Mother

Outside the Johnston house, Anna stared at the place she had once called home. Unsure of what she really felt, she continued through the front door into the living room. She and Chris slowly walked down a dark hallway until Anna stopped.

"Let me go in first," Anna whispered.

It had been many months since she'd seen her father and she was terrified of what she might find.

Chris shook his head "yes" and she left him waiting in the hallway. As Anna entered the room her father was resting in, she put her hand over her mouth and tried with all she had not to break down. Her father's skin looked almost yellow, he'd lost an incredible amount of weight, and his breathing was more like wheezing. How had he fallen so quickly? He looked on the verge of death, and Anna's new reality hit hard. Her father wasn't going to be around much longer. Her thoughts were interrupted by his stirring when he slowly lifted one eyelid to see his redheaded daughter standing in front of him.

"Hi, Daddy." She spoke quietly, afraid to move any closer.

"Oh my god," he whispered in a gravelly voice. "It's my rockstar." He smiled with difficulty and though it made Anna want to cry, she held the tears in.

"Get over here, kid."

He clearly couldn't lift his arms too high so she quickly moved to him and gave him a hesitant hug.

"Don't be scared, my little girl, it's not as bad as it looks."

She smiled, but felt the sadness aggressively creep across her face.

"Do we have our partner in crime back yet?"

Anna laughed weakly. "Yes, Daddy. She's home."

"My goodness." He shook his head. "Jeremy must be over the moon."

"He is so happy, you should see him smile."

Johnny laughed. "Yes! Haven't seen that in awhile!" His laugh turned into a deep cough rumbling in his chest.

Anna stood there, unsure of what to do. She didn't want her dad to see her terror, but she didn't want him to see a fake smile either. She let the moment pass, giving no emotion, and as he settled back down, she said, "Daddy, there's someone I want you to meet."

She waved to Chris, who was respectfully waiting outside the room. Anna knew Chris was worried her dad might not approve, or might want to strangle him for being with his daughter — typical dad stuff, but she had no worries about that at all.

"Daddy, this is Chris." She looked at Chris, smiling wide. "He's my boyfriend."

Anna watched Chris brace himself for the all-too-common dad snort and judgemental eyes, but her father had a kind reaction as always.

"Chris! Good to meet ya!" Anna's dad extended his hand as far as he could and Chris moved closer to shake.

"Great to meet you too, sir! Anna has told me so much about you."

"Uh oh! That can't be good!"

Chris let go of his hand with a smile on his face. "Your daughter loves you very much, sir. I'm glad she brought me here to meet you."

"Me too, kid. She's a good girl," he said, winking at Anna. "Anna! You better bring that Violet over here to see me tomorrow!" He coughed again, less violently, but just as worrisome.

"You got it, Dad." Anna touched his hand that was now resting on the bed. "I love you."

"I love you too, rockstar."

Anna couldn't stop looking at him with a grim gaze and she felt terrible for it. "Well, go ahead and get some rest, Dad. I'll be here, okay?"

His eyes had already shut. With a muffled, "Thanks, my girl," he fell fast asleep.

Anna and Chris slowly tiptoed out of the room.

"Thank you for being here, Chris."

Before Chris could respond, Anna's head perked up at the sound of a car door closing outside. She knew who it was immediately, and had mentally prepared herself for this exact moment.

"Chris, there's a back door next to my dad's room. Would you mind heading over to Max's?" Her gaze nearly burnt a hole through the front door. "There's something I need to take care of."

Chris gave Anna's hand a squeeze before exiting the Johnston home. Anna could feel the worry and anxiety radiating off of him as he left.

The doorknob turned as Anna's mother stepped into the house.

"So, have you heard?" Anna asked, standing in the shadows of her old living room. Michelle didn't move, not even to acknowledge her daughter's presence. "Violet's back."

Michelle let out a deep sigh, shutting the door.

Anna continued, "Not with any help from you, of course. No, no, you stood looking into that man's face, a man that has been there for us countless times, a man we call a friend, and told him to give up. No hope! Just give it up and go home."

