Expectations ll

NOVEMBER 2003, SOPHOMORE YEAR

Saturday night I was lounging around the house, comfortably relaxing on the couch while watching "Ice Age" on DVD. Once again, I was all alone. Dayna was out with Kevin, per usual. Brandi was still out on her "not-a-date" with Matt; apparently lunch was turning into dinner and beyond. And Adrienne was running around with the sorority. I wondered what gossip about me she would be returning with.

I was only about thirty minutes into the movie when Adrienne came through the door, looking tired and resigned. "It's official. Grace and I broke up."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Adrienne..." I immediately paused the movie and sat up straight.

"You know, it's okay. I'm cool with it. It's not like I haven't been expecting this for a while now." Adrienne sighed and moved to sit with me on the couch. I scooted myself into a corner and opened my arm to let her snuggle in beside me.

Snuggle Adrienne did. She stretched out her long legs along the length of the couch while pillowing herself against me. She looked at the screen and chirped, "Ooh, I like this movie. That Scrat thing is so cute."

I smiled and hugged her to me, rubbing Adrienne's belly while sighing, "Ahhh..." in my best imitation of the prehistoric rodent rubbing its acorn.

Adrienne got the reference and immediately started giggling. She then motioned for me to go ahead and I unpaused the movie. I knew Adrienne would want to vent to me about her failed relationship sooner or later; but for now, I'd wait until she was ready. I'd happily take Adrienne venting over being alone.

Ten minutes later, Adrienne looked up at me and grinned. "You know, I hear you did quite a number on those two poor girls last night."

Stopping the DVD again, I arched an eyebrow and looked down at Adrienne's hazel eyes, which were twinkling mirthfully. "Oh, really?"

Adrienne chuckled. "Word is: Misty is still at the sorority house because she's so exhausted. It's past dinner time and she still can't make it back to her own apartment. And Lakhi is walking pretty funny, too."

I shrugged. "Their own fault for messing with what they didn't understand."

Adrienne giggled. "Damn straight. But they got what they wanted. Misty got the most points. The Pledge Mistress didn't give Lakhi any credit for seducing you, but she still got bonus points for having the gumption to join in."

"Congratulations to them."

Adrienne shook her head. "They don't really give a rat's ass about the points, Tiger. Both girls wouldn't shut up about how it was the greatest sex of their lives. And here I'd thought you were retired."

I shrugged with a grin on my face, staring at the TV but not really watching the movie. I was too busy reliving last night, and I felt myself start to get hard again. Smirking, I then looked back down at Adrienne. "What about you? How many points did you pick up last night?"

That resigned look came over Adrienne again and she sighed. "None."

"None?"

"Oh, I had this one boy wrapped around my little finger. But when it came down to it, I just didn't want to go through with it. I told you, guys just don't really turn me on. And I didn't want to... defile myself with sex solely for points."

I winced. "Is that what you girls really think about it? Getting defiled?"

Adrienne smirked. "Relax. Misty and Lakhi would be happy for you defile them again anytime. Actually, I think half the sorority wants you to defile them now, the way those two were bragging about you. And, uh, from the sounds coming out of that room. Did you know there were a dozen sisters camped outside that door?"

"Really?"

Adrienne nodded. "Bridget told me about Misty walking out of there mid-session, still half-dressed, looking both well-fucked and frenzied for more. She went into the bathroom or something to get a wet washcloth. And from the sounds that were coming out after that? The girls will be gossiping about you for a while..."

I rolled my eyes and smirked at the same time. It seemed the Big Ben reputation was alive and kicking, even though High School was long gone.

"You know..." Adrienne drawled, sliding a hand down toward my crotch. "Even though I didn't want to sleep with the guy, I WAS feeling quite turned on from all the beautiful, nubile girls dancing around last night. And poor little me never got any relief."

"Oh, really... ?" I drawled, arching an eyebrow down at the gorgeous blonde rubbing herself against my chest.

"Really..." Adrienne husked and curled her hand inward, wrapping her fingers around my growing shaft. "And you don't know how much of a turn-on it is to hear fifty sorority girls all talking about how well you fuck, and how LONG you fucked them for. So ... Tiger ... do you think you can remind me what the Big Ben experience is all about?"

I grinned and got off the couch, pulling Adrienne with me. "I think I can manage that."

She laughed as I dragged her away to the bedrooms.

The agony came, but the ecstasy came first. Like a well-oiled machine, Adrienne and I brought each other to multiple orgasms and finished in a sweaty pile of naked limbs. But when we were done, the tears started spilling. Still naked, I curled up behind Adrienne and held her while she poured her heart out over Grace.

We talked for hours, Adrienne venting her frustrations and disappointments well into the early morning. And sometime around 3am, we finally fell asleep spooned together, Adrienne clutching my arm between her breasts.

I awoke with my usual morning hard-on. My eyes were still closed, but I felt Adrienne's presence before me, and a wave of pure bliss spread across me.

This was heaven.

The morning air was cold against my right cheek, the pillow reassuringly warm against my left. I snuggled deeper into the covers and their cocooning heat while pressing my chest against Adrienne's back, feeling nothing between us but bare skin. As my senses came alive, the fingers of my right hand reflexively squeezed the large breast I was currently palming, my arm draped over her torso to hug her against me. My left arm was snaked beneath the pillow to her opposite side, the hand stretching out across the empty space of unused mattress.

It felt a bit like déjà vu. After all, Adrienne and I had woken up in this fashion, and in this bedroom, many a morning throughout last year. But that was last year. This was this year. And we were no longer the romantic couple we used to be.

Adrienne was awake before me, and as she felt me come alive, she twisted onto her back and rolled her hazel eyes up to me. "Morning," she said sweetly.

"Morning," I replied warmly.

"Mmm ... I forgot how nice this feels," she said as she stretched out. And then her hand slid down and over my bulge. "And I forgot how hard you can be in the morning. I thought we wore Big Ben out last night."

"Nothing a couple of hours can't cure."

"Would you like me to take care of him for you?" the stunningly gorgeous blonde asked with a twinkle in her eyes.

"You don't have to."

"I know. That's why I want to." Adrienne smiled. And then without another word, she slid herself down into the cocooning warmth of the covers, wrapping both hands around my erection and stroking lightly as she put her mouth over the mushroom head.

It didn't take long. Adrienne blew me with the express intent of getting me off as quickly as possible. And when she moved to wrap her massive mammaries around my shaft and titfuck me, she succeeded in her goal. I actually spurted the first wad into her cleavage before she got her mouth back around me to swallow the rest down.

