Chapter 29 ( first kiss )

standing on the balcony looking at the beautiful night sky, there were a lot of stars today and I smiled remembering my mother's words " the sky is happy today ". I miss her so much, I miss Jonathan as well, I don't know if I can even mop again. come to think of it why did I like Jonathan back then, I guess it is because he was nice to me and my only friend, other than that, nothing.

the day I was raped by his friend, he arrived late to save me and after that he did nothing, I don't complain because what could he do but now that I think about it, he could do something if he wanted to but he did nothing, he continued being friends with him and everything died like it never happened, that was why my stepfather thought I was still a clean

" The sky is happy" my heart stopped for a second the moment I heard that voice, his voice. Rowan walked up to me with a smile and I did nothing but smile back " hey "

" hey "

"what are you thinking about," he asked with curiosity in his tone

" nothing important " I replied as I turned to face him " are you done dancing " I mocked

" you do not like Malisa do you?" he suddenly asked a question that I was not expecting him to ask

I rolled my eyes " I don't like her and she doesn't like me, she hates me because she thinks am a threat, she fears you will pick me and I hate her because she hates me."

"she is my cousin I may not want to marry her but I have to be nice to her " I frowned and I had no idea why it was upsetting

" I don't want you to marry her, you can pick anyone but her " I finally said my mind, I don't care if he thinks I am selfish

" Really?" he sounded glad for reasons I do not know

" yes " looking back at the sky. After a very long time of silence

" what about you "he broke the silence with his calm voice

" Not me, I am not suitable" still looking at the night sky

" but it's you, it's you I want " I froze the moment these words came out of his mouth, Emma and Amelia didn't lie, he had feelings for me, I looked at him, shocked

" you shouldn't, you shouldn't like me, Rowan," I said calmly

" But I do, I don't just like you Natalia, am in love with you " my heart fluttered at the same time hurt, I can't let this happen " Natalia I "

" Rowan stop," I said with full seriousness " you shouldn't like me..."

" But why. you like me to don't you? " looking into his eyes I could not bring myself to lie to him, I could see he was searching for answers

" I do," I said looking down. slowly he took my hand and said in a sweet low voice

" then let's just do this " I slowly took my hand away and I saw the hurt in his eyes, at this point I felt like I was being stabbed with a Dagger severally and it hurts, if only things were easier

" Rowan stop, we won't work, " I said and turned away from him. looking at the sky the stars were beginning to fade, I suddenly felt his warm hand on my face, using his finger to move my hair away from my face above my ear as I turned at the same time only to realize how close he was to me now, I felt his other hand around my waist, slowly pull me forward and my body came in contact with his, my heartbeat increased, when I finally realize what was about to happen he had already lean down to my level and my lips were taken by he's, he kissed me. with my eyes wide open, I didn't know what to do, it was my first, and from the man, I liked and just like that my body responded on its own, kissing him back, my arms around his neck, he held my tighter kissing me slowly, deeply and passionately. His mouth was sweet and his lips were soft, the heat between us was rising rapidly making us crave for more and more and I didn't want to let go. I was already lost in heaven when he slowly let go making me heartache then I realized how much oxygen I needed. still holding me close with his forehead on mine we felt each other's breath

Rowan smiled, looking into his eyes I saw that same thing I saw earlier when we were dancing and I didn't know what it was " I love you " he whispered that was when I understood, it was love, he had love in his eyes towards me

" Rowan " in a low tone. I just realized what I just did, I made a big mistake, I shouldn't have kissed him back, I just mess this up and I had to fix it immediately " no " I moved away from him and I saw how hurt he was by my action

" Natalia what is wrong"

" all this Rowan is not supposed to happen ok," I said

" what do you mean by that " stepped forward but I instantly stopped him

" No, don't, you won't understand"

" them make me understand" his voice was loud this time " make me understand why we won't work when we both like each other, your father and my father think we are a good match, Amelia likes you as well as every other person that has seen us together Natalia" he sounded like he was about to cry and that was driving me crazy

" You have to trust me on this," I said trying to calm him down

" Natalia I love you," he said calmly

" Rowan plea....."

" I love you Natalia " he cut me off still calm

" Rowan..." cutting me again

" Natalia I love you..."

" I am not who you think I am " I yelled out of frustration and was glad the people didn't hear any of this because of the music, I saw the confusion in his eyes

" what are you saying" I managed to say

" Rowan I am not who you think I am " there was a long silence between us until he broke it

" Natalia, if you have something to tell me, then tell I promise I will understand" shaking my head

" no, you won't, trust me " in a very low tone " it's not something that I can explain easily Rowan, you won't take "

" I will," taking me by surprise " it will be more acceptable than this heartbreak" my heart shattered the moment I saw tears in his eye, sadness and anger " I..." he tried to speak " I have never felt so connected to someone like I do with you, it's like you understand me better than me. I think about you most of the time, I want to wake up and the first thing I see is you, and the first thing I hear is your voice. you have gone through a lot but you are filled with life and seeing you makes me strong, makes me want to do things. that night you came to my room was the first time I went against my father to do something right. for the first time I want someone and the person doesn't want me " tears began running down my cheek as he let out those words

" Rowan try..." I moved forward but this time he stepped back

" it's ok, this is not the first time am losing some and I guess it won't be the last " those were his final words before he walked out.

I ran to my room and closed the door, claimed my bed and used my bedsheets to cover myself as I cried. I haven't cried since the day my mother died, sometimes I wanted to cry but the tears never came out but today was different, the tears came running like a stream and I could not control them but let a flow, and I wanted them to anyway. just then I heard the sound of the rain outside and I smiled, I loved the rain because it felt like a thousand people were crying and it was raining at the perfect time

I remained like that for an hour until I suddenly heard the door open " Natalia?" it was Emma, immediately I wiped her tears and lowered the blanket

" hey " I faked a smile

" I heavens have you been crying " she walked up to the bed

" no I haven't" I defended but it was not a convincing lie

" oh Natalia what is the matter" she sat on the bed next to me, I looked at her and could not help but burst into tears again, I couldn't believe I could cry this much after so long " tell me what it is," she said rubbing my back

" I had something that I have never had and I let it go " I cried to her and immediately she pulled me for a hug " I messed up "

" no, you didn't"

" I did, and he hates me now "

"no, he doesn't, you see the thing about love is that when you let you go it will come back if it loves you the same " she explained " I don't know what you said to prince Rowan but I know he loves you, all you have to do is wait "