Chapter 1: Plastic is Everywhere

Deafening music and chanting resonates throughout the building. Tonight, I am wasting away again at a nearby bar. The flashing lights are almost blinding and my heart thumps at every bass note. Everytime my throat goes dry from excessive yelling, I would take another shot of liquor to replenish. It reaches a point where I am jumping on tables, drinking straight from the bottle, my burning skin and high-end clothes stained with the stench of alcohol. People crowd around me, cheering and encouraging the famous 'Werth' to proceed partying like an animal at a circus.

The night deepens and an intoxicated man stumbles out of the bar. This man is me. I feel my weight supported with a friend on each side. "He's so fucking heavy," I barely hear Chongrak complain, who is lifting my left side.

"You're just weak," argues the lady on my right, whose name is Dara.

"Says the girl," Rak scoffs spitefully

"You think you're so strong huh?" Dara taunts then shoves my arm off her shoulders.

As a result, my body is too heavy for Rak to carry alone, making me stumble to the cement like a dummy. I am now moaning and squirming on the sidewalk like a shriveling worm. "You asshole!" Rak barks, "Now he's gonna be bruised!"

"You're so strong, right? Carry him on your own then," the lady sneers resentfully, her stilettos clicking as she struts away.

"Where are you going?!"

"My driver's here," she answers, heading towards a white SUV parked near the bar.

"What am I supposed to do with him?!" He whines like a helpless babysitter.

"Take him home or something!" Dara suggests whilst entering the backseat of her car.

With an exhausted groan, Chongrak glowers down on the intoxicated man, "What the fuck is wrong with you tonight?"

What is wrong with me?? Nothing. Nothing is wrong. I'm in a great mood to be honest. Even if there is something, I would never tell you. Not until I die.

I am an alcoholic, and it's normal for alcoholics to get drunk, but I know damn well how to control my intake. Never am I drunk to the point of unconsciousness, so what makes me go beyond my limits tonight?

Frequent nosebleeds, fatigue, sore joints and gradual weight loss. I've been experiencing symptoms for weeks already, but did not give it much thought. With time to spare, I did a medical checkup for the first time in three years, only to hear the news I've been expecting. "You have tested positive for Chronic Myeloid Leukemia," informs the doctor.

How do I react to this? Do I cry? Do I reply with something serious? Is laughing allowed at the moment?

My eyes stare into empty space, realizing that what happened to my mother is now happening to me. I have to force the urge to laugh hysterically down my throat, since a respectful doctor is present. But it's quite funny. Will I really die the same way?

I could vividly imagine…

Rotting on a hospital bed until the bright zigzag on the heart monitor becomes a straight line, resonating a piercing ring. Her hands slowly turned cold as I loosely held it, emotionless by her bedside. No more breaths, no more pulse. Just that excruciating ring screaming into my ears.

At least my mother had her son to bid her farewell. I'm probably not that fortunate.

"Khun Virote?" The doctor's voice is warm and polite, attracting my eyes to focus.

"Hm?" I hum a dazed reply.

"You will need to have regular check ups once a week to record it's progression. This way we can manage treatment as smoothly as possible."

"What if I don't want treatment?" I blurt out.

The doctor looks at me like how any doctor would look at their patient, except his gaze is unsettling. Those eyes of realization, concern and pity, stripping through every single layer of plastic in my face. I hate it.

"Well without treatment, you will continue to experience the same symptoms… Since you're already in the third stage, it will be increasingly painful as it progresses," he pauses briefly, "You will live another 3 years at most."

"Oh," three years seems plenty. In fact, I kind of wish it was shorter.

The doctor's lips press against each other, "It is quite rare for a man below the age of 50 to be diagnosed with Chronic Leukemia, but that also means the survival rates will be higher for you. Of course, we will need to complete multiple sessions of Chemotherapy, then find a compatible-"

"How troublesome," I cut him off with a sigh, leaning back in my chair.

"..." The doctor stares at me, completely dumbfounded with my unbothered attitude, "Are you not willing to go forth with the treatment?"

That question twists into something practically the same. Do I really want to go through all that trouble, just to live longer?

I shrug, "Not really," then reveal the charming smile of mine.

To others, my smile is warm, kind and sweet. Whoever witnesses this smile would automatically feel warmth or comfort. During these circumstances however, the grin is out of place, making me seem psychotic instead. It is as if I'm anticipating death, possibly excited about it.

"Khun Virote-"

"Please, call me Werth."

"Then, Werth…" The doctor draws in a restless breath, "Let me inform you that the longer you delay, the worse it gets. It will soon reach a stage where treatment becomes useless. As a doctor, it's my job to look after my patients. I cannot force you to proceed with treatment, but I seriously advise you before it's too late."

"I understand, Doc," I understand completely, but couldn't care less.

"..." There is difficulty illustrated on his face, "Do you have any family members or guardians?"

My smile freezes.

"There's no need for others to know," I continue grinning from ear to ear, "Are we done here?"

"Yes…" He probably wishes for this careless boy to take his precious life seriously, "I will contact you for your next appointment?"

