To Rise Like A Phoenix

I feel nothing. I am nothing. 

The voices build up inside of me until they are overwhelming, beating like the ceaseless echo of a drum. There is no worth to my soul. I should just die now and let God condemn me forevermore. 

I can feel the heat rushing to my face as these words cross my mind, the redness swallowing my cheeks. There is no lucidity to these words, no reason whatsoever. I doubt that I could ever explain these logical fallacies. 

All I know is that these thoughts cannot be true. There is nothing that words can do to bring me down. The wickedness must end now. No weaknesses will be accepted.

A sound erupts to my right, and a battle immediately begins. 

My eyes flicker open, and the harsh sights berate me like the side of a sharp sword. Immediately I jump to my feet as focus returns, trying to survey my potential opponent. Surely it knows that it would not be able to catch me off guard. Though I suppose if it thought it could, this underestimation would serve as an advantage. 

I look at the unfamiliar creature before me, a small girl who looks barely over the age of five. My eyes narrow at this strange development. What wily tricks enemies try to play… donning disguises that would make me hesitant to strike. 

Quickly I reach to my belt, grasping for a sword or weapon of some kind. To my dismay, nothing is there besides air. Alarm only enters my mind for a second, and then I race towards a tall and intimidating tree to rip off a weighty branch. This will have to do.

The creature tries to say something, but I refuse to let any words slip out of its tiny mouth. I leap forward as it forms the words, covering her mouth with my hands. Terror dances across her eyes as she stills with my movement, seemingly stunned with shock.

What petty tricks. Does she really think that I will fall for a gimmick like that? Vulnerability is only a façade, manipulated by the strong and embraced by the weak. 

With lightning-quick movements, I raise my tree branch slightly above her and hit the top of her head lightly. With a body like this, only a tap should be enough to knock the creature out until I decide what to do with it. 

Of course I am right, as the eyes of the child slip to a close almost immediately. Only now do I allow myself a smile, pleased with the manner in which I handled this incident. 

The smile vanishes as a larger man appears from the cluster of trees a few feet away. He looks at me, and then the girl, his startling green eyes widening in shock.

"Mona, what have you done?"

What in the name of…

"Who are you?" I put my hands in the air, trying to gain some time. Slowly I stand up, stepping over the little girl. "How do you know my name?" I try not to let fright and confusion dictate my thoughts. Survival comes first.

He steps into the sunlight with one graceful, sweeping movement. The first thing I notice is his sparkling blue hair, almost blinding me in the sunlight. Strange recollections start to hit me like a ton of bricks.

"Do you not recognize me?" He asks, and I can sense hurt in his voice. Strangely, I do, no matter how much that surprises me. Memory after memory resurfaces with a speed that unnerves me. 

"Xavier." The word leaves my mouth, leaving me surprised and confused. How did I know that? How did I know him?

The man tries to form his next words, and fails. After a few seconds, he tries again.

"Mona, why did you knock out Danae?"

I start backing away immediately. Now more memories are coming back, and I don't like the things I remember. Danae. My only friend that is a woman, and she isn't even human. What the crap have I become? Surely all of these bizarre memories are not real.

"Speak to me," he says, his voice commanding and prompting an immediate response. I start to reply, then immediately stop myself. I do not need to answer to this man. 

I abruptly turn on my heel and run as fast as I can. Trying to stay calm, I think over this matter as I bolt through trees and underbrush. What could Xavier possibly want with me? How can I escape this unfamiliar monster with a name that I somehow know?

Darting to the side as I feel footsteps behind me, I know immediately that running is pointless. He can track my scent like a hound dog and if he caught up to me this quickly; he must also be much faster. 

"Mona!" He calls, to no response. He may kill me now, but he is not getting anything out of me. Within seconds he is right behind me, his breath brushing against the back of my neck. 

I don't acknowledge him even as he stops me, putting his arms around my torso with a speed and strength that surprises me. It is only when he picks me up that I begin to get extremely annoyed. "Put me down," I say calmly, trying to mask my irritation. "You have no right to be treating me like this. Just leave me alone. You don't know me."

"I think I do, considering that you are my mate. I think I know almost all of you." A handsome smile appears on his face as his sinewy arms tighten around me, keeping me in place. Humiliation finally breaks through my wall of steel, and I can feel my face turning cherry red. I know what he is talking about.

"Screw this. Screw you." I mutter under my breath, trying to banish these terrible thoughts from my head. However, at his snarky words, I cannot forget the recollection of his lips as they had danced across my body.