Adrienne smacked her lips, tasting every bit of my spending before smiling brightly at me and using her fingers to scoop the first wad off her chest and into her mouth. Once she'd cleaned herself off, she crawled back up to lay down on top of my chest. "Did you enjoy that?"

I smiled. "You know I did."

Adrienne giggled musically. She was radiantly beautiful, and looked so happy, that for a moment I got a little worried.

"Uh, Adrienne?"

"Mm-hmm?"

I took on a look of concern. "What are you feeling right now?"

She blinked twice, furrowing her eyebrows. Ever since camp, we'd developed the sort of subconscious connection that helped us identify the other's thoughts and emotions. There wasn't anything supernatural about it; we'd just come to understand the way the other person reasoned and felt. And she sensed my concern now. "You're worried I might fall in love with you again."

I nodded.

Adrienne bit her lip and frowned. Her eyes tightened and for a second, she looked worried herself. But then the moment passed and she grinned. "I never would have thought I'd see the day when you were worried I might fall in love with you again."

I cracked a smile at that. I wouldn't have thought it either after spending so much of the early summer dreaming of getting back together with her as a romantic couple.

Adrienne sighed. "It would be so easy to fall in love with you again. I want to. I really do. But I know that would be me rebounding this time. I know that's not what's best for our future. And I know we're both better off as siblings than as romantic partners. Besides, it wouldn't be fair to DJ."

I nodded.

Adrienne sighed and nodded as well. But an impish gleam came into her eyes as she said, "Just ONE more." And then she promptly gave me the most passionate nuclear kiss she'd given me in a long time.

I felt like my bones had been radioactively melted down when she was done with me. The kiss had loosened my spine even more than the blowjob had. And I found myself limp on the bed while Adrienne got up and started hunting around for her clothes.

I rolled to the side and watched her get dressed, ogling all the naked goddess I could. Then Adrienne arched an eyebrow at me and said, "Stop staring and start dressing, big brother."

"'Big brother'? We're the same age."

Adrienne shook her head. "You're two months older than me. So I get to call you big brother." And she flashed me a dazzling smile.

The 'big brother' reference was the final straw in settling the issue. Adrienne and I were NOT getting back together. So I got off the bed to start the day.

With DJ taking her SATs and then spending the weekend hanging out with her friends, I found myself still on campus for the first weekend in a long time. And although I'd spent Saturday recovering from my own Halloween night exertions, I wasn't sure what to do with myself now.

But fortunately for me, and unfortunately for her, Adrienne also had a free schedule and we promptly decided to spend the rest of the day together. We weren't getting back together. We would just be brother and sister, sharing some quality time.

We were just about to leave the house on Sunday morning when Brandi returned, still wearing the same clothes she'd been wearing the previous day. Apparently, her "not-a-date" with Matt had gone well, and Adrienne and I quickly went to greet her with hugs and well-wishes.

"Hold it," Brandi held her hand up. "Not everything is peachy."

I furrowed my eyebrows and Adrienne looked concerned. Brandi led us to the living room and flopped onto the couch. And then in that way all girls seemingly know how to do, my older sister recapped her night with enough detail that the retelling seemed to take longer than the actual date.

Brandi took us through Matt coming to the house to pick her up and driving them into San Francisco to visit the Museum of Modern Art. Brandi surmised that Matt also wanted to make absolutely sure that no one they knew could possibly be around to overhear them, wherever they turned out to be. Even then, Matt was stiff throughout the day, clearly uncomfortable despite Brandi's best efforts to engage him in conversation. The pair spent more time awkwardly looking at the art pieces than talking to each other.

But when they were done, Brandi talked Matt into sticking around for dinner in the city. And after dinner, Matt drove them to the old naval station on Treasure Island, the midpoint of the Bay Bridge. From there, they had a nice view of downtown San Francisco at night. And within the confines of the car, they had enough privacy to talk.

Matt told Brandi how much he loved her; how he thought she was an incredibly wonderful person and girlfriend. But he just couldn't get over his disgust at her incestuous relationship with her brother. He asked how long we'd been fucking, and desperate to win him back, Brandi told him the truth.

Brandi was as bad a liar as I am, and she didn't even try to cover anything up. When Matt asked if she had been regularly cheating on him with me, she confessed that she was. She tried to explain that it was just an extension of our sibling love for each other, and that it didn't change the way she felt about him. He wasn't buying it, labeling the whole affair as cheating from top to bottom and showing great moral outrage over the incest factor as well. In fact, Brandi believed Matt was more upset about the incest than the cheating, as if it would have been better for Brandi to be carrying on an affair with some random other guy instead. After all, he knew Brandi and Dayna were fucking without him around, and he had come to accept that relationship without rancor.

There were lots of tears and lots of shouting in that car. And when the two of them had finally exhausted themselves, Brandi quietly asked Matt to drive her home. They spent the next fifteen minutes in silence as Matt stared straight at the road and Brandi cried softly in the passenger seat.

It was Matt who first proposed the compromise, just as they were getting back to Berkeley. He said he wasn't sure he could forgive her, but if she was willing to give me up, then he was willing to give their relationship another try.

Brandi paused in her re-telling just then, staring at me with red-rimmed eyes and threatening to tear up again. Knowing that she hadn't spent the night at home, and from her concerned statement that not everything was "peachy", I felt my heart thudding into my stomach. I loved my sister. And I loved the nature of our relationship. Would I really have to give her up?

"I'm sorry, Ben," she apologized. "I made my choice. Please don't hate me for it."

Instantly I moved forward and hugged my sister. I wrapped my arms around her and squeezed fiercely. And I didn't realize I was crying until the first hot teardrops landed on my cheeks. "I love you, Brandi. I'll love you always. No matter what."

"I love you too, Ben. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay ... It's okay ... I understand," I soothed, rubbing her back. "We'll love other forever, my sister. And we don't need sex to show it."

Adrienne then wrapped herself around the two of us. And the three of us just held each other for a long time.

Brandi spent the majority of Sunday with us. She said Matt wanted some extra time to think about everything, to know they weren't making a hasty decision. Even though they'd agreed to give their relationship another chance, things were still quite fragile and there were no guarantees that they would last.

We hung out together as a family, as three siblings just enjoying each other's company. There was absolutely no sexual contact for the day. There was no way Brandi could successfully lie to Matt if she fell off the wagon, and Adrienne and I didn't want to rub anything in Brandi's face. We all loved each other; and none of us needed sex to show it.

