Too Late to Back Down, Too Early to Give Up

Too Late to Back Down, Too Early to Give Up

I have no thoughts. I am experiencing a feeling—probably—but it is too hard for me to even describe, stretching beyond both words and expressions.

Xavier is kissing me, and I never thought it would ever feel quite this…. good.

Good is a pretty overused term, used to explain tons of different emotions and is placed in many contexts, but in this case the word should be taken as a mere placeholder for a reality so undefinable that I wish it would last forever. Something so strange and beautiful loses its impact through communication, which goes for many things, and can only be delivered through experience.

It is almost like the one time when I was a little girl, and my parents took me to the beach for the first and last time in my life. I remember standing there, my feet sinking into the pure white sand, in awe of the magnificence surrounding me. I could taste the hint of salt on my tongue, the wind caressing my tiny body. The sun would cast its glow upon me, making me feel like an angel bathed in holy light. And the water felt so cold, so refreshing, that I just wanted to simply dissolve and become nothing, emptying my mind so I could be immersed in the beauty. So I could etch that moment into my memory, and never forget it for the rest of my life.

In many ways, this moment resembles my other inexplicable experiences, but in other ways it takes me beyond a mere wish or desire. Yes, it feels wonderful, unlike a kiss ever should, but the urgency of my emotions shock me more than anything else. I am in a frenzy, willing to do anything to keep intensifying the experience (for lack of a better term). There is more to my life that I must consider, but strangely all of those considerations have flown away. It is like nothing matters anymore, except for this.

There's some sense of nostalgia that comes with this as well, something that bothered me last time I kissed him. It feels so real, but it is almost ethereal as well, like we are not only connected through our lips both through our souls as well.  And even though it should be, it isn't a new feeling at all. I get a small sense of it every time I look at him, every moment that he enters my thoughts. It just makes me wonder where on earth it is coming from.

The only thing that makes sense is that there might be some truth to the words of my companions concerning Xavier and I's past relationship. That my memory was wiped, along with strange markings that should be on my body. That everything I believe about myself during this time has been a lie, and I'm actually a big softie with a hard shell. I don't want to believe that Xavier is mine…or do I? Even now, the thought causes butterflies in my stomach, and I let out an involuntary moan.

"Shh,"Xavier whispers in a low, husky voice. "Do you want the rest of them to hear you?"My eyes open, and I stare at him, thinking about nothing and everything at the same time. "Don't…look at me like that,"he says softly, leaning in and kissing my brow bone.

His lips touch my eyelids, trailing down my nose and cheeks. I can't help but wonder, as I look at his face, what he could possibly be thinking. He seems so calm and measured, tearing my defenses with accuracy and not wasting a singly movement. Has he ever lost himself? I find myself wanting to know the answer more than anything else.

A warmth touches my lips, and I feel my bottom lip being gently bitten as he teases my mouth open. As soon as I do so, his tongue pushes in, and I am taken with surprise. So there is more to everything…and I want it all.

This should be really gross. I would never imagine a guy's tongue in my mouth a day ago, or even a week ago. In the logical side of my brain, it's all just really weird. Tongues are for eating and communicating. Mouths in general are for eating and communicating. Those human body parts have no other use, and should only be used in those given purposes. But now the sun has set, and the brightness of the moon has risen over the dark landscape. It is a new world out there, one full of mystery and enigmas with neither sense nor reason.

His face leaves mine, a hairsbreadth away from my lips, and his eyes flick upwards towards mine. We look at each other, and he smirks slightly. A flicker of annoyance flashes through my thoughts, but he kisses me before I can think of anything else.

"You…"he murmurs as we take a second to breathe. You know, because I haven't done that in quite a while. He straightens from where he was leaning over me, some strange expression on his face. I sit up as well, an uneasiness in my heart.

"Xavier?"

"Tommorow,"he says roughly, turning his head away. "We can continue tomorrow."

"What are you saying?"I ask him, my voice uncannily high. This is not how things are supposed to work.

"You're mine, and I can do whatever I want with you. Which is why you are going to meet me…tomorrow night."He finally turns and looks at me, his eyes sparkling like emeralds. I feel a little uncomfortable under his steady gaze.

"But…why not now?"I sound so tiny, surrounded by such an empty wasteland.

"I don't want you to disappear, Mona. Every day I want the guarantee that you still want me, and that you won't run away. So it has to be this way."

"N-no, it doesn't. Xavier, please…"I touch his arm, but he shakes me off almost robotically.

"Mona, I'm sorry, but we both need to get some rest. I'm not going to bend on this."

I stand up, feeling as if I was hit by a moving train. My knees start to wobble, and they almost buckle down the small hill. I can feel his gaze on me as I vanish into the trees.

He must be playing with me, treating me like I am his toy. How did I deserve this? Now I am destined to be controlled, and more frighteningly, a small part of me actually wants this to happen. Well, maybe a bit more than a small part of me.

What in the world is wrong with me? Why can't I just be normal and contained…and strong? I already know the answer, but I can't keep myself from asking those questions.

