Dawn's Story ll

"Dawn?" a deep voice asked from behind.

Gwen squealed, and tugged on my hand. Since Ben's first class three days out of the week was an hour before mine, I'd taken to meeting up with the girls at the Starbucks on Oxford Street in the mornings. Robin looked up and her eyes went wide at whatever she saw. So I set down my cup of coffee and looked to the source of the voice, smiling as I saw a familiar face.

"It IS you," Jaron said in relief. "Hey ... uh, I'm Jaron, remember?" He frowned and touched his own chest, embarrassed that I might not recognize him.

I laughed musically and smiled. "I remember. Nice to see you."

"Dawn ... aren't you going to introduce us?" Gwen drawled, already breathing heavy. I didn't blame her. Jaron was a HUNK.

"Let the poor man order his coffee," I hissed back.

He glanced behind himself, realizing that the line had moved forward a few feet. "Uh, right," he stammered.

"I'll save you a seat," I offered.

He nodded and returned to the line, leaning in to whisper something to the friend who was with him.

"Okay, spill," Gwen hissed quietly, but not that quietly. "How do you know Mr. Universe?"

"I'm not sure I want to know," Robin drawled.

"We met at a party. Two parties, actually." I blushed, thinking of the exact nature of that second party. "I was with Ben both times."

"So he knows you're taken. Gawd-fucking-damn he's gorgeous," Gwen breathed, staring after him.

"Uh, you're taken too, remember?" Robin pointed out.

"Shush you." Gwen returned to me. "So what's the deal? You only met two times, but you made enough of an impression that he comes up and talks to you out of the blue?"

I blushed again. "He's just being polite. You see how he stopped to re-introduce himself? We really don't know each other."

"If you ask me, that's something he'd like to change."

"I have a boyfriend."

"Some guys would see that as nothing more than a challenge."

I shook my head. "Jaron is very respectful."

"A-ha! So you DO know something about him. And pray tell, exactly how would you KNOW this particular personality trait?"

"Gwen-"

"Oh, hiiii..." Gwen said dramatically, looking up and putting on her most sultry smile. The two guys had ordered and now approached our table. She offered up a hand, "I'm Gwen."

"Jaron. Pleased to meet you. This is Mitch."

Introductions went around. We managed to snag two other chairs and circle them around our little table. We went through the usual chit-chat about school. Jaron and Mitch were Seniors and both Defensive Linemen on the Cal Bears football team. They'd gone 10-2 and finished #5 in the polls, but were not invited to a BCS bowl with some controversy. After getting upset by Texas Tech in the Holiday Bowl, football was something of a touchy subject.

"So how have you been?" Jaron then asked me directly.

I blushed. "Life has been good. I can't complain."

He nodded. "Where's Ben today?"

"Oh, he's visiting a friend for her birthday."

Jaron frowned. "Without you?"

I blushed. "It's a unique kind of situation."

He gawked at me for a moment. "If I were him, I wouldn't think it was safe to let fair Helen out of my sight." Immediately after, he blushed and looked away as if he couldn't believe he'd just said that.

"Helen?" Gwen inquired.

"Of Troy," I explained. "We first met at the Halloween Party."

"Oh, okay."

I stared back at Jaron, and for a second, our eyes met with a sizzle of electric energy. The guy had always been perfectly polite, even when fully naked with his dick in my mouth. I didn't believe for a second he would make a pass at me, at least any more than he'd just said. But just as clearly, he was deeply attracted to me. And the reality was that I was just as attracted to him.

"Um, Dawn?" Robin nudged me out of my reverie.

"Huh?"

"Your phone is ringing," she pointed out.

"Oh, uh..." I fumbled with my purse, and my phone's display told me it was Ben calling. But the ring died out before I could answer it.

A wave of guilt just hit me. I hadn't done anything wrong, but I knew I was having impure thoughts about a guy who wasn't my boyfriend. I'd missed a call from Ben because I was too busy making eyes at Jaron. And I still harbored some guilt over the fantasy I'd let myself have in Carli's room last week.

Just then, the barista called out a pair of orders, and Jaron and Mitch looked up in recognition. "That's us," Mitch explained as they got up and left the table.

Hurriedly, I called Ben back. A second later, he picked up. "Hey."

"Hey, what's up? You called?" For a second I panicked. Did Ben somehow know about Jaron? Had Robin perhaps texted him, telling him to call me and remind me that I had a boyfriend instead of gazing deeply into the eyes of another man? Had I been caught?

"Yeah, I've ... uh ... got something I need to ask you," he began. "I'm not sure how to explain this. But basically, Paige is really horny and hasn't gotten laid since she left our house in Berkeley."

I immediately started barking in laughter. I'd been feeling tense and tight over my imagined indiscretions, and to find out that it was Ben feeling all awkward relieved my tension so quickly that I nearly had whiplash.

Beside me, Gwen asked, "What's so funny?"

I just shook my head, imagining the scene before me. A red-hot on the rampage Paige Jacobsen was stripping herself naked and trying desperately to pounce on top of my boyfriend while he did his best to fend her off. Rather than inspire jealousy, it only made me laugh inside. "Are you asking me what I think you're asking me?" I asked.

"Yeah, basically she wants a mercy fuck," Ben explained.

I laughed again. "And you want to give it to her?"

"Well, I mean, I'm here and there's really no one else she can go to..."

"But do you want to?"

"Uh, is this a trick question? You know, the kind where you ask if I want to and I'm going to get in trouble the second I say 'yes', even if I don't actually do anything?"

I started laughing again, so hard that I nearly choked. Here I was, stressing out over some innocent flirtation and Ben was about to get fucked. That he was so befuddled and asking me about trick questions made it even more hilarious. Clearly, I wasn't at any risk of losing my boyfriend's adoration and love.

Gwen whined, "Seriously, what's going on?"

Robin chimed in, "I think it's something naughty."

Gwen sighed. "It's Ben. Big surprise."

I shook my head. I was overthinking everything again. I'd done nothing wrong with Jaron, and there was nothing to feel guilty about. This was the relationship Ben and I had with each other. He trusted me, he'd gone out of his way to give me my freedom, and he loved me to pieces. Even this little thing with Paige, a single mother who probably hadn't gotten laid since she became pregnant, didn't really mean anything.

Collecting myself, I lowered my voice and stated evenly, "It's not a trick. I can already tell that you want to because you never would have called me if you didn't. So let me put your mind at ease. Go ahead and fuck the shit out of her, you silly goat. Unequivocal enough for you?"

Robin chirped, "Did she just say what I thought she said?"

Ben grunted in surprise, "Uh, yeah. Clear enough."

There was a sexual note in Ben's voice, the kind he made when I sucked his cock into my mouth. "She's already getting started, isn't she?" I asked knowingly.

"Uh-huh," Ben mumbled.

"Well tell her to enjoy. Consider it a happy birthday present from me."

"I will."

"Sure thing." A sudden thought seized me. I was the perfect housewife, and a perfect housewife always has dinner on the table. "Oh, and honey? Do you want fried rice or chow fun for dinner tonight? We're going to the Chinese market later."

Still grunting from the beginnings of Paige's blowjob, Ben managed to mutter, "Uh, chow fun sounds good."

"Okay. Remember to say 'happy birthday' to Paige for me."

"I will."

"Bye babe. I love you."

"I love you, too."

I hung up, then raised my eyebrows as I found myself being stared at by four people. Gwen and Robin, along with the now-returned Jaron and Mitch, had certainly heard the end of my conversation. Likely, they'd even heard me order my boyfriend to 'fuck the shit out of her'. It wasn't a comment typically heard in your neighborhood Starbucks.

"You, uh ... have an interesting relationship with your boyfriend," Jaron stammered.

I blushed and glanced at my friends. Gwen just rolled her eyes. She already knew.