I push myself up from the chair, fixing my clothes afterwards, "Thanks a lot Doc," and with that, I exit the office without a change in expression.

The moment I step out, that healing smile instantly dissolves to reveal a pair of dark, downcasted eyes. My heart is not beating quickly, but I could feel as the organ pumps cold blood through every inch of my body. It is like a gush of both excitement and despair each time.

I've been waiting for this opportunity, and now I'm tired of waiting.

…

My eyes open to stare at a blank ceiling, head pulsing with agonizing pain. Every joint in my body is sore, forcing me to grunt as I sit up. I press and rub my palm on my temple, attempting to ease the headache.

What a hangover!

Once my focus returns, there is a realization that the bed I slept in is not mine. Not only that, but there is another man slumbering to my right. He is asleep facing me, and his build is slightly taller and more muscular than mine. This young man is actually my so-called friend, Chongrak, or Rak for short. From what I remember, last night, he and Dara helped me out of the party when I was in my drunken state.

My face twitches in disgust as I watch the bastard snoring relentlessly, saliva leaking from his gaping mouth. After the third snort, I couldn't help but kick him off the bed with my foot, startling him awake. "Ughh…" He rubs on his hip, "What fuck was that for?!"

I roll my tired eyes, "You snore like a dying pig," my voice is scratchy from thirst and recently waking up.

"Asshole! How could you treat me like this?! You're the one sleeping in my bed!" He argues, wiping the drool off his cheek.

"Exactly," I lift the blanket and push myself off the mattress, "Why am I at your place?"

"You were drunk as fuck last night, and I was too lazy to send you home," Chongrak explains whilst carelessly laying on the wooden floor like a log.

"Right," I fix my booze scented clothes and exit the room.

Rak finally jumps up from the ground to follow me out like a puppy, "Did something happen by the way? I've never seen you that drunk before."

"Nothing happened," I walk to the kitchen and take out a jug of water from the fridge, as if it is my own home. "Just in a good mood," I flash him a grin.

Chongrak pauses for a moment, probably processing the meaning of my smile, "Yeah, you were in a great mood last night! You were fucking crazy!!" He laughs, sliding out his cellphone.

I am now staring at Rak's phone screen as he skims through multiple IG stories. Every story shows a drunkard dancing on tabletops from various angles. The young man in the clips owns a handsome face and showcases such a wide, ecstatic smile. The young man is me.

How popular I am, receiving so much love and attention from the crowd!

Only I know that although those eyes, nose and lips belong to me, this man is internally plastic, and so were the animals cheering a drunken man to get more drunk. "Get your phone out of my face," I shove away the videos starring me, and went to grab a glass from the cabinet to fill it up with water.

"Aow. Why so cranky?" Rak teases me, putting his phone away, "The hangover's getting to you?"

I chug down the cold drink and grin sarcastically, "Who's cranky? I'm feeling splendid right now!" I place the empty glass down on the table to escape the scene, "I'm borrowing your towel. And your clothes."

Chongrak eyeballs me as I make my way towards the bathroom, "Hey! Don't use mine! There's an extra towel in the cabinet!"

"Okay!"

Shortly after we freshened up, we went out for lunch at a local cafe and restaurant. The food here is cheap with large portions, and the service is quick. That's how we became regular customers. "One pesto pasta and a large iced americano," Rak states his order.

I look up at the unfamiliar waitress dressed in a nicely fitted apron and is immediately intrigued, "You must be a new employee here," I smile sweetly at the pretty lady, making her blush, "I'll order the same as my friend."

'My friend' scoffs at me, "Tsk! Cancel his order!" Rak complains, irked with my effortless flirting, "Replace it with a Tom Yum soup. Extra spicy!"

I glare forward, knowing I can't eat spicy food, "Ai Rak. Are you trying to kill me?"

"Of course not," he grins innocently, fluttering his eyelids.

"Go with the original order," I return to the waitress, my expression switching from murederous to charming again.

"No, go with the second order. This boy needs something hot and spicy to cure his hangover," he snickers mischievously, "I'm afraid he's still recovering from last night."

"I'm perfectly healthy. Thank you," I fire back.

He continues to act as a worried lover, "No you're not. You're getting skinnier and skinnier, and OMG," he stretches out his hand and places it on my right cheek, "Your face is so pale! Are you sick?!" He cries dramatically.

A shiver climbs up my spine. Is my friend actually psychic? How fucking ironic.

"OMG! I didn't know you were a med student!" I respond sarcastically, slapping his disgusting hand away.

"Mhmm. Top of the class!" Rak proceeds with the joke.

"Umm…" The waitress was only trying to get our orders, but now she had to witness an endless bicker, "So what's your final order?"

"A set of pesto and iced americano please," end of argument.

"Wait," Rak stops the waitress from leaving, "switch one of the Americanos with an Iced Caramel Macchiato. Extra whipped cream," he looks at me just to deliver a witty wink.

A genuine snicker slips out. Although I hate his guts, this dumb bastard never forgets my favourite drink.