The anger leaves my body along with my strength as I collapse onto an empty spot on the ground. And as the noise of the forest fades away into an eerie silence, the only thing I continue to hear is the fervent beating of my heart. I can't help but stare into the forest, wondering about him.

And shamefully waiting for tomorrow.

* * *

I swing the spear with incredible force, hitting the large oak tree and getting my weapon caught in the middle of it as a result. My face drips with sweat, traveling down my face and body, but I don't even care. I feel powerful when I'm swinging a sword… like I can do anything.

I am alone in the forest, surrounded by dark gray foliage and towering trees that I desperately want to topple. Doing so would ensure that I've taken a step forward in my training, and I can finally take a break. My frustrations, which had initially led me out here, have long since abated, and now I can feel a dull ache in my bones.

"Nice, Mona."A voice erupts, and I whip my head around to see Ray, casually leaning on the side of the tree. "You're getting better."

I don't really know how to take compliments, so I just stare at him. "You're welcome."

"Uh, wrong words. I think you've been away from society too long. The correct reply is thank you."He laughs, and I can't help but laugh as well.

"Actually, I'm right. You're welcome for when I have to save your butt with my awesome skills."I wink at him, twirling the spear in my fingertips. It shines with iridescence, and then starts to fade away in my hands.

"I wonder…"Ray says, walking closer to the faded spear and watching it with his eyes aglow. "When you and Griffin were stuck in the well, why didn't you use your amazing skills to get you both out of there? I seem to recall you guys pretty much about to die…and us saving YOUR butts."

"I'm not sure either."I have been wondering about that, and it's bothered me for quite a while. "I tried using them in the well, and it went straight through."

"Maybe it was the materials. It's not natural like the rest of this world is."

"You know, you're right. Maybe metal materials, or even just human-made objects, are not affected by my weapons. Hey Ray, you're pretty smart after all."

I smile and Ray grins as well, grabbing my head and rubbing his knuckle across my scalp. "Was there ever any question?"He asks me jokingly.

"Always."I twist out of his grip, running out of his reach. "With you, you can never know what you'll get."

The dark fog gathers in the area, quickly almost obscuring him from my vision. I feel discomfort at how easily this place can conceal, disguising anything at the drop of a hat.

"Well, it's lunchtime now. If you are done now, we'd really like it if you joined us."Ray turns away, his voice fading in the roar of the wind. I nod, following him into the trees.

It's been pretty hard, coming up with meals for the day, but we have been making it through. We passed by a small pond the day after yesterday, so we were able to stock up on fruits and get some water. Luckily, all of us have more energy than humans do, otherwise we would have all died long ago. Every day we are traveling about a hundred miles, give or take, and are gradually getting closer to the ocean. We can't see it yet, but I can sense it, remembering it in my dreams in relation to the mountains.

I haven't had any visions recently, which worries me because I need more evidence to connect all the puzzle pieces in my head before I can make any accurate conclusions. And at the rate we are going, I need to make some decisions about what we need to be doing very quickly. There has to be some way that I can get us out of here. Given the scarcity of food, there is no way we could live here for too much longer. Unless there's a Garden of Eden around here, in which case we need to find it, and fast.

I step into the clearing where most of our group is gathered around a small campfire. A few logs have been placed around it for us to sit on, and Danae is pouring water from her huge water bottle that she had back from the old world into emptied fruit shells. They kind of remind me of those coconut cups that I would see all the time in commercials on TV. Seeing everyone together, laughing over something Griffin said, gives me a strange feeling in my stomach. And I am really trying to feel guilty for it afterwards, but I just can't make it go away.

"Are you going to grab some?"Ray asks genially as we join the group. "We have a grand specialty today. It's a delicacy, really."

"Ooh, I can't wait,"I say dryly, "and whatever might this magical entrée be?"

Laughing, Griffin tosses me a spiky fruit that I have grown used to over this time period. I stare at it, and then at him, and then a smile spreads all over my face.

"Looks good."I start to peel the skin off with my fingernails. "Actually, looks great."

I turn to scan the area and spot Xavier to my side, sitting down on the log. We make eye contact, and he flashes me a brilliant smile. He gestures for me to sit down near him. I can feel my heart beating with uncontainable voracity as I cautiously do so. The heat of his body near mine makes me more nervous than I could ever admit.

"How was your morning?"He asks me while he chews on the core of the fruit. We have all started doing that in order to get more nourishment, but it tastes disgusting.

"Pretty productive. I almost cut down a tree in one swipe,"I reply, my mouth full of fruit. I probably look like a wild beast right now, but I'm too hungry to care.

"That's a huge improvement from yesterday. I'm really proud of you."

"You sound like my father,"I reply mockingly, and then fall silent as I remember that I don't have a father any more. I've been remembering a lot of my past lately, and memories of my parents have really been bothering me.

"What's wrong?"Xavier asks, his voice close to my ear. His arm snakes around my waist, and I can sense his confidence in the gesture.