So this was the man that had turned me into a weakling.

* * *

"She refuses to accept that I am her mate," Xavier explains to another annoyingly handsome man with slanted eyes, "she is completely different than before."

"Well, I mean, they did perform the Sharuken ritual on her," his companion replies… Yi, I think his name is. 

"The old hag never finished! I think." He protests rather feebly. 

"I honestly don't understand why you had to tie her up. Surely she is not that dumb to think she can escape from us, weird amnesia problem or not."

"You don't understand, Yi. She is acting crazy." 

"I doubt it. More than likely, you are the one who is acting crazy."

"Oh yeah? Well, you go talk to her then," Xavier huffs with a note of frustration.

"I think I will."

The willowy werewolf stands up and saunters over to me, smiling wildly. I feel the urge to punch him in the face, but I can't do anything with these bonds that are so tight that they nearly cut my skin. "Hey, Mona. What's up?"

"Nothing much, Yi. Just minding my own business." I do not smile or frown. It is best not to let anything slip.

"So… uh…" He looks disconcerted by my response, a little confused. "You say you aren't mates with Xavier?"

"Yes." Honestly, that is the only thing I don't really understand out of all of this. This mate business. I don't understand this nonsense coming out of their mouth. Yes, I willingly allowed myself to be kissed by him and to let myself fall for his antics, but mates? I'm not even sure I know what that means. This Sharuken stuff is confusing me as well.

"I think I can prove that you are mates with him," Yi smiles comfortingly. Not that I need to be comforted. I need a way out of this mess.

"Shoot."

"Could you show us your neck?"

Now I know these perverts are insane.

"Good idea, Yi!" Xavier said loudly, "I didn't think of that."

"That's because you are dumb, Xavier." Yi replies, deadpan. He turns his attention back to me. "There should be a mating mark, there near your neck. Do you remember when you tried to kill yourself in the forest?"

"Yes. That was a moment of temporary weakness. Don't expect anything shameful like that from me again."

The two both look at me as if I have said something weird. "Uh, okay." Yi speaks first, rather dubiously. "Well, Xavier saved you and mated with you that night."

"I don't know what you are talking about. He just saved me, and that was it." I am surprised at the way I am able to stay so cool and collected, considering that these captors of mine are making such untrue accusations.

"Just show us your neck," Yi demands exasperatingly. "Please."

Annoyingly I tug down the neckline of my rugged t-shirt, showing a small expanse of white skin. I haven't always had creamy and smooth skin, but no blemishes have been on this body of mine since I became a Spier. "See? You guys are insane."

Yi turns away, looking at Xavier with a shrug. "I guess they really did pull it off."

A dark shadow crosses Xavier's face. He looks away.

"Mind letting me out of these bonds anytime soon?" I ask them slowly, "I don't really deserve to be treated like a criminal." Of course, the two both ignore me.

Thanks a lot.

A small figure enters my vision, coming towards me from the edge of the clearing. "Mona, you gave me quite the shiner," she laughs. It is a beautiful laugh, full of femininity and self-assurance. Blue and black marks her forehead with an intensity that causes me to gasp.

"But I only tapped your forehead.. I don't understand how..."

"I think you underestimate your strength, Mona. It felt like a freight train was being dropped on my head. Lucky for you, you didn't get to see the bloody wounds before they healed a few hours ago. It was bad."

I suppose I didn't really spend much time examining the effects of my attack before Xavier distracted me.

"I apologize," I say awkwardly, looking off to the side and narrowing my eyes. For some reason, I feel strange and uncomfortable. I know these people, but they have become strangers. 

And most of all, my past self has become a stranger to me. These memories simply don't make sense. How could I let myself become so vulnerable? How pitiful of a life have I been living up until this point?

Xavier stands up, glances at me solemnly, and walks away. I feel a shameful tug at my heart.

"I understand that you probably don't know how to react right now," Danae begins, "even though I don't understand the particulars of your internal struggle." I roll my eyes, though secretly interested. "My advice to you would be to always go with your heart. No matter what."

"Thanks," I smile sardonically, then laugh for the first time since I have become... different. "I will keep that in mind."

She turns without smiling, walking away back into the forest. I look around at the area, seeing the tall trees and dark gray skies. The smell of sulfur is barely prevalent, and the ground is covered in dark vines and dirt. It is if I am just now truly noticing my surroundings.

"Hey guys? Uh... where are we?"