I just grinned mysteriously, and feeling naughty, I leaned my foot out to brush against Jaron's underneath the table. What? My boyfriend was fucking another girl; surely I could play a little innocent footsie. Fair is fair.

With a tease on my lips, I flashed my eyes at the hunky Adonis and hummed, "You have no idea."

I closed my eyes and held on as I humped up and down atop my muscled hunk. Wave after wave of pure bliss wracked my poor body, starting with the heavy impacts of my crotch slamming down against his pelvis and then building with the thickness of his prod stretching my cunt and the unrelenting buzzing in my ass.

For a second, I thought I saw the twinkle in his eyes as Jaron's shaggy blonde hair spread across the pillow. It was so easy to fantasize. I was on top, doing most of the work, and I could imagine it was almost anyone lying beneath me as I humped myself up and down his rigid pole. But I knew my eyes were closed and the fantasy was closing in on me.

No more. This is wrong.

So I immediately opened my eyes and forced myself to focus on Ben's handsome visage.

"Cum, baby, cum," he grinned up at me.

Ben was close, and he was about to pop. I groaned, knowing that I was close myself. But it was jarring to feel myself slip into the Jaron fantasy again and return back to my Ben, and I didn't think I was going to get there in time.

Why are you even fantasizing about him? Yeah, he's big and strong and physically impressive, but you just KNOW he isn't half the lover your Ben is. If nothing else, you watched Jaron pounding Kate and the others at the Blowjob party. He was powerful, and his dick is BIG. But he clearly didn't know how to use it quite like Ben. You've seen your man turn some of those same girls into liquid puddles of orgasmic goo. Jaron was good, but he couldn't do that.

No man could compete with my Ben. Not one-on-one. He was just too good, a savant of the sexual arts. Realizing that I wasn't as close as he wanted me, Ben reached up and adjusted the vibrator in my ass while clamping his lips around my tits. I closed my eyes and surrendered to the pleasure, feeling the warmth spreading within me once again as I rode him.

But the fantasy slipped into mind again. I couldn't help but imagine it was Jaron nursing at my breasts, and the thought turned me on. I told myself to remember that it was Ben, MY Ben beneath me. But the harder I tried to NOT think about Jaron, the more I did.

"Ungh, ungh, ungh!"

He was close. Ben was about to pop, and what would he think of me if I didn't cum? What would he believe if I didn't climax the way he expected? He'd know something was wrong. He was a sexual stud. He NEVER failed to get me off. It would destroy him if I didn't cum. What would I tell him? That my brain was getting in the way because I couldn't help but fantasize about somebody else?

Too late. I kept trying to NOT think about Jaron, which meant the handsome Adonis' face kept pushing into my mind. Ben stiffened up and pulled me down to him, crushing my tits into his chest and grunting into my ear as he blasted a quart of spunk up and into my body. I quivered, momentarily imagining that it was Jaron's illicit sperm flowing into my womb, and I came like I hadn't cum in WEEKS.

My body went through the whole nine yards of a monster orgasm. I threw my head back. I howled in pleasure. And I shuddered uncontrollably as evil, naughty, WRONG feelings wracked my brain.

It was GLORIOUS.

A few seconds later, I dropped facedown onto the pillow beside Ben's head, turning my face away in shame. I quivered from the physical exertion of forcing my body to tremble that rapidly, gasping for air.

"Oh, fuck!" I sighed, wiped out from the orgasm. "That was incredible."

"Uh-huh," Ben mumbled, tired out himself. He was holding onto the handle of the vibrator up my ass, and after another second, he pulled it out of me and dropped it onto the mattress.

I'd almost forgotten about the damn thing. I had felt on edge as the toy continued to vibrate inside my colon, and I gasped in relief as my body finally could go still. "Fuckin' A..."

"Damn ... That was better than Brooke and DJ combined," Ben wheezed.

"I don't like trying to compare," I giggled, feeling proud despite my shame. "But thank you."

"You're incredible."

I kept my face turned away. What could I tell him, that I'd cum harder than I had in weeks because I believed it was another man cumming inside me? Rapidly, I searched my brain for a better answer and then put on my sexiest tone. "I was inspired," I husked deeply. "Gawd, when you shoved that thing up my ass, I took off like I was on a space ship."

"I knew you'd like it," Ben wheezed. "That's been a particular kink of yours for a while. Getting DP'd."

I chuckled, finally looking at him. "It has been, hasn't it?" Over the past few months, I'd needed more and more intense feelings to really get myself off. I'd been closeted up for too long in vanilla sex with Ryan, and I'd certainly been living up to my mantra of remembering to have 'fun' in the months since. Ever since that incredible orgy with Kenny, Heidi, and Sydney, I'd been consumed with the intense pleasure of being multiply-penetrated.

In fact, I wanted to feel it again.

Ben read my mind. "Maybe we shoulda brought one of the girls in here with a strap-on. Maybe even both of them so we coulda triple-teamed you."

"Ohhhh," I moaned, feeling like another mini-orgasm had just swept through me.

Even better, maybe we could get two GUYS to join us and REALLY triple-team me.

I kept that thought to myself, and kept my face pointed away from him. Ben was the kind of guy who played around with lots of girls, but no other dicks but his own. It was just the way things were.

But did they have to be? How fair was that? Ben got lots of pussy, and so did I ... but ... I wanted COCK. Was it really so bad that I wanted another one? Or two?

Shut up, you cheating slut. You just had a monster orgasm thinking about JARON. You're in no position to ask for anything.

I kept my mouth shut. But Ben being Ben, he read something in my expression when I turned around to face him once again. "Go ahead," he said, knowing I wanted to say something.

I smiled, thankful that he understood me. It didn't seem right to ask him for a two guy-one me threesome. In fact, it seemed downright WRONG.

But then you know how I like "wrong".

"Duuuude..." Bert sighed, his face in utter rapture as he stared at me in my cute outfit. I was quite proud of this costume. Dayna had suggested the particular brand of beer, but the barmaiden idea and costume were all mine. Watching the slack-jawed faces on both my boyfriend and his best friend, I knew I looked exceedingly hot. It made me feel sexy to see them staring at me like this, and it made me feel like I was in control.

Gawd I love power trips.

Hours later, an inferno of white light exploded out from within me. I'd only ever felt it once before in my entire life, and I swore to myself then that somewhere, somehow, I HAD to have this feeling again.

And now I did.

I felt every muscle in my body tighten all at once, clamping down on the two dicks still sawing their way in and out of my body. "CUMMING!!!" I shrieked, my body jerking out of control. And as my entire being trembled in orgasmic ecstasy, I also felt two fireballs of hot, wet lava exploding through my tubes.

"Dawn!" Ben groaned as he spewed wave after wave of cum up into my pussy, amazed at the intensity of his pleasure.

"DAWN!" Bert grunted in even greater amazement behind me as his dick blasted my colon with a sperm bath.

And all the while, I screamed as the most glorious orgasm I'd had in my entire life shook every cell and molecule in my body down to their nuclear foundations ... again. It had only ever happened once before, and Ben hadn't been able to do it to me by himself. It took both him and Kenny blasting away inside me, giving me the three-way simultaneous orgasm of myth, to bring me to this point. And as I felt their hard, throbbing dicks spurting their gouts of hot lava into my helpless body at the same time, I realized there was only one thing that could make this even better.

One more dick.

-- SATURDAY, APRIL 9, 2005 --

"Happy Birthday, Ben!" Mom squealed like a 9-year-old girl as she opened the front door of the house. Immediately, she threw her arms open and wrapped my boyfriend up in a hug.

The rest of us filed inside, exchanging greetings with my parents as they went in. All of our close friends had come for Ben's 21st Birthday Party, even Paige, Kady, and Lynne from Stanford. Paige had also brought little April, and Mom was going gaga over the baby.

