Chapter 4
Chapter 4
Pillows and books
I walk up to my front door, with Avery behind me, I don't know why she came with she said at her place she was going to stay in the car, guess she wants to see if I have anything decent. Have you ever noticed how when your relaxed you can't hear or feel your heart beat but as soon as you get sacred or nervous, you instantly feel it. I only say that because I can feel my heart banging against my chest as Avery stands behind me so close. After I unlock I put the keys down and head to get my pillows, leaving Avery to explore my living room. I gather my things but I thought maybe I should get some books here for myself Avery may have a lot but I don't to ask her for books all the time, though I only asked for the one to read while waiting for her to be done. I go to my shelf in the hall way, I grab a bag to pick an odd few since I can come back and get some.
Avery:
I saw a weird looking person outside across the road, that is why I came in, this must the first place I have been to that is not the hospital. I can hear her upstairs getting things, so I take this as an opening to look around even thought there is not much, it barely looks lived. I pick up a photo of a two girls, a man and a women, this must be her family, she never said anything about them, I should as tonight, I opened up last night, it is now her turn.
"She looks pretty in this." I saw as I touch her face on the photo frame.
"I look what?"
I turn, still holding the photo.
"I said the girl in here next to you is pretty, and stop asking me things, I am going to ask from now on, is this your family?"
She walked to me, bags and pillows, she bit her lips as she put the photo down
"Mom and dad, that is my friend Maddie, she's like family because she lived with us after her parents kicked her out."
"Why?"
"She's gay, as am I, they thought we were together and they made sure we could stay like that. We were 16, 2 years later my family adopted her." She's gay? I kind of figured somehow, weird
"Hrmp, well lets go." I said as I moved to the door, she followed me, locking the door as we made our way to the car. The drive was quite again. We didn't talk for the rest of the day, I was watching a movie, just waiting to hear mom and dad come back from work, or for food to be ready, not really hungry but I know I have to eat.
Hours later, Dinner
Jamie:
I heard a knock at my door, I looked to see Mr. Mack, this was new.
"Dinner is ready, but before we go, may I ask something?"
"Ask away."
"Has Avery told you why she stopped taking her meds? We tried asking now, she just went quite."
"I think she is just sick of taking them, everyday and getting more, after awhile they can have little to no effect, so then it is like drinking sweets. Morphine doesn't even help." My mother before she died was the same she said to me she would rather be in pain than take, and I quote, "Good for nothing pills." Not to long after that she passed away, that is why I walked away when Dr. Kimberly asked. I only have my dad now, he is in a home getting old, if he dies then Maddie is the last bit of family I have. I was 19, same age as Avery when I lost my mom, then dad got sick 4 years ago. I don't talk about them because it makes me said to think about them. Mr. Mack nodded as we walked to the eating room, I could hear Mrs. Mack and Avery fighting.
"Why didn't you say you stopped?"
"Can we just leave it! Please!"
"NO,I want to know now why!"
I just sat in my spot as Mr. Mack sighed, not wanting to fight.
"Dear, leave Avery alone-
"DON"T PLAY MR NICE GUY NOW FRANK< OUR DAUGHTER MIGHT AS WELL HAVE BEEN KILLING HERSELF! DO YOU KNOW HOW DANGEROUS IT IS WHAT YOU WERE DOING?! YOU AE KILLING YOURSELF MORE!"
"WILL YOU SHUT UP QUINN! IF SHE WANTED TO STOP HER MEDS IT IS HER OWN DAMN FAULT!"
"MY FAULT!? REALLY DAD!"
He banged his fists on the table, making it shake.
"HEAR ME, AND HEAR ME WELL YOUNG MISS, WE HAVE DONE EVERYTHING IN OUR POWER TO GET YOU BETTER, WELL AND KEEP YOU HAPPY, WE MOVED FROM CANADA TO LIVE HERE IN YOUR, WHAT WE THOUGHT, WERE YOUR LAST DAYS AND THIS, THIS IS HOW YOU SAY THANK YOU!?"
"HAVE EITHER OF YOU THOUGHT MAYBE I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING LIVE ANYMORE!?"
Then it was dead silent, you could hear a pin drop at how quite it went. They looked at one another, I think Mrs. Mack was holding back a sob
"I never wanted ANY of this, not the help, the meds, the tests, not even her." She pointed at me, I looked at her, I have to keep my mouth shut.
"All I want is to die, I'm so sick of myself, I would rather be a rat on the street than this person who is in constant pain, you know the meds don't work, only a few do! I take the ones that do work but then I lay in bed, night after night, day after day, in pain, crying myself to sleep. I want to die, and I am sorry of you don't want me to and I am the worst for this, but I am going to die, and you all are going to have to accept it and I know the only reason she is here is because you both can't stand to look me in the eye. I am sorry I came out to be this, a burden to both of you." As she said that she got up, knocking her chair over and stormed to her room.
I was angry at Avery for saying that but I can see she is in pain, my boss is right, she is strong but she just needs someone to push her out of this, I see Mrs. Mack stand, she is going to talk to her.
"If you don't mind, I can try talk to her?" I offered as she might not want to talk to them just yet, Mrs. Mack gave a nod as I got up and went to her room. This is going to be a long year.
I knock softly at the door, I wait to hear her say come in, nothing. I open the door gently to see her sitting at the side of her bed. She turned to look at me, she was crying.
"Get. Out."
I closed the door behind me as I leaned on it, she rolled her eyes as she wiped her nose. Turning to look back at her window.
"What was that-
"WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP ASKING ME THINGS! IS THAT ALL YOU KNOW TO DO? DID MY MOTHER SEND YOU?" She screamed at me as she stood to face me.
