CHAPTER 1

Seventeen years, and nine days into it. How much more I wish to have, is so hard a choice to make. Maybe 100, 50, or ten but all this also has terms and conditions. Happiness was never promised to us and if it was, it was just a bluff. If I am wrong then I am in another world. I fancy so many things and places and where I am at the moment I am not sure if I should look back or forwards.

I want to be in a new place with new people and new and fresh faces. A choice so hard to make but will that make me a different person? I would also love to know how it is that I can live like that. I could also go back and give it all, you mean. I could also get a new life and maybe meet my little brother there. I don't know if you all get it. I can go back and be with my little brother who was with us for just a few months. There is always a new chapter where you move on and start another life but what if I want to live my only live twice. Same events but this time I can be able to decipher and actually know what awaits me ahead. This time I know how much time I have and might want to change it and do it differently. I would make enough memories with little Collins and have to remember his face, voice, giggles, scent, and all that was made of him. I will be sure that I don't have enough time and won't wait on you to grow so that I can get to do things with you. I wouldn't run to watch my favorite show after school. I wouldn't be mad when you cry or when mum asks me to watch over you for a few minutes instead of me being out with my friends. That was enough time I had to bond with you. We would be close and this would hurt more when you leave but I think that would be better. I would have memories to smile over while tears course over my cheeks.

Okay, this quarantine was really overwhelming. I am in my room all time and I am just replaying my life events. Main life events to be precise. Oh yes, I have a ton of assignments and classes. I also am scared that this virus might also take me away. It is a tough time. I am very invested in writing my journal and I feel like school is really hard right now but I am almost done and I am ready to join university. I write poems and some stories and I just can't share them since I am not sure I want people to see that part of me. It seemed like, me standing naked in a gathering of people. I am not sure what reactions people would make. Some would be embarrassed, some shocked at the audacity, and some wouldn't even notice me. Huh! Others might get enticed by some features too. Wasn't ready to receive innuendos. So it is just me in my new world and private conversations and reveals between me and my journal. Watching so many shows and relating so intensely with some moments and oops pangs of nostalgia hitting.

Maybe I really do have a new life if I survive this pandemic. Studies and school oh my word! All this is so overwhelming. Being a student is another tough world. You might have been so excited about the course and a few months later you are questioning why you even began the course in the first place. Deadlines, so many random CATs, classes, and having examinations. Not forgetting that your friends are in different places and you can't see them physically. Applies if you had friends to miss.

I have basically finished reading Romeo and Juliet and I know that I will only experience love in books. It was a great choice to put it into books. Well, it seemed like I was given a shot to start afresh and allow myself to feel and be loved. We are still in the middle of a pandemic. I will take it of course but leaving my family will be the hardest choice I ever make. I am reading several books and I really now start getting the urge to live my life. It might also be the best choice I make in life, there is a possibility I finish my studies and live a great life. I have been so fortunate to have great trips with family. I do want to try the solo trips and maybe make friends and make fabulous memories with them. Of course, all of them are planned. I believe I will enjoy myself with them but for now, let me make the choice and move to a dimension. I have started to have different interests and the determination to explore different places. For months I have thought of it and I now have to put it into action. I have to wait for four months, I received a scholarship since my grades were very pleasing and I was to choose a university of my choice in any city of my choice too. I sit with my parents and have a talk with them and they agree to let me go to any choice I was to make. Just four months is all I have to wait as the government also resumes the flights since they have been banned for some time. Excitement, anxiety, and I have the fear of the unknown. I let go of the fear since it won't make me change anything. I will enjoy the last four months here with my friends before I get to say goodbye to them. New starts are a little hard since you are starting from scratch in a new place. You know not anyone in the hood. And you aren't so sure of the treatment you might receive.

Greece has been my dream country, but I have to make a great choice not just the place but also the university must be a leading one in my course of interest. Some choices are hard to make but you just have to make them. My twin sister and brother, are the most valuable people that I will miss. My parents too of course. Well, they are in the 11th grade and prom is approaching. It is one of the most memorable occasions in school. Seeing these two siblings of mine has made me admire having a twin especially when it is a brother and a sister. Alasdair my brother is one of the main reasons I will never be afraid or paranoid about my sister's welfare. He is a protective brother and will always take care of my sister. He is her date too on the prom date. I can't wait to make them look beautiful and amazing on that day. They were just so lucky that they didn't miss it due to the pandemic. It was adjusted and there were to be guidelines to be followed in order to make everyone safe. I was in my senior year and they were to come in since the school introduces junior prom.

