Chapter Four

The events environment was cool, classy and sophisticated. Sheenah breathed wealth around her, with the ladies around her in long expensive gowns, she felt out of place. Everyone seemed to be dripping in assets and finesse.

"People exaggerate art events." Sheenah remarked, trying to justify their underdressed selves.

"Or maybe, you just don't know the fashion to such events." Tash winked. "Art is expensive, classy and sophisticated. Just like this gown."

"Stop lying. That's totally not the definition of art, because how then would you explain street art, that thing is totally away from expensive classy sophistication, but it's still art."

"Oh Kendy, you're missing the point." Tash defended. "I meant..."

"That we should get going." Lilly butted in. "We're attracting attention."

And true, people were staring at them, all with different expressions, but mostly, admirations. They were admirably beautiful, even among the expensive dressed females in the room.

"Whose exhibition is this again?" Tash asked, observing a black and white portrait of a man, holding a jembe. "He seems really famous."

"He is." Lilly declared, beaming. "Reigner, you don't know him?"

They all shook their heads, causing Lilly to beam even more, like she was taking a delight in knowing the artist when they didn't. "He is really famous, we even have a portrait piece of one of his works at home. Dad loves that piece."

They looked around, Sheenah noting that he really had a way with brush. His works were good, really good.

They spoke.

She was particularly entranced with a piece, a beautiful black woman, letting go of a child's hand, who was crying. The piece captivated her so much that she did not notice each of her friends disappear to go wander and even the guy who seemed as captivated by her and was standing some meters from her. Maybe it was in the fact that it was somehow speaking to her. Somehow relatable to her. She began wondering, had she cried when her mother left? Did she have the look of sadness that the woman in the piece had? Or was she too glad to throw the piece of garbage that she was away?

She tried touching it, running her fingers on the canvas. She traced the child's face carefully - his runny nose, pressed her left forefinger on his dark eye. His face was round, the cheeks full and plump. He had a wide nose, and his eyelashes were slightly wet from tears she assumed. He was a beautiful child. Sheenah had tried to be careful with her movements, making them as light as possible. However as soon as she removed her finger from the child's crying face, the piece came tumbling down, falling with a flump. The room had not been gravely silent, but her squeak had resonated all around, earning her an audience. She apologized silently, gasping at the stares and glares aimed her way. She wished she could vanish.

She felt uncomfortable all of a sudden, and turned to look around trying to find a familiar face. She needed Lilly or Kendy; hell even Tash who would have of course called her stupid or something of the sort. But it would have been better than the eyes that were trained on her, the look on the people's faces full of displeasure. Her eyes caught a sign at the furthest corner of the room, near the entrance and her wish to vanish intensified. The words "please do not touch" were written in bold letters. How could she have been that ignorant and stupid! Of course the art pieces were not to be touched. God she was such a disappointment.

Stupid. Ignorant.

Disappointment.

Failure.

The words echoed in her head continuously. Banging like the beat of a drum. She could never get anything right it seemed. Simple reading. Simple surgery. Simple relationship. She ruined everything. Maybe that was the reason nobody stayed. Sheenah knelt down, apologizing to no one in particular and tried picking up the portrait. She did the mistake of looking around and the eyes appeared closer this time. The scrutiny was more intense, the judgement and disgust more visible, brighter and almost colorful it seemed. She silently gasped, and looked frantically around, trying to find something. The room was closing in on her, her throat suddenly became tight, her eyes became blurry, there was now a whirring sound in her ears and the eyes in the room kept moving closer to her, determined to cage her. She dropped her gaze and whimpered, thinking of how pathetic she was.

She tried picking up the portrait but her hands were weak and shaky; she dropped it. She hated herself - for being weak, for being unable to move past things that were no longer in her control, for questioning everything, for her pretense and phoniness. She was wretched, her inadequacy vile.

Something was clasping her throat so tightly she couldn't pass air. She tried breathing but couldn't. Her head was hurting. The whirring sound in her ears intensified. Sheenah felt contact on her left upper arm and coiled away immediately.

"Okay, no touching." A rough voice said. She barely heard it over the whirring noise. "But please listen to me. Okay?" It sounded manly, no female could have such a grating voice. She wanted to look up, to connect the voice to a face but couldn't.

"You're having a panic attack. I need you to breathe, you..."

Panic attack? She had never had anything of the sort in her whole life. What in the world was happening to her? She was a doctor, she knew what was needed to be done during a panic attack. She tried breathing, but her throat refused to corporate.

"I... Can't... It's...." She tried saying but even her voice had decided to rebel.

"It's fine. I'm with you. We'll do this together. I'll count to three. At the count of three you'll take a deep breath. Okay?" The whirring noise was slowly dying, or maybe it was his voice that was loud.

She couldn't nod and he went on counting. At the third count she breathed in, but it wasn't the supposed deep breath.

"It's fine. Just relax and breathe. Focus on that only." He briefly paused. "Now let's try again. You've got this."

"One. Two. Three."

Sheenah breathed in deeply this time. They repeatedly did this until the whirring noise stopped, until the thudding dull ache in her head went away. Her vision became clearer, and she looked down to find her hands on her knees, formed into tight fists. She slowly unclenched them.

"I'm going to touch you now." He said carefully. He held her upper arms and slowly lifted her, leading her away from the room and their scrutinizing eyes. Sheenah was still yet to see the owner of the hoarse voice.

***

Outside the air was chilling yet calming. She took large gulps of it, her body relaxing completely. The balcony they were on had bright light and barely provided any view, and when she looked ahead, there was nothing but the back of another building slightly taller than the one they were on. How could the artist pick such a location? It was an art gallery yet the outside view was the back of another building? Not very artsy, she criticized.