Griffin, sitting across the fire, is looking straight at me when I look away from Xavier. Strangely enough, he doesn't seem mad or angry, but he is smirking at me instead. I blush, my whole face turning a bright shade of red. I try to shake off Xavier's hand, but it's impossible because of his grip of iron.

"Nothing,"I say through gritted teeth, trying not to look at him. There's just something about looking into his eyes that makes me constantly humiliate myself.

"Aww, Mona, don't get embarrassed. Just tell me."He isn't trying to keep his voice low, and I can sense a bit of exhilaration in his tone. I wonder what could possibly be running through his mind right now.

Even as his grip loosens, his hand still brushes against the small of my back, as if he's making sure I'm still here. I finally turn my head to look at him, and there he is, probing me with his stupid eyeballs.

"I was just thinking about dad,"I say softly, knowing any of the other werewolves could pick up on my voice. If they did, they didn't show it, making their own salads from a few patches of green leaves we got near the last water spring.

"I'm…sorry."Xavier's hand leaves my back, and his gaze drops.

"Don't apologize. You didn't even know him,"I reply, and then toss the remaining shell into the fire. I can't help but feel touched by his concern, a warmth gathering in my heart that has nothing to do with passion.

"Yeah, but I was being insensitive." He smiles slightly, prodding at the dirt with his shoe.

"That's nothing out of the ordinary."I grin slyly. "So don't worry. I'm used to it."

He suddenly burst into laughter, his eyes widening. "So Mona can crack a joke? I never knew?"

"Who said I was cracking a joke?"I shoot back, a little confused, or at least pretending to be. It makes me…feel happy, conversing like this without the pressing urgency that comes with a difficult situation.

Xavier gives me a dubious look, his eyebrow arched in a teasing manner. I can't hold back the giggles, now, and I turn away from him, hoping that he won't see my laughter.

"Well, you guys are getting along."Danae looks at me, raising an eyebrow. I feel a little embarrassed at her scrutiny, looking at the ground. Yeah…I know. I don't truly get it either.

"Mona can't help but like me,"Xavier teases, "I knew she couldn't hold up for long."

There's probably more truth to that than I would ever admit. "I just make it seem like I like him so I can take his food,"I comment warmly, taking another fruit out of his bag. I measuredly take the sides and rip it with all my might, splitting it down the middle.

"What a sucker,"Ray says, smiling widely. Xavier laughs in response, looking more relaxed than he has been in a long time.

Everything feels peaceful, almost as if we were sitting back in the mansion in the movie room or at the breakfast table. I can't help but feel nostalgia as I remember the long hallways, the many rooms, and the experiences surrounding them. There are some gaping holes in my memory, but slowly I'm starting to gain some of it back. It is comforting to know that I developed relationships with this group of people before we even reached this world, that they aren't the strangers I thought they were. Maybe I could even learn to trust them.

Speaking of this peaceful aura surrounding our camp, it's probably time for us to get moving. My eyes leave the ripped fruit and travel upwards with the intent of addressing the group.

But then I scan the forest, my attention alerted by a flash of color to the right. At first I see nothing, but then a dull, pulsing white light, only a speck in the distance, appears behind some faraway trees.

"Hey,"I say distractedly, never taking my eyes off the light. "I have to check something out real quick. I'll be right back."I stand up from the log, afraid to blink at the expense of losing it from my vision.

"Mona…"I can hear Xavier's voice behind me, but I keep going, slowly weaving between the trees. If it is what I think it is, I really need to take a closer look.

My suppositions are proven valid as I can make out a translucent shape by a tall oak tree. The Shifter is weak, its light rather subdued as the creature—what I've been calling it recently—rests on the floor. This one is similar to one of the first Shifters I saw in this world, with a vulnerability about it that makes me feel unsure about my convictions.

There's something about this one that enchants me. I can't help but feel drawn to this being, a strange emotion gripping at my chest.

I clear my throat nervously. At this noise, the Shifter jerks, as if waking up from a fitful sleep. It starts to back away, and even though it looks like a ghost, I can feel a bit of fear emanating from the creature. "Don't worry…I…am not going to hurt you." I venture a little closer, watching its movements. Surprisingly, it almost seems to acknowledge my words, stopping its jerky motions and opening its wide eyes. I don't feel scared, or even intimidated. As if in a trance, I continue walking towards the Shifter until I am only a few inches away.

I crouch down, peering into the creature's body. There is no definite shape to it, but it doesn't have the usual intensity that a normal Shifter would have. Instead of the brightness of a monster, its eyes contain the darkness of an inner turmoil. We continue to make eye contact, I unable to break away.

I try to call on my past knowledge. Back at headquarters, at the encounter with the Shifters, I had a slightly similar feeling. There was no hate, nor resentment, that I had come to expect in other situations. What should I do? I wish there was some sort of manual that would explain everything to me, because then everything would be so much easier.

A small body of light leaves my body, surprising me with its sudden appearance. Without knowing what I am doing, my hand closes around it, trapping it within my grasp. By holding it, I can feel the compassion that I was just experiencing.