But then Matt called just before dinner, wanting to meet Brandi. Excitedly, our big sister hugged us both and then left. And since it was a very nice fall day and relatively warm for November, Adrienne and I decided to go walking around the campus.

I very rarely just "walked" around the UC Berkeley campus. Most times, I plotted the most efficient routes between point A and point B, trying to get to class — or rendezvous with someone — as fast as possible. But this evening, Adrienne and I just meandered without direction, turning whenever the wind blew us or some random impulse made us feel like turning.

The bells of Sather Tower chimed the hour, and we decided to head for The Campanile. A chipmunk skirted into the bushes by Strawberry Creek, and we turned along a path to follow it. We had nowhere to go, and nothing to do but be with each other. And in each other's company, Adrienne and I found nothing but happiness and warmth.

I've mentioned before how easy it is to run into someone, even on a campus of some 35,000 people. It's just as easy to disappear into the crowd and NOT see someone for a very, very long time, even though you're walking the same paths every single day...

... until today.

Adrienne and I were both laughing about something, though I can't remember what. It really was nothing. But she was wrapped around my arm and nuzzling her nose against my cheek when a shocked voice exclaimed from just ten feet away, "Holy shit! You guys are still together?"

We came to a dead stop and looked for the source of the voice. My eyebrows went up in surprise and Adrienne gasped out loud, bringing up her free hand over her mouth. "Elyse?" Adrienne breathed.

A stunningly beautiful girl stood before us, posed perfectly with one hip jutting out to the side, her torso slightly tilted to maximize her cleavage, and her head held high with an imperious carriage, as if inviting everyone to worship her. She was an Amazonian goddess, with Wonder Woman-esque dark, curly locks and sparkling green eyes. Her outfit was designed to impress, hugging her ample curves and showing off her thin waist. All in all, Elyse Laughton had only gotten more gorgeous with age.

Her pouty lips were pulled into an amazed smile. "Wow ... Adrienne Dennis ... And, uh ... Ben, right? What, did you guys follow me here?" she giggled.

I blinked a few times, only now remembering that Elyse had gone to Berkeley a year ahead of us. I was speechless, still in shock at running into the old High School Cheer Captain; but social-queen Adrienne recovered more quickly. "Elyse. Hey, it's good to see you," she said politely. And just as smoothly, she turned to Elyse's companion and offered her hand. "Hi, I'm Adrienne."

The handsome, dark-haired guy took it with a charming smile and gave her a polite handshake. "Carter. Very pleased to meet you." His eyes yo-yoed down to Adrienne's tits, just like every other red-blooded male I'd ever known.

The face was already familiar to me. The name Carter jumped out, and when he turned to similarly shake my hand, I took it while stating, "Carter Sheridan."

"That's right," he smiled, giving me a second look. Then he glanced at Adrienne and returned to me, a smirk spreading across his face. "Wait. Prince Charming, right? And Sleeping Beauty?"

It all clicked for me. I'd run into Carter at last year's Halloween party, when my entire crew had dressed up as Disney characters from Dawn's Cinderella to Paige's Little Mermaid. I'd needed a little kick to my drink and Carter had been there with a flask of something harder. "That's right, Doctor Sheridan," I replied. And then with a smart-ass grin, I leaned in and glanced sidelong to Elyse. "Is she your brunette?" I said softly enough that only he could hear.

"Workin' on it," he replied just as softly and then clapped the side of my shoulder in a friendly way while breaking into chuckles. In a louder voice, he pointed to us and to Elyse, asking, "So how do you guys know each other?"

Adrienne spoke up. "Oh, we all went to High School together. Elyse was a year ahead of us. And she was my Cheerleading Captain."

"You don't say... ?" Carter drawled as he sidled up to Elyse. "Cheer Captain? You didn't tell me that part."

"It was a long time ago," Elyse blushed.

"Maybe. But I'd still love to play with your pom-poms," Carter grinned.

Elyse smirked and then smacked him on the side of his shoulder in a harder, but flirtier way.

Carter then turned back to us. "So we missed you guys at the Halloween party this year. Shoulda been there, Ben. You wouldn't have been able to resist drooling over Elyse here in a nurse's outfit."

I shrugged. "Had another one to go to. The Tri-Delt party."

"Ooh, lookit you," Carter whistled approvingly.

"You're pledging?" Elyse asked Adrienne.

Adrienne shrugged. "We'll see. I'm still trying to decide if it's the right thing for me."

Elyse smiled. "I'm sure it is. You're just the type of girl they're looking for."

Adrienne's eyes dropped to slits as she searched for any sign of sarcasm or other insinuation. Despite Elyse's friendly demeanor, the two girls had not left High School on good terms. In fact, Elyse had done more than a few things to try and undermine Adrienne's relationship with me, or otherwise stab her in the back.

Elyse recognized the look on Adrienne's face and realized how her comment might be taken, and immediately she held her hands up. "Oh, wait. I didn't mean anything bad by that, I swear."

Adrienne looked skeptical.

"Look, I know I was a real bitch to you, to both of you, my last year of High School," Elyse said in an openly honest voice. "But that was a long time ago. I was going through a really rough time and I was lashing out at people, including you. I'm sorry Adrienne, for any shit I did to you back then. We used to be friends and you didn't deserve it. You too, Ben. I tried to seduce you once just to piss off Adrienne, I remember. And even in the months after that I was messing with your head. I'm sorry."

By now, Elyse had stepped up to us, looking quietly serious. Adrienne looked in abject shock at what Elyse had just said, her mouth hanging wide open. "Wow..." Adrienne breathed.

"I mean it. I'm sorry," Elyse said frankly. "It's been a rough couple of years, but I think I'm getting things figured out." The gorgeous brunette turned back to smile at Carter. "I've got friends who help me out."

The handsome guy slid in and wrapped his arm around Elyse's waist. "Anytime, sugar."

"Oh, you know what? This is so cool that I'm running into you guys," Elyse said breathlessly. "Carter's having a get-together on Friday. You guys should come! He's got this great house in the hills."

I arched an eyebrow and looked at Adrienne, who was similarly looking at me. We read each other's facial expressions, the both of us curious but skeptical. Friday nights were usually my nights to visit DJ, but just maybe I could wait until Saturday.

"C'mon," Elyse encouraged. "I owe you guys. And..." she sighed forlornly. "I've burned a lot of bridges in my life. It'd really be nice to start fixing them again."