"We were hoping you could answer that," Xavier says in response, and my blood runs cold. 

Suddenly, the air chills my heart and the alien emotion of fear caresses my form, whispering into my ear. My body begins to shake uncontrollably. 

And then everything went black.

I know this feeling. I know it more than anyone.

"Everyone! Out of the way!" I yell, then furiously bend my head to my bindings. There is no way I can get out of these bone breaking ropes without some sort of sharp object. And it is getting closer by the minute.

As the cold embraces me with an intensity that is overwhelming, I suddenly am drawn to thoughts of a lance, elegant and strong with a sharp, pointy end. Almost instantaneously, my muscles clench, and the bonds fall like water from my shivering skin.

And the beautiful lance is in my hand. 

I lose myself in my instinct, my eyes grow hard and I take a step backwards. My senses seem to be heightened and my reasoning has evaporated. They are so close.

Ghoulish creatures appear from the trees into the clearing, slowly moving towards me. In a flash, Xavier runs in front of me, shielding me from them. "Mona, please let me handle this," he pleads, and his warm body in front of mine sends chills through mine. My breath becomes even shorter as I realize that I am affected by this strange act. This is impossible. I... can't accept this.

"Out of the way, Xavier," I impatiently push him, and he seems to be so stunned that he almost falls to the ground beside me. Trying not to waste time, I run towards the Shifters, one word echoing through my mind. One word that seems to drain me, but seems to be instinct in that it possesses me entirely. 

I lift my lance and throw with precision. Almost instantaneously it pierces two of the Shifters, and a horrible cry consumes the air. I am almost frozen from the chills that sound sends through my body. It is the cry of pain, of heartache... of pure terror.

I must stay strong. I cannot let this affect me.

I throw the lance again and again, and the small group of Shifters decrease in number with each attempt. Each new cry seems to join the collective, increasing in intensity and power. However, I never stop, and a few seconds later the last Shifter is hit. They are gone now.

They can't hurt me.

I turn and look behind my shoulder, where Xavier is standing, staring at me like I was a stranger. Yi's expression is similar. Hastily my eyes snap away from them, away from the incredulity in their expression. I only did what was necessary. I only wanted for them to leave me alone.

I raise a hand to my face, and only then do I notice the flood of tears.

* * *

"So what's the plan?" I ask after a long stretch of silence. The fire crackles beside me, sparks flying in the air.

Empty gazes meet mine.

"I guess we should focus on trying to figure out where we are," Xavier finally replies, his voice low and gruff. "Maybe we should just travel until we see people who can tell us."

"This place seems rather rural, out in the middle of nowhere," I comment, "we could be days away from any sort of civilization."

"Wait a second," Yi says, and we look at him. "I think the far more pressing matter at this moment is what to do about you."

"What? Are you insane?" I narrow my eyes. 

It is strange that they are looking at me like this. It is almost as if they are expecting me to explode at any minute, or vanish into thin air. I'm not a ghost!

"You just killed those Shifters, Mona. I don't know if you are yourself anymore. It seems like your entire personality has changed."

"Of course I am myself," I scoff. The fire warms my skin as I rock back and forth, hugging my knees. They don't seem to believe me.

"Where did you take us, Mona?" Xavier asks me gently, his hand moving to rest on mine. Strangely familiar warmth spreads throughout my body. It takes a minute for me to realize what he said.

"Take us? You mean I took you somewhere?" I snap my hand away, although a guilty, lingering blush remains. Danae makes eye contact with me and grins knowingly. I feel the sudden need to slap her.

"You must have. The last memory I had before all this was when we were in that strange chamber at headquarters. Do you remember that?"

These people are going crazy. 

"That's not what happened. Griffin was taking me to a new part of the castle when you guys showed up and..." I put my head in my hands. "I don't know."

"You are missing some very important pieces of the puzzle, Mona," Xavier smiles, an action that brings red to my face. He thinks I am a fool. These people are making up events that never happened in order to embarrass and confuse me.

I glare at him, and his bright smile fades.

"Maybe it is not just us stranded in this place," Danae comments, "maybe some of the others are here too." 

"You can't worry about the others unless you find them on the way," I reply almost forcefully, "as of now the focus should be on getting food for survival. All I have seen so far is strange, shriveled-up berries and miles of tall trees. Everything here seems dead." 

"I disagree," Xavier narrows his eyes at me, "I feel like worrying about the others is absolutely essential."

