stand for each others and I hope that those who have even faced bullies to stand for themselves and to never change if they were right.
Chapter 1: A little bit of my past
"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."
—Lao Tzu
Love is the best feeling anybody could feel even if it all started with hate. Maybe sometimes it is better to start with hate; it becomes stronger! Safety is always the base of long-lasting love and it is built if there was trust. With distrust, there is no love!
“Good morning, love.”
“Good morning, Natty!”
“Again with that nickname?!”
“What can I do when you look this dashing, spiffy, and rakish with your messy hair?”
“I was wondering if you had an extra heart. Because mine was just stolen.”
“Hahaha! You make me feel as if I never told you anything good. FYI, I have read this pick up line before.” I said winking.
“My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.” He said and started chuckling.
“Eww! That’s the most disgusting and the worst pick up line I have ever heard…like…really eww!”
“But don’t deny, it’s funny.”
“Just shut up! Weird, why are you all men like this?”
“Like what? Oh, I got what you meant; I know you’re jealous because my hair gets messy but still looks sexy while yours doesn’t! Don’t worry, I love you anyways.” He said and then blew me a kiss… and said:
“Guaranteed, I can blow your mind…Mwah!”
“Okay as you like, I’ll go to choose something to wear. Could you help me choose?” I gave him puppy eyes.
“You know what you would look really beautiful in?”
“What?”
“My arms.”
“Are you kidding me?” I said chuckling…”And I was thinking you were seriously helping me!”
“Intellia, this life is tiring so much, isn’t it? You know, Do you ever get tired?”
“From what?”
“From running through my thoughts all night?”
“What's gotten into you, today? You’re so funny and caring and lovey dovey, do you want to ask me for something?” I looked at him this analytical look.
“Well, can’t you ask for a day-off? So we could cuddle a little bit…
Have more time together…”
“Okay!”
“Okay, wait what?”
“I’ll call this day off! What do you want to do?
We’ll do whatever you want, Nate!”
“You know… I always wanted to tell you that I loved it more when you used to call me Nathaniel.”
“Really, darling! Okay, Nathaniel. I actually loved it more too…”
“I am sorry I brought the past. I know it was full of hurt and pain to you…”
“But it made me meet you at last, didn’t it?”
“Really! Are you really happy you met me even if I was so mean to you at that time… Don’t you ever think of forgiving Xander? You know… Don’t you feel like you would like to leave me and we would divorce so you could go back to him?”
“No! I would never think of that. Why do you think so?”
“I mean he is your first love after all! He was your everything.”
“But as you said “Was” in the past tense! Now… it’s all you! You are my everything!
You are my friend… My partner in crime… My bad boy… My true and only love… My beloved Nathaniel… My baby’s father… The only one that trusted and believed me… The only one always by my side even when we found all the clues for guilty as charged… You believed my innocence… You did all you could to prove me right till you saved me!… You will always be my Nathaniel in my eyes. I truly love you.” I said and I couldn’t help my tears.
“I can’t find words to express my happiness of this beautiful love confession, my beautiful wife!… My first and only love.” He said and joined me crying while hugging me…
“You know why I always loved calling you Nathaniel?”
“No, maybe it’s more manly… Maybe hot too?”
“No, it’s because it means a gift of God! I always saw you like that…”
“How? Even when I was mean?!”
“Yeah! I mean I saw you as Xander’s friend, why would you be all nice with me? I never actually cared about that… but you shared a lot with me… Remember the love of chocolate! We were the only two eating from my chocolate cake, cookies, and ice-cream. You would stay helping me out with my studies and sometimes we would study together… you always gave me some of your passion until I became addicted to my studies! We celebrated together our success…
You know, I guess sometimes you forgot you were mad at me and you were the nicest!”
“Could I ask for something really important because… It just keeps on messing with my brain?! What is it with my baby’s father?! Do you mean Matthew or…?”
“Yeah! It’s the “Or” thing… I’m pregnant!”
“Oh my God! I’ll be a father again!” He began calling out loud and laughing. “I love you, I love you, I love you a million times!” He hugged me and began circling around…
“I am sorry, I am sorry. Did I hurt you? Is the baby alright? You should rest…” He said that and I kept laughing. He is so adorable!
“I’m fine. Trust me, I’m fine!”
