Chapter 4: Thoughts

Ett swallowed hard despite having little to no saliva to swallow. In her head, she was thinking about how to ground this little bird for being easily bribed.

Boy, you ain't cute anymore.

How did Guren even discover Eru's favourite food when they can only see each other from afar? Well, that's as how the novel goes.

Did he see Ett giving treats to Eru somewhere and thought it was Eru's favourite by chance? Was this also changed when she got here? Son of a gun.

When in Rome, do as the Romans do.

"Eru, come here."

She ignored him.

Yet she did slightly glance at his right arm enough to know the setting that happened in the novel had been avoided. If something like that happens again, she can't do anything about it.

Just a tiny change; surely, it won't have any domino effect?

"Mother, are you running away again?"

Yes, son. I am running away and stop with that mother's call; it gives me goosebumps.

"…"

"The outside is the most dangerous. Mother should think twice."

Haven't you known that the most dangerous place is also the safest?

Ett was about to ignore the child again when Xiwen came running, bowing in the lowest bow in their custom, a silent plead for her.

Yet Ett looked at Xiwen rather plainly. "You will only care for His Majesty."

"Don't be like that, mother."

The disgusting sarcasm is dripping ever so thick.

"Didn't you send him to spy on me? Perhaps, is it to leave this damned cage we all live in?"

No comment.

"Your Majesty…"

Butler Xiwen wanted to interfere.

"Silence."

"Mother."

Mother, that word again. Ett felt instant chills hearing it. She could pull the lever, and this would all be done, but she could not move on her spot. Her heart beats fast as if she were watching a thriller movie. It's far from thrilling!

Calm. Ett, my dear girl, you need to keep calm.

This time, she did not avoid Guren's gaze and looked straight at him with dead eyes, even though the light from behind could not let her see his expression. Still, Ett was sure it was ice cold.

Although she's sure Guren won't hurt her, this kid's aura gets on her nerves. Her thoughts and visual image flew back to what the novel depicts him—a vile, monstrous beast.

Out of the blue, Eru's croaky voice said, "Ett. Ett. He saw. Me. He. Saw. Me."

"…"

I don't want to hear anything from you right now.

"Ugh."

Ett clutched her chest. She can't properly breath.

Why? Is it him? Why is my emotion so strong?

No, what was I supposed to say?

Just his presence seems overwhelming to me.

Calm. Be calm girl. Control. Control.

Ett can't help but breathe deeply.

Guren's shadow and piercing gaze held a sense of foreboding, stifling her breath as her discomfort increased with every second she attempted to calm her heart. She doesn't like this feeling. Something is wro—

Cough!

The familiar feeling in her throat rose through her mouth as blood splattered on her handkerchief. Ah? Was my body affected this badly by just his presence?

"Your Grace!"

Xiwen frowned. He, of all people, knows most about Ett's coughing fits. In other circumstances, it is due to triggering her emotions.

This time Butler Xiwen was truly worried sick and pushed forth bowing deeply to Guren, "I beseech Your Majesty to arrange for the Dowager to have a physician."

But Guren was silent. He just stared at her mother with an unreadable gaze.

Ett looked away.

Please, she just wants to get out. She can't face Guren. She adjusted well in this place; however, facing him, even though he is a child. Is still something she can't adjust so easily.

Ett truly doesn't want to be close to him, physically, emotionally, mentally, psychologically with all words ending in -ally. One meter apart please.

Is Guren thinking she's just faking it? There's also no way he is stopping her because he's worried about her leaving him. It's more probable to say he doesn't want her usefulness wasted.

This is not good. Looking at Xiwen, her scapegoat, Ett uttered, "Shou--*heave* shouldn't you b-be protecting H-His Maj-esty? What are you doing n-now?"

I'm sorry for targeting you. Help me out sir! Get this boy away from me!

Ett turned back to Guren.

Do you want to be like your grandfather, locking me up, huh?

Ett swallowed those words. It seemed too harsh to say to a young lad who had suffered as she was in this palace just for an act; however, as if he understood her gaze, Guren cocked his head to the side. The light gave way as she saw him mockingly smirk.