"I'm not saying worrying about them is not important, but that survival is more important," I snap, standing up. The cool, harsh wind beats at my skin. 

"Mona..." Xavier looks at me with a gaze that makes me want to punch him in the face. "Please be reasonable."

"Xavier, you can't search for anyone if you die of starvation. And as of now, you have no idea who you are looking for."

"Wait, what do you mean by you? Shouldn't you be saying we?"

"Oh, sorry. My bad." I try to act like it is no big deal, but now I can see that this is going to be difficult. If the careful substitution of you for we was recognized, they will definitely have an easier time keeping me here, just like a prisoner, even though I don't want to get involved in their drama. These people are maniacs and it would be suicide to keep up with guys if they are only interested in saving their friends instead of saving themselves.

Without another word, I stalk off, heading into the deep forest. I can still hear voices behind me, and when I cross a few trees I pause.

"She is almost exactly like she was before I saved her in the forest," Xavier's voice echoes, "even though she remembers most of the events that happened afterwards."

"I wouldn't lose hope with her just yet," Yi responds, then a heavy silence fills the air. I listen for another second, but nothing happens. I heard enough anyways, I guess.

Racing farther into the forest, I find a large tree not far from the clearing. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a small, dark shadow leaning against the tree.

A Shifter.

I try to figure out what the creature is doing and why it is here. The cold embraces me, and the dark feelings that usually come after such an encounter are very minimized. For some reason, I am not afraid. 

I don't see the red eyes, so the Shifter must be resting in some way. It seems strange to me, that Shifters need to sleep like every other creature. 

Without the red eyes, it looks almost peaceful.

I sit down where I am, peering at the monster. It is white, but you can easily see the ground through its body. Almost subconsciously a small dagger, seemingly made from the same material as the lance, appears in my hand. I stare at it for a minute, amazed at how easily I am able to conjure weapons when I was unable to before arriving in this strange new world. 

I edge closer, careful to minimize any sounds. This is my chance. It can't get any easier than this.

However, I hesitate before striking the Shifter. Something about this is not right.

How come so many Shifters have appeared out in the open, without seeking to possess any inanimate objects? How come everything in this area is dead, dark and devoid of any type of civilization? 

I gasp as the eyes of the Shifter suddenly appear in its body, my father flashing before my eyes. Except this time, these eyes are filled with a different sort of emotion, beyond anger, pain, and hopelessness. 

Pure terror radiates from the creature beside me. 

Startled by confusion, I launch forward with the dagger stretched outwards. Immediately my face hits the ground with a resounding thud. My consciousness seems to fade in and out as I try to get myself off the ground, my brain pushing for survival while my brain is begging for time to recover.  I forcefully push myself up, and then to my feet after a few seconds of near-paralyzation. Immediately I search for a red glow, a red anything that would indicate whereabouts of the Shifter.

Shock crosses my mind as I see nothing besides the same bleak, dreary landscape.

The Shifter... ran away.

Truly frozen this time around, I fall against the tree. The dark stench of sulfur wafts towards my nose, suspending all thought and movement. This can't be happening. Shifters don't run away.

"Mona!" A voice calls out, and suddenly a body is by my side. "Did you see a Shifter? I smell one."

"Not now, Xavier," I say weakly, sliding to the rough, dirty ground. "You shouldn't even be talking to me."

I only turn to look at him after he stubbornly sits beside me. His green eyes stare into mine, and I shiver. I am a horrible human being.

"You can't possibly mean that," Xavier's face stretches into a slow smile, almost laughing at my words. "Mona, I know you have been through a lot, and I'm-"

"No, Xavier," I snap, then frustratedly put my head in my hands. The wind bites at our bodies. "You don't understand." 

Tears start to well up in my eyes. Out of the corner of my eye, Xavier's hand reaches towards my shoulder.

"I sent us all to hell."

The hand stops, then retreats from my vision.

* * *

I made sure to sleep near the trees, as far away from the others as possible without being deemed suspicious. Xavier was the first to fall, then Danae's eyes quickly closed, then Yi started snoring like a freight train. Ah, how I love loud snoring.

I wait a few minutes, lying flat on my back and staring straight into the sky. Not a star is up there, only true black, the same black that covers this entire landscape. I have not seen true, natural light from the sky since we came here.

There is always a mist, a deep fog spreading across the sky and forest. It doesn't seem like this place ever receives rain or any sort of irregular weather. If it is the same place as my dream, it is always going to look like this. Which would be explainable, if this place is in fact the land of the dead.