“You’re fine… like… not tired? Like could we do stuff?”
“Yeah! Why not? You said to call the day off and I will so, why not?”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah! But first off, let’s start with family breakfast! What do you think?”
“When it comes to your food, I never say no.”
“But you’re helping mister!”
“Okay, okay! You know… we could watch a movie after that but, there is unfortunately a problem!”
“What? Why? What is it?”
“I’d like to take you to the movies, but they don’t let you bring in your own snacks.”
“God damn! You got me in love again.”
“In my opinion, there are three kinds of beautiful: Cute, pretty, and sexy. Somehow, you manage to be all three.”
“You know, I had a pickup line ready to go, but you’re so hot it just left my mind.”
“Oh my God! It’s hard to compete with you in pick up lines!”
“You know it’s good that I kept all my life written as a book so that I always look back to all our love story…
You may have been mean, arrogant, and a lot more but at last, you captured my heart!”
“Yeah! Maybe we could take a look after that… in any cheesy part of my different attempts to tempt you to love me after you broke down.”
“Okay, maybe we could read a little bit when we’re cuddling… I still can’t believe it became this famous best-selling novel in the whole world!
…
Wait a second…
We’ll be late on preparing breakfast if you keep on distracting me like that! Go wake Matthew and tell him to come help us with the cookies…”
“Wait what! Cookies?!
Even in zero gravity, I would still fall for you! Are you a magician? Because when I’m looking at you, you make everyone else disappear!”
“Okay, I got it and I love you too… mwah!” I blew him a kiss.
I watched him go to wake Matt up and thought thank God I was blessed with such a good family…
He’s such a great man! A great father! A great husband!
“Now, captain Matthew is flying to reach his mom now in his special ship! Vroom… vroom!” I heard his voice calling then I saw him holding Matthew by his waist and making him use his hands as if he’s Superman… I am truly in love with this man.
…
“Wow, mom! Those cookies look delicious but, this shape I can’t get… what is it? What is this circle and wait a second… mom, is this a baby… car? It is so cute!”
“Okay, Matt. Let’s put a little bit of decoration on these circles so you get what those are…. Here it is! Huh! What is it?”
“It’s a small baby face, mom. I love it; it is so beautiful! You know, mom, I really want a brother to be his big bro and his idol or a sister to protect her and treasure her!”
“Oh my beautiful Matthew, how did I became lucky to have this precious heart of yours?! You know your wish became true cuz, we’re having a baby!”
“Hurray! I’ll be a big brother?!” He kept screaming and running around me saying he is a big brother.
The door bell rang…
“Wait Nathaniel, I’ll get it.”
“No, honey, I’ll get it. I don’t want you to ever be tired!”
“So cheesy…”
“Haha!”
He opened the door and saw the devil himself that ruined my past.
“Hello, brother!”
Intellia's journal
This is actually the story of my life, the point where everything changed – for the best of course – the point where I realized all that I have learned in my life was a lie – a total big fat one- that was actually close to destroying it.
I thought it is best to show it to all of you – my loyal readers as I wish you would always be in the future
This was the time where I found out I didn't matter to a lot of people so close to me that you will never think about: my family!
Hope you would learn from it.
Divinity and devotions were my way out to real life and real pleasure – to real love – that I was at first afraid of because of its meaning in books. So I registered it to you to enjoy it. And trust me, it was amazingly perfect .
Intellia
I spent my whole life searching for peace till I thought I found it, but I have lived the most beautiful love story, I thought I was dreaming.......but I don't know what happened to us? I don't know who to blame? This is a long story....that didn't end and I don't know how it will? But let me tell it to you.
People say that the girl with separated parents is complicated and can't be a straight woman dealing with couple problems; that's how the Egyptian society judge her so the marriage could be cancelled just for that matter..........
Well my parents weren't divorced but there was KHULA so trust me, that is seen worst!
Flashback
"I always heard screams or even worst.
I am really sorry I will explain it to you as my child brain got it and made me honestly fear having a relationship like a marriage or even engagement ......
When I -Intellia- was young I was daddy's little girl, I loved him so much. But there was something happening I didn't know. Someday my mom was crying and grandpa came to get her, she wanted to leave, but why?? She told me to come with her but I didn't get it so I stayed with my dad while my sisters went with her to her family's house. I thought we were the happiest family on earth.