Something in Elyse's voice made my heart go out to her. She was a little jittery, a little nervous, and appeared to have just recently come out of some kind of personal hell. My ever-present instinct to be a girl's Champion, her hero defender, was urging me on. And as I looked at Adrienne, I realized that she too felt some compulsion to at least give Elyse a shot. They were friends, once, and memories of that old friendship hadn't completely gone away.

"C'mon, man," Carter prodded me. "It'll be fun."

I looked at Adrienne and got my confirmation in her eyes. "Sure," I answered Carter. "Sounds great."

As it turned out, neither Adrienne nor I ended up attending Carter's party. Our reconnecting with Elyse would have to be put on hold. That's because my romantic life went to hell in a handbasket the next week.

Up until now, DJ and I had been the perfect weekend couple. She did her own thing during the weekdays and I did mine. We didn't communicate much during the week, but come Friday night through Sunday afternoon, we were madly in love and brilliantly happy together.

Of course, this past weekend we hadn't gotten together. She'd had her studying and her SATs and her time to hang out with her friends. We'd talked the past Tuesday when I told her about Adrienne's problems with Grace. We'd talked again on Friday, right before the Halloween party, when she told me she wanted to hang out with her friends. But on the weekend itself, I let her enjoy herself and didn't want to bother her. So by the time I finally called her on Monday night, I was really, really looking forward to hearing my girlfriend's sweet voice.

"Hiii, honey," DJ drawled in a clearly excited tone when she picked up the phone.

"Hiii, kiddo," I drawled right back. "So how'd it go?"

"The SATs? No problem. I felt MUCH better about it this time. And with my SAT II scores, I think I can finally relax about Berkeley. I just gotta make sure I don't royally screw up my GPA this semester."

"That's great!"

"Ohhh, I know. I don't think I've felt this relaxed since camp!"

"Mmm ... and I know JUST the way I 'relaxed' you back then," I said smarmily.

My girlfriend giggled. "Don't tease me. I'm not sure I can wait another week to have you again. I had a great time with my friends, but I'm so fucking horny!"

"What? You don't have any friends who could help get you off? I know Brooke always had her 'special' buddies..."

DJ giggled again. "Oh, I've got those. But none of them have a cock. And it's cock I'm craving right now, honey..." she moaned. "Maybe I shoulda let Jason Sabado into my panties. He certainly was trying to cop enough feels in the pool."

I chuckled and thought about the Tri-Delt Halloween party. In general, I didn't like the idea of any other boy touching my girlfriend; but after the wild night I'd had, I figured DJ deserved a little playtime when I wasn't around. "Maybe you should have. I don't want my honey to be unhappy any longer than she needs to be."

Dead silence greeted me over the phone. For the zillionth time, I cursed the stupid technology which let me hear my girlfriend but not see her or read her body language.

"Huh," DJ finally said. "I never thought I'd hear you say that. Every other time I joked about messing around with another boy, you always joked right back about how I'd promised to be only yours."

"Really?"

"Yeah. It always turned you on when I reminded you how I would be only your cumslut, remember?"

I chuckled. "I can see how that would be a turn on, but I don't remember half the things we say when we're fucking, kiddo."

"Well, I just might keep that in mind. Jason IS cute."

"Whoa, whoa ... let's not be hasty now," I quickly interjected. "The weekend without each other has passed. You gotta wait for Big Ben to come rubbing against your panties this weekend, Missy."

DJ giggled. "And did Big Ben wait for me?" Her voice immediately dropped after that. "Oh, Dayna called and told me about you and Brandi. I'm sorry."

I shrugged it off, even though DJ couldn't see me. "S'ok. I'm not happy about it, but I understand. I've learned to be a supportive brother without sex. Besides, I managed to work it out while you were gone."

"I can tell. You sound relaxed and well-fucked."

"You should see the other girls," I grinned. "You wanna hear all about it? Both of them passed out COLD when I was done with them. I should bring you with me next time and we'll REALLY blow their minds."

Dead silence answered me again. For a second, I thought the connection had gone dead, the line was so quiet. I actually pulled the phone away from my ear and checked the display, and when I saw the clock still going I frowned and put the phone back to my ear. "Hello?" I said. "Hello?"

"You fucked two other girls this weekend?" DJ's voice was cold and emotionless. My blood chilled instantly. Something was very wrong.

For the briefest of moments, I felt like denying it. But the cat was out of the bag and I stammered, "Uh. Yeah. Is that a problem?"

"Why'd you do that?" A bit of a hiss was creeping into DJ's voice. "Wasn't Adrienne around?"

"Well, uh, yeah. Adrienne actually brought me to the party."

"But you fucked girls other than Adrienne?" DJ's voice was rising now. And as if a tidal wave was approaching on the horizon, I looked around in a panic, wondering what the fuck I should do.

"DJ, wait a minute. Are you upset?"

"YOU'RE GODDAMN FUCKING RIGHT I'M UPSET!!!" she screamed into the phone, loud enough for me to jerk away from the harsh noise.

"DJ!"

"YOU GODDAMN RAT-BASTARD MOTHERFUCKER!!!" she yelled again.

"Whoa, whoa!" I tried to cut her off. "DJ! DJ! I thought we talked about this!"

"Talked about what? Talked about you CHEATING on me you fucking BASTARD!""

"Cheating? Wait a fucking minute! You just told me on TUESDAY that I had your permission to sleep with anyone I wanted! As long as it was just sex! Well it was just sex!"

"But I didn't think you'd actually DO it!" she screamed. "FUCK! You had Adrienne! You had Brandi! You TOLD me you were gonna keep it in the family!"

I looked around my empty room, searching for someone, anyone, to tell me what the fuck was going on. I knew how to manipulate a woman's body so that she had the most amazing orgasms imaginable, but I seriously didn't understand a woman's psyche. "But ... But..." I protested. "You gave me permission!"

"I KNOW!!!" DJ screamed back.

"Then why are you mad?"

"I DON'T KNOW!" she screamed. "I'm just mad!"

"But why? I don't understand!"

"I don't either!" DJ yelled in a slightly quieter voice, and then I could hear her pacing around her room. She didn't say anything for a while, just snorting heavily like a racehorse that just finished a mile and a half sprint. And I was still in too much shock to offer up anything, either.

"I don't know why I'm mad," DJ seethed, clearly still mad. "I know I gave you permission. I just ... I guess ... I guess I just expected that you wouldn't do it, you know?"

"No! I don't!" I shook my head in disbelief. "If you were gonna get mad about me fucking some other girl, then why the hell did you blatantly give me your permission?"