As girlfriend of the guest of honor, I quickly went to work setting up the party itself, enlisting Brooke and DJ as my gophers. DJ made me promise to do the same for her birthday party in a week.

When Ben had first proposed this idea for his birthday, I was taken aback. I'd already spent a few weeks laying the groundwork for a birthday party to end all birthday parties for him, one that involved lots and lots of sex. For one, most of Ben's favorite Tri-Delts had agreed that a birthday orgy would be a win-win situation for all. And even after the party, I'd already talked to Dayna and Brandi about spending the night with us. It had been too long since we'd hooked up with our big sisters, and with Brandi's recent breakup, she'd even agreed that just one night for Ben's birthday "wouldn't count".

But Ben insisted that wild sex wasn't in his plans, even turning down his own sister. I wasn't entirely surprised. For the entire semester he'd been getting more and more ... settled down. With the singular exception of that crazy Tri-Delt Blowjob Party, Ben had not been having ANY sex outside of our own house. He spent a lot of quality time with me and almost the same amount of quality time with Kim. There was the occasional interlude with our sisters, but other than that: nothing. Really, the last few months had been downright sedate for the one time Sex God.

Not that I could really complain. As long as my Ben was happy, that was good enough for me. I still got a lot of "Dawn" time, hanging out with my friends, doing the cooking class, and even just being by myself. I had my own wild sex with the BJ party, not to mention the two Saturday nights getting DP'd by Ben and Bert. And life overall was pretty good.

So if my boyfriend wanted low-key for his 21st Birthday? I could handle that. I just thought it was funny he would rather have it at my parent's place instead of the Berkeley house.

At least Mom and Dad were pretty cool. We had a few beers, though nothing got out of control. While our friends were a little restrained knowing there were parental figures around, they still got comfortable enough to chat freely. We played birthday games, some of which were downright Sesame Street. We had one game that revolved around Ben trivia, though that too stayed pretty tame with my parents around (perhaps that was Ben's plan all along). And we had the old fashioned birthday song and cake cutting.

It was during cleanup that Mom pulled me aside to talk. Ben's High School friend Lynne had led the charge to get all our friends to pitch in and do the cleaning, citing that DJ, Brooke, and I had done all the setting up. That left me free to go to the bathroom, and on my way back, Mom intercepted me and gestured out into the backyard.

"Well that was a pleasant afternoon," she commented. "Your idea?"

I shook my head. "Ben's. He wanted low-key."

"Ah. Well, I just wanted to come out here and give you a big hug."

"What? Why?"

She smiled at me, tears forming at the corners of her eyes. For a second, it looked like she was going to break down in big, heaving sobs, and I quickly reached my arms out to her in concern. "Mom? What's wrong?"

Grinning like an idiot, she shook her head while continuing to cry. I started to wonder if my mom had gone crazy when she said, "Nothing's wrong. I'm just so happy!"

"Happy about what?"

"Ben asked us for permission to marry you!"

My jaw dropped. "WHAT?"

Grinning even wider, she just shook her head up and down vigorously. "He did!"

"Ben's going to propose?!?"

Mom waved me off and laughed, hugging me. "Oh, no no no. That's what we thought too, for a second. But he carefully explained that he wasn't proposing or anything just yet. He said he definitely wants to wait until you two graduate, and likely wait until he's got a stable job and can be more sure that he can provide for you."

"Mooom."

"Oh, he said he wouldn't mind if we told you. He just wanted to get the permission thing out of the way early."

"And what did you say?"

"Well 'YES', of course!" Mom started laughing. "Was there ever any doubt? You two are DESTINED to be together!"

"Mooom," I drawled again.

"You know, I was actually a little worried for a while earlier today," Mom rambled on. "Ben was talking with Kim quite closely, and when they didn't think anyone was looking, I saw them exchange a rather ... intimate ... kiss."

"That's a complicated situation."

"I'm sure it is. But I'm not worried. I know that boy loves you dearly, and NOTHING in this world can ever change that. Ohmigawd! I'm gonna be a grandma!"

My eyes flew open. "MOM!"

"Oh, not yet of course. That's WAY in the future..." she waved her hand outward to the horizon. "But wow, did you see how CUTE baby April is? Now we're sure Ben's not the father, right?"

I sighed. I got the distinct impression my mom's idea of "way" into the future was about nine months from now. Shaking my head, I turned toward the house.

"Oh, but don't tell Ben I told you," she said urgently as she grabbed my arm.

"You just said he said it would be okay."

"Oh, I know he said that. But that doesn't mean you have to spoil the surprise. At least not yet."

"That doesn't make any sense!"

"I know!" Mom enthused giddily. "I'm gonna be a grandma!"

I shook my head. "Nothing has happened YET."

"I'm not worried. Like I said, it's DESTINY!"

"Mom, we talked about putting so much pressure on me."

"Oh, I'm sorry dear. You know I don't mean to pressure you."

Yes, you do. I sighed wearily, shaking my head as I opened the door and went back inside.

Maybe she was right. Maybe Ben and I were meant to be together, and we'd be happily ever after. I certainly believed it.

But at the same time, it was a little unnerving, thinking that your whole future was already set ahead of you. Did this mean my life was over in some way? That there would be no more surprises? I was still only 20 myself, still with my whole life ahead of me. Who said it had to be set in stone that I would get engaged in two years, married in three, with a baby in four? Who said I was going to spend the rest of my life with Ben?

Was it me?

Or was it my mom?

If you stopped me in the middle of the street on some random day and told me that ten years from now, I'd be happily married to my soulmate with two kids and another on the way, I'd be absolutely thrilled.

But for some strange reason, thinking about that very future right now made me feel ... trapped.

-- APRIL 2005, JUNIOR YEAR --

"You wanted to see me, Professor?"

"Yes, Dawn. Please, come in." Professor Rutledge sat up straight and shuffled a few papers on his desk. "Samantha, I'll see you tomorrow."

Seated at the conference table in the office, the lissome blonde teaching assistant stood up and nodded to both of us on her way out the door. I watched her go, blushing slightly as I thought of that first day Ben and I had a foursome with Viktoriya and Kim. Kim had been spying on the handsome new Finance Prof and his T.A., describing in great detail how he'd fucked her over this very desk.

"Dawn, please have a seat," the professor said after Samantha left, closing the door behind her. "I think you know why I've called you into my office."

I sighed, thinking about the semester's third major exam, which I'd put into my backpack only this afternoon. It was the one with the ugly 62/100 marked across the top in red ink. "I know. I'm not living up to my own expectations, Professor," I said apologetically.

"Hey, hey. I've always told you to call me 'Henry' outside of class." The ruggedly handsome man ran his hand through his thick, wavy hair.

I just smiled in response, ignoring the flirtation. He flirted with ALL his female students.

Professor Rutledge sighed and shook his head sadly at me. "I know you're smarter than this. Every teacher I talk to says you're a perfect student. You complete every assignment to the letter, you show all of your work, and you don't take shortcuts. So what's going on?"

I winced and shook my head. "I don't know. I'm studying extra hard, and everything makes sense to me when I'm doing it at home."

He nodded. "Your homework is excellent, which makes it even more puzzling when that outstanding work isn't coming through on your tests. Tell me, are you doing your homework with others from the class?"

I nodded. "Bert Kim is a friend of mine. We study at my place."

"You go over the homework together?"

I nodded.

"Does he do most of the work?"

I frowned. "We both do. We talk it over."

The professor blinked at me, raising his eyebrows. "Don't take this the wrong way. But in my experience, when a student gets perfect marks on their homework but struggles in the exams, it's usually because they're not understanding the concepts on their own."

I frowned. "I'm not copying Bert's answers, if that's what you're implying."