Whilst waiting for the food, we converse, "So… Some freshmen are going on a trip next week," Chongrak randomly brings up, but it seems he has other intentions related to this.

"I'm a student representative. You think I don't know?"

"You moody bitch! I'm just starting a conversation."

"Okay," I smile at my lovely friend, "So what about the trip?"

"Are you gonna be one of their supervisors? I heard they need one more senior."

"I don't know… I see no point of doing so."

"I think you should consider it. Dara's doing it!" Rak suggests.

"She participates in every event," I narrow my eyes in suspicion, "And what's it gotta do with you? You're not even a medicine student."

His eyes briefly shift to the side. "You used to live in Phuket when you were younger, right?"

What is this bastard up to?

I lean back in my seat, "And?" Now he's caught my full attention, but the expression I'm wearing isn't necessarily bright.

"When was the last time you went there? Don't you want to visit the place of your childhood?" His eyes sparkle as he asks.

There is a voice in my head, urging me to blurt out 'shut the fuck up', but I can't even blame the guy. He's clueless of my past, so the only words that come out are, "I don't know, and I don't care."

"Ehhh I know you care," Rak simpers.

He is right. I do care. I care so much that when I'm reminded of my childhood, goosebumps creep up my neck. "I'm not going," underneath the table, my hands are interlocked with each other, fingernails digging into my skin.

His eyes shift to the side again, "Do you know the juniors are scared of us?" Chongrak pouts.

He's changing his strategy? This ignorant bastard is getting on my nerves, "And that's my fault?"

Rak stares back with a dumbfounded face, "Yes! You're a fucking Sociopath! You can be really scary sometimes."

"Sometimes?" I lift a quizzical brow.

He smiles with innocent guilt, "All the time."

I mimic his foolish grin, "But I think I'm very friendly," I snicker brazenly, concealing my recent discomfort.

"How irritating…" Chongrak sighs under his breath, then leans forward to grab my wrist.

I recognize this gesture. He's preparing to act cute, isn't he?

"Please Werth~ My brother~"

Ugh. There it is. I judge him in suppressed disgust.

"Just do it for me please~ Please please please~"

"Gross," I pull my wrist out of Rak's grasp.

Chongrak is now sulky, having a switch in attitude, "You can't do this to me! I should've left you on the street last night!"

"Now that you've mentioned it, your bed was very comfortable. Are you looking for a roommate by chance?"

"Roommate my ass! You were drunk as fuck and dirtied my bed!"

"I guess that's a no."

Rak's nostrils are flaring in irritation, "You drunkard! Because of you, all the hot girls think we're arrogant bastards!"

"Ooooh," the corners of my lips curl up with amusement, "so that's the REAL reason." Of course I see through you, dirty bastard!

"..." His jaw drops in realization of his own stupidity.

"Hmm let me guess," I pretend to ponder, "You want me to go on the trip, so you can flirt with girls while I'm gone."

Now that Chongrak's true colors have been revealed, it will be useless for him to create more excuses. "Something wrong with it? I'm tired of being single!" He whines.

"You broke up with your girlfriend three weeks ago…"

"Still! I'm fucking lonely!"

"Jerk."

"Hey! You're worse than me!"

"How so? I've been single all my life."

"That's the problem! You flirt with every girl and give them false hope," Rak scoffs, "Do you know how many hearts you've broken?!"

"How would I know?"

"Exactly! You do it unknowingly! Asshole!"

At this point, I'm just exhausted listening to his careless words in the name of a friend.

"Fine! I'll go to Phuket," I snicker with enlivenment, "This 'asshole' will give you a chance to enhance your reputation as the 2nd hottest guy on campus."

"Good!" He simpers with satisfaction, until he realizes, "SECOND??! I'm the NUMBER ONE hottest guy on campus!"

"In your dreams," I stick out the tip of my tongue.

"You-!"

"Your meal, gentlemen," the pretty waitress returns with our meal and drinks, saving me from getting smacked.

"Thank you, Miss," I smile, ignoring Rak's burning glare.

"You're welcome," she steps away from the table but stays in place, blushing at the ground, "Umm…"

"..." I blink, taking guesses of what her coy expression may signal, "Is there anything else?"

She bites on her bottom lip, "I know it's none of my business, but…"

"..." But?? But what? You find me hot? You want my number?

"You two shouldn't argue too often. It's not good for the relationship," she leaves our table whilst giggling timidly to herself.

"..." Rak gapes at me.

"..." I stare back.

"Fucking disgusting!" Chongrak gags exaggeratedly.

My eyes roll with revulsion, "I just lost my appetite."

"YOU lost your appetite?? I wanna kill myself!"

My heart drops slightly. I glance at my friend after that last insensitive phrase, then swiftly avert to the perfectly good meal before me, "Let's just quickly eat and leave."

"You better keep your promise," Rak reminds me, "I don't want to see your face on campus next week, or else I'll-"

I shove a piece of chicken into his irritating mouth, "Eat your damn food!"