In the meantime, I am here struggling to finish up school. I really don't know why the last minutes or rather when you are just winding up, things get harder and you are quite less concerned. For this period my other best friend has been Lauzon my dog. I am so attached to this dog. He is so much to me. I have thought of it several times if one can carry a pet while traveling but I know that to be impossible.

I have been with him for two years now. He is a short brown fluffy puppy. He is always a great company for walks and also when I am just chilling in my room. Weeks pass by, I have been reading books and studying once in a while. We have also been catching up with some of my favorite classmates. For prom, there have to be great outfits since it is the last event in school and I also felt like I should look stunning on that day. Maritim Ryan, some bright kid who was always the name that came after mine after the examinations had asked to be my prom date and I promised to give him an answer. He was always a smart kid, he had both the brains and an appealing outward appearance.

He was the son of a baker and his mother was a wonderful tailor. He also always worked hard for a scholarship since he knew his parents couldn't afford to take him to study far from home since they really didn't have enough resources for that. He has ever come first in class and I swore that he would never beat me again and I kept that promise. He would only speak to me when congratulating me or when we are discussing a certain question on a test. He was also a boy to be admired, with some fine hazel eyes. Most of his features were tolerable but his height was also a great thing for him.

Weeks passed and we had finished our end-of-year exams and also last high school exams. With the right outfit and also some good makeup I dressed up and also helped my sister. Alasdair the most handsome man in our house, who had taken after my dad and also had received some extra package of beauty was in a mauve suit and a black turtle neck. I wished he was my date but I had already given that chance to Maritim. So Alasdair and Elsa took off and Maritim was also on time. I heard the doorbell just after I closed the door after they had left. The silky shirt was what caught my eyes first. It was maroon in color and it was half-buttoned, leaving his broad chest out. He was built naturally he wasn't really a guy that went to the gym. Of course, the bread he ate really gave him a masculine body and maybe he did work out in his room several days. His fragrance that day was also amazing, maybe I didn't pay attention to him on other days but I felt like he really did play his part today. He was in a black tuxedo and his shoes too were so classy he must have saved a lot for them.

I really didn't regret him being my date. I really didn't think he would look this nice. "Hey there beautiful, you look stunning, may I?" he spoke to me as he put his right arm in front of me. I took my arm to his hand and he followed by giving it a kiss. I asked him in so he could have a cup of coffee as he waits for me since he was to come in at thirty minutes past eight and it was fifteen minutes past. He said he needed some extra fifteen minutes to see me and be around me especially since he knew I would be more beautiful today. He was charming too. I was done and he helped me out. Looks like his father had lent him the car. We drove off to school and he had so many jokes and stories and I never knew he had such this side of him. I am not sure of how I really saw him but I was so wrong. He was such a nice company and a gentleman indeed.

We arrived just at the right time. Many loved to arrive earlier but arriving on time saved some impatient people like me so much anxiety. I felt that by how amazing we both looked we were close to being confused as the prom king and queen. There was great music, cocktails and the place itself was beautifully decorated. He really did have some nice funny stories and wasn't the type that you would be bored having him around. It was time for the dance and he helped me up and put his elbow beside me so we would walk to the dancefloor. We had practiced this dance during the junior prom and I believe that I haven't forgotten it. There were people who hadn't had prom dates but there was a subsequent number and most guys did ask for other girls who had no dates and eventually only those who refused to dance were the only ones sitting.

With the nice smell coming from Maritim I wished I would be by his side all night. We were so close and my eyes were glued to his fine hazel eyes. "I like me better by Lauv" played in the background. He was so gentle and the way he whispered into my ears made me get goosebumps. It was somewhat a turn on and I noticed the way my voice changed too. It was hard to look into his eyes the whole time, I was finding it hard to make eye contact especially when he was speaking to me. It was just a matter of time before my hands start sweating. What was he trying to do, since I wasn't sure that he is uncomfortable as I am?

I looked aside and I saw my sister dancing with some boy who if I wasn't wrong was the boy who had won the junior runway modeling earlier this summer. He must have asked her to dance with him and I am not sure how Alasdair had accepted so easily. Of course, he would not let such an opportunity slide since so many girls have always crushed on him. What actually made me notice her was the way I saw people looking at that side. As much I was somewhat uncomfortable at staring at Maritim I didn't want to look away at the same time. I will leave them be, I am sure Elsa won't stop talking about it the whole week so I will get the tea later this evening.