"Not at all. Actually, your homework results are better than his. But what I think is happening is that it's easy for everything to make sense when you have a partner to discuss it with. But when left to your own devices, your thoughts may take you in directions you shouldn't go."

I sensed a double-meaning in his words, and frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Deductively, you're making several assumptions in your exams that just aren't valid. You work forward from those assumptions, and your errors get magnified. In your homework, someone is there to catch those errors before they multiply. You have no such safety net during the test."

I nodded. "I'll focus more on validating my assumptions. I can still do this."

Professor Rutledge took a deep breath. "Unfortunately, you may be out of time."

"What do you mean?"

"This was the third and final exam for the semester. There are several assignments between now and the end of the class, but the Final is the only remaining test that can really impact your grade. And the reality is that your scores to date are so low that you'll need a near perfect score to even pass the class."

"Excuse me?"

"The Undergraduate Program requires you to get at least a C-minus to receive credit for this course, but at the moment, you're solidly in the 60's."

"That can't be possible. I'm not that far behind."

"I'm sorry. We've had a few meetings about this, and I've warned you before that your scores were putting you in the danger zone."

"Surely there must be something I can do," I pleaded. This wasn't happening. I was DAWN. I was PERFECT Dawn. I hadn't received anything less than an A-minus my entire college career.

"You'll need to get your head screwed on straight before the Final."

I winced. Even if I DID correct my errors, I knew that this particular Finance course just didn't make sense to me. I was a smart girl, but these complex mathematical formulas just weren't my thing. It was kind of like DJ's issue with Calculus, although I'd managed to work my way through that class back in my day. "Isn't there anything else? The other assignments aren't enough?"

He shook his head. "I'm sorry. You really just need to bone up to ace the final."

"Some sort of extra credit? Additional assignments? I HAVE to catch up."

I caught a little gleam in Professor Rutledge's eye, and for a brief second, his eyes darted down my body. I was wearing a V-necked sweater, one that put the girls on pretty nice display. And immediately, I raised a hand to cover myself and averted my eyes.

"All assignments that count as credit toward your grade are in the syllabus," Professor Rutledge explained patiently. "The Final is the most important one for you now. If you're interested, I hold open office hours for all students every afternoon, you know."

"I know."

He took a deep breath, then gave me a measured look. "And if you need ... additional ... instruction. I suppose it's possible we could work out some tutoring time between you and me."

My eyes darted up to his, finding him staring at me with a rather heated gaze. I knew enough about men to know when I was being sized up as a sexual object – not just as a student – and Professor Rutledge was definitely looking at me that way.

Then again, just like he'd said, I didn't want to act based on any false assumptions. He hadn't actually made a pass at me in exchange for a grade, and I wasn't about to escalate the situation.

"I'll keep that in mind, Professor," I replied cordially.

"'Henry'," he offered with a light smile.

I just gave him a neutral look and stood up to leave. "Ace the exam. I understand."

But it would still only get me a 'C'.

"You want a third guy, don't you?" Ben asked softly.

I stared straight ahead, feigning sleep for another few seconds. We'd awoken the way we often did, with Ben spooned in behind me so that our bodies were pressed together from head to toe. His left arm snaked beneath my pillow so that he could palm my breast. His right hand rested atop my hip. It was just another morning, the way things had been for almost a year.

It was perfect.

Sometimes when I woke up before him, I slipped out of his embrace, slid myself deeper underneath the blankets, and gave him a slow, languorous blowjob until he suddenly came alive and shoved his dick an inch into my throat.

Sometimes when HE woke up before ME, Ben warmed me up with gentle caresses in my sleep, only bringing me fully conscious when he shoved his dick several inches into my snatch.

But sometimes I awoke before he actually got his dick in me. I pretended to still be sleeping, letting my body tingle with his featherlight touches until my nipples were hard, my skin was afire, and my pussy was absolutely drenched in anticipation. I played little guessing games with myself, wondering just when he would center his cock at my core and thrust inside.

I'd thought this morning would be one of those days. After all, we had not had sex last night, and Ben wasn't exactly used to going more than 12 hours without an ejaculation.

It wasn't that I wouldn't put out for him last night. I was just in a bit of a funk, and had been for a few days now. First there was Ben's birthday party, and all the pressure that came with having my future already pre-destined. And then yesterday had been that unnerving conversation with Professor Rutledge, both from the crushing news that I was about to FAIL my first ever class and for the subtle innuendo he'd made about exactly how I could improve my grade. I'd gone home and immediately taken a shower, slinking to the floor and just having a long cry, ignorant of the water spraying down on top of me.

I didn't tell Ben about any of this, of course. My "destiny" concerns, of course I couldn't talk about. Ben was so happy, so ready to settle down. The LAST thing I wanted to do was shatter his dreams, especially since I was sure this was just a "cold feet" phase I had to work through.

As for my Finance class, what could Ben do? He didn't know the material, but he'd probably try to learn it on the fly just so he could help me study. That would lead to him spending less mental power on his OWN classes and less time ensuring his own academic success. How would I feel if Ben failed in his own courses because he was too busy trying to help me?

And of course I couldn't tell Ben about Professor Rutledge. For one thing, he hadn't actually said or done anything. I'd long known the guy was something of a perve, but so far he hadn't actually made a pass at me. Plus, he was right about assumptions. Maybe I was misreading the innuendo. Maybe he really was just innocently offering me some extra study time.

It was in this world of uncertainty and looming disaster that I'd found myself for a few days. With my brain in such turmoil, I wasn't exactly in the horny mood. I still had sex with my boyfriend two days ago, doing my best to be "into" it. He also spent quality time with Kim. So it's not like he was going without, and there were other girls to distract him.

But still, he HAD to know that something about me was a little ... off.

It occurred to me that Ben might be getting me warmed up this morning as a way of giving me a pleasant, erotic distraction from my problems. It occurred to me that Ben might only be concerned with getting his own rocks off. But I NEVER expected him to ask me if I wanted a third guy.

"I know you're awake," he said gently, without accusation. "And I know you've been feeling a little out of it for a couple of days now. I don't know exactly what's bothering you, and you don't seem to want to tell me. That's okay. I'll let you work things out on your own if you want to, knowing that I'm always here for you."

I didn't respond. I closed my eyes, thankful that my boyfriend knew me well enough to recognize I wasn't as happy as usual. I was also thankful for his support. And I was thankful he didn't want to pry just now. I wouldn't know what to tell him.

After waiting me out a few seconds, Ben continued. "In any case, I was thinking that you might need some cheering up. And I think I've figured out how we can do that. You want a third guy, don't you?"

Of course I did. I'd wanted a third dick for weeks now. The instant I felt Ben's left fingers tracing my lips while his right finger and thumb probed my nether regions, I got hotter than a Phoenix summer noon. I let the momentary fantasy of three turgid, throbbing pricks skewering their way into all orifices of my body at the same time flash into my brain. There was no point in trying to deny it.

But I didn't know where Ben was going with this. We both knew Bert was the only man for miles around that he trusted enough to share with me. The tone in his voice wasn't happy. I mean, what guy would be thrilled to know that his girlfriend wanted to be fucked by two other guys? But at least he didn't sound defeated.

I couldn't ask for it. I just couldn't ask Ben to find a third guy to fuck me. It wasn't fair to him. But I wasn't going to immediately cut off this train of thought, either. I wanted this. I craved the triple-penetration, even if I could only feel it just once in my life. I didn't want to settle down regretting that I never tried it. Even though I shouldn't hope, I couldn't dash that hope all by myself. And so I just remained quiet, waiting to see what he would do.

Ben dropped the bombshell. "You pick the guy," he said evenly. "I picked Bert; I'll let you pick the third. Don't even try to protest. I know you want this. So I'm going to let you."