This light looks very similar to the other light that Griffin and I saw at the well. I can only guess, but it seems like these…things are essences of our emotions, somehow released from our bodies. And very oddly, without any real explanation, I felt like I needed to open my hand and offer it to the Shifter.

Not knowing what I am doing, I just slowly uncurl my fingertips. My eyes open in wonder as I survey it, watching the sparkles of light twist around a small, glowing core. Slowly the Shifter edges closer, and I can see its body tremble.

"Here. Take it."I move my hand, and the light stays exactly where it is, shining brightly. The Shifter, however, moves like lightning to the swirling energy. Once it is at a close enough proximity, the light dissolves into small particles and then vanishes into the Shifter's body. The Shifter in turn starts to glow, while keeping its large eyes on me.

I feel a peculiar happiness while watching this happen. While inwardly trying to put the puzzle pieces together, I also revel in the complexity and mystery of the scene before me. There is something so beautiful about this convergence that almost brings me to my knees.

So the Shifter is not a dark, shapeless void, but a soul filled with emotions and the brightness of life.

"Mona?"A deep voice whispers near my ear. At this, the Shifter scatters, disappearing into the forest without hesitation. "Why…are you crying?"

I raise my index finger to my cheek, brushing against the droplet that had been running down my face with confusion. He's…right, but I don't have the explanation he's looking for.

"Xavier."I turn, and there he is, so close that I catch my breath at his intoxicating scent.

"What were you looking at?"He asks, his breath caressing the nape of my neck.

"It was a Shifter."I stare at him, my eyes wide. His gaze crawls over my body, and then his arm snakes out to support me. "Thanks. I'm not feeling too well."

Overcome with dizziness, I lean against his chest. I am completely defenseless, as weak as a twig physically yet strong with the knowledge of purpose. I don't have pretty much any of the details, but our fate is definitely intertwined with the Shifters, and maybe we can help them to the extent that we would be rewarded. There seems to be suffering here, which could be the root of all the strife back in the other world.

The salty air tickles my nose, and I look up at Xavier's face. "We're close…can you feel it?"I ask, and he nods in response.

"I can't wait until we get to the ocean. Then we can have a beach party."Xavier winks, making me blush. I quickly back away and straighten my body, though feeling a bit nauseous as I do so. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Yeah, sure."I turn away, peering at the trees to my right. I can't make out anything, but I'm pretty sure the saltiness is coming from that direction.

"Do you still want to…meet up, tonight?"He asks in a low tone, his hand pulling on my arm. It burns from his touch, but not in a bad way at all.

I can't help but look into his eyes, and shakily give an affirmative nod. "I…mean, if it's okay…"I stumble over my words, unsure of myself.

"Of course it's okay."His hand rises to lift my chin. I find myself sucked into his gaze, and he leans closer to softly kiss my forehead. "Don't misunderstand, Mona."

"W-what are you t-talking about?"I ask quietly, my own eyes widening.

"I want you, more than anyone in this world,"he whispers, his lips close to my ear. "In any world, I guess I should add."His face retreats from my own, and I can see his eyes again. They are glowing with an animalistic desire, making shivers run down my spine.

"Then…why?"

"I told you why last night."He finally steps away, and I can finally breathe again. "I know my feelings, but I don't know yours."

"But-"

"No. I'm not going to let you lie to me,"he says calmly, "I think I know you well enough by now that I would be able to catch you if you did."

"That's not what I was going to…"I trail off as Xavier turns to walk back to camp. I guess he isn't interested in my response. Irritation sears through me as I quickly follow him, a tight knot loosening in my stomach. Time to shut the feelings off.

But seriously, I wasn't going to lie to him about feelings or lack thereof. Who does he think I am?

"We should go, guys,"Xavier calls to the others once they come into view. Probably knowing he was going to say that before he actually did, Griffin and Ray are already packing up supplies.

"To the coast!"Ray yells, fist pumping the air in a silly burst of enthusiasm. I roll my eyes as I pick up Xavier's backpack.

"What are you doing?"He asks, but I wave him off with my hand.

"Grab Danae's bag. I haven't been carrying anything for a while."The truth is, I have gotten so tired of watching other people deal with their own stuff. Griffin and I were the only ones without bags, so we've had to mooch off everyone else without being much help to anyone. 

Without looking at the others, I start moving quickly, trusting that the others will follow. And they do, their footsteps pounding behind mine.

It's probably going to be a long run, but I'm pretty sure we can reach the ocean by nightfall.

* * *

When I see a vast expanse appear on the horizon, I nearly have a heart attack. Which may seem weird, but after a couple hours of travel, seeing anything at all besides moving Shifters and dead foliage is a big surprise. At the sight, my stomach starts grumbling furiously, probably more ready than I am to reach the ocean.

We continue to travel, our footsteps pounding in unison. But now that we can see the end, it seems like we are running at a slower and slower speed. I find myself impatient, and I speed up, the rest of the group keeping up easily. The ocean grows larger and larger, along with my excitement.

