Chapter 4: Is This Real?

I walked up to the front of my building, and I gently knocked on the door, as I waited for my wife to walk through the kitchen, and come over to greet me at the front, such as she usually did every single evening, after I was to get off of work, even before I had to go and shop for the family. That was not the case at all this time how ever, as I dipped my head a bit low to the ground, as I was a bit sad, as well as disappointed as to the fact that she had not been quick to come to the door tonight.

I had been quite a bit worried never the less, as I was tempted to go and knock on the door of Tona's place, to make sure that every thing was okay right at this very moment in time. I froze up just a little bit, as I shook off all of those thoughts at the exact same time as well. I knew that this was not normal at all for her, to not be there to greet me from a long and hard day of work, but at the same time too, I also knew that she was sleeping a lot, as I had been told by Tona, that it would happen, and that there was nothing to freak out about right now.

I sighed, as I knew that I should just stay calm right now, and there really was not all too much that I should be too worried about right at this very moment in time never the less. I gulped a bit, as I then reached my hand in to my pocket, so that I could get the keys to place place, and so that I could unlock the front door of my home, and head on in, to make sure that every thing was okay.

As I did grab my key, I then pulled it out not too long after, and I stuck it in to the lock of the house, and I then began to unlock the door. Once I heard the click, I knew that I was safe, and I was now sure that every thing was going to be okay for me at this point, as I then breathed in quite a bit, as I then put the key back in to my pocket shortly after all of that, and not all too much later, I then opened the front door of my home at the same time as well.

It was as if I expected that my kid was already born, and that they were already grown up, and they were trying to run up to the front door to give me a big hug. Sadly that was not the case at all how ever, as I sighed just a little bit, and I shook off all of those thoughts, as I was sure that there was nothing to worry about still, and I was also sure that it not too long from now, as time went by fast often times, would be soon to happen.

But right now, not even my wife came up to great me, which still had me a little bit off kilter, but I tried my best to calm my self down a little, as I was sure that it really was nothing that I should be freaked out about right now, just like Tona had told me, as I was sure that she was just in the other room, trying to get some rest, and it was also best if I did not bother her, nor did I wake her from her slumber either.

I nodded to my self, as I did my best to keep my self calm, as I then walked through the front door of my house, and I then began to look all around, to make sure that every thing was okay at this point. Every time seemed to be okay, as I took a quick sniff of the air, and I then nodded to my self all of the sudden, as I then began to walk in to the kitchen, to drop off all of the groceries that I had got from the market place not too long ago.

The market place was not nearly as good as the one that I had gone to when I was a lot younger, as it felt like a lot of things had got a lot worse once the new government had taken over the nation that I lived in. I balled up my fist a bit, as I tried my best to not get too angry at the moment, though I did in fact remember the words that Sabin had said to me, and the fact that he was trying to start a rebellion right now, never the less.

It really was tempting to me, if I was not going to lie, but at the same time as well, I also knew that I had a wife back up home, who hopefully was still here right now, as I put the groceries where they needed to be at, and I then got out of the kitchen, as I then began to head over to our bed room, just to make sure that she was in fact okay, and there really was nothing that I needed to be all too worried about at all, as I began to walk down the hall way, only to notice that there was some shadows moving around in the bed room.

I was not all too sure if I should run and hide, which I knew would make me a coward for sure, or if I should go in and try to protect my wife, as I was fairly certain that there was some thing, or some one that was moving in there right at this very moment in time. I once again, just as I had done earlier, began to ball up my fist, as I was quite a bit angry with all that was going on with me right now, as I breathed in quite a bit heavily, and I then began to rush in to the room, making my foot steps quite a bit loud, to scare off the intruder, as I knew that I was a big and a strong man.

As I got in to the bed room how ever, I noticed that it was empty, and nothing was in there at all. I felt like I was being a bit over the top right now, and it felt like there actually was some thing wrong with me right now, as I noticed that the shadows that I had seen, had simply just been the lights reflecting off of the candles, that made a bit of a dim lighting in the bed room right now. It still did freak me out never the less, as I looked over to my bed, to make sure that my wife was okay.

As I looked over to her, I noticed that she was awake, and she had a bit of a freaked out look on her face, as it looked like she had just woken up a few seconds ago. I was still quite a bit freaked out as well, as I then began to look all around the room that we were in right now, just to be certain that there was nothing at all, that was with us in this room at this very moment in time.

