Chapter 10

Chapter 10

First kiss

It has been about 3 weeks since Avery and I confessed our feelings, since then we haven't really spoken or done anything really. We just kept quiet around each other, even when radiation started, she had to go to radiation everyday, but not on weekends, Dr. Osborn said that if there was change of 5%, then that would mean the radiation is working and she could continue, which meant she might get better and liver longer, but last week Monday when we all went, there was 0% change, nothing was working anymore with her. The some of her meds weren't working as well as they needed to, some nights Avery would just fall asleep wherever she was because of the pain, I sometimes caught her father carrying her to bed, it started to become she had good days and bad days. Chemo started again next week in August. Dr. Kimberly as well as Osborn said she can say if she wants to stop chemo, but I know her parents wont be happy if she does.

I was busy cleaning the counter tops after making myself something to eat as I heard a glass break, I dropped the dishcloth in my hands walking to where to nosie came from, it came from the study by the sound, I went in to see a glass broken over the floor and Avery standing in a weird...pose?

"Avery? What-

"Shut up and help me clean this, I was looking for a book on Law in moms side of the study-

"What do you want to know about Law?"

"It was something I wanted to look into from a book I'm reading – NOT THE POINT, my dad is going to kill me, this thing was a gift from his boss. Please Jamie."

"OK, OK, wait, I have shoes on-

"SO?"

"SO, I can walk on the glass, you can't, I'm going to have to carry you." I made a move to get to Avery as she shifted uncomfortably on the chair, this was not how she probably wanted her day to go, avoiding a person is easy until they are right there talking to you. I held my arms out for her to climb in, she climbed in as carefully as she could not to slip and fall on to the glass, as she was in my arms I made a quick breakaway for the living room so I could out her down.

"Have you gained weight?"

"No."

I put her down on the couch as I stood up she looked up at me, again the position didn't look right, I went to clean her mess in the study, I saw the book on the floor that she was getting from the shelf, I picked it up, brushing the bit of glass of into the trash bag next to me, good thing it wasn't a carpet room, so it was easy to clean. I walked back to the living room where Avery was still sitting, I put the book down next to her as I went to throw away the glass. Walking back to the living room, I saw her reading the book.

I looked at her, she seemed unbothered sitting there reading tat big book, calm, she said to me once that why she reads so much is to escape but also learn. Unlike most people I've meet, Avery loves to learn.

I went to sit next to her.

"You know." She put the book down a bit so I could see her eyes.

"Yes?"

"That was the most you have said to me in about a month." I stared at her as she moved to out the book down, she sat crossed legged.

"I know, things have just felt weird since that night."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning we said were in love with each other but we just go about our day as if it didn't happen."

"Sorry? Your the one who avoided me, not the other way round."

"Well, what am I supposed to do or even say to you after that night?"

I stood up, I rubbed my face with my hands

"I don't know but not avoid me. It hurts me to know you don't know how to act or talk to me, just because of 3 words-

"That I have never said to anyone, so of course I wont know what to do or say."

"Hey I never said I love you so you could say it back, I said it for you to know and hopefully break whatever tension we have between us." She stood up this time, coming close to my face

"Did it? Because I don't know about you but I feel more tension than before."

"Well, maybe if you talk to me we could deal with it."

"IS there something else behind this?"

"What?"

"Your trying to fight with me, is it because of what Dr. Osborn said-

"OH my God, no, look if you stop chemo, I can't tell you not to or to keep doing it when I know it is making you worse, that is something you must decide and tell your parents." I folded my arms

She stared at me for a while, I didn't say anything stupid or mean, I am stating the plane truth! I rolled my eyes as I went to walk back to my room.

"Jam."

I turned around to see Avery walk at towards me slowly as she was in front of me, she looked like she was thinking whatever she was going to do over a million times over, she bit her lip as she grabbed me from behind my neck and kissed me. I was shocked at first, she was kissing me, my brain felt like is was going fuzzy, I felt warm all over, tingly, this was a new feeling, a very different feeling from everyone I have kissed. She pulled back after a few seconds, she was a pink as anything, I must have been just as pink, I thought I would be the one to kiss her first.

"Was that?"

"Yep."