"I don't know!" DJ yelled back. "If you were going to go ahead and fuck some other girl, then why the hell did you tell me you were gonna keep it in the family? Huh? If you hadn't said that, I might never have expected otherwise!"

"DJ, please. I'm sorry. I didn't know. I really thought I had your permission. I never would have done it otherwise. We talked about this!"

"But you never DID before. In all the chances we had, you never fucked another girl outside of the family."

"There was Felicia, at camp," I offered.

"She doesn't count and you fucking know it! I'm talking after! Dayna told me you banged half her friends last year. Some of them would even love a repeat. Did you nail any of them? Huh?"

"No!"

"Then why now?"

"I don't know!" I cried. "It just happened! I didn't realize you'd react this way!"

"Neither did I! How could I know how I would react until you actually did it?"

"I don't know!"

DJ started snorting again. Actually, it sounded like she was snarling. "You shoulda called me when it was gonna happen. You shoulda called me."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, miGOD. I didn't know I needed to."

"Well you still shoulda fucking did it, Ben!"

I winced. She hadn't called me 'Ben' in a long time, preferring 'honey' by far. In retrospect, calling might have been a good idea. But why the hell would that have occurred to me at the time?

"Deej..." I pleaded.

"Don't 'Deej' me, you cheating bastard."

"DJ. Please."

"No! I'm mad at you! I'm hanging up now!"

"DJ!"

The line was already dead.

DJ didn't pick up the next three times I called her. She picked up the fourth time, just enough to say, "Stop calling me. I'll talk to you when I'm good and ready, okay?"

"DJ, please..."

"And don't drive over here. I know you, and I know you'll think it's some romantically dramatic gesture. But don't bother. I'll order my parents not to let you in."

"DJ, please..."

"No. I'll talk to you again when I'm ready. Okay?"

I sighed. "Okay."

The line went dead again.

DJ didn't call me on Tuesday. I figured she still needed time, so I let her have her space. Adrienne was still coping with her breakup from Grace, so she spent the night with me, talking things out.

Adrienne blamed herself for bringing me to the party. She didn't know the Pledge Master had planned the seduction pledge task, but she still felt bad for putting me in that situation.

I brought up the whole permission issue. Adrienne said she understood where DJ was coming from, and she pointed out that I probably shot myself in the foot by telling DJ that I would keep it in the family when I didn't need to. Monogamy just wasn't in my DNA and we both knew I'd end up nailing someone outside the families eventually. DJ understood this, and probably would have accepted it if not for my own stupid mouth. I'd created an expectation that I just couldn't meet.

Then again, DJ might never have truly meant her permission. She'd given that permission as part of the lure to get me to date her. But every girl, no matter how open-minded, has a possessiveness about her and the ones she deems to belong to her. DJ had never faced me sleeping with someone else, and she truly couldn't know how she herself would react until it actually happened. In that case, DJ had given ME an expectation that I could sleep around without jealousy, an expectation that she couldn't meet.

And relationships live and die by their expectations.

DJ didn't call me on Wednesday, either. Just after 10pm, I tried calling her, to get an update if nothing else. She didn't pick up the phone, but two minutes later I got a text message from her saying: Not yet.

DJ didn't call me on Thursday. I couldn't focus in class. Dawn was supportive, trying to give me insight into what DJ was thinking. But at the end of the day, DJ was NOT Dawn, and the two didn't quite think alike. I wasn't sure I was any closer to understanding than before.

DJ didn't call me on Friday, either. But on Friday afternoon, she did send me a text: Come visit. Dinner's at 6:30.

It was all I could do to wait.

I didn't quite wait until 6:30pm. I just couldn't. But I didn't want to piss DJ off by showing up too early, so I sat in my car by the curb upon arrival, my legs vibrating restlessly while I twiddled my thumbs.

After a while, there was a knock at my window and I jerked in surprise. I saw Jack Evans standing outside and leaning over. And I quickly rolled down the window.

"Hi, Ben," DJ's father greeted me.

"Hi, Mr. Evans," I replied, my voice cracking from the unexpected use.

"Why don't you come inside?"

I winced apologetically. "DJ told me 6:30."

"DJ's in her room. You can wait for her downstairs."

I followed him into the house and into the kitchen, where Deanna Evans opened her arms and hugged me fiercely. "It's okay," she soothed while patting my back. "Everything will work out for the best."

"I hope so..." I whimpered.

"Of course it will. Our two families won't LET anything truly bad happen to the two of you."

I sighed and nodded, relaxing slightly. But I didn't relax too much. Mrs. Evans hadn't said a thing about not letting us break up.

Feeling restless, I offered to help with dinner preparations and Mrs. Evans pointed me to the cabinets, telling me to set the table. It was something I was used to doing. After all, I'd already spent more than a few weekends at the Evans house, eating their meals and living almost as if I were their son. I couldn't help but wonder if this might be the last time I set out these four place settings for Jack, Deanna, DJ, and me.

When everything was done, I helped Mrs. Evans carry the food over to the table while Mr. Evans called DJ down. I was already at my seat when my girlfriend arrived, looking at me warily. She did come over and give me a hug and peck on the cheek in greeting, so I wasn't getting a total cold shoulder. And then we began the meal.

It was relatively quiet. Everyone could feel the tension in the room, tension that wouldn't be resolved until DJ and I sat down and had our private conversation. But Mr. and Mrs. Evans did their best to stimulate conversation, with Jack cracking jokes whenever possible. The parents had gotten used to asking me how school was going every weekend, as if they were my own parents, and tonight was no different. Heck, I'm pretty sure they were actually reporting back to my own parents every week as well.

So I gave them the usual spiel, this time a little longer since I hadn't been back for two weeks now. I gave them some basic updates about Dayna, Brandi, and Adrienne, although I didn't comment on the girls' love lives. It wasn't my place and if they wanted to share, that was their choice.

In the end, we finished eating and I went to help with the dishes. Doing little chores like that, or doing handyman junk around the house, was the least I could do for all the food and shelter they'd given me every weekend. But tonight, Mrs. Evans waved me away. "Go ahead. I know you and DJ need to talk."

I gathered myself and nodded. And then on impulse, I leaned forward and hugged her, feeling awkwardly as if it might be the very last time. I knew that was ridiculous — I would always be close with this family no matter what happened between me and DJ. But I still had a sense of dread hovering over me like a dark cloud.

DJ was waiting just outside the kitchen and she quietly took my hand as I came out. I was simultaneously hopeful in that DJ wasn't outright rejecting me and unnerved by how quiet she was. She led me to the stairs and up to her bedroom. Then she closed the door and silently slid the lock home.