I blinked my eyes a few times, as it then all of the sudden hit me, as to why my wife was so freaked out in the very first place, which I did not blame her for at all, as I knew that I had made a bit of a ruckus trying to get in to the bed room, to make sure that she was in fact alright and that nothing had happened to her at all, either. It turned out that she was in fact just fine, and that there was nothing that I had to worry about at all, as it was quite a bit of a relief to me, as I then let out a heavy sigh.

My wife had her self up, as it was clear that she was worn out, which I did not blame her for at all, which I might of a while ago, due to the fact that I was the only one working. I knew that she was worn out from carrying our baby, and I then realized that I needed to go over to her, and comfort her, as I could tell that I had freaked her out a bit, when I had walked down the hall way, stomping my feet to try to scare away any one.

I felt like quite a bit of an idiot for what it was that I had done, though it had only been to try to protect my wife, who it turns out, did not need protecting at all, and it turned out that she was just fine and dandy, well, sort of, but it really was not my fault that she was not fine. I sighed, as I began to head over to her, to comfort her just a little bit, as I heard her then begin to speak to me, which made me stop on the spot.

I blinked my eyes a few times, as I tilted my head a little bit at the exact same time as well, to let her know that I was a little bit lost on what it was that she was getting at right now. I blinked my eyes a few times, and I then got my focus on her, as I knew that she was talking to me right now. I still felt a little bit off with every thing, but I did in fact nod to her, which I was not all too sure that she could see me do as such a thing, as I then began to listen as to what it was that she had to say to me in the very first place any ways.

"Randolph? Is that you? What are you being so loud for? I was just enjoying some good sleep..." She said to me, though I knew that she was lying about the fact that she was having any sort of good sleep, as I knew that it was basically impossible for her to get hardly any sleep at all, due to the fact that she had a baby on the way. I sighed just a little bit, as it still did not make me feel any better about the fact that I had woken her up from her sleep.

I dipped my head a little bit low to the ground, as I felt quite a bit bad for it, as I really had not been thinking all too much on what it was that I had been doing, until I had done it in the end, as I was more just freaked out that my wife might be in danger, as I had been told as of late, about the government taking pregnant wives, and young children in to some place, for some weird reason that I did not know of.

Another reason that I hated the leaders of this nation, as I hated the fact that they would take a good family away from its self, to do what ever it was that they did to them, which I was not all too sure as to just what it was that they did do in the very first place any ways, as no woman had ever come back from any of that, to tell the tale of what had happened to them, which made me not only feel sick, but also suspicious as to what it was that the government was doing to those women, and the children as well.

I shook off all of those thoughts all at once, as I then all of the sudden saw my wife, Sandy, reach her hands out to calm me down just a little bit, as it was clear to her, that she could tell that there was some thing that was not right with me right now. I knew that she was a smart lady, and she could have used her brains a while ago, before the leaders of our nation made it to where a man could hardly do any thing, but it was even harder for a woman.

I breathed in just a bit, as I then sat down beside her on the bed, to try to calm my self down, and try to calm all of the nerves that were flowing through me at this very moment in time, as I then held on to my wife for just a bit of some time. Holding on to her, and giving her a big hug, did not just only feel like I was giving her a hug, but it also felt like I was taking care of the baby that was in there.

I felt a bit guilty, as I wished that I was the one that was carrying the baby, as I knew that it was hard on Sandy, even though she had told me that I was 'doing enough, by working and taking care of the needs of our family', which I did in fact know was of course true, but I hated to ever see my wife in pain, as I loved her to death. It made me feel a lot better at the exact same time too, as to the fact that I was holding on to her right at this very moment in time.

I knew that I could not do that for ever how ever, as I knew that Sandy was waiting for me to answer the question that she had just asked me a few seconds ago. I really did not feel like I wanted to answer it, as I felt like I was a lot safer as to the fact that I was laying down with her in bed, as I was not going to lie my self, I was quite a bit worn out with the fact that I had to work a 10 hour day with out any sort of rest either, as it was quite a bit of some harsh manual labor.

