Chapter 42: Yaoyao's Legacy

Xiu'er didn't answer him and moved to a different shelf in the room. He followed her because he knew she was upset. The truth was, she knew the purpose behind Chun Yi's killing actions, but she didn't tell him. Sometimes not knowing the truth was better than knowing, because the truth will do more damage

"No," Xiu'er replied to him. "I have no intention of giving her slack if she wishes to continue traveling with you. I simply ask that she prepare herself when I ask justice for Yaoyao."

"I have to let her. I owe her for saving us that night even though I know she's using her Sect and the Four Evil Gates Heroes as an excuse to get close to me. I feel like I'm a moth to a flame and I can't help it." There was a pause in his words as he contemplated what he just said in his head.

Do you even hear yourself? Xiu'er wanted to scream at him. You just confessed your feelings to me, did you know that?

"However, about the little girl," Kun Shang turned towards her to get her full attention. He was full of remorse when he told her what Chun Yi told him yesterday in the dungeon.

"That day, Chun Yi was resting against a tree and didn't notice the little girl approaching her. I asked Chun Yi if they were acquaintances beforehand and she said she met the girl the day before. The kid terribly wanted to see her face again, daydreaming of becoming a beautiful young lady herself. The little girl had removed her veil and unexpectedly planted a kiss on her cheek. Chun Yi was devastated when she woke up to find her veil loosened and the girl spasming in front of her. The event was truly an uncontrollable incident. I hope that you do forgive Chun Yi."

Xiu'er gripped the book she was holding in her hand. She squeezed it tight. How dare he disregard Yaoyao's death even though it was an accident? She was only a child! Who should be blamed for her death then? Destiny? Fate? Yaoyao's bad luck!?

Xiu'er turned to see A'Li slumbering on the table. His chest rising up and down steadily. A'Li and Yaoyao were about the same age. They deserve to live the rest of their life to the full extent. They don't deserve any bad things that happened to them. Neither of them. But then again, the world was too cruel to even let off someone so innocent and so young.

"Xiu'er," Kun Shang put a hand on her shoulder. "I'm so sorry. I didn't realize you would take such a heavy toll for the little girl's death. But I assure you, she's off to a better place now."

"How do you know that!?" Her unexpected sudden rage at him even scared herself. "And stop calling her 'little girl'. Her name is Yaoyao. How do you know she's off to a better place? How do you know she's not suffering right now? Do you have any real idea what's after death? Do you know not everyone goes off to Heaven after death? When someone dies, they are walking on a very thin line. Have you heard of being in limbo? A place not Heaven, not Hell nor Earth where a soul wanders for eternity and not knowing where to go. Imagine the longest time you could ever remember being alone, and then multiply that by the universe. Earth was the only place for them. Earth was the only place for us to choose whatever, wherever and whoever we want to be!"

When she finished, she was on her knees sobbing on the ground. She had just opened up a new world for him, for he had never thought about the complexity of life after death. Only that there's Heaven and Hell.

"She could be a Hungry Ghost, her tiny spirit wandering with the basic necessity of food on her mind for all eternity, and fighting amongst other Hungry Ghosts just to get a small bit of food. She could be by the place she died. Her spirit still stuck there because she was too young to know where to go after that. Her soul could be put back on the Refining Pot to be mixed with all the other souls, ripped to shreds, melted to the core, and never to be herself ever again. I just can't imagine how afraid she must be in those last minutes."

She had her arms covering her knees and her head down on them. She didn't want to cry. She knew he was the last person she wanted to see her cry but she couldn't hold back the tears of sympathy for Yaoyao. Something he couldn't give or understand. Sure, she's seen enough death and dead people to lose count, however it's not the counting that matters. It's that she could remember each face that had died and she prayed for their souls.

Kun Shang seemed to realize that he had forgotten how precious life was. Just because he had seen enough deaths doesn't mean death can be a usual. How could he become so desensitized by death?

He saw his first death when he was seven. His mother died when he was 13. His first kill was when he was 14, and soon after that he lost count of how many people he killed and how many dead people he saw. For a long time after that, he never cared about his own life because he thought dying was just a normal part of life. He used his body as a shield everyday for the Emperor and thought nothing of it.

But now, Xiu'er had shown him a new way to see the world. Maybe Earth really was the only realm where a soul could have the choice to choose whatever, wherever and whoever they want to be. They could choose to ignore their father's wishes, and become a Golden Bodyguard. They could choose to put their job before romance and stay single at the age of 22. Most importantly, they could choose the life they want. Because who knows what's going to happen to you when you die. Do you go to Heaven, Hell, stuck as a spirit on Earth, become a Hungry Ghost or something else far more unpleasant? For the first time, he finally understood why his father didn't want him to be a Golden Bodyguard in the Palace. For the first time, he knew to value his life.