I didn't know how to react when DJ noiselessly pressed herself up against my chest and took my face in her hands. She got up on her tiptoes and tilted her head slightly so that our noses wouldn't bump into each other. And then she planted the softest, sweetest kiss imaginable on my lips.

My eyes were open and my lips were stiff for the first few seconds. Here, I'd been expecting some verbal thrashing like the one she'd given me over the phone on Monday night. Instead, I had a gorgeous young blonde passionately trying to work her tongue into my mouth.

But eventually I got into the kiss, my arms moving around her body and cinching her close to me. My right hand found its way to her tight ass, cupping it and pulling her closer to me while I bent my head down and returned the kiss with a fervor. She felt so good in my arms. She tasted so sweet. And I felt such an incredible relief that maybe, just maybe, things were going to work out.

Predictably, I started stiffening, as penises tend to do when rubbed by a nubile blonde teenager's hand. Once I was hard, DJ pulled her hand away and ground her belly against it in a side-to-side motion that did much for titillating my senses. And after a minute of doing that, she finally pulled her lips off mine with a gasp.

I was gasping myself, half in arousal and half in disbelief at what was happening. My eyes opened and I stared straight into her crystal blue irises, already wet with tears. And my soul started cracking at the sorrow I saw in her eyes.

DJ's hands went back up to my face and she held me tight while looking straight at me. And in a cracking, sad voice, she pleaded, "Make love to me, honey. Please?"

I just nodded and then DJ's hands slid down my arms to grasp my hands. And then she backed up to her own bed, tugging me along with her before turning me around and sitting me on the edge of the mattress.

She stood up then and began removing her clothing. Her top was a fitted white T- shirt with pink short-sleeves. It popped over her head and then she quickly unsnapped the white bra beneath, spilling out those impossibly firm 34DD's that immediately had me drooling. Her tits jiggled nicely as she hunched over to strip her jeans down, pulling them and her panties off her legs and kicking them away to stand completely nude in front of me. She briefly ran her fingers up her body, the pink fingernails flashing in the room's lights. And at the end, she almost nervously tugged at one of her customary braided pigtails that extended a few inches below her shoulder.

I'd never before seen DJ look this nervous while naked in front of me. It was almost as if it was the first time, and she looked at me a little expectantly. I got the hint and still seated, I started pulling off my own clothing, keeping my eyes on her gorgeous body the entire time.

When I was naked as well, the gorgeous 17-year-old simply moved and knelt before me. She put her hands on my knees while getting herself into position. And then without further ado, she took my cock in hand and bent over, inhaling my prick into her mouth while rolling those beautiful blue eyes up to look at me.

I felt the tension in my body start to melt away while DJ gave me the sweetest, most deliberate blowjob of our relationship. She didn't hurry, didn't attack me; she simply made love to my cock, worshipping the column of flesh with her lips, tongue, and hands. And for the entire duration, her eyes looked up at me.

I caressed her sweet face while she bobbed up and down. I let my fingers run through her hair, pulled tight to form the braids, save for a few loose strands of her bangs that fell down along her cheeks and partially obscured her eyes while she continued blowing me. I realized then that I loved DJ more than ever before. And despite the pleasure, there was a pit in my stomach, as if this might be the last blowjob I ever got from her.

With her left hand caressing my balls and her mouth lavishing pleasure on my mushroom head, DJ soon brought me to a climax. I held her head in my hands as I poured out my cum down her gullet, the beautiful blonde swallowing every single drop.

She took her time to make sure she'd swallowed it all, her tongue scraping the inside of her mouth while she panted for breath. And then without another word, she moved up, pecked me on the lips, and then turned over onto her back across the bed, spreading her thighs to the side.

I took the hint and then bent to return the favor, repositioning DJ's thighs with my hands as I took her spot kneeling beside the bed. And then I ducked my head down and began working my tongue and fingers along her already moist slit.

"Oh, honey..." DJ crooned. "Yes ... Yes ... That's it ... that's it ... so good..."

I felt like I owed DJ the most incredible pleasure of her life. I wasn't going to give her the most massive orgasms that would make her pass out. I wasn't going to tease her and keep her on the edge of the ecstasy she desperately craved. Instead, I was just going to do my very best to make her happy. I wanted her satisfied, but not overwhelmed. I wanted her glowing, but not burning up. I wanted my lovemaking to show her exactly how I felt about her.

Looking back, I guess I succeeded.

Since I wasn't doing anything to stop her orgasms, DJ squeaked out three over the next ten minutes. It wasn't a race and I wasn't going for a high score or anything. Her climaxes just came and went and then built up again. My tongue expertly dived like a prey bird fishing in the open ocean, digging out her pleasure before swiping back up. My fingers plunged and vibrated against her G-spot. And of course I paid special attention to her clit whenever the situation demanded it. I brought her to climax after climax, and after the third orgasm, DJ'd had enough. She reached her arms out to me. "Now, honey! Now!"

I quickly slid up her body, my jaw still coated in girlcum. She didn't care as she grabbed my head and kissed me, even eagerly licking it off my chin while I got my prick into position. I sunk my cock partway into her exquisitely tight channel. And then she kicked her legs behind my ass and dug in with her heels to pull me the rest of the way.

We were joined together.

Like I had when eating her out, I fucked DJ to show her exactly how I felt about her. I wanted her to have the very best of me. So I was careful and calculating a little bit, watching her cues carefully to make sure my thrusts were of the right depth and power. I made sure I hit all of her sensitive spots. And when her body told me that it wanted a certain feeling, I made sure I gave it to her. I had a wealth of sexual expertise, and never before had I put so much effort into ensuring I gave my lover the absolute best experience of her life. This wasn't about me dominating her or proving my skill. It was about giving DJ the time of her life.

She did. DJ writhed and bucked beneath me while I played her body like a fine- tuned instrument. I held her slim waist and pinned her slender-hipped form to the mattress while sawing in and out of her like a cello's bow. I cupped, caressed, and squeezed those big, round, sensitive tits, capped with swollen, erect pink nipples. I brushed the sunny blonde locks of her hair away from her forehead, raining butterfly kisses on her exposed skin and nibbling on her neck and ears. I was literally doing everything possible to give her the lovemaking of her young life.

DJ had one and then another orgasm, her sensuous form undulating against the mattress in a rhythm without end. Her head tossed left and right as she hissed over and again, "Yes ... yesss ... YES!"

And still I kept her going.