She looked sideways, wanting to see her savior and was met with very black eyes already staring at her intently, like he was trying to see through her soul. She withheld a gasp. She coughed, rather awkwardly and brought the guy out of his trance.

"I'm sorry." He chuckled nervously, scratching his neck.

"It's fine." She said. "Uhm... Thank you. For back there." Now she was the one who was nervous.

"It's fine." He repeated and Sheenah smiled. For some reason she would now associate the words 'it's fine' with him. He said them so warmly and sincerely, almost purely.

She wondered if she should explain herself. The incident. She looked around nervously, trying to find a distraction. She looked back at him and he was relaxed, leaning on the railing, looking ahead. He didn't look like he needed an explanation for the incident. She was grateful for that.

Sheenah sneakily side eyed him and marveled at his beauty. He was TDH in all forms. Bushy eyebrows, eyes that could see through your soul; that had intensely looked at her a while ago, straight nose, full slightly pinkish kissable lips and a defined jaw with well trimmed beard. She tried smiling discreetly and when she saw that he had seen it, decided to cough awkwardly to hide her embarrassment which only led to her choking on her own saliva.

Talk about double embarrassment.

She whizzed, took deep breaths and coughed continuously, trying to get her breath back. When she managed to, she laughed at her own predicaments, feeling just a little bit embarrassed.

"Oh God," she breathed, her voice coming out a bit raspy.

"Are you okay? Do you need anything?"

"Water would be nice." She answered, still coughing.

After finishing the last drop of water in the glass that he had fetched for her, Sheenah smiled shyly before remarking, "the craziest things happen to me when I'm around you. I think I'm officially the weirdest girl you've ever met." She chuckled softly and coughed again.

"That's a good thing, right? I mean, they say normal is boring." He smirked and that just made him hotter.

"Some level of normalcy is also good."

"I'm not complaining."

She barely knew him yet it was so easy to talk to him. He exuded an aura of calmness and Sheenah felt comfortable around him. How weird. The back of the building met her again when she looked ahead and she groaned. His face was a much better view than that.

"You know, the organizer should have picked a better location. Something with the balcony offering a better view. I mean look at this," she gestured with her hands, "not very arty. Don't you think?"

He smiled, or rather tried to. There was twinkling in his eyes and Sheenah wasn't sure if it was from amusement or something else. "It's an exhibition. The real view is supposed to be inside. Don't you think?"

So he was amused.

"Well yeah. But still. He or she could have done better. At least in my opinion."

"I'll tell him that." He smiled a real smile.

"Wait you know him? Aren't you just a guest?" On her realization, Sheenah looked at him, horrified. Hell she kept messing up everything.

"Oh god. I'm sorry. I didn't know. I shouldn't have...." She broke off, coming out dry of things to say. What if he'd tell the organizer who'd tell the Reigner guy who'd complain to Lilly? She was merely a fourth wheel.

"Yes I know him. Matter of fact we are very close." He chuckled at her horrified expression. "No need to apologize, he quite likes constructive criticism." He smiled again and not even the beauty of his smile could put her at ease. She wanted to say that she had not meant her words when both Tash and Lilly arrived, Lilly beaming brightly at the guy, like she knew him. Great, now he could just out her to Lilly directly. Just great!

***

"Reigner! Hi! I see you've already met my friend." Lilly smiled, side hugging the guy.

Reigner? Why did the name sound oddly familiar?

Lilly stepped back and went to stand besides Tash. She introduced them. "Girls, this is Reigner, the guy I was earlier telling you about and the awesome artist responsible for all this beautiful pieces." Lilly declared.

'Too extra', Tash thought but didn't say it aloud. Sheenah on the other hand wanted to run as far away from there as possible. Why did he have to personally know Lilly? And why the hell did he have to be the artist and be the same person to listen to her criticism. The night just needed to end already, she thought.

"Reigner, these are my girlfriends, the ones I told you about, Tash and Sheenah."

The guy smiled warmly at them, extending a hand at Tash, "hello Tash?"

"Hi. This is dope."

"Thank you." He paused before extending his hand. "Reigner Adama."

Reigner then turned to Sheenah, smiling more brightly and warmly it seemed, "hello..."

"Abigail Sheenah." She shook his hand, and withdrew a little too early. Reigner just coughed at this before smiling once again.

"Pleasure meeting you ladies." Reigner smiled at each of them, before asking, "how do you love everything so far? Any criticism?" His eyes were trained on Sheenah, amusement in them.

Lilly's focus was on something else, and Sheenah seemed like she wasn't going to open her mouth any time soon, so Tash took it upon herself to answer, "it's wonderful, especially the pieces. There is just something in them that makes you look at them longer, like they are speaking to you."

"Thank you, coming from an artist, that means so much. And I'm glad you are enjoying the event."

"How did you know I'm an artist?" Tash frowned.

"Lilly."

"Typical."

Sheenah wished she could leave. She was embarrassed and uncomfortable. Reigner and Lilly were talking amongst themselves and she decided to ask Tash where she had been. She had earlier needed her.

"I was in the other balcony. The view is magnificent."

"There's another balcony?"

"Yeah. So much better than this."

"Take me." She blurted. She needed to leave. Right then.

"What? Right now? We just came back. I'll take you later on."

"Please." Tash frowned but agreed anyway. They informed the other two and left. On looking back, Sheenah caught Reigner's eyes, the glint was brighter. He was smiling.

***

N\B : jembe is a kiswahili word for hoe, the one used to dig.