It finally creeps upon us, and we can finally slow down to a steady walk. The others cheer beside me. Ray seems especially excited, jumping up and down with his backpack in his hands.

Xavier looks at me, and we make eye contact. His face is twisted into a tentative smile, and it is easy to notice that he may have a few misgivings about the whole thing. "What is it?"I ask softly, not noticing that my arm is swinging towards his until it brushes against his side. After the contact I jump half a mile into the air, edging away from his body. "S-sorry."

"Mona,"he laughs, "no big deal. I'm just pretty tired."His expression is strained, doing nothing to alleviate my concerns.

"Yeah right. Don't think you can get away with not telling me,"I warn, wagging my finger at his face. This time his features crinkle into a genuine smile.

"It's really nothing. I'm relieved that we finally made it." He starts walking into the wind, spreading his arms wide. I narrow my eyes after him, unconvinced.

The sand is like pure crystals, each grain soft and illuminated by an unearthly glow. The trees have shifted into ones with skinnier trunks and long, generous branches. They are similar to those that appear at a normal beach, and it leaves me with the same sense of awe that I experienced years ago. And on either side, it seems to last forever, the white expanse continuing as far as I can see. The only thing is that there is something so empty about this atmosphere. Maybe it is just the lack of color, or the chilly air, but the beach doesn't seem as inviting as I remember.

There are small plants by the edge of the beaches. Immediately Danae rushes over to it, fingering the leaves with avid fascination. I leave her to it, putting Xavier's backpack by the base of a tree. Just as before, I place my toes in the sand, hoping to immerse myself in the beauty of the moment. My feet disappear, sinking in to my ankles.

It feels nice, and I'm not unwilling to admit it to myself. Pretty much exhausted, I sink to my knees, and then to a sitting position. Watching the others' reactions with interest, it surprises me how happy they are behaving. Griffin is walking towards the water, and Ray is lying on his back. Danae is holding several ripe fruits in her arm, heading towards the outskirts to probably set up some sort of camp.

"We shouldn't stay here long," Xavier says, looking in my direction. I return the look, baffled at his words, yet receiving the same ominous feeling about these ghostly beaches. He's probably right, but I need a minute to myself... to rest.

"Don't be a party pooper!" Ray laughs, jumping immediately in the water. Once he hits the water, his face immediately turn stark white. He freezes in place, startling both me and Griffin, who was about to jump in.

"What's wrong?" He asks, taking a step back. Ray says nothing, his face now an scary shade of blue.

"Ray!" I stand up, and run over to the shore. The water rises and falls, but he doesn't move an inch.

I inwardly groan and take a step into the water to grab his arm. As soon as I make contact with the ocean, I immediately understand Ray's reaction. This water... is something else.

"Wow, it's like stepping into liquid ice," I complain while wrapping my arm around his. "It's probably not healthy to stay in here for too long." Tugging him out of the water, I practically have to drag him at this point. "Good grief," I mutter quietly, bogged down by his weight.

Xavier is waiting at the edge, and he hurriedly rips Ray away from me. "Always getting into trouble, huh?" He asks, slapping Ray heartily in the back. The action seems to shake Ray back to life, and he awkwardly jumps away.

"It's pretty cold out there. I advise not jumping in." He uncomfortably shivers, and I run to grab him a dry shirt.

"I'm thirsty," Griffin says out of the silence, "does anyone have some water?"

"I don't think so," I reply while shuffling through the bag. "We ran out early today. You could drink from the ocean, but..."

Oh no.

Everyone's face darkens as they have the same revelation I am experiencing. I don't really know why it hit me just now—when it hadn't on the whole journey up here—but it hurts like a ton of bricks.

Griffin sticks a single finger in the water, swirling it around and then flicking his tongue at it. "It's about as salty as the Dead Sea," he comments, smiling dryly.

"What the crap," I mutter in a scathing tone to myself. "What was I thinking? And I thought we were getting closer to a water source..."

And we were, I correct myself mentally. Except it's a salty mess that everyone can look at and not drink while we are dying of dehydration.

I put my head in my hands, slumping against the base of the tree. Mona, you should be better than this.

"Mona." Ray walks up to me and takes the shirt from my hands. "It's okay. We'll just keep going after this."

"But... what if we don't find anything?" I ask him, nervously clenching my fists.

"Well, that's pretty pessimistic." He grins. "Although I guess it suits the rather anticlimactic situation we got going on here."

"Yeah, unfortunately we need to leave before long," Xavier says, repeating the same worry that I know has been haunting him since we reached the beach. He starts to gather up our belongings from their locations on the sand.

"We can gather our energy for a minute," I say weakly, "It might be a few hours before we reach another water source."

"We can... but just remember that every minute we spend here is a minute we have to continue without any water." Xavier scans the area, his eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"Xavier, what's wrong?!" I ask him, frustrated by his unexplainable behavior. "You never act like this."

He whirls around to face me. "Do you not feel that?"