"Anna—"

"No, Mother. Just stop. There is no logic in the world that could excuse the chill in your heart. Jeremy deserves better and you treated him as though he was beneath you. I want you to know that I was more than willing to allow you an apology and let you back into my life. All of those years of you looking past me, waving your hand for silence, punishing and never praising . . . but that ship has sailed. I wish you the very best, MICHELLE. I hope love returns to you at some point, I just won't be here to see it."

Anna walked straight for the door, bumping her mother's shoulder on the way out. The sky was getting darker — a storm on the way — but Anna felt like she'd seen the sun for the first time.

She looked up at the clouds closing in and sighed, almost as if she was letting go of her childhood disappointments. She continued forward, but only got one shoe off the porch when she heard a voice from inside the house.

"Anna! Anna, stop!"

It was Michelle clumsily swinging open the front door. "Please. Anna, just wait."

Anna looked at her, confused, not expecting that she would have come after her.

"Let me talk, then you can go. Just please, let me talk."

Anna cautiously stepped back up onto the porch. This was incredibly unlike her mother, so Anna stuck around purely to observe this strange new person with emotions in front of her.

"Anna, when Maxine died, everything went gray for me. She was the best friend I ever had in my life, and all the way to the end I held her hand. I thought we could beat it. Jeremy, your dad, myself . . . there was so much love and hope. And it did nothing. No amount of love and no amount of hope stopped her death. We did everything and got nothing except to see this beautiful person suffer and die. It changed me. I hate to admit that I wasn't a stronger person, but I watched her unravel and disintegrate, and my god, after everything she was just gone! I looked at you and saw Violet, I looked at Jeremy and saw Maxine. Everywhere I looked I saw a subtle reminder that she was dead and any one of us could be next. I would be damned if I let myself feel that much for a person again and watch them crumble or have an accident . . . anything. Fear. Fear and self preservation. I wish I had been better for you. This all sounds so trivial and nonsensical now that I'm saying it out loud, but I want you to know that it was never you. Never anything you did. You are beautiful and I am so proud of you. I just could never let myself open up to you. I love you, Anna. I am so sorry."

Anna stood in front of her mother. She opened her mouth and moved it slightly as if she wanted to speak, but nothing came out.

"Mom . . . I . . ."

"It's okay, Anna."

"I didn't know. I just thought . . ."

Michelle was looking straight into her eyes, and truthfully, it made Anna uncomfortable. She wasn't sure if it was good or bad, but she definitely hadn't mentally prepared herself for this outcome.

"I just thought you didn't like me."

Michelle hung her head low and placed her left hand on her face. "No, Anna! Of course I like you!" Her head popped up. "You came out of me, for god's sake!"

Anna smiled at her mother for the first time since Maxine had died and let out a small laugh.

Michelle's concerned, panicky look fell from her face as she dropped her head down and shook it, laughing quietly.

"It's true. I think it started with fear and continued because I didn't like MYSELF. Not you." She reached her hand out and firmly grasped Anna's. "I'm sorry."

Anna dropped her head to look at their entwined hands, then slowly looked up at her mother. They both seemed to let go of the pain and misunderstanding that had built over the years, and they swung their arms around each other.

As they let go, Michelle softly put both of her hands on Anna's face with a smile. Anna smiled back briefly before she furrowed her eyebrows and looked to the side.

Michelle moved her hands down cautiously. "What's wrong?"

Anna looked back at her mother. "I'm sorry." She let out a breathy laugh. "Just thinking."

"About what?"

Anna looked at Michelle with sad eyes. "Well . . . why did you turn him away? Jeremy."

Michelle's face quickly fell.

"I'm sorry, Mom! I don't need to kn—"

"It's okay." Michelle's eyes returned to Anna's. "I saw the man I saw just before Maxine died. If you can believe it, I thought I was helping."

Anna nodded her head. "I understand. I do now! Probably not twenty minutes ago, but now, yes."

She laughed and Michelle joined in as Anna pulled her back in for a hug. As they let go of each other, a light rain started to fall.

"Mom, I'm having dinner with Max and Mr. R., but afterward I have someone I want you to meet!"

Anna had never expected to feel so excited to introduce her mother to anyone, let alone a boyfriend, but stranger things have happened.

She jogged over to the Redding house, trying to get there before the sky opened up, thinking about how wonderfully everything had turned out. The first crack of thunder boomed as she got to the door and accompanying her was a sharp, sudden fear of everything falling apart.