I mean we are an Egyptian family?!
I know what you felt reading that, that it is a silly thought but I feel Egyptians have this sort of commitment, love, goodness and selflessness
that none of the nations has.
In Egypt, cousins get married so my dad – Kindil- actually travelled abroad and lived in America 9 years and got the nationality, he was the playboy there while getting the master degree.....you know the worst thing I hate, is saying that; you know when a child loves his dad, he wishes that his dad is the best man on earth.
He gained there a lot of money and became a millionaire. So after that, he came back to Egypt to visit his parents and to settle down and get married. He searched for a good wife and after a lot of attempts, his mom told him about my mom -Magnicent- how beautiful and amazing she is so, they hung out and got engaged and then married, my mom liked him but until now I don't know how he felt about her – he just told me when I saw her I knew she was the one I would marry- weird huh?
Well, let me tell you a little bit about weird, in Egypt most of the marriages are arranged like...
You could be in college and some guy would see you and how you act with other girls and how you're polite and you don't speak to boys but if there was work between you two... you would see him asking for your hand in marriage in a short while.
You could find this so cold and unsentimental but in fact, it is so decent, it gives each woman her place like any religion wants; you get the chance to know him in the engagement period and trust me it isn't that hard; you could feel if he is avaricious or as you say tight-fisted or even irresponsible because, let's be honest women aren't easy huh !
You won't lose yourself and get wasted on a guy and he will leave when he doesn't want you any more, you won't have a baby that will suffer and will always blame you for making him bullied at school for being without a father .........
So women please think, just think how you'd be worthless! A guy chooses a woman for only HIM!
Back to the story .......
So we were now 2 sisters -Intellia, Wist- and this is all that I knew – but that was not near the truth.
After a while, my mom came back to my dad and by that moment, I was his favourite because I stayed with him.
Like he felt I chose him over my mom.
So a piece of advice for all women, make the man feel special whenever he felt left, angry, sad or even disappointed in his work or life and he will never leave and will always love you for that. You know God made us for each other to help each other in this twisted life but, the problem is that we're sometimes selfish so we hurt each other.
Years after that..........
I heard screams. Me and my sisters were in our room..... Our door was locked but then it opened
– As an explanation, well because of the dampness of the place; I live in Alexandria the most amazing city ever, it didn't close that day, everything is meant to be, it is God's willing that we saw that-
and I saw my dad GRABBING MOM BY HER HAIR, AND SMITING Her.
I was scared but I froze he took her and started hitting her in the wardrobe over and over again, she wanted to know the reason, he said she didn't say hi when she arrived from the zoo with us and our aunt. After a while, with those sounds, my mom came and she was creeping over the ground with the help of her hands to move to our room, she couldn't stand she was PARALYSED.
She was crying and then, her family came to get her to the hospital and they just said she fell over the stairs and hit her head. She had temporary paralysis and bell's palsy or like other doctors say neurapraxia that would be treated by certain drugs.
My dad refused to let us go until the next day when her family came. There was a fight that led that we went to our mom back in her family's house. My mom wanted to get a divorce but... dad refused. He told her what she could do is Khula (to explain it to you, this is something done in Islam; when a husband doesn't want to divorce his wife but, he treats her so badly but, it gives her no rights after it so, she doesn't get anything from him )so that she won't get any money from him and he also refused to pay any money for us to be brought up in a normal way.
So at this point, there was no dad, no money, no kindness.
So we asked my dad's father for money because my older sister suffered from diabetes and we were out of glucometer strips and she had to go to the hospital for her high sugar level in blood and ketosis that cost 2 thousand Egyptian pounds..... You know what he said ''your dad told me not to give you any money''
My sister said that she would never ask again for my dad's family's help even if she was dying.
Finally, we managed the money because grandpa – my mom's father – gave us a share of his money to live peacefully and to start the steps in Khula. Imagine being 3 years old and seeing that and actually standing there against your dad saying in front of everybody that NO, YOU HIT OUR MOM, YOU CAUSED ALL OF THIS.
This was my little brother. I was 10 years, going to the tribunal before my exams, my school days, spending time there in the lawyer's office. My dad did a maintenance case, but my mom wanted us and she did expense case to get us money.