I knew that my wife was right with what it was that she had said by the fact that I was doing enough simply with the fact that I was going out and having to work a hard working job to take care of the family. I just did not want to admit it though, as I was about to close my eyes and fall in to some sleep, until I then all of the sudden remembered that I still had a lot of things that I needed to do tonight, and a lot that I needed to take care of.

I groaned a bit to my self, as I then all of the sudden lifted my self up at the exact same time too. I knew that I needed to cook dinner for my wife, as I was sure that she was quite a bit hungry right now, unless Tona had been nice enough to bring her some food, which I felt like was not the case at all, as I knew that Tona knew just as well as the rest of us, that you needed to spend your money wisely at a time such as the one that we were in right now.

As I lifted my self up from off of the bed I then began to head over to the front door, until I heard a bit of a loud cough come from Sandy, who was still in the bed that I had just joined her in a few seconds before now. I blinked my eyes a few times, a bit lost, until I remembered as to the fact, once again, that she had just asked me a question, and she did not like it when she did not get an answer to her question never the less, as well, either.

I sighed, as I looked at my wife for just a few moments, as I saw that she was staring me right in to my eyes. I looked right in to hers, as I knew that there was nothing that I really needed to hide right now, as the only reason that I had not answered the question that she had just asked me a few seconds ago, was simply just due to the fact that I had been a bit too lost in my head, for me to do so in the very first place any ways.

I shook off all of those thoughts from my head all at once how ever, as I knew that I had to give her a genuine and honest answer, as I knew that there was nothing to hide from her, as I then nodded to her at the exact same time as well, to let her know that I was in fact about to speak to her. She nodded back to me, to let me know that she was in fact listening, as I breathed in just a little bit, and I then did in fact begin to speak to her.

"I was just worried, and I little bit over the top right now... Just hearing a lot of news about the stuff that is going on in our nation right now..." I said to her at first, as I then dipped my head a bit low to the ground at the exact same time as well, as I saw her squint her eyes at me, which of course, I knew as to why that was the case in the very first place any ways, as I knew that she did not like it when I had a lot of anxiety moments, like I was seeming to have right now, which was a little bit hard for me to stop that never the less as well. I gulped a bit on my spit, as I did my best to try to stay strong for my wife at the exact same time too, as I then shook my head, to try to shake those thoughts from out of my head in the first place, as I looked at me wife dead in to her eyes, and I then began to speak up to her once again, as if I had not said any thing at all to her. "It's nothing to get all too worried about, it's only me, I am glad that you are safe, so I am fine now... I am going to make us some dinner, alright?"

I looked at her right in to her eyes, after all that I had said to her, as I saw that she was still squinting her eyes at me, as if she did not believe a word that I had just said to her, or if I had been spinning the truth just a little, and I had said a white lie to her. I was not all too sure as to why that she might think that, as I was fairly certain that I had told her the full truth as to all that I was thinking on right now, as I then tilted my head to her.

I tried to think on what it was that I might have said, that she might think that I was lying to her, as I blinked my eyes a few times, as it then all of the sudden came to me at the exact same time too, as to the fact that I had told her that I was 'fine now', which was simply not the case at all how ever, as I knew that I had only said it to her to keep her head up, and to stay strong for her, as I knew that she needed me right now, and she did not need me to be weak at this very moment in time.

My wife stared at me for just a few more seconds, as I was starting to feel a little bit better now, as I knew that she was going to be fine, and that nothing was going to happen to her, at least, for the night, as I was not all too sure as to what could happen to her during the day, as I was working during the day time, though I had in fact made sure to tell as little people as possible about the fact that she was pregnant. If she was going in to labor any time soon, than I knew that our neighbor would take care of her as well.

I had my head dipped a little bit low to the ground, even though that probably was not the best idea for the way that I should be acting right now, due to the fact that I knew that I needed to stay strong for her, because I knew that she needed me quite a bit badly at a time like the one that we were in right now, as I shivered just a little bit, as I did my best to shake off all of the thoughts that I had in my head just a few seconds ago as well.

I smiled just a little bit towards her, as I knew that would lighten up the mood at least a little bit, for not just her, but also for me, as I was sure that things were going to be fine, and that nothing bad was going to happen. I breathed in just a little bit, as I was some how sweating a bit right now, even though it was quite a bit cold in the room right now. I was not all too sure as to what was wrong with me right now, but luckily I did not have to worry about it all too much how ever, as I then suddenly heard Sandy start to speak back to me all at the exact same time too.