I did want to protest. I felt guilty for wanting this. I SHOULDN'T want this. Isn't a good girl supposed to be happy with her man, and only her man? Didn't I always hold myself up to be pure, perfect, and wholesome? I was an angel ... and angels didn't ask for triple-penetrations.

But he told me not to protest, even just to save face. He knew that I wanted this. And he was going to let me.

Not only was he going to let me do this. He was going to let me choose the guy.

My first thought: Jaron.

My second thought: "You get me. You really, really get me."

It took me a second to realize I'd said that aloud. I'd spent days in a funk, feeling the crushing weight of expectations weighing me down. People expected me to be thrilled about marriage and settling down, when really I just felt trapped by my own destiny. People expected me to be a top, straight-A student, but they were about to find out that I could fail as well. And people expected me to be a pure, unblemished angel, when lately all I could think about was being made airtight by getting a throbbing dick rammed into each of my three holes.

People didn't really understand me. "People" only saw the façade of perfection I put on.

But somehow, some way, Ben really understood me. First he would be giving me this foursome. Second, I'd tell him about my academic problems and he'd help me through them while still being smart enough to handle his own load. And third, I'd tell him that I loved him more than anything, and I was his soulmate forever, but that I just wasn't ready to settle down. He'd understood my need to have 'fun' so far, hadn't he?

Fuckin' A. My boyfriend deserves some EXTRA SPECIAL SEX!

So I rolled onto my boyfriend. I stared down at Ben with more lust and gratitude in my eyes than I'd ever stared before. I didn't say anything. I didn't need to say anything. He understood how I happy I was. He understood how turned on I was. Ben was my soulmate. He would always understand.

My pussy was a swampy inferno, and his dick slid into me on its own without any resistance whatsoever. And then I fucked the ever-living shit out of him.

-- SATURDAY, APRIL 23, 2005 --

"Mmm..." I moaned, feeling the foreign tongue wriggling in my mouth teasing the very tip of my own. Soft lips molded around mine, the flavor of cherries working their way into my taste buds. And my nostrils were filled with the mingled scents of fruity perfume and musky girl-arousal.

"Another drink," Carli Singer said as she pulled away from me, her green eyes on fire. There was a hidden naughtiness in her gaze, almost a smirk. It was as if she knew that what I was about to do was horribly wrong on some deep moral level, and the knowledge of that wrongness only excited her even more.

Then again, maybe the wrongness was in my own eyes, and I simply saw it reflected back to me.

Certainly, I was as wet as I'd ever been in my entire life. My body was flushed. My heart was racing. And my skin tingled so much that I felt like the slightest breeze would send me over the edge into orgasm.

"What is IN this stuff?" I hummed as I took the proffered glass from Carli's fingertips.

"I dunno," Carli shrugged. "Lakhi was spouting something about Ayurvedic medicinal systems and roghan-something aphrodisiacs the last time I used. Ben, did she tell you?"

My boyfriend shook his head from his position directly behind me, his cock flexing deep within my cunt. He reached out to take the milkshake from me, sipping at it himself. "Sacred mixture for curing illness, warding off evil spirits, and cleansing people of their sins," he mumbled rapturously.

"Sounds good to me." I took the glass back from Ben and sipped at it. And then I leaned back against my boyfriend's chest, enjoying the pleasant glow.

"Are you ready, Dawn?" Carli then asked, reading my eyes quite carefully.

"Mmm ... yeah..."

Twenty minutes later, my voice gave out as my final orgasm wrung me out like an over-squeezed dishrag. I had cum spurting into my mouth, cum spraying up my cunt, and cum blasting into my ass. I had a mouth suckling my nipples and wet fingers rubbing my clit. And I realized in that moment that I could now die and consider my life truly fulfilled.

So what if I never married Ben or bore his children? So what if I never saw my sisters find mates that brought them true happiness of their own? I'd gotten LAID in the most incredibly intense, unimaginably dirty way possible.

A part of me still felt it was wrong. I was supposed to be the angelic one. I was supposed to be the innocent. I was supposed to be the clean, wholesome girl next door.

But if this was sinning, then this was one angel that didn't want to go back to heaven.

-- APRIL 2005, JUNIOR YEAR --

"Dawn?" a deep voice asked from behind.

Gwen squealed, and tugged on my hand. Just like I did every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday morning, I met up with the girls at the Starbucks on Oxford Street. I wasn't expecting to see Jaron so soon after our wild six-person orgy on Saturday, but I wasn't unhappy to see him, either. "Jaron! Hey!"

Standing in line with Mitch, the handsome Adonis smiled at me, showing off his perfect teeth. "Hey, uh, let us just get our drinks."

"We'll save seats for you," I replied with a big smile.

Gwen leaned across the table, the universal signal for Robin and me to do so as well. Once our heads were together, she looked and me and whispered with suggestive eyebrows. "Is there something you're not telling us?"

"What?"

"Something about you and Mr. Universe?"

I blushed and looked around. The café was definitely too crowded to hold a private conversation. "Not here."

"Ohmigawd. What happened? Does Ben know?" Gwen exclaimed in astonishment.

"Shh! Shh!" I shushed her before hissing, "Of course. Ben was there."

"Oh my fucking gawd. You have GOT to give me details! Why didn't you tell us earlier? I thought we were friends!"

"We are!" I hissed, trying not to notice the couple behind Gwen turning around to gawk at us. In a quieter voice, I looked at both of them and whispered, "This is the first time I've seen you guys. And Not. Here."

"Fine," Gwen conceded, sitting back. She clearly wanted to pursue the subject, but moved on to other topics with a glare that obviously stated she wasn't going to forget the current one.

We chatted on about several things until the guys arrived. Gwen immediately went into flirt mode while Robin dropped a subtle hint to remember her boyfriend Steven. I flirted rather openly with Jaron where even Robin's not-so-subtle hint could dissuade me. And together, the five of us had a nice morning chat.

Things then turned a bit when Jaron tilted his head to the door and asked softly, "Uh, Dawn? Do you think I can walk you to your next class?"

Robin's eyes went wide and she gave me a clearly disapproving glare. I shot her a look that said I knew what I was doing, and besides, Gwen just excitedly grinned at me. Nodding 'yes', I got up and promised the girls I'd catch up with them later. Jaron led the way to the door, and Mitch stayed behind to entertain the girls.

"So ... how was your weekend?" Jaron asked once we were outside.

"Well, it certainly started off with a bang," I drawled.

Jaron winced. "Ooh, a pun?"

I laughed, shaking my head. "It was the best I could come up with in the moment."

"Well, attempting humor at this point is a good sign."

"A good sign of what?"

Jaron blushed and darted his eyes to the people around us. It was a busy intersection, crossing Oxford to get onto the UC campus. And I got the impression that Jaron would rather not say what he really wanted to say in this crowd.

After a period of awkward silence, we got to talking about other things from our weekend. I just explained that I'd spent the rest of the weekend with my boyfriend, and Jaron said that he and his friends usually spent Sunday mornings working out and playing basketball in the off-season.

Once we were onto the school pathways and a little more alone, Jaron returned to his previous topic. "I just wanted to make sure that you were alright with everything that happened. It's not every day that I ... well ... uh ... get close to someone else's girlfriend."

"You fucked the shit out of me," I laughed. "Too bad you're so big that I couldn't get you in my ass."

Jaron blushed beet red, reminding me of the way he looked when he was cumming. Quietly, I rubbed my thighs together as I felt myself starting to dampen.

"Yeah," he stammered, clearly embarrassed.

I decided I had to rein myself in a bit. Ben was so used to blatantly sexual comments that I'd momentarily forgotten guys often weren't comfortable speaking about such things. "I'm fine with it. I had a great time. Didn't you?"

"Oh, well, of course."

"You're awfully shy for a guy who knows Carli Singer pretty well."

