Chapter 68

It's a little after 8pm by the time the pizzas arrive, both the kids are now in bed and as a group we have congregated in the front room. Everyone is doing their best to act like the elephant in the room is not there. I am sitting with Lori and Yoongi, keeping my distance from JK, Jimin and Namjoon. I don't want to fall into 'routine affection' with any of them. We delve into the food, and Taehyung pours us all shots of Soju he brought with him from home. They have a day off tomorrow, only having an event to attend in the evening. It's the opening of a new club and Lori and I get to go. It should be fun. A chance to let our hair down, dance and let loose.

I down my shot and ask for another, Tae pours me out some more and I down that one too. "Easy tiger, we don't want you up and dancing on the table" he says laughing. I giggle and reply "no, I will be doing that tomorrow with Lori, another please". He pours me one more, I hold up the shot look at Lori and wink at her. "To having fun!" I shout, over doing the 'happy'. I realise it's a bit much so grab another slice of pizza and start eating it. The rest of the room follow suit, perhaps knowing I am just trying to make it less awkward for them, even if it hasn't worked.

We put on a film, and carry on drinking, most of us moving from Soju to beer. About half way through the film Namjoon asks if he can speak to me and takes me into the kitchen. "I just wanted you to know that I have apologised to Jimin for yesterday and I have spoken to Yoongi and apologised for how I behaved today too". I am feeling a little buzz because of the alcohol, and I don't want to start talking about all of this now. I am short with him and purposely say "are you after a medal?" Because I know it will hurt him. I am not perfect, I love him and I am piecing together a picture of what happened and what may have caused it but i'm still hurt and want to lash out.

He moves towards me and I step back, but as he keeps coming I end up pinned against the fridge with nowhere to go. He puts his arms either side of me locking me in this position and looks me dead in the eyes. "I know you are angry at me, and I am expecting you to be off with me for a while so I will take that, but you are not going to push me away Aimee. I know I want you and I will do everything I can to save us".  I feel my legs go weak, it always happens when he looks at me like this, that teamed with his low husky voice.

I manage to expertly dip low, limboing under his arm and move out from the position he has me in, laughing as I do because I'm proud of my agility. "I am not ready to talk about all of this yet. When I am I will let you know. Until then let's just keep our distance shall we? I will sleep in with the kids for the rest of the trip".

I leave the kitchen and go back to the living room, my buzz dulled now from that interaction. I apologise to everyone and feign a migraine just so I can take myself off to bed and trundle up the stairs towards the room that will now be mine too. I hear foot steps behind me so turn to see who it is. "What's up Tae?" I ask as he bounds towards me. He throws his arms around me and says "I needed to give you one of these". The hug has lifted me off of my feet and he has swung me around before popping me back down. "Thank you!" I say steadying myself because spinning on shots of Soju and a couple of beers is not a good idea. He pulls my head into his body, making the hug more meaningful now rather than playful and he lets out a large sigh. "Are you doing ok? Do you need anything?" He asks, genuine concern in his voice. "I'm ok, just tired. I will be alright in the morning" I reply. He lets me go but keeps his hands on my upper arms, sliding them up and down as if to warm me up. "Shout me if you need anything ok?" I nod and thank him and he lets me go, watching me walk to the door of the kids room and go in.

I check on them both, happily sleeping, looking contented and in that moment I am glad Jangmi is a baby and has no idea what is going on with her parents. I head over to the empty single bed and climb in, feeling sad that again I have no warm body to curl up with. The reflections of the night lights dance on the ceiling and I watch the changing colours and patterns until I drift off.