I blinked my eyes a few times, once again, as I was quite a bit lost at this very moment in time, if I was not going to lie to my self, but I did how ever, lift my head up, and nod to her, to let her know that she had my attention, as I then saw her all of the sudden nod back to me, as she then kept on going on with what it was that she even had to say to me in the very first place any ways, as I then listened to what it was that she had to say to me as well.

"Thank you Randolph... Don't forget, that I do love you..." She said to me, as I looked at her for just a few moments, as I had a bit of a blank look on my face, as if I had not heard as to a word that she had just said to me just a few seconds ago either. I felt a bit bad for it, as well as the fact that I felt quite a bit cold for it. I knew that I was a bit of an ass hole for not having any reaction to what it was that she had to say to me at the same time too.

Some times I felt like a terrible husband a lot of the times, and I wondered if it meant that I was going to be a terrible father as well, as I then all of the sudden dipped my head a bit low to the ground. I knew that it was only going to make things even worse for her, as to the fact that not only had I not responded, but I had a bit of a painful look in my face, as I instead just dipped my head a bit low to the ground, as if I could not say it back to her.

I was not all too sure as to why I could not say it back to her, if I was going to be completely honest with my self, as I knew that I loved Sandy to death, and I knew that she was the only thing that made me make it through every single day of the week. I just was not all too certain as to what it was that was going on with me right now, as I felt like I just wanted to fall on to the ground in tears right now.

I was a horrible husband, I was sure of it at this point. I was about to let a new born child in to this terrible world that we lived in. I knew that whilst I did not have much of a chance, I still was a lot better off than most people were, and I had got to go do things when I was a lot younger. I knew that it was going to be a lot different for this child's generation how ever, as the thought of all of that did in fact make me feel quite a bit sick, if I was going to be honest with my self as well.

I breathed in a bit, as I did my best to try to shake all of those thoughts from my head at the exact same time too, as I knew that Sandy badly needed me to be strong at a time like she was in right now. I blinked my eyes, as I then lifted my head up, to see that she had a bit of a hurt look on her face, which I knew as to why that was so, as it had been a bit of my fault that she was in fact hurt in the very first place any ways.

I stared at her for a few moments, as I then smiled to her all of the sudden, as I then remembered as to what it was that she had just said to me in the very first place as well, as I knew that she had meant it, and that she did in fact love me, as well as the fact that she needed me to be strong right now. That was what I needed to do, and I knew that was it. I knew that I had to be strong for her right now, as I then nodded back to her all of the sudden.

She looked at me for just a few seconds, as I saw that she had her head tilted at me right now, it was clear that she was not all too sure as to what was wrong with me right now, but it seemed like how ever, that she now realized that I had got over my self, and that I was a little bit better now, as she then all of the sudden, nodded right back over to me. I then let out a bit of a soft sigh to my self, as I remembered as to what it was that I was trying to do in the very first place any ways, as I then began to speak to her.

"I love you too Sandy... I am sorry, I just have too much in my head right now, it is nothing to do with you... Hopefully I can clear my self from all of it by just making a nice meal for us..." I said to her, as I cracked a smile at the last part, as that at least made me feel a little bit better as to what it was that I had said to her in the very first place any ways. She blinked her eyes at me just a few times, as she then began to laugh, which I did not blame her for.

It was the point in what it was that I had said, as I had meant it to lighten up the dim mood that we were in, in this bed room right now, as it was clear that I had done a good job, and just the fact that she was laughing had me laughing a little bit my self, not due to the fact that I thought that my own joke was funny, but more just due to the fact that I felt a lot better now that I had the love of my life, Sandy, laughing.

I breathed in just a little bit, as I then saw her nod her hands to me all of the sudden, as it was clear that she wanted me to head back to the kitchen, to go ahead and get the meal ready to be made for us. I did not blame her either, as it was clear that she wanted to get a little bit more sleep. I felt like she did not need to worry about that at all tonight how ever, as I was fairly certain that once I was done with all of that, than I too was going to fall asleep as well, none the less, as I was quite a bit worn out from a long day of work.