"Uh, well..." he stammered again. "I swear, I'm not usually this shy."

"Thank you for the compliment."

He blushed even more. The shy awkwardness was even more amusing given his physically imposing stature.

Feeling frisky, like I could tease him a little bit more, I added, "You know, I was thinking that the reason you couldn't get in my ass was because Bert was in my pussy. Everything gets a little tighter when that happens. Maybe if we tried it with just the two of us, we could make it fit."

Jaron's eyes popped WIDE open and he actually reached a hand up to cover his gaping mouth. I didn't know guys could turn that shade of pink, either.

"Oops," I apologized, covering my own mouth. "I don't really mean to embarrass you." Didn't you just tell yourself to rein it in?

"I guess you're just a girl who's pretty comfortable with her sexuality," he said, shrugging nervously.

I nodded. "I am. Don't get me wrong. I'm no slut. To be perfectly honest, you and Bert are the only men I've had outside my boyfriend."

Jaron's eyebrows popped up. "Really?"

I nodded again. "Really. But we have a very understanding relationship, and he was such a sweetheart when he realized I wanted to try a triple-penetration. I'd never done it before."

"Really?" he asked again, incredulous. "You seemed like you knew what you were doing pretty well."

I smiled. "Just really excited I guess."

"Well, uh, I guess that answers that."

"What?"

He shrugged. "Like I said, I really just wanted to make sure you were okay with everything. I'd hate to be the cause for any problems between you and Ben."

I shook my head. "We're great. In fact, we're better than great."

He smiled in relief. "That's good to know."

I came to a halt, as we were just outside my building, and I gestured up to it. "This is my stop."

Jaron nodded nervously. "Ah, well ... I'll see you around. I guess you have my number in case you ever ... uh ... need me ... or something..." he fumbled. "Or if you want to try that ... that thing..." He blushed beet red again when he remembered 'that thing' was assfucking me.

I laughed, putting a hand on my hip and posing for extra-sexiness. Waving goodbye to him as he backed away, I replied, "I will."

And then I thought about it some more. Would I call him? Could I try it again?

Should I do it?

Hell no.

That would be ... wrong.

-- MAY 2005, JUNIOR YEAR --

"ARRRGH!" Frustrated, I stood up and threw my textbook against the far wall.

Ben and Bert immediately leaped to their feet, Ben coming to me and Bert hesitating a moment before going after the book.

"Dawn, it's okay. That's a hard one for everyone," Bert explained.

"Not for you," I shot back. "You saw through it right from the beginning. WHY am I not GETTING this?"

"Hey, hey..." Ben soothed, stroking my back.

"Oh my fucking GAWD! I'm so fucking STUPID!"

"Hey!" Ben said a little more sharply. "You're not stupid. You're one of the smartest people I know."

"Says Mr. Eidetic memory," I gruffed. "When was the last time YOU had trouble passing a class?"

Ben pursed his lips, not sure how to respond to that.

I shook my head. "I'm a failure. I'm a fucking FAILURE."

"You're not a failure," Ben stated sternly, holding my shoulders and staring right into my eyes. He actually seemed to glower at me, forcing me to read the seriousness in his eyes. "You're my Dawn. You are perfect just the way you are."

"I'm about to fail this fucking class. That makes me a failure! THAT'S who I am!"

Ben shook his head vigorously. "You're not going to fail. No way in hell," he promised. He then turned to Bert, pointing to the book and asking, "What's the problem?"

Bert sighed. "It's this section on Biologically-inspired Financial Algorithms. There's some pretty complex higher math involved."

"Let me see," Ben said, holding out his hand for the book.

"NO!" I barked, holding my hand palm out to Bert. Obediently, our friend backed away.

"Dawn-" Ben began.

"NO!" I repeated. "Go back to your own studies, babe. Finals are in less than two weeks and you have enough on your plate."

"But if I can help you-"

"NO. We've been over this a dozen times already," I insisted heatedly. "Freak memory or not, you're not going to learn this entire book in a few days. I can handle this."

"Dawn, I can help you-"

"Let me handle this."

Hearing the deadly seriousness in my voice, Ben backed down. Bless his heart, I knew my boyfriend only wanted to support me. But this was a situation I had to dig myself out of.

"I can ace this final on my own," I insisted.

"Well, not entirely on your own," Bert offered up. "Don't worry. I can help you. I'll stay here all night if need be; not like I've got anything better to do. You'll get this figured out."

"It's my fault you've got nothing better to do," I sighed and shook my head, feeling even worse. "It's my fault Esther broke up with you."

"No it's NOT," Bert said firmly. "I made a choice on my own, and it's not your fault. I'm your friend, Dawn. And you are GOING to pass this class. Okay?"

I sighed, holding my hand out so Bert could give me back my textbook. "Okay."

The next night, I was still studying my Finance materials. Bert had gone home, and Ben was at the desk next to me, studying for his own classes. Even our little sisters were home for the night, leaving their boyfriends behind so that they could focus. Finals were just around the corner, and everyone was in cramming mode.

"Hey, you gonna get that?" Ben asked out of the blue.

"Huh? What?"

He pointed at my purse, and only now did I realize that my cell phone had been ringing. Quickly, I fished it open and saw an unfamiliar 415 number on the screen. Hitting the TALK button, I lifted the receiver to my ear. "Hello?"

"Hello, may I please speak with Dawn Evans?"

I held the phone to my head, frowning. It wasn't every day that I got a call from someone who didn't know this was my personal cell phone. "Uh, speaking."

"Miss Evans, I'm calling from Alexander Consulting. It's in regards to the internship position you applied for?"

"Oh, hi," I said brightly. Alexander was the same business consulting company that Dayna worked for, and that I'd interned with the previous summer. It was practically guaranteed that I'd be accepted again. "Good to hear from you."

"My apologies, Miss Evans. But I'm calling to say that we will not be extending an internship offer to you this summer. We've had some cutbacks, and the company is scaling down the program. I'm sorry."

"Excuse me?"

"A formal letter will be arriving at your address within the next day or so. But we wanted to notify you as soon as possible, so that you would have ample time to locate other work this summer."

"I see," I said, my tongue thick in my mouth.

"Again, I apologize Miss Evans. Good day."

"Bye."

She hung up.

I hung my head.

Ben looked over at me, keenly aware that my mood had just fallen. "What happened?"

I just looked at him and started crying.

I was a FAILURE.

"Hi Mom. What's up?"

"Hey. Did I catch you at a bad time?"

I looked around the campus, watching the bustle of students going from place to place around me. The project team had just finished our final presentation, and Ben was heading home to unwind by playing video games with Bert while I walked to my next class.

Lately, every time was a bad time. I was the kind of student who aced her classes through hard work and diligence, not necessarily raw mental horsepower. I had been doing well in all of my classes except for Rutledge's Finance course, but the extra time I'd been devoting to catching up on Finance material had taken its toll on those other classes. I'd been holding steady with a 92 in my Social, Political, and Ethical Environment of Business core class. But I'd slacked off too much in that course, dipping my scores into the high 80s. I'd need a solid A on the Final to get an "A" in the class, and that meant cutting back on "Dawn" time in favor of extra "study" time.

Because of this, I'd sort of blown off my Mom's phone calls for the past couple of weeks. We usually talked about once a week, just so she could keep in touch with me and find out what was new in my life. We'd always had a pretty good relationship, and it was reassuring to know that she was interested.

Of course, many of our conversations had started to become dominated by talk of me and Ben and our relationship, at least ever since Ben's birthday party. And between my annoyance at the way she harped on the subject, plus my general lack of available free time, I'd tended to cut our conversations pretty short.

But right now, I was just walking from Point A to Point B. There was really nothing else for me to do or focus on until I got to class. So with a sigh, I said, "No, I'm free for now. But I'm going to get to class in about ten minutes."