She looked away embarrassed at what she has just done, I smiled at her as I pulled by her arm and kissed her again. This time she seemed more relaxed into the kiss than the first one, the kiss was slow, soft, we didn't rush, we stood holding on other as our lips moved against one another. 'A young girl's first kiss is too sacred a thing' I remember reading that somewhere, it mad me think of this moment right now, she must have been sacred to kiss me because she hasn't kissed anyone before, its sweet actually. We stopped after air was needed, we leaned on each others foreheads, her cheeks were a rosy color now, her eyes were closed as she bit her lip, I closed my eyes, not wanting this moment to end. I pulled my head away as she opened her eyes.

I was pulled into a tight hug afterwards, she was holding onto me like if she let go I would slip away from her, I hugged her back, but not to hard so I wouldn't hurt her.

"Thank you." She whispered

"Your welcome." we stood in the living room, holding each other, for who knows how long but neither of us seemed to mind.

Dinner came late tonight because Mrs. Mack had been in court again today. Avery and I would look at each other a few times, smiling like kids.

"So, what did you two do today?" Mr. Mack asked

"Nothing much, just sat and read books as normal."

"Didn't go into the study maybe."

We both looked up from our food.

"Dad-

"Thank God you broke it, at least my boss will understand, I hated that thing."

We all laughed as he said that, the thing was just a glass horse, I guess Mr. Mack doesn't like horses.

"Well, I liked it, honey, why were you in the study? How did you manage to break it?"

"The book I wanted was to heavy, so I ended up having to pull the book down and let it fall, but as it did that, it knocked the thing off the table, then Jamie came and helped me out of the room since I had no shoes on, she cleaned it."

"Thank you Jamie. I think she would have dropped that globe on herself by now if you weren't here." Mrs. Mack joked

"Or the whole book case." Again we all laughed, I smiled at Avery as she gave me a wink as we continued with dinner.

Avery:

I can't believe I did that, I actually got the balls to kiss her and wow. She was so gentle with me, the way the held me when we kissed and the way her lips feel, my brain was saying all kinds of things when she kissed me, I can't get over that feeling. My heart was racing, like the feeling you get when you run, the feeling I have wanted to feel, I felt just by kissing her. I had just come out the shower, my hair is getting shorter everyday, I think I need to go bald again or well for the last time. I coughed a few times, blood came onto my hand, washed it off, I seem to be coughing up more and more blood, the pain is getting worse, everywhere.

I know I don't have long, ever since I was told I wont see October, I just try to ignore the fact I'm dying, it's hard to ignore it when my body likes to remind me I am. I walk out of the shower to sit down on my chair, I was going to read something before I went to sleep, I popped a few meds that still worked, I think I know what I have to do next time I'm at the hospital. As I sat down on my chair I heard a knock.

"Come in."

Jamie walked in, I smiled as she closed the door, leaning on it.

"Hi."

"Hey."

"Here to say goodnight?"

"Yes, and to see if you needed anything."

"No, I'm ok."

"OK."

"Jam?"

"Yes?"

"Are we dating?"

"Do you want us to be?"

"Well, we said we love each other as well as kissed, I haven't been with anyone, so I wont know how to do anything else, but I think technically speaking we are dating."

"How about." She walked towards me, leaning on the arms on my chair, in front of my face. "We take it day by day, slow, casual, and see what happens, and we don't have to go as far as...that."

"What if I want to?"

"Do you trust me that much?"

"Yes." I whispered as she leaned in

"We'll take it slow, ok?" She whispered back

"OK." As I said that she leaned in to kiss me, I held her face in my hands as we kissed a few times, as we stopped she moved to kiss my cheek.

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight." She got back up and went back to her room as I let out a breath, was I really holding in a breath? She makes me feel things I haven't ever felt. I like it, no, I love it. I wonder what mom and dad will think, Sandra said that if they found out, Jamie would lose her job with us, it is against the rules to date the patents, and i am 8 years younger than her, I'm not a minor but the age gap is big. They don't have to know, I'm good at hiding secret's. I know one thing EVERYONE will be mad at me if they found out.

But like I said, no one needs to know. Unless, well we get caught but we can hide this, right?

I am willing to fight for this.

Because the way she makes me feel, I never want to stop feeling it.