What felt like hours later, DJ was a sweaty mess beneath me. Our chests were slicked with moisture and glided across each other almost without friction. I could feel her upright tits being crushed against me while I continued humping her. And she ended up biting down on my shoulder when my pistoning cock drove her to what I think was her seventh orgasm of this single coupling. All seven of them were wonderful; none of them too overwhelming. It was the perfect fuck.

And while she trembled and shook beneath me, DJ turned and whispered in my ear. "Now, honey. Now!"

That was all I needed. I unclenched my kegel muscles and let forth the deluge. The cum raced out of my prick and blasted against DJ's inner walls, coating them instantly with layers upon layers of white cream as the frothy mixture washed through her pussy and flooded her womb.

"YESSS!!!" DJ was howling, her voice cracking as she threw her head back at the sensation of me detonating deep inside her. Her pussy muscles were clenching and unclenching rapidly, pounding out her final orgasm and squeezing out the remainders of mine.

My back muscles were burning. My arms ached. And my legs were so shaky they were about to collapse. I'd put everything I possibly had into that fuck. I simply wasn't capable of doing any better. And at the very end, after I'd finished pumping my girlfriend full of cum, I collapsed straight down on top of her body.

My head nestled against her cleavage and I panted with a mouth half-full of boob. My eyes threatened to roll up into my head, and I teetered on the edge of passing out while the inky black cloud of unconsciousness crept around my vision. I felt DJ's comforting arms wrap around my head and cradle me to her bosom. And with a happy, satisfied purr, I smiled and said, "DJ, I love you."

She sighed, a definite hint of sadness in her voice. And she answered, "No, Ben. You don't."

The urge to pass out evaporated almost instantaneously. I pushed myself upright quickly, looking down at DJ's naked body sprawled out beneath me. But I got up a little too fast, and that inky blackness swirled around my vision while the room began spinning around me.

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply to shake off the vertigo. And then I fixed my gaze on the gorgeous young blonde and frowned. In a voice full of confusion, I asked, "What?"

DJ sighed again in resignation. "You don't love me."

"Of course I do," I insisted.

DJ shook her head. "And you know, I'm not sure I ever loved you."

"DJ! Don't say that! You're my girlfriend and we love each other!"

She shrugged. "Well, you DID cheat on me."

"I didn't cheat on you!"

She rolled her eyes. "You had sex with a girl — two girls — who weren't your girlfriend, without my knowledge." There was no malice in DJ's voice, just statement of fact. "That's cheating."

"Not when you gave me your permission!" I complained. "I've been banging Brandi and Adrienne all semester! Are THEY cheating?"

DJ snorted. "Of course not"

"Then?"

DJ sighed. "They're ... they're family. They don't count."

I winced and squeezed my eyes. She had me there. It was the same rationalization I'd been using for years. I sighed and said, "DJ, I'm sorry. If I'd known you wouldn't approve, I never would have done it."

She smirked and arched an eyebrow at me, looking maddeningly self-righteous. "Oh, really? That's not what I've heard about your past relationships."

"Hey! I was young. And I've changed. I never once screwed around behind Adrienne's back."

"Pssht. Adrienne gave you carte blanche to fuck anything with tits."

"And you didn't?"

DJ sighed, looking away. "Okay. Maybe I did. But that doesn't change the fact that we never really loved each other."

Back to this. I sat up and almost nervously pulled the blanket over my lap, hiding my nakedness. DJ seemed perfectly comfortable in hers, and she simply rolled onto her side, propping her head up with one hand. I could still see my cream leaking out between her thighs. "Okay..." I took a deep breath. "Tell me why you think we don't love each other."

She shrugged and looked pointedly at me. "Fine. YOU tell me why you love me."

"Of COURSE I love you."

"Why?" she asked softly, looking at me expectantly. "Just ... why?"

I clapped my mouth shut. The usual bullshit ran through my head. DJ was smart and funny and yadda yadda yadda. I knew she didn't want to hear any of that. Not that it wasn't true. But I knew that wasn't what she was looking for.

"C'mon, Ben," she teased. "Or is your brain still mushy post-ejaculation?"

"Look, I'm not so great at putting this into words, okay?" I said defensively. "I just know how I feel about you."

"And how DO you feel about me?"

"I love you!"

"Try saying it without the L-word."

I sighed, suddenly very frustrated with my girlfriend.

"C'mon, Ben. Think back to camp. Think back to when I threw myself at you, and how at first you had no idea what to do with me."

"You just took me by surprise," I explained. "But when I had a chance to think about it..." I trailed off, not sure how to finish that sentence.

"What, it all just made sense?" DJ offered.

"Well, yeah..." I looked at her frankly. "You're YOU, DJ. I love who you are. I love the way you make me feel. I love the way I feel when I'm around you."

DJ sighed. "You really can't do it without using the L-word, can you?"

"Come ON, Deej. I'm trying here."

"I know, I know. I'm sorry," she sighed.

I bit my lip, wracking my brain to come up with the right combination of words to pacify my girlfriend and convince her not to be mad at me anymore.

DJ beat me to it. "Okay, let me try it this way. Do you know how I know you don't really love me?" she asked.

I frowned and furrowed my eyebrows. "What? How?"

She looked at me plainly. "Because of the way you just made love to me."

"Wait, what?"

She nodded. "I mean it."

"But ... but... " I stammered, thinking back to our lovemaking session. "That was like the best I've ever done!"

"For who? You? Or me?"

"For you! I've never made it that good for a girl before!"

DJ sighed. "I know. I mean, I didn't know that was your best ever; but yeah, I was there. I know how good it was. I don't think I've ever felt that good before."

My eyes were wide. "Then THERE! You asked me to make love to you, and I made it the best EVER!"

DJ shook her head. "That's the best my BODY has ever felt before. But come on, didn't it feel just a bit ... mechanical?"

"What?"

"You were the perfect lover ... technically, skillfully. Not ... emotionally. You did everything right in terms of action and pressure and pushing all my buttons. But I didn't want the expert lover tonight. I wanted my boyfriend. I would have been happier if you'd lost control and rabbit-humped me for fifteen seconds before busting your nut. Don't you get it?"

"WHAT?"

"You didn't make love to me, Ben. You just ... gave me the best sex of my life. It's not the same thing." And the sadness in her voice confirmed that. "You did everything right ... You dotted your i's and crossed your t's ... Just like our relationship. The motions are all there; but the emotions aren't."