My dad changed everything... he registered everything to his dad and said that he rented the house and he even put another guy's name on it. He refused everything even to give us our home back. One day, my dad's father came and told us that hell will have to freeze over so that she could ever reach anything, I went every day to school... I had friends at school who never knew it and always envied me for all what I had; amazing family and cute and tender brother and sisters.
But my mind was crammed that I didn't care.
I was questioned in my french class...
"Alors intellia, Est-ce que tu peux me résumer ce que je disais de cette scène de Britannicus? "
_Could you please sum up what I said about this Britannicus scene? —
"Cette scène montrait comment Néron était un tyran disant monarque qui voulait mettre tout le monde dans son tableau de chasse commençant par son frère Britannicus et ainsi de suite "
_This is the scene where Néron is a total tyrant, monarch who wanted to kill anyone in his hunting ground beginning with his brother Britannicus and so it goes.._
I was never the one who couldn't pay attention but, this time I was... My teacher felt it, so she asked me and I just said that I couldn't sleep because of my little brother and not That my world is falling apart right now! She talked to my mom and said that I was jealous of the attention given to him.
I didn't want people's pity so that's what they thought.
I couldn't feel safe for one hour in my life! I felt left...
No one in my dad's family ever asked about us.
They could call and threat us only that we should come back or dad won't pay school's fees and we would have to work to receive any education...
Well,
Thank God! Dad after a while paid for school, my mom went to work to provide us with what we need...And pay for the court cases.
I was jaded until I decided to audition to the opera and sing with my sisters. We tried to change all this misery and be free, we succeeded and I was happy to perform in a concert, being loved by the people and cheered, I felt strong, talented, valued after I had been left by my dad's family.
...... There was one thing that I have read before.............
"Don't tell God how big your problems are, tell your problems how big your God is "
Nwofoke Kingsley.
But why did this happen? What was the thing that made my dad so angry? Why did he do that to his own kids? Why was he so different than the one I loved before? Why will he be kind after that – you will see -? There must be a hidden part of this story that no one knows and that we will die without knowing it ..........
"sometimes our problems in life could be solved when we tell each other the reason for us being angry, so being sincere to ourselves and each other could actually solve all our human problems; even a husband telling his wife what he dislikes so she could fix it or even try to improve, and not lying and saying silly excuses neglecting the fact and reality and causing them pain; however, a husband should say it in a delicate way without causing her sadness of criticism"
After 5 years
Here I am finally home with my mom, my sisters and my brother happy but unfortunately without my dad...
Well, I am sure that all that happened was because of his family because, when all this happened they supported him and his reason for this fight was unconvincing so I guess there is always this part that is hidden from you in life.
We finally were happy and we managed to talk to our dad and meet him a day each week, he tried his best to change, to be kind, and I knew it was the best he could do. We went out, talked, laughed, I know it's weird after all that he had done and now we treated him like there was nothing... Well, but as I told you there was a part missing because, when we finally reached home with the judicial right, we found anxiety medication..... So after all, he suffered too.
But why did he do this to his family???
Why did he do this to his wife??
Well, let me tell you what happened the first time that a fight had happened between them, my mom was in the kitchen and she was breastfeeding my little sister- the third one Sillun – when my dad was talking to her and insulting her family, so she just started stopping him but, he proceeded harder and harder ........
Until he started CHOKING her till she couldn't feel her limbs and had no control on them that my sister fell and her head was hit and he stopped because my sister was screaming so she grabbed her and started breastfeeding her again and this happened again and again till she left my sister and he struck her that he broke his hand while hitting her on her head.......... Could you imagine this life?
I loved daddy while I was scared of him all my life! When I cried, I would hide because he hated people crying. He was violent whenever any of us did anything.
THE CHILD NEVER HATES HIS PARENTS! NO MATTER WHAT THEY DID!
When I was young, I loved going to my uncle's house – my dad's brother – to play with my cousins, our relationship was so intimate, we played, laughed together because, we liked them but they were always avoiding meeting us by saying that they were busy with whatever but, whenever our dad was around they would act as if they missed us.
After the fight, my uncle threatened us and told us not to contact them ever and refused to help us.
Well, these were my struggles in my life, being actually friendly to a family that fakes love to me in front of my dad and who left me behind in all the time I needed them.
But that wasn't the end, that was the start of something new, something beautiful, flourish with pleasure.............