"So have you made your mind on which University you want to join? I am quite sure of the course unless you changed your interest in the last two months?" said he as he wore a smile.

"Yes, I have made my mind. I have made the choice of the National and Kapodostrian university of Athens I still want to take care of people's hearts. I am still focused on pursuing Cardiology. You know biology is my favorite subject and that I have wanted to be a cardiologist since 9th grade."

"I am happy for you, I also have hopes that I will get a scholarship even though they won't fully sponsor me. They always give two sponsorships in a year. I know you as a bright girl and I have admired your spirit for a long time now. I also thought of you to be a tough one and wasn't sure that I would get a yes to be your prom date. If I wasn't the smartest boy in the class I am sure I would be staring at you right now, dancing with another guy. But look at me now, I am the one they might be staring at." We let out a laugh altogether at the same time.

He was so right, I gave it a try since he was a smart guy. I really didn't second guess about giving him a chance although I was so hazy at first. If he didn't ask me I am sure Tori would have eventually asked me but only if he was sure I had no date. He was a guy that feared rejection and I spotted him by his hair in the crowd dancing with some other girl in Elsa's class.

The dance was over and we sat as we waited for the event to end since the dance was the opening. There was a house party afterward and of course, we were attending. I am happy the dance came to an end since my feet were starting to get tired. Maritim was a good dancer and he really had some great moves and he was so strong that I almost thought I would fall on the ground every time he swayed me.

It was a wonderful night. After prom was over, we had several cocktails and I was a little drunk. I ensured my brother and sister had a way of getting home. Maritim didn't really have to drink much since he would be driving. Seems like the boy Elsa was dancing with had offered to drive them home. Alasdair was to be present too hence no need to worry if she would get home. The house party was only for the senior grade. It was a good time to hang around everyone and have a great time before we all part.

Not everyone was also present. Some went home after the prom party and about half the class was around. Every class never lacks such people anyway. So the party began and we played all sorts of games. Of course even while at the party there were different groups. I was still stuck with Maritim, while we played games. We began a storytelling game and everyone would continue with the story as long as it made sense. If one failed to make sense you had to take a tot and then step out of the game. I had some cocktail before and I was like twenty percent drunk. Maritim came before me and when it was my turn I found myself staring at him and I was unable to utter a word. So our group members thought I had nothing to say. I did have something to say but I am glad I did not say it because whatever I was to say was just about Maritim. This was the alcohol kicking in and I was almost embarrassing myself. We played scrabble in members of four and by the time we were finishing the game with me and Maritim leading I was so exhausted. I was also sleepy and I had taken so many shots.

I can't clearly remember everything but I can remember Maritim helped me take off my shoes and then took out his blazer and covered it on me as I slept on his chest. We were on the couch and others were on the floor, others were in the rooms since it was a seven-room house and some had gone home. We all fell asleep and I woke up with a very irritating headache. I wonder how he didn't move all night since I slept at one position and I was sure it made him uncomfortable. He was so capable of romance I could see. I felt that the alcohol was out of my system and I was left with after enjoying a great night was a hangover. I really had to take a glass of water before we left. It would ease me up a little and also help with bad breathe. I felt like hitting myself since I would speak to him with my mouth smelling so awful.

I asked him to give me a few so I would use the bathroom and hopefully I would not lack a mouthwash somewhere. My heels were so damn heavy I even wonder how I managed to have them the entire evening. I was back and Maritim noticed how I dragged my feet and asked if he could carry me. This might sound absurd but I did let him carry me to the car. He has been such a sweetheart the entire evening and now too. He also didn't try to take advantage of me yesterevening.

"You really seem to have enjoyed yourself yesterday and I am glad you did. I also had a great time too by your side, on the dance floor, and also the entire night. Thank you for being my date it was such an amazing time that I am not sure might come up again. "He wore a very elegant smile that really seemed to prove his words.

We were already outside our home and he offered to carry me again but of course, that would lead to my mother creating some fuss. So I said I would just drag myself home.

"Go ahead and freshen up. Take some coffee and maybe rest for a few hours and we will catch up later." Said he as he walked out to come and open my door. He hugged me goodbye and stood there till I was at our door. I waved at him goodbye and he walked into the car and drove off.

I had my purse and I took the keys got into the house where it seemed like everyone was still asleep. I went to my room and threw myself onto the bed. I didn't have the energy to take a shower so I chose to sleep and shower afterward.