Urk. She swallowed the blood that was about to burst out of her mouth.

Disgusting.

"Mother shouldn't blame the butler."

"…" I know, mother is sorry.

"More so, must you go outside when they're all coming for your throat?"

You mean to say that the dangerous place is the safest, ey?

"You are physically useless except for your head."

Now that hurts. It's true, but to speak it out loud…

Ett looked away and muttered, underestimating the villain beyond the sensitivity norm. "I better die in a different place."

"You're speaking to me."

Ett pursed her lips and didn't answer him.

Of course, she knows what he means.

She didn't want to leave—okay?! But man, he was making it impossible to stay at by his side.

Ett didn't hesitate any longer. She grabbed the lever and yanked it down. Just close it. Close it before I see his face again.

She couldn't think straight when he was in front of her.

But no. She had to hold on to this mask—for as long as it took.

Ett stepped back, her fingers trembling against the lever. But in her agitation, she lost her footing and stumbled. "That!"

Her back hit the cold ground, the impact jolting through her body. Instinctively, Ett threw out her arms to break the fall—only to regret it instantly.

A sharp, searing pain shot through her, forcing her to grit her teeth. Too much! It felt as if a butcher knife had stripped her arm raw. Every nerve screamed in agony, the overwhelming sensitivity nearly unbearable.

Coug-hmmp.

Hold it. Don't say a word. Hold your tongue, Ett.

Agh, my eyes are becoming blurry.

"Empress Dowager, dear mother…"

Tears slipped down her cheeks, unbidden and silent, betraying the pain she refused to voice.

Guren, the culprit, drawled lazily as he stepped closer, towering over her. He caged her in his arms, leaning down until their faces were just inches apart. The angle let the light seep through, ensuring they saw nothing but each other—their reflections mirrored in each other's eyes.

His strength was unnatural for a child—solid, unyielding. Ett, inherently weak, could do nothing against the overwhelming force pressing her down. A lump formed in her throat, panic clawing at her chest as she struggled to swallow it down. The metallic taste of blood touched her lips, a stark reminder of her helplessness.

And yet, the worst part wasn't the pain.

It was the suffocating weight of his gaze, the way it pinned her in place. The way he called her mother—a word that sent a chilling, inescapable fear straight into her heart.

She isn't his mother. Never will be.

Ett keeps her facade, trying her best not to crack lest this person in front of her who could read her nano-expression would know.

This time, Ett realized this crazy kid had already blackened to an unimaginable extent. Guren smiled at her like a crazy psycho manifesting the thought in her mind, chaining her with his vice grip hands.

Your Majesty, what are you doing? Yet she can't say it out loud.

Aiya, what a painful hold!

"Stay here and help me rule. I'll repay you by finding the person who did this to you."

I don't even care about that now! Move away!

Ett lightly struggled.

"You can only be free here."

Just let me go already…

Ett looked away.

While Guren refused to let her go, the onlookers remained indifferent—stoic, unmoved. There was no help to be found among them.

Only Butler Xiwen looked troubled, his worry evident in the way his eyes darted anxiously. But what could he do? They were all at His Majesty's command.

Guren's hand slid to the back of her neck, fingers tightening as he forced Ett to meet his gaze. A silent declaration of control. A show of dominance that left no room for defiance.

"Mother."

The way he said "mother" made Ett's stomach churn. Algid, very algid. Wrong. Each syllable felt like a chain tightening around her throat, suffocating and inescapable.

Never in her life had she felt this trapped, this utterly crushed beneath the weight of someone else's will. She hated it.

Ett bit the inside of her cheek, trying to rein in the storm of emotions twisting her already pale face. Too much. This was too much.

Before she could even lift her trembling hand to push him away, the blood she had been desperately holding back spilled past her lips. A dark stain spread across Guren's night clothes.

Her entire body trembled. She had been suppressing more than just fear.

"C-Cold."

Her body softened, and her vision turned dark. Yeah, she's a coward alright.

"Bvstard. Ett. Felt pain. Pain."