I never imagined Hell to be quite like this. I have always thought of a world of fire and endless smoke and screams of terror, and this world seems anti-climatic in comparison. Instead of horror, there is only... nothing. Only the Shifters.

I still feel bad for bringing the others to this place. But something has to be done. I can't stay with a group bent upon certain death.

Slowing edging to my feet as Yi snores once more, I creep towards the cluster of trees by the clearing. If even a single branch snaps, it's over.

I take one step, and then another. My heart starts to constrict in a weird way as I start to vanish into the mass of the deep, dark forest. I try to quell my pounding heart, for it beats so loudly that it nearly makes the ground shake. I don't understand why I am so nervous.

I am only doing what is necessary to save myself. It is better when I am alone.

Trying to steer my thoughts away from the group I just left, I focus on the path ahead. Filled with sharp rocks and sticks, there is a huge chance of me falling, even though I haven't been very clumsy at all over the past day. Narrowly avoiding a tree branch as my speed increases, my legs start to pick up in speed. I must get further and further away, so far that they can't possibly catch up to me.

Ever since I have gotten here, nothing has felt right. It is like a single chord played wrong in a beautiful melody. Even as I run, it seems like instead of getting farther away from the terrible feelings, I am running straight towards them. Yet my legs continue to beat on the same path, as if nothing now can turn them away. 

I probably wouldn't feel so nervous if my heart wasn't still beating loud enough to wake the dead.

My stomach growls and small beads of sweat appear on my forehead. I am growing more and more exhausted, my throat parched and my vision shaky. Who knows how long I have been running, how long I have even been here. In this place, time runs together, twisting and weaving, frolicking around its inhabitants. 

This must be a dream. It has to be.

That is the reason why none of this makes sense. Why I keep having memories that I don't understand. Why everything is so out of the ordinary.

I'm having another dream of the dark world, but this time, I am the star. The only question is; how do I wake myself up?

The running never ends, but my consciousness starts to stumble a little bit. My eyelids slip down, then struggle to its former position. My stomach screams in agony, and only luck prevents its cries from echoing throughout the forest. I must find a way out of this dream before I die.

Only trees surround me, almost the exact same trees surrounding me when I left. Everything here looks the same, which makes me question whether I have been running in circles or not. 

I can't be. I've been traveling in a straight line.

But this place continues to play with my brain, and out of the corner of my eye I spot a small irregularity, something that doesn't fit with everything I have seen so far. It is a well of some sort, old and misshapen, but to me the symbol of deliverance. Wells... hold water.

I instinctively change my direction for the first time, swerving to avoid tree after tree. I continue to get closer and closer, but it almost seems to be traveling farther and farther away. Maybe I am just getting fooled by this dream world. I blink my eyes in confusion.

When I look again, it is still there.

My pace slows, and for the first time the well looks like I am actually getting closer to it. Excited, I furiously zoom towards it, towards the hope of life-giving water.

Please, let there be water.

My eyes slip once more, then a heavy force pounds the breath out of me as I slam into it, obviously not looking where I am going. "Ugh!" I gasp for breath, my arms touching the object to try and keep myself steady. "I guess I really am exhausted for banging into a tree," I mutter, trying to concentrate on getting rid of the shaking that is reverberating around my body. 

"Last time I checked, I wasn't a tree," a slightly familiar voice travels to my ear, and instantly I start to scream, kicking the talking tree and trying to pull my hands away. However, we seem to be locked in some sort of strange embrace, and both the tree and I lose our balance as we too bang into something hard, then topple almost in midair.

Wait. We are in midair.

My senses go out of control as the world constantly shifts in my eyes, a blur of insanity that I can't possibly understand. It lasts for a second or two, then I just tightly close my eyes and hope this will be over soon. I hope this madness will stop.

And then there is a thud, then the overwhelming, incredible pain begins. My arm hits the ground—I think—and I feel the bone crack. My legs already seem broken. I don't think I have ever taken such a tumble, especially by banging into a talking tree.

My eyes slide open, slowly and hesitantly, to survey my surroundings. The first thing I notice is the moisture surrounding my arms and legs. The second thing I notice is circular walls stretching upwards as far as the eye can see.

The third thing I notice is a red-haired being lying opposite me, his knee and neck bent at awkward angles. His eyes are closed, and he seems to be faintly breathing.

"Griffin?" The name easily floats from my lips, startling even me. 

There is no response.

What... just happened?