I just sit, staring at him openmouthed, while at the same time trying to feel exactly what he's feeling. I concentrate for a minute, focusing on the wind and the waves as they roll towards the beaches.

"Nope. I got nothing."

Xavier crouches down and covers my ears with tender hands. "Don't think. Just feel. And smell."

"What the crap..." I close my eyes, draining myself of thoughts and feelings. As I do so, a slight wrinkling of the nose reveals a strange, familiar scent that has the hint of some odious flavor I can't identify. "What... is that?"

"I don't advise staying here to find out," He replies, edging towards the outskirts. "The scent is much stronger than it was a few minutes ago."

"Doesn't that smell like... human? Or even werewolf?" Ray asks, standing by my side. His eyes are closed, his face bent in concentration.

Xavier's eyes widen. "You're right, Ray. What the..."

Griffin is staring out into the distance, as if searching for something. "Look!" He calls, and then immediately starts running. Terror enters my heart, and I start shaking nervously. What could be out there?

The cold takes over my body, and even as Xavier tugs on my hand, the fear only increases. This is something unlike anything I have ever felt in this world. But, like most things, there is some nostalgia associated with the emotion that unsettles me.

"Hey!" I can hear loud shouting in the distance, and immediately I start to run towards them. Xavier looks at me as he starts running as well, and I can see his concerned face in the corner of my eye. But I disregard it, speeding as fast as I possibly can towards the others. They are all stopped in a strange semicircle, piquing my curiosity in the worst of ways.

"What's going on?" I ask breathlessly as I approach them. My knees are heavy, so I lean down and put my hands against them. With my head down and a heavily beating heart, I feel the apprehension building beyond control.

Finally, I cast my gaze upwards, and nearly jump a hundred feet in the air. "What the... no..."

A blonde man is lying before us, covered in blood, and drenched in sweat. He looks to be barely conscious, his eyelashes fluttering in a struggle to stay awake. With his clothing ripped down the back and side, strange indentations had been made in his body that could have never been made with human hands. Newfound chills ripple down my spine.

"Wes?" I ask, the name flowing as easily from my lips as it did with the others in my group. Yes, I know him. I could never forget that golden hair, tumbling past his ears and glittering in the sunlight. In this current state, the brightness has been dulled, tainted with both red and brown.

Xavier is ahead of everyone else, walking towards him and trying to lift his body without touching his wounds. "What... happened?" He asks with concern. Wes's eyelashes flutter, and eventually his eyes flicker open. As soon as his consciousness is fully gained, he immediately starts kicking and thrashing, attacking Xavier weakly. "Wes? Wes! It's me!" Xavier yells, trying to pacify him.

"X-Xavier," He whispers, and then gradually gives up on all resistance. "Hurry... can't stay..."

We all turn to look around, anxious for what else could be on the coast. The markings on Wes's back indicate that we could be facing a real enemy, and in a world with no rules, who knows who or what could be the threat. And there's no ignoring that our group is weaponless, with the exception being my spirit spears.

Another head appears from the forest, glistening with iridescence. We all turn to look at him as he barrels onto the coastline. In a similar state to Wes, with his clothing in tatters, he casts a glance at the ocean and curses beneath his breath. Turning to look at Wes, he sees the rest of us and his mouth opens wide.

"Xavier? Mona?" Jake asks, clearly surprised to see us. But the surprise quickly dissipates on his rugged features, leaving only resignation. "We're probably cornered by now. Do you guys have any weapons?"

Xavier narrows his eyes. "What's going on?" He questions Jake, who rolls his eyes in response.

"No time to talk. Just run," he speaks in a clipped tone, and immediately starts off again. He's heading north, supposedly in the direction of the castle. I can hear him loudly shouting expletives as he approaches the outskirts.

"What the crap is going on?" I ask angrily, trying to survey the forest with a more perceiving eye. To my alarm, I can make out some humanlike bodies, making their way out onto the beach.

Xavier, still carrying Wes, starts to make his way towards Jake. "Come on, we all fight together," he says in a commanding voice, and then turns away. His bare feet stomp through the sand, and even though his voice is calm, his shoulders are shaking in either fear or exhaustion.

Now having gained clarity of the situation, I start running with all my might. The space beside my arm glitters as a large, silver spear forms within my fingertips.

I can see them, a multitude of Shifters in either physical or spirit form converging upon the coastline, and these are nothing like the others I've seen. Red eyes glitter in dark, pulsating bodies. Each one of them looks thirsty, tinged with the insanity that comes with emotions such as hate or envy. Some have delved into the surrounding foliage, with glowing tree trunks for torsos and blood red veins running down the heads to the roots. They have human like shapes in that they don't look as sturdy or as thick as a normal tree would, and the arms are made of branches gathered together, while possessing intimidating elasticity.

Jake pulls out a small dagger, his face twisted with some of the same madness that the Shifters possessed. "Get ready," he growls as the first Shifter in physical form rips from the underbrush and runs faster than any normal human being should.