I kept my cool.
"No, I came on my own terms, I ask you things because I need to know things, I know-
"Oh shut up, I know what your going to say. You know nothing about me, that damn file says everything, last night I told you things I don't say to anyone, I know nothing about YOU!" she said pointing her finger at me as she walked to me, I didn't know I had been walking closer to the bed.
"What is so interesting about me? You want know something? What you did tonight, was uncalled for at the highest! Just tell them why you don't take the meds rather than fight with them-
"Don't -
"WILL YOU STOP THAT! OH MY FUCKING HELL! YOU CAN'T EXPECT ME TO TELL YOU SHIT WHEN YOU INTERUP ME! KNOW WHAT? YOU ARE A BRAT! WHAT YOU DID TONIGHT AS WHAT YOU DID IN THE PAST JUST BECAUSE OF THE OLD LOST OF A FRIEND?! I GET THAT BUT I LOST MY MOTHER, NEARLY MY FATHER AND YOU DON'T SEE ME ACTING THE WAY YOU ACT! YOU HAVE THE BEST LIFE A CANCER PANTENT COULD FUCKING ASK FOR YOU UNGREATFUL LITTLE SHIT! I KNOW YOU DON'T WANT ME HERE, I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE, BUT I HAVE TO HELP YOU! NO ONE WANTS TO HELP YOU! YES YOUR DYING BUT DON'T EXPECT YOUR PARENTS TO JUST DEAL WITH IT AND ACCEPT IT JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE!" It went quiet again. We stared at one another for a few moments before she sat back down on the bed, her head between her hands as I heard her sob, I gasped, I didn't think about what I was saying, you would this fight would happen the day she is expected to die, or months later, not on my second night.
I move to sit next to her, I put my hand on her back as I rubbed slowly, she was still crying as I rubbed I could feel her bones. Then all of a sudden she hugged me. I was taken back as we as shocked but I hugged back trying not to hurt her. She let go wiping her eyes as I wiped my own, we started at each other. Her eyes match her hair, there are black rings around her irises, death by chocolate color eyes. She is really pretty.
"I'm sorry." she said first
"It's ok. I understand your pain."
"Do you? Only once you have cancer I will agree with you when you say that."
"Avery, my mother had cancer."
We stared at each other again
"You said that, yes."
"I was 10 when she got it, I looked after her till she passed when I was 19. Then 4 years ago my dad got sick, he is in a home now, if he dies I only have Maddie. Why I don't say anything is because it makes me sad to think about my mom again, and my dad, I said your ungrateful because your parents are well and alive, all you do is moan, I know your in pain but just stop every one in awhile to think. You have them, the are losing you." She put her head down
"Your right, again I'm sorry, I don't like being in pain so I think if I just act like it doesn't hurt, I will be fine, but I just become mean. I really was nice but when Michael died I just changed."
"I know, but you have to move on, I can help you but only if you let me."
"I will, it just going to take time."
"I'm not going anywhere. Now ask."
"What?"
"Ask me anything, and I will tell you."
She smiled at me
"Ok, your gay, so have you ever been kissed or had a partner?"
I laugh, "I am 27 not 72, I have been kissed and had a lot of partners. How about you, ever been kissed?"
"No, haven't kissed anyone, never had sex, never been on a date, I have done nothing with no one, your the first person I held hands with today at the hospital."
I laugh again.
"What's so funny?"
"Your 19 and still a virgin, it's funny, I lost my virginity at 14, same as my first kiss."
"You had a normal life, went to high school and college, I didn't, not everyone like a girl who is on the verge of death." She moved away from me, I was only joking, I moved closer to her she moved away then I moved to her again making her fall off the bed. I laugh through my nose as she props herself on her elbows, in pain. I get up to help her but she swats my hand away.
"I'm sorry I made you feel bad as well as making you fall of the bed, I am helping you up because I know you probably bruised yourself now, which means your in pain. I also know you can't bend and in order for you get up on your own, you will need to bend." I kept my hand out which she sighed and gave in, letting me help her up. As I pulled her she lost her balance causing her to fall into my arms. I can hear my heart beat again, she was so close, she didn't make a move to get off me, she may have been a bit taller than me but right now she seemed to be short. Is she listening to my heart beat? That thought made my heart race.
"Your heart is racing." As she said that, she moved her head closer into my chest, moving her head a bit up.
I froze.
"What are you doing?"
"What did I say about asking me things. I ask now. Are you with anyone right now, engaged?"
"I would need to be dating someone in order for them to propose to me, but no, I'm as single as you are, have been for the past few years."
She looked up at me, as I looked at her, we have a thing for staring at one another. She moved her face closer to mine, as she did she let go of me, walking to her bed.
"I uh only ask because I think Dr. Kimberly has a thing for you." I sigh
"I saw it to, I don't that would be right to do, she's your doctor."
"I don't care."
"I do, do you need any of the meds that work before I leave?"
"Yes, the orange." She pointed at the pill bottles, there were to many here, before I have it to her I organized them all.
Blue- Pain/sleeping
Green- Pain
Pink- Antibiotics/pain
Yellow- Pain
Orange- Anxiety
Black- Pain/lungs
Red- Emergency
"Wha-
"It is more for me than you, here." I handed her the pill as well as some of her water, "Goodnight, just shout if you need me-
"Here." she gave a piece of paper, it contained a number, "So if I need you, I can text or call you through the night, Goodnight Jam."
"Goodnight, Avery."
I walked out, closing the door as I went to see if her parents were up, everything was off so I think they went to bed, I made my way to my room, closing the door, sliding down it. I rubbed my face.
"This is going be a long year." I sighed as I went to get ready for bed.