"Oh, sure, no problem. This won't take very long. I just wanted to run something by you."

"What?"

"Well, I was talking to Beth, and she was telling me how names today are becoming much more unique and varied. A hundred years ago, everyone was named Mary or John or Bob or whatever."

"Uh, okay..." I rolled my eyes. Mom and Ben's mom talked about the strangest things sometimes.

"Well, we tried to pick relatively unique names for you kids, except for Ben of course."

"Of course." Ben was named for his grandfather, who died just before he was born.

"But we didn't want anything TOO outlandish that would have your classmates making fun of you. Did you know some actor named his son 'Pilot Inspektor'?"

"Jason Lee, Mom."

"Seriously. So Beth and I started discussing some good names for your kids. We like Deirdre and Delta for your girls. And Beth thought it would be funny to name your son 'Benson'. Get it? Ben's son?"

I stopped dead in my tracks. "Ohmigawd. Are you guys serious?"

"What? I thought it was funny. You know we'd never actually name a boy 'Benson'. It's just-"

"No-no-no. Mom! I'm not even engaged! I'm 20-years-old. And I have like three fucking Finals I'm seriously stressing out over! And you wanted to call and chat to me about baby names?"

"Ho-kay ... guess I DID call you at a bad time..." Mom drawled. "I told you it wouldn't take long."

"Mom, I don't have time for this."

"Okay, okay. Just ... think of some names you like when you have the time. I get giddy just thinking about grandkids crawling around here, and I'd like to put some names to faces, even if they're all just imaginary."

"Ugh." Without another word, I just hit END on my cell phone and dropped it back into my purse.

NOT what I needed just now.

Ben thrust forward a final time, grunting his orgasm into my ear as a quart of spunk flowed out of him and into my pussy. I held him tightly, panting softly. I'd gotten a cum, but it wasn't a very strong one. And the moment the physical bliss passed, I found myself unable to think about anything but tomorrow's final. It was my last one. And it was for Rutledge's Finance course.

"Mmm..." Ben groaned, collapsing his weight on top of my chest. He buried his face in the pillow and cradled my head next to his. And when he finally had to come up and breathe, he sighed happily and said, "I love you, babe."

"Love you too," I replied mechanically. My mind was on the Riemann zeta function.

"Hey ... what's wrong?" he asked, attuned to my mood.

I turned to look at my boyfriend and quickly put on a smiling face. We were both in the final stretch before finals, and Ben had enough on his plate without having to worry about me. "I'm fine, I'm fine. I'm sorry I'm not totally into this. My mind was on schoolwork."

Ben frowned. "If you didn't want to, we didn't have to do this."

"Oh, no, no. Believe me, I enjoyed it," I said reassuringly, trying my best to give him a sexy smile. "I'm happy I gave you pleasure."

His frown deepened. "But I didn't give you pleasure?"

"I did, I did." I was suddenly tired of this conversation. "Can we please not argue about this? It was a nice interlude. I'm just worried about the Finance class."

His cock still inside me, Ben propped himself up on his elbows so he could look down at me. "I've told you, I can help."

I shook my head. "You can memorize the formulas, but not the concepts. Even then, you can't be in the exam room with me. I've got to understand this for myself."

"And you will," Ben said confidently. "Because you're you. I have faith in you."

I smiled, feeling warmed by his words. "Thanks."

Sighing, Ben leaned down and kissed me. We shared a slow-burning kiss for a few seconds. And then he finally rolled off me and onto his back.

For some reason, I was suddenly aware of my nakedness. Pulling the covers up and over my breasts, tucking it just beneath my chin, I stared straight up at the ceiling. Ben had faith in me. Ben had confidence that I could pull off this class. He believed.

But I didn't believe.

-- THURSDAY, MAY 19, 2005, FINALS WEEK --

I did it. I really, really did it.

This was fucking FAN-tastic. I really fucking did it.

I actually FAILED a course.

We're not talking a B-plus in Seventh Grade Algebra. We're talking outright fucking FAILURE.

Oh, I didn't know my actual score of course. Really, I didn't need to. All I needed to know was that acing the final ensured I at least passed the course. And I certainly didn't ace the final. If anything, I was sure it had been even worse than my first three midterms.

When Professor Rutledge had called "time" at the head of the classroom, I'd put down my pencil and felt my spine ripped out from me. Hanging my head so far down I nearly put my forehead to the desk, I shuddered deep heaving dry sobs. I didn't even get up from my chair. Professor Rutledge had to come up the aisle and touch my shoulder to get me to raise up my paper and hand it to him. Only then did I stand up and practically run from the room, trying desperately not to break down crying then and there.

I even failed at that, the tears rolling down my cheeks before I pushed open the door. Some of my classmates were looking at me as I went by them. Let them stare. Let them all witness "perfect" Dawn lose her perfection. Let them all see what happens to a girl when her 4.0 GPA crumbles into dust beneath the big red letter F.

F was for Failure.

F was for Fraud.

Everyone believed I was someone I wasn't.

People thought I was smart. Not really. I was a dumb girl who worked hard enough to get by ... most of the time. Not this time. I wasn't smart enough to pull myself out of this situation.

People thought I was capable. Not really. Fuck, the company that interned me last year didn't even want me back.

People thought I was pure and innocent. Not really. I was a slut who wanted to feel three cocks – some of which didn't belong to my boyfriend – penetrating my sinful body all at the same time.

People thought I was devoted and loyal. Not really. Just when my boyfriend, my sisters, and my parents thought it was time for me to settle down and go happily into marriage, all I really wanted to do was run screaming away from it.

People thought I was an angel. Not really. Angels represent the highest of highs, the personification of perfection.

I was nothing but a failure.

I was still sitting on the ground just outside the classroom when my purse rang. Really, it was my phone ringing inside my purse, but for a second, my brain was so haywire that I'd started wondering how to stick my purse to the side of my head and carry out a conversation.

The caller ID read: Ben. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to say. With tears rolling down my cheeks and snot running out of my nose, I just whimpered and stared at the screen. The phone kept ringing. I kept staring. And eventually, the screen turned blank as the call was diverted off to voicemail.

A minute later, Ben called again. One more time, I just stared at the screen, holding the phone in my hands watching his name stay illuminated for the entire time.

What would I say to him? What could I say to him? I didn't deserve him. Ben was perfect. Ben was an angel. Ben was the one without flaws. Sure, he'd made his mistakes. But he'd overcome them and come out stronger than ever. He loved me, he was devoted to me, he was ... too good for me.

Ben deserved somebody better. Ben deserved somebody smarter, more capable, more pure, and more devoted. All year he had been settling down and patiently giving everything to me. What had I done in return? I'd spent even MORE time away from him, more time being SELFISH. More time FUCKING OTHER MEN.

I didn't deserve him. He deserved better than me.

The phone rang again, this time with a little voicemail icon showing up at the top of my screen. What to tell him? What to tell him?

Impulsively, I hit the TALK button. Taking deep breath, I whimpered, "Hi."

"Hey ... You okay? You don't sound so good."

How he got all that just from a single 'hi' I didn't know. Shaking my head to clear it, I took a deep breath and said, "I'm just exhausted. Didn't get much sleep last night."

"Well you can come home and I'll give you a nice massage, put you right to bed. Sound good?"

I closed my eyes. I didn't deserve him. He was too good for me. All I would do was drag him down. "Sounds great. Maybe later tonight."

"How'd the test go?" he asked anxiously. Seriously, Ben had been stressing out about my Finance final almost as much as I had.

"I did it," I replied wearily, still unable to believe I'd fucking failed the course.

"You did? You passed?" he asked excitedly.

I took a deep breath. That wasn't exactly what I meant by 'I did it.' In fact, it was the exact opposite. 'I did it' meant I'd ACTUALLY failed, and I was still astonished by my colossal underachievement. But rather than explain all that, I just said tiredly, "Yeah."