Eru uttered, flying down beside Ett as blood still slid down the edge of her mouth. She looks like she is dead with her pale stature unless you come closer to hear her faint breath, which takes time to listen.

"I'll let the Imperial Cook make you my dinner."

"You. Can't. Ett. Ett."

"You Majesty…"

Xiwen attempted to speak again.

"Carry her to her chamber and bring the Royal physician."

"Yes!"

Xiwen immediately bolted, rushing to fetch the physician. There was no time to waste. Carrying Ett in her current state was too risky—dragging the physician here was the only option.

"Take care of all the corpses."

"Yes, You're Majesty."

The royal knights returned to clean the assassins, but there were no survivors to interrogate.

"You killed. Them. You."

"Are you going to tell mother?"

He asked Eru, who flapped his wings, cuddling next to Ett.

"Hmp."

"Besides, she already knows."

Years ago, when Guren came back here, the Empress Dowager, who should have greeted him, only said one thing, 'Don't stain my eyes.' A contradiction to what had just happened.

He did stain her eyes by letting her vomit her blood upon seeing corpses of the assailants. Well, that's normal. This is normal in this palace, what can the Dowager do?

Guren sat next to Ett, staring at her mother expressionlessly.

Never before, in all his experiences, had he been this close to the Empress Dowager.

Holding the lamp closer to her face, Guren studied her with the same expression he wore when gazing upon the lifeless bodies of his fallen men on the battlefield—cold, calculating, detached.

A thought crept into his mind, dark and twisted. Should he burn a part of her face?

The flame flickered as he tilted the lamp slightly, its glow casting eerie shadows over her pale features. He stared at Ett, his unreadable gaze filled with unspeakable possibilities.

Right. Hadn't she once said she wished to die in a place she had never lived in?

Would that wish be fulfilled if her remains were sealed beneath the Adiand royal tomb? A mausoleum where her body would be reduced to nothing but candle wax?

"Mother should rethink where to be buried."

Guren whispered, retracting the hand that held the lamp.

He put it back on the ground, still looking at the deathly figure of her so-called mother. Looking closely, the blood on her lips to her neck and some were even stuck on her hair, a glaring contrast with Adiand's deathly snowy skin.

Guren didn't move. He just sat there on the cold cobblestone, staring at Ett with an unfathomable expression.

The moment Xiwen returned with the physician in tow, his eyes widened as he noticed blood seeping through Guren's garment. "Your Majesty! Your… your shoulder—there's a deep gash! It's bleeding heavily!"

"Oh."

Guren moved his shoulder. It's not painful enough.

"The doctor, thank goodness he is here."

Guren shook his head and commanded with authority, "See to the Dowager first."

"Understood."

"Hold on, let me make sure its alright to move her. Follow my instruction, Butler Xiwen."

The physician uttered.

"Yes."

"Go."

"Then, once the physician is done, he will come to treat you."

If Guren's blood hadn't seeped through his clothes, exposing his wounds, Xiwen had no doubt the boy would have simply walked into his chamber, taken a bath, wiped away the evidence, wrapped it in a flimsy bandage, changed into fresh clothes, and gone straight to sleep— as if nothing had happened.

Yet here he stood, bloodied but indifferent.

"Then? What are you standing around for?"

"Yes, Your Majesty."

With practiced care, Butler Xiwen lifted Ett into his arms.

He sighed, his gaze flickering to Guren, who stood motionless, watching the Royal Knights collect the corpses of those he killed.

A child who had never been taught how to seek warmth, and a mother who doesn't know motherly love—bound by blood yet estranged.

A family in name, yet nothing more than strangers in the dark. Their story was not just tragic—it was a sorrow that would never be written, still its a bond that Xiwen hoped would be mended in this timeline.

The Adiand royalties have such an algid heart.

Xiwen sighed, his gaze lingering on the painting of a boy holding a wooden horse. Once, he too had been a child—untouched by war, unburdened by sorrow. Yet, even in infancy, the weight of duty had already been carved into his soul.

Now? Now, he was merely a shadow of what could have been.