Without a second thought I raise my arm and throw the spear with all of my strength. Exhilaration fills my chest as it hits a Shifter square in the face, wedged deep into the wood, and it sinks to the sand in temporary anguish. But that doesn't last for long, and it soon pushes itself up by the roots and edges closer to our group. "What's going on?" I yell, astounded at its resilience, "I just hit it!"

"You have to literally destroy it," Jake says grimly, cracking his knuckles, "I can't tell you how many times that's happened to me since yesterday when they found us."

A bow starts to form next, probably more suited to my needs as countless voids cross into the sand. "Cover me! I'm going to go for the Shifters in their spirit form!" I yell, the first arrow already in my hand and fastened to the string. Jake casts a glance at me, obviously confused, but I don't try to clear it up for him. I let the first one fly, feeling grateful to myself for all those training practices I've taken in the past week or two. As it passes through a Shifter, the creature just evaporates, but strangely I feel none of the pain that I had grown accustomed to when attacking them. There is no guilt, but liberation. These twisted creatures are way past the point of no return, and it's time for judgment.

As Griffin tries to block a tall Shifter from pouncing on me, I let out a swarm of arrows that mostly hit their targets. After several fall, Griffin turns and looks at me. "That never gets old." He laughs energetically.

"What?"

"Seeing u throw an invisible spear and actually knock down stuff with it." He smiles at me, and then turns to the next enemy. He pulls a small pocket knife out of his pants and jumps the Shifter that's the closest.

Jake throws his dagger to Yi, who's flickering in and out of human vision, and immediately long, glistening talons protrude from his fingertips. Although I don't have enough time to really watch him fight, it is amazing to see him slash at the trees and almost rip them in half. I've never seen him fight before, nor most of the others.

Xavier has set Wes down and started smashing everything with his crazy Earthquake punch, a look in his eyes that is both feral and bloodthirsty. Griffin doesn't really have a special talent, but he is incredibly agile with his small knife, amazing me with his strength as he repeatedly stabs a Shifter in the sides and head. Danae is just carefully watching Wes, measuring his temperature and warming his body from the chill of the wind and water. It is amazing to see everyone using their talents and just in general working together towards survival.

The most impressive fighter, however, is definitely Ray. I had never seen his talent before, and it amazes me to witness it now. Surrounded by probably the largest number of Shifters, his body has grown about twice as big in the wake of the oncoming threat, covered in hair and rippling with muscles. His hands look almost like paws, with sharp claws, and his face is covered in hair so it is nigh impossible to see. So this is the Beast talent.

It is funny because the pack had mentioned their powers several times before, but absolutely nothing beats seeing them in their culmination. As I continuously fire off arrows with mediocre accuracy, they continuously fend off attacks with the Shifters running after me. And these creatures are not normal in the least. They are fighting machines, able to continue through near anything. And even now they are flooding onto the beach in countless numbers.

I swing a tall mace to the monsters in front of me as Griffin tries to hit them with the knife. "Take them now!" I call as they fall to the ground. Griffin casts me an amazed look and then leans forward to stab them one at a time. I can hear him groaning as one of them lashes out and hits him in the side. I feel pressure closing in on me from all sides, my conscience blurred with red.

There's way too many. We are putting up a good fight, but for every one we kill, five take its place. Anger courses through me as two of them make it through the others to Wes and Danae, both of whom don't notice anything.

"Watch out!" I scream as I throw a glistening spear directly towards them. It heads straight through the two Shifters and vanishes when it reaches Danae's body. I cry out when the Shifters collapse on the sand, running towards them and stabbing them with my newly constructed sword, actually splitting them in half this time. At this point weapons are just magically appearing left and right, and most of the time I don't even know what they are when I throw them. The appearances seem to be fueled by my emotions, in desperation the sword, in hope the spear, and in sadness the arrows.

"Mona!" I hear Griffin's voice to the side and immediately turn to see three Shifters bashing at his body without mercy. His face is bleeding, dark blood running down his nose and neck.

There is just too much. My attention is constantly diverted, diluting my chance for action by introducing so many possibilities. I am losing myself, losing the rationality of free thought in the face of so many enemies.

I call his name and shoot several arrows into the faces of the attackers. Casting a glance at the rest of the beach, it looks to be covered in bodies and blood, most of which is ours. I grab Griffin's arm and tug him over to Danae and Wes. "Help him," I tell Danae firmly, and then turn back towards the battle.

My vision is suddenly, without any warning, knocked out as I am hit in the stomach. I double over, coughing violently. I feel dizzy, and fall over completely as my consciousness starts to fade away. All I can think is that it's over. This pain now corrupting my body will inevitably take over.

I look upwards to see a huge Shifter leaning over me, swinging a huge branch directly in front of my body. I snap my head back, but I can tell it is going to hit me anyways. Fear like nothing I have ever felt before seizes my heart.

There is a loud growl as a flash of color races across my vision. "Don't you dare touch her!" Xavier yells as he jumps at the Shifter with his arm outstretched and his hands clenched into fists. As soon as he is close enough he punches it with such strength that it literally bursts into pieces. Right after he does so, he races back towards me and cradles me in his arms. "Are you alright?" he asks, staring into my eyes.