"CONGRATULATIONS!" Ben cheered enthusiastically. "I KNEW you could do it!"

Weakly, I managed to smile, even though I knew he couldn't see me.

"Come home! We have to celebrate!"

"I can't. I've got the cooking class tonight."

"Seriously? Who cares? It's not like you're taking that class for a grade."

"Ben ... I don't blow off classes," I explained patiently. Everyone knew that. Dawn didn't cut corners. Dawn always did the 'right' thing, even if it was inconvenient. It was my reputation. Besides, maybe a few more hours would give me time to get my head on straight before I had to see him and admit that he'd misunderstood me, and that I'd actually failed Finance.

"Why the fuck is Berkeley City College a week behind anyways? This is ridiculous," Ben complained.

"It is what it is."

"Fuck." It was now after 5pm, and the cooking class started at 6pm.

"I'll see you at home tonight," I offered.

"You sure? Maybe I can come to you."

"Tonight's Thursday. It's your night with Kim."

"Dawwwn..."

"I'll be fine. I'll see you tonight."

"Okay. I love you."

I sighed. "Love you too."

"FUCK!" Unable to take it anymore, I threw the saucepan clear across the room. Thankfully, it didn't hit anyone, only clattering across the linoleum floor before crashing into a wall cabinet.

"Dawn!" the cooking class teacher barked.

Other than that, the entire room went silent. The bustling kitchen, usually the source of dozens of spatulas banging against dozens of pans and various other cooking equipment, was absolutely quiet. Everyone stopped cooking. Everyone just gawked and stared at me.

"Dawn!" Gwen hissed right next to me. "What's the matter?"

What could I tell her? That my whole world was coming to an end?

Robin was immediately by my other side. "Hey ... you okay?"

"I'm fine," I muttered, reaching behind my back and untying my apron.

"Hey, where're you going?" Gwen whined.

"I'm going out."

"You're blowing off the class?" Robin asked in amazement.

"I gotta go," I mumbled, stalking away. I didn't look back.

I had just crossed Shattuck when I realized I where I was going. Automatically, I had been walking the path to take me home, but right now, I really didn't want to go home. I still didn't know what I would tell Ben when I saw him. How could I tell him that the person he loved – the person he had faith in – had let him down? He was so sure that I would ace my final. He BELIEVED in me. But I didn't ace it. I'd failed the final.

I'd failed him.

My head hurt. Everyone expected me to be perfect. Mom expected the perfect daughter. My peers expected the perfect student. Ben expected the perfect girlfriend. But I wasn't perfect. It was too hard being perfect. And the pressure was just too much.

Going home meant facing even greater failure, and I didn't want to deal with that. So without thinking about it, I did an about face and made ready to re-cross Shattuck in the other direction. The only thing is: I was so distracted that I didn't notice the crosswalk had gone from WALK to DON'T WALK, and when I stepped off the sidewalk, I'd stepped right in front of an oncoming Honda.

"SHIT!" I screamed, a little too late. But just before impact, I felt a jerk against the back of my neck, and suddenly I was toppling out of the way.

[thump]

Pain exploded in my right hip and elbow. I found that I was lying flat across the sidewalk, my hair in my face. And after rolling onto my back, I sat up while brushing my bangs from my eyes. "What the-?" I muttered.

My rescuer had fallen beside me. Gingerly, he got to his knees and then took a good look at me. Only then did his eyes go wide in astonishment. "Dawn?" Jaron Hedlund muttered in shock.

"Jaron?" Mom always talked about Destiny. Was this mere coincidence or part of some greater plan?

"Are you okay?" he asked quickly, reaching out to grab my hand.

My adrenaline was pumping, my heart was racing, and my legs were a little wobbly. When he pulled me up to my feet, I instantly collapsed again, this time falling forward. Jaron caught me against his chest, and as he hugged me tightly, several people around us started clapping.

"Way to go, man," another college student clapped Jaron on his back before walking up toward the campus.

"You saved that young lady's life," an elderly woman enthused before stepping up to the curb, waiting to cross the same direction I'd been heading.

"Hey, I think you owe him your number," a punkish looking kid told me before crossing the now open crosswalk in the perpendicular direction.

I don't know what I was thinking. I wasn't really thinking. I was just so exhausted from a sleepless night, emotionally drained from my exam failure, and giddy from the adrenaline rush. Reaching up to Jaron's neck, I pulled his head down to mine. And I gave him a kiss as fierce as any I'd ever given Ben.

What are you doing, Dawn? What the fuck are you doing?

My conscience railed at me as I ripped my sweater over my head, panting in heat. Jaron tried to sit up, but I was straddling his waist and I roughly shoved him with both hands right in the chest. And stronger than me or not, he couldn't help but fall back down onto the bed.

My bra went next, and then I was bent over, gripping his cheeks in my hands as I gave him the most passionately volcanic kiss I was capable of. I felt his whole body go tense, betting that even his toes were curling as my tongue shoved into the back of his mouth. And just as suddenly, I was up again, scrabbling at the hem of his shirt to pull it up.

"Dawn-Dawn-Dawn-Dawn-Dawn," Jaron stammered rapidly. "Are you sure we should be doing this?"

"Ben said it was okay," I answered firmly. "My boyfriend gives me my freedom. Why do you think he let me have that triple penetration? Besides, tonight is his night with Kim."

"Kim? Kim as in ... your roommate?"

I nodded. "They're probably fucking as we speak. We have a pretty open relationship. Now shut up and let me pull your shirt off. You're my hero tonight. I could have been killed. But I'm still alive, thanks to you. And I intend to thank you very well indeed."

"Oh my gawd..." he sighed, letting his head fall back against the pillow.

What are you doing? my conscience asked again. Why? WHY? WHY?

Because I want to.

Not good enough. Ben didn't approve this.

But he would if I asked.

You don't know that.

Because Jaron saved my life.

So send him a fucking gift basket!

Because I had a near brush with death and I want to be fucked!

Then go home! Ben and Kim will tag-team you! Maybe DJ and Brooke will be home and all four of them can fuck the shit out of you!

No. I want this one-on-one.

Then let BEN fuck you one-on-one!

It would be nice, but really, the sex has started to become a little vanilla.

Vanilla!?! Do you remember what he did to you the other night?

It was great. Really. But we've had sex so many times that even amazing becomes routine.

And you think Jaron can ring your bell when Ben can't?

Worth a try.

Why? No one can measure up to Ben one-on-one. You KNOW that!

Do I? Really, do I?

You do!

How could I know that? Have I ever tried?

You've had other guys!

Just because those guys weren't as good as Ben doesn't mean NOBODY is.

You've had JARON already.

In a group situation. There were a lot of other things going on. He was distracted, and anyone would be a little bit in awe of me the first time they saw me naked.

Oh, so you're getting egotistical now?

"Shut up."

"What was that?" Jaron asked in bewilderment.

I shook my head. "Nevermind." By now, I'd gotten his pants down to his ankles, and I'd stripped myself naked as well. Jaron still had his socks and shoes on. And his jeans around his ankles trapped his legs together. But he was naked from the knees up, and that was all I really needed. Jaron gawked at my glorious nudity, and he held his breath as I held his prick upright and then began sinking my way down onto it.

NO! NO! NO!

But his dick is so BIG.

NOT A GOOD ENOUGH REASON!

I want to try. Maybe he'll be as good as Ben.

HE'S NOT! You know that! You BELIEVE that!

I have Faith that Ben is the best. Faith is belief without evidence. But should I blindly believe without evidence?

YES!!!

Ben believed in me. Ben had faith that I would pass my class. I didn't. Look where faith got us.

DAWN!!!

It's too late. This angel has fallen.