I sighed just a bit to my self, as I then shook off all of those thoughts all at the exact same time as well. The reason why she had in fact laughed in the first place any ways, was due to the fact that I was an awful cook. My mother was an amazing cook, crazy enough, and she had tried to teach me how to do it like she did when she was younger, but I was terrible at it, so it did not take her all that long to give up on me.

My wife was a great cook as well, not nearly as good as my mother, but I knew that she was usually the one that cooked for us in this house, and that was for a good reason never the less as well. I nodded a bit to my self at the exact same time as well, how ever, as I knew that sadly, she could not cook for us tonight, as she was far too worn out, and it was most likely not a good idea for her to go up on her own 2 feet, and to get out of bed.

I knew that the baby was coming soon, no matter what, and I also knew that it was going to be a healthy baby never the less as well, as I knew that it was not just due to the fact that Tona had said that it was, simply just to make me feel a little bit better. I knew that she actually believed that it was going to be a strong and healthy baby, so I had to believe that as well, though I really had never been near any one that had ever given birth before.

I hoped that this was going to be the first time how ever, as I really did hope that I was going to be at home for it. If I was not, than I was sure that even Isabelle would be okay with the reason that I missed work, if she knew what the case was, though I really did not want to tell her, as I was worried that she might tell the higher ups about it, and tell them that it was a strong and healthy baby at the same time too, which would mean for sure, that they would take her and the baby.

I felt quite a bit sick, as I did my best to try to shake off all of those thoughts from my head at the same time as well, too, as I then went up to the cabinets, and I began to choose as to what it was that I was going to make for us to eat for the night. I let out quite a bit of a heavy sigh all at once, at the same time as well, as I then began to pull at a bit of some cabbage from cabinet, as I reached in to the ice box, to pull out a bit of some chicken out, that I had left from the last time that my wife had gone shopping, as I knew that I needed to cook that before it went bad.

I sighed, as I felt a little bit sick at the exact same time too, as soon as I turned on the stove, as the thoughts then once again came back to me all of the sudden at the same time too, about the leaders coming in and stealing my wife and my child from me. I dipped my head a bit low to the ground, as I knew that it was best for me to not think on any of that all too much at all, as I was sure that things were going to be end up being alright, and that it was best to just keep my focus on what it was that I was doing right now.

That was of course, making food for me, my wife, and my unborn child, as I knew that if I wanted the child to stay healthy, which even if I was worried about them stealing the baby from me if it was healthy, I knew that it had to stay healthy, as I knew that a lot of babies did not make it past the first week, or the first day at that. I nodded to my self all at the exact same time too, as I let out a bit of a soft sigh all at once, and I then just kept on cooking.

My mind had been a bit dead over the last 24 hours, due to the fact that I just did not want to get all too worried about what was going to happen to my wife, if the government was in fact to find out about her. Perhaps they would just leave her be, as I had always been a good and healthy worker for them, so they might spare me, though I doubt that to be the case, as I knew that they treated even their best ones like shit, as I had been told.

It was a lot of the reason that I was not ready to count out the fact that Noah might actually be a little bit of a part of the rebellion that Sabin was starting up too. Sabin had told me a little bit more about it through out the day, and in the end, I had made the decision, with Randy by my side, that we were in fact going to try this out, and at least see what it was that he had to offer, and what it was that his plan was in the very first place any ways.

At first, the way that I had looked at it, and when Sabin had even said it him self, was the fact that I thought that people were going to think that Sabin was a bit of a joke, and that no one was going to take him any sort of seriously at all either. The more that he had explained it to us how ever, the more that it was starting to make a little bit more sense as to what it was that he was planning on doing in the first place though.

He could take that to his advantage, as he had told me that me and Randy could be the ones to be searching for people to join, as a lot of people believed in us, and a lot of people trusted us two, and if any one was to find out about the fact that Sabin was the leader, than they might not even think it was worth their time to tell the government about what it was that we were doing in side of his creepy house that I was staring at right at this very moment in time, with Randy by my side too.

I shivered, as I felt a little bit sick as to the fact that I was staring at this in the very first place any ways, as I kind of just wanted to go back home if I was going to be honest with my self. I felt like Sandy would not be in to this, which was a lot of the reason that I had not told her about it in the first place, as I knew she would try to take me out of it, and try to tell me that I needed to stay home and help our kid.

