Chapter 82

***Namjoon POV***

"Namjoon it's time" I hear. I'm sitting in the kitchen fiddling with a glass of water, swirling it around, mesmerised by how such little effort makes such a huge impact on the liquid. I don't want to get up, and I don't want to get in the car waiting outside. This is not going to be an easy day for me. Lori comes over and puts her arms around my neck hugs me and pecks me on the cheek. "Come on sweetheart, we need to go" she says trying to coax me out of the stool.

I stand up and adjust my trousers, straighten my tie and button up my jacket. I push my hair back away from my face and breath out a large lungful of air. "You've got this Joon, you can do it" she says taking my hand and leading me to the car outside. The other members are all there waiting for me, lined up ready to get in with me.

Their support has been amazing, we have all struggled to come to terms with this and I don't think that any of us have really dealt with it properly yet. Ji-Ho and Min-Jun both shake my hand as I walk past them and wish me luck. It's not luck I need. I need my wife.

We get into the car and Yoongi asks me if I am ok. I shake my head in response to him and a tear rolls down my cheek. Lori holds my hand and strokes it gently with her thumb, trying to reassure me or comfort me. I cough, trying to release the tension that is building in my throat but it doesn't work.

The car sets off, I put my head down as we get to the gates at the end of the driveway. The press are all standing with their heads bowed, no one taking photographs of the hearse further behind us. It's full with various flowers, Lilies, Carnations and of course Irises, but the most heartbreaking is a small white rose 'Mummy'. All of us are wearing her favourite, we each have a red rose pinned to our jackets, Lori has one pinned to her dress and is also wearing her favourite boots that I bought her back in London.

Aimee's parents are in the car behind us with my Mum, Dad and Sister. They have Jangmi in with them. I have struggled to be around her for the last week because when I look at her all I see is my beautiful wife and then I get sad. I know eventually I will have to get over that and embrace her as the only part of her I have left, but it's just too raw right now.

I still can't sleep at night, wondering what I could have done differently and if it would have had an alternative ending. My wife was dying on the floor of that room whilst I was passed out on the bed. I didn't see or hear what happened, I woke up for the aftermath.

From what I have been told, Aimee and Nari were wrestling over the gun as Yoongi and Jimin tried to pull Nari off of her she managed to aim and fire a single bullet in to Aimee's chest, she hit a major artery and she bled out in minutes. There is nothing any of us could have done to save her, well, maybe if I had of gone for the gun earlier rather than try to talk her round I may have had a chance. I will never know now. That will always be one of my deepest regrets.

Jimin managed to pin down Nari, Yoongi kicked the gun out of her hand breaking her wrist as he did as the security guards rushed into the room and took hold of her. The police were called and Lori tried in vain to stop the bleeding from Aimee's chest but she was pronounced dead at the scene. I woke up in the hospital with my parents and sister by my side. The first person I asked for was Aimee and it fell to my mother to tell me she was gone.

I can't remember how long I cried for or how long I howled but my Mum didn't let me go and held me the whole time. I've been numb ever since. Everyone has chipped in helping me organise the funeral, Yoongi sorting the music, Jimin arranging the wake and Jin organising the catering. Jungkook has designed the order of service booklet and chosen the photos of Aimee to go in it and lastly Tae and Hobi have organised the flowers and a reading. Lori decided on the outfit she was to be buried in and took the lead on the more finer details like what kind of coffin she would want.

I really feel for her, it's like she has lost her right arm, but she has been so strong and kept me out of the darkest place, kept my Daughter fed, watered and loved beyond measure. I owe so much to her. "Namjoon look" she says to me pointing out of the window. We have just turned on to the road the cemetery is on and it is lined with Army. They are all holding banners saying 'Bangtan Angel' or 'Rest In Peace Aimee' and are all dressed in black except for a single red rose.

As they see the cars they start cheering and clapping, showing their support for me and the boys and their love for Aimee. They see her death as the reason I am alive, calling Aimee a hero for giving her life to save mine. I am overwhelmed with emotion and begin to cry and drop my head. Lori also tears up and says "I can't believe your fans, they are so sweet, she would be so overcome with emotion if she could see this".

Yoongi leans forward and says to us both "she can see it. She wouldn't miss her own funeral. She is watching. She always will be".