"P-put me down. You need to fight," I protest, and then he sighs in response.

"I can fight and carry you at the same time." He smiles, and then slings me over his shoulder. I grab his neck while battling the temptation to give up my consciousness. Surveying the area, I can see now that the attack has abated slightly, with Yi having dropped his invisibility, and Jake not wearing that same look of desperation. But my eyes widen as I turn my head to Ray's side of the beach.

"Xavier, Ray!" I call, and he turns his head. Literally covered by ten or more Shifters, he seems to have been knocked down and halfway morphed back to his regular self. Xavier starts running, barreling through some lone Shifters on the way.

"Ray!" He calls, while punching a few of the Shifters surrounding him. On Xavier's back I still manage to produce a small spear, throwing it weakly into another that was beating on Ray's head. As we get a clear view, I gasp as I see several terrible injuries cover his neck and body. One of the Shifters must have been striking him repeatedly with the scourge-like branches, because the same puncture marks I saw on Jake are abundant on Ray's chest.

Xavier bends down to check his pulse. "I don't feel anything," he whispers weakly, causing me to gasp. What... this just... can't...

"Ray, you just can't do this!" I scream pointlessly into the distance. Xavier stands up, and turns slightly to survey the rest of the battlefield. He seems surprisingly calm, but tears are pouring down his face in a betrayal of his real emotions.

I just can't help but think that there is something wrong with the picture before me. That Ray is breathing, that he will open his eyes, and nothing will be amiss. That he would say something like "were you fooled?!" in his low, flippant voice, and immediately jump back into the battle. I try to push forward this proposed reality while wondering, if I wish it enough, that it could become the actuality.

"They seem to be... backing off. But Griffin..." He narrows his eyes and immediately starts running. Griffin was standing up when he clearly shouldn't, the only one who could fend off the ones attacking the wounded, and pushing two monsters to the side.

"What are you doing! Ray-"

"I can't think about him right now, Mona," Xavier says through gritted teeth, "or I'll fall apart before the battle is over."

I realize he is right, but at the same time I don't want to believe it. I don't want to believe any of it—that any of this is real, that there are monsters such as these who are so merciless, emotionless, and cruel.

He helps Griffin for a few minutes while I lie on his back, images swirling before me. A wave of nausea almost overcomes my body, and the entire battle starts to blend together after a little while. I have no clue what's going on anymore, struck blind by the intensity of my emotions. There was something about Ray's bloodied face that makes me feel so guilty, and defeated.

I jerk up as Xavier jumps backwards to swing his fist at another Shifter. "I think they are leaving for some reason," He comments wryly, "luckily for us."

The Shifters do seem to be retreating, the sea of monsters abruptly turning as if they had suddenly received a direct order. As if spellbound, I watch them turn away and march backwards. They step over their dead without a second glance, having no emotion whatsoever. These are not representative of the many Shifters I saw dotted within the forest, full of desperation, hope, and longing. These are beasts, mere monsters that cannot be salvaged.

Immediately my gaze shifts to the side where Ray had been fighting. My eyes widen, and I start shouting in alarm. "Xavier! Look!"

There is no body over to the side of the beach, only hundreds of tree trunks and scraps of bark. In such a horrific scene of destruction, the only thing missing is the only thing that I wanted to be there.

"Where's Ray?" I ask with tears streaming down my face, knowing that I won't receive an answer. Xavier starts running, but I know no amount of speed will change anything.

"They took him," I murmur chokingly as Xavier frenziedly checks the area, "they... took him. How could they be so cruel?!" I burst into sobs as I grip as Xavier's back.

I never thought of Ray as my best friend, or even liked him half the time I knew him. But I had grown more attached to him over this short while than I could even acknowledge, and now a piece has been ripped out of my heart, and only a gaping hole remains.

Splatters of blood are scattered along the coastline where they must have dragged him. I try to follow the trail, but soon give up as the tears blur my vision. I drop to my feet, sliding off Xavier's back, and soon find that I don't have the energy to even stand. Xavier wraps his arms around my body, sensing what I could never say, and leans forward until our bodies are just barely touching.

"Xavier… you saved my life," I start, acknowledging him in a halting voice, "thank you. I owe you."

He nods, his blue hair blowing in the fierce wind, looking not at my eyes but past me entirely, casting his gaze into the furtive unknown. I realize that even though he is here, he is not, and at this moment—what he is, he isn't. There's a questioning of identity that comes with every horrible situation, whether it is realized or not.

I can hear the others coming closer, but their approach is about the last thing I recognize. Caught in the pain of the indefinite moment, I lift my face up towards his and let my lips rest against his cheek.

Xavier's arms tighten around me, almost to the point where I can barely breathe, and his face tilts so that he can brush his lips against my eyelid, and then my temple. Once again, his hand rubs up and down my back, as if confirming my existence.

"I'm here," I whisper, knowing that for the first time since I met him, he is the farthest away of all of us.