I looked at her as if her skin had turned plaid, but then her words caught up to me. I thought about the way I'd made love to her and ... she was right. Gawd dammit ... she was right. I HAD mechanically made love to her ... technically ... skillfully. And I had no idea how I'd gotten to this point. "I ... I don't understand..." I said in a defeated tone.

DJ sighed. "It's not your fault. I started all this."

"Huh?"

DJ sighed. "I don't love you. I don't think I ever did. I loved the IDEA of you."

"Huh?"

"I loved the fantasy Ben I'd built in my head for years and years. I saw how you were with Dawn. And I was sooo jealous of my sister. I told myself, I want a guy like you. But more the point, I wanted YOU."

I nodded. DJ had told me this in the beginning.

"The only problem was, I didn't know who YOU really were. And you didn't know who I really was, either."

"What do you mean? Of course we knew each other."

DJ shook her head. "We thought we did. But we didn't. You knew 'DJ, Dawn's little sister': she's pretty hot and you love banging her, but you don't really know her as a person because the only time you ever spent together was at camp, where she was always with friends her own age doing kiddie things."

I arched an eyebrow, but DJ just kept going. "And I knew 'Ben, Dawn's best friend': he's gorgeous and so incredible at fucking, but I don't really know him because we never really hung out since he spent all his time with his Dawn and Adrienne romances."

"DJ..."

"I'd constructed this perfect Ben in my head. You were attentive, a great listener, loyal, and sweet. You would wrap me up in your arms and carry me away onto a cloud of pleasure and bliss and happiness. No boy I ever met could measure up to you because no human on the planet could measure up to you." DJ sighed. "And I've been in love with that Ben this entire time."

"You've been with ME," I said firmly.

She shook her head. "Not really. Camp was a fantasy world. It always has been. Then once we got back to school, you've been at Berkeley and I've been here."

"We spend a LOT of time together. I've practically lived here every weekend, Deej."

She shrugged. "We spend most of our time in bed, it seems."

"But we talk. We share."

"I know. But..." DJ exhaled. "I think I just blinded myself this entire time. I never really stopped to think about it. I was floating by on the mental high of knowing I was 'Ben's girlfriend'. It made me happy. But it was still just a fantasy."

"It was MORE than that."

"Ben, YOU'RE living a fantasy, too."

"Am not. I love you!"

"No, you don't."

GAWD this was frustrating.

"Ben, Adrienne was right. You rebounded."

"Did not!"

"You were hurting. You were alone. I saw my chance, and I took it. I threw myself at you, and I picked the perfect time to do it. And it wasn't fair to you."

"DJ, I love you!"

She shook her head. "I loved the idea of being with you. And you loved the idea of being with... somebody."

"DJ, you're special to me and you fucking KNOW it," I said heatedly.

"Okay, maybe." She sighed. "After all, I'm an Evans girl. So tell me, Ben. How much do I remind you of Dawn?"

"This has nothing to do with Dawn!" I barked.

"Doesn't it?"

"No. I'm serious." I reached forward and touched DJ's hand. "Yes, you're an Evans girl. Yes, you look a bit like Dawn. So you fit my type. So what? I still love YOU."

"You don't even really know me, Ben. And I don't even really know you."

I threw my hands up. "Most boyfriends and girlfriends barely know anything about each other. That's half the fun of getting together, to learn."

"We skipped that part. We don't spend any time getting to know each other. We just both assumed we already knew each other; but we don't. I knew my fantasy Ben. It took you banging some other girls to make me realize I didn't know the REAL you."

"DJ..."

"Wait. Let me finish this. This is the last bit, I promise." She took a deep breath. "I talked to Adrienne this week. About us. I made her promise not to tell you until after tonight. She still blames herself for bringing you to that party."

I arched an eyebrow. The surprise at finding DJ had been talking with Adrienne was enough to shut me up for a minute.

"I asked Adrienne about how she felt about you, and why you broke up in the end. And something stuck with me. Adrienne told me that she truly does love you, but when it came down to it, she needed you more than she loved you."

I blinked, remembering how Adrienne and I had gotten to this point. "She's not you."

"No, she's not. I don't need you like she does. But maybe you're her. Think about it: Do you really love me? Or do you need me?"

"DJ-"

"Do you love me for me? Or do you love me because I loved you?"

I felt the answer in my gut, and I didn't like it: She was right.

I didn't need to verbalize it. The answer was all over my face. I'd needed her. I'd needed someone to love me.

"One minute at camp, I told you I was in love with you," DJ continued. "You told me you didn't feel the same way and we separated. The next minute, I seduced you and all of a sudden you were in love with me. It happened THAT fast." She snapped her fingers for emphasis. "Adrienne called us on it, but we wouldn't listen. I got my Ben. You got a hot Evans girl to love you. Everyone was happy. Only it wasn't real."

"These past few months have been REAL, DJ."

She sighed. "I know. And I won't regret them. But if this relationship was to continue, it would HAVE to be based on something more than a fantasy and a rebound."

I pulled my hand back, that sense of dread returning. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying we're over. It was nice. It was MORE than nice. But we're not really in love."

"DJ, please..."

"It's okay, Ben. I'm okay."

"I'm not."

She sighed. "And I'm sorry about that. But I can't be your crutch anymore. You still want someone to love you. But it can't be me anymore."

"Why not? Fine, you realized I'm not your fantasy Ben and I realized that I need you. Why can't we start over? Am I not worth dating?"

"Ben..."

"I'm serious!" I reached out and grabbed both her hands. "Let's start over. Let's go out this weekend and find out who we really are to each other! Let's talk, let's spend time together outside of the bedroom. Give us a chance."

"It can't work like that."

"Why not?"

"Because we both need a fresh start, and that means without each other. We both have to make a clean break from this. If you really want to date me, maybe we can ... someday. Not today. Hopefully I'll be at Berkeley next Fall. If you still feel the same way, we can see what happens then. But not now. I need time to get over you ... well ... not you. I need time to get over my fantasy. And YOU need time to figure yourself out."

"DJ..."

She held a hand up, only now finally getting off the bed and moving around to grab her clothes. "Look, Ben," she shook her head sadly. "For what it's worth, I DO really love you. We're family. I'll always care about you. And yeah, I'll always lust for you. Even now, I want to stay together and re-start our relationship just like you said, if for nothing else but the incredible sex. But it's not the right thing for either of us right now, okay?"

I watched helplessly as she put her clothes back on. Each garment felt like a door slamming in my face, shutting me out. And then before I realized it, she was fully dressed.

"I'm sorry, Ben. But I think it's time you went home."