I knew that I needed to do such a thing as well, but at the exact same time too, I also knew that I did not want my baby to grow up in a dark and evil world, such as the world that we were stuck in right now, as I let out quite a bit of a soft sigh to my self, and I then got my focus on just what it was that was going on right now in the very first place any ways, which of course was the fact that I was in fact standing right out side of Sabin's place.

I was standing in front of it, with Randy too, as we were looking like creeps, who might try to steal from the place, which was not the case at all, and we were lucky that we were on the far side of town, so there were not all too many people around here that were looking at us in the very first place either, luckily enough for the both of us, as I let out quite a loud sigh this time, as I then all of the sudden, finally heard Randy start to speak to me.

I blinked my eyes just a few times, as I was not all too sure as to what it was that was going on right now at the exact same time too, as I shook off all of those thoughts all at once, and I then turned my head over to Randy, as I got my focus on him instead, now, as I was still a little bit lost by all of this. I stared it him dead in his eyes how ever, as I then began to listen as to what it was that he had to say to me at the exact same time too, any ways.

"Well... It is all or nothing now, I just hope this is not a trap... For the sake of Sandy at least... No one gives a damn about me..." He said to me, as I looked at him dead in his eyes, as I winced at what it was that he had said at the exact same time too. I wish that I could tell him that it was not the case at all for him, but I knew that I would only be lying to him, as I knew that he had lost every thing when he had lost his wife not all too long ago.

It still made me feel sick to this day, to think back on all of this, as I was starting to get more and more angry at the leader ship at the exact same time too. Who gives a shit if this was a trap? I knew that I was not going to go down with out a fight. The more that I thought about how evil this world was, the more that it made me angry, and the more that it made me want to do some thing to stop all of the evil that ruled out nation.

I still could not help but to dip my head a bit low to the ground, either way, as to what it was that my friend had said to me in the first place any ways, as it felt kind of cold, and kind of sickening, as I knew that the truth hurt. I knew that I did not want my child to grow up in this God forsaken world either, as I looked up at the skies, and up at the heavens, to try to see if I got any message from what ever being lived out there, and made us live in this shitty place none the less as well.

I sighed all at once, as I did my best to try to shake off all of those thoughts how ever, at the same time too, as I then turned my head right over to Randy, and I then nodded to him all of the sudden, which I could tell confused him quite a bit, as to what it was that I was getting at in the first place. I did not blame him for being confused by it either, as I simply just felt like I did not want to say any thing right now, as if I was being tracked.

I pointed over to the front doors of the house of Sabin, to let him know that I was ready to join him at the front of that, and that I was ready to knock on the doors, to see what it was that was in side of that home. I was not only worried that this might be a trap by the government, which I was fairly certain at this point that it was not, but I was also worried that this might be some sort of trick by Sabin, as the guy was quite a weird dude, if I was not going to lie to my self.

I breathed in a bit heavily how ever, as I then saw Randy start to head up the front steps of the house, as I blinked my eyes a few times, but I did in fact join him up there, as I did not say a word about any of it to him at all, as I had my eyes wide open, as Randy then stopped at the front of the door for just a few seconds, as if he was trying to build up the suspense on purpose, which was only freaking me out even more, the more that I thought on all of it, as I felt quite a bit sick as it was already.

Randy turned his head over to me, as I then saw him squint his eyes at me at the exact same time too. After just a few more seconds of him staring at me, Randy then all of the sudden knocked on the door, quite a bit loudly, to make sure that who ever was in there right at this very moment in time, could hear what it was that was going on. The awful silence that was in side of the house made things feel even more cold for me.

I shivered once again, as it stayed silent for just a few more seconds, until finally, some one began to walk over to the front door, that Randy had just knocked on never the less, to get the attention of the people that were in side of the place right now. I moved back a little, as I was quite a bit scared at the exact same time as well, as I really did not want to be here right now, if I was going to be completely honest with my self, as all of the sudden the front door opened, just like that.

The person that opened it, never the less, very much to my surprise, just so happened to be Noah, as it all of the sudden really was starting to make sense to me now, as Noah and Sabin had planned that out to be a test to me, to see if I was going to snitch. I still could not help but to have my mouth hanging wide open how ever, as I then all of the sudden began to speak up to Noah at the exact same time